THE PEBBLES WITH HIS NAME

It’s a 7-lettered name.

Or Mr KG, which some of you are more familiar with.

In the midst of churning up my entry, which became almost too heavy to go on, I scrolled through the past ICQ chat logs dated back to 2002.

Ouch.

It was too heavy a read.

I didn’t go on.

I couldn’t.

***

Anyway, managed to find a couple of old photographs in my computer.

Those were the days.

Adrianne was standing right next to me in the 1992 picture, and XianEr was in between us in the 1993 picture.

Then.

And now.

***

The entrenched arm on my midriff ruffled, lightly.

Despite the thick duvet in between, the minute movements were registered, to his unawareness.

I lay there, motionless. Resignation.

My eyes, shut.

The glaring shade of darkness was a sign that daybreak had came.

A slight tinge of dejection swamped me.

The arm retracted as his weight was lifted off the bed, leaving a void right next to me, and within me.

My eyes, still shut.

Did you take a lingering look when you woke up right next to me?

I heard the stirs from the new pair of jeans, which I had clumsily spilled alcohol onto the night before.

I shifted my weight to my right. My head turned towards where he had previously rested, and buried itself into the pillow that still harboured his warmth.

Did I scare you for the brief moment when I tossed?

Eyes shut.

The coward in me kept up with the pretense, all the way.

So did he.

He fumbled for his handphone, which had shared the same bed with us.

When his final button was done up, it wasn’t long before the compression of the door’s handle broke the deafening silence.

With meticulous care. Not wanting to wake me.

The last fuss was heard from the door, before the room returned to its eerie silence.

The moment, he walked out of my life.

Or did he?

He relinquished, without a single goodbye.

Still, I daren’t pry the eyes open.

Reluctance to face the reality.

I indulged further in the pillow that bears the last traces of his touch, and the misery on my face became more apparent.

I lost. I stumbled.

Again.

Still him.

I curled up, fearful.

All that was left, were broken pieces of me. Bruised, and confused.

Stripped of my pride.

I know what you guys are thinking.

No, we didn’t.

***

……. To be continued.

It is more difficult than I think it is.

Do you believe if I tell you it took me 5 hours to come up with whatever that’s in this entry?

***

All,

Thanks for all the concern that poured my way after the previous entry.

Just thought there is a need for clarification that this, is just one of the stories I had wanted to look back, and blog on.

One of the things in the past.

Not that it happened recently.

Something, I wish could bear a more solid form, in words.

I just happen to start with KG, simply because of a few events that happened these couple of days, and that he reminded me of another friend, whom I would want to blog about in July.

Okay, fine. Sounds like denial, eh?

Truthfully, I still think about KG a lot, even as a friend.

He’s someone I care about.

I had wanted to blog about him for the longest time, but was waiting for a good time.

Why not earlier, you ask?

It just wasn’t appropriate for me to write about it prior to this week. Just wasn’t possible.

Anyway, remember how I had said I had wanted to blog about something, but had wanted to wait?

Remember how I said I felt nostalgic on that Sunday night cos I met so many people who reminded me of the past?

Somewhat, related.

Read on, I say.

It’s just the start of some of my encounters in life.

Slowly, more will emerge.

Not only about him, but about some other characters in my life.

Or perhaps, even about my family, my friends, my childhood, myself.

Or even, the ugly truths behind the relationships that bruised and scarred me badly.

If I am not lazy, that is.

Ha.

Till then, I shall indulge in more KGism.

Muahaha.

I had edited the post cos the previous part was supposed to be the introduction, and not a story of it’s own.

Thus, I will extract it as I continue on.