THE PEBBLES WITH HIS NAME

It’s a 7-lettered name.

Or Mr KG, which some of you are more familiar with.

In the midst of churning up my entry, which became almost too heavy to go on, I scrolled through the past ICQ chat logs dated back to 2002.

Ouch.

It was too heavy a read.

I didn’t go on.

I couldn’t.

***

Anyway, managed to find a couple of old photographs in my computer.

Those were the days.

Adrianne was standing right next to me in the 1992 picture, and XianEr was in between us in the 1993 picture.

Then.

And now.

***

The entrenched arm on my midriff ruffled, lightly.

Despite the thick duvet in between, the minute movements were registered, to his unawareness.

I lay there, motionless. Resignation.

My eyes, shut.

The glaring shade of darkness was a sign that daybreak had came.

A slight tinge of dejection swamped me.

The arm retracted as his weight was lifted off the bed, leaving a void right next to me, and within me.

My eyes, still shut.

Did you take a lingering look when you woke up right next to me?

I heard the stirs from the new pair of jeans, which I had clumsily spilled alcohol onto the night before.

I shifted my weight to my right. My head turned towards where he had previously rested, and buried itself into the pillow that still harboured his warmth.

Did I scare you for the brief moment when I tossed?

Eyes shut.

The coward in me kept up with the pretense, all the way.

So did he.

He fumbled for his handphone, which had shared the same bed with us.

When his final button was done up, it wasn’t long before the compression of the door’s handle broke the deafening silence.

With meticulous care. Not wanting to wake me.

The last fuss was heard from the door, before the room returned to its eerie silence.

The moment, he walked out of my life.

Or did he?

He relinquished, without a single goodbye.

Still, I daren’t pry the eyes open.

Reluctance to face the reality.

I indulged further in the pillow that bears the last traces of his touch, and the misery on my face became more apparent.

I lost. I stumbled.

Again.

Still him.

I curled up, fearful.

All that was left, were broken pieces of me. Bruised, and confused.

Stripped of my pride.

I know what you guys are thinking.

No, we didn’t.

***

……. To be continued.

It is more difficult than I think it is.

Do you believe if I tell you it took me 5 hours to come up with whatever that’s in this entry?

***

All,

Thanks for all the concern that poured my way after the previous entry.

Just thought there is a need for clarification that this, is just one of the stories I had wanted to look back, and blog on.

One of the things in the past.

Not that it happened recently.

Something, I wish could bear a more solid form, in words.

I just happen to start with KG, simply because of a few events that happened these couple of days, and that he reminded me of another friend, whom I would want to blog about in July.

Okay, fine. Sounds like denial, eh?

Truthfully, I still think about KG a lot, even as a friend.

He’s someone I care about.

I had wanted to blog about him for the longest time, but was waiting for a good time.

Why not earlier, you ask?

It just wasn’t appropriate for me to write about it prior to this week. Just wasn’t possible.

Anyway, remember how I had said I had wanted to blog about something, but had wanted to wait?

Remember how I said I felt nostalgic on that Sunday night cos I met so many people who reminded me of the past?

Somewhat, related.

Read on, I say.

It’s just the start of some of my encounters in life.

Slowly, more will emerge.

Not only about him, but about some other characters in my life.

Or perhaps, even about my family, my friends, my childhood, myself.

Or even, the ugly truths behind the relationships that bruised and scarred me badly.

If I am not lazy, that is.

Ha.

Till then, I shall indulge in more KGism.

Muahaha.

I had edited the post cos the previous part was supposed to be the introduction, and not a story of it’s own.

Thus, I will extract it as I continue on.

PEBBLES IN THE SECRET WELL

Yeap, I resoluted to start blogging some stuffs that are of more intimate thoughts some days ago, didn’t I?

Never did I expect how God had planned multiple twists and turns along the way, that brought lotsa warm and fuzzy feelings within.

Amazing.

It’s time.

For me to look into the deep well, where a huge part of me was hidden, sealed.

For every step of my life, I learnt a little, I gained a little, and I lost a little.

Maybe, I lost a lot.

I don’t know.

What ever that was broken in the journey, or what I thought was broken, I chucked them into this memory well that resided in the deepest realm of my heart.

Most isolated.

Perhaps the most loathesome compartment, too.

It was built, to sustain my sanity.

I thought I was strong. I think I am strong.

Not unlike a huge piece of giant rock, sturdy, and firm.

Much drama were staged for the past 24 years, chipping away a piece of me each time a script is fulfilled.

More consistent than I thought.

At the end of each saga, I picked up the pebbles that laid by the side of my feet. Pieces that fell off me, and were part of me.

They became painful reminders of how the edges of the rock were chiselled off, much against its wills.

The tormenting, agonising evolution.

I glanced back at my path, and saw the residues.

I doubled over, lifted them off the ground with trembling fingers.

I rested the pebbles onto my palms, and refused to acknowlege how brittle my elements are.

And then, there was this well.

My secret well. A place, where I seek solace.

There is no magic about the well, just like anything else in my life.

There were times I thought of taking the plunge, and drown myself in it.

But surprisingly, I didn’t.

I awe myself with how I managed to survive with that flickering will to stay alive.

One day, I don’t know when, I stood by the well. I loosen the grip of my fist.

My palm bleeding from the piercing nails that dug deep into my flesh, tainting the pebbles red.

I tilted my palm, and my gaze lingered on them split second more than I should allow it to be.

I traced their path as they slided off my bruised palm, into the abyss of a forsaken place.

I sealed the mouth of the well, believing that I am liberated from the past, and that I am once again, strong, and not brittle.

I sashayed away from the well, unscathed. Or so I believed.

The well that I despised.

Yet, the well that I constantly return to, to dispose pebbles of all sizes and shapes.

That’s when I would take a peep into the well, reflecting upon how the past had rubbed off a part of me bit by bit, disintegrating me as the journey progressed.

I would then turn my back, with a futile attempt to forget its existence.

Yet, its importance was brutally denied.

Until it crept, slowly, yet stealthily, and rested itself closest to my heart.

***

Sometimes, it is quaint how things would fall into place with such immaculate timing.

It is from people around us, that we saw the reflections of ourselves.

I had constant chills for the past week.

From the chat in the cab with Janice, to the wedding dinner of my old pal, and to the brief MSN chat with Mr KG, that inevitably stirred me again.

I realise how lazy I had been.

People quicken their paces to press on, to keep up with the changes.

Me?

I am lazy.

I strolled.

With my head constantly turning back to glance at the solitary well.

My pace slackened.

The horrors.

The past had since caught up with me, and I was too slow to keep up with the changes.

I denied the past. Stashing it away further from myself.

I pretended not to remember the well still exists, filled with countless pebbles that embodied the past experiences, and past emotions.

Until. I met them.

Sometimes, it is hardest to be around such people.

People who can read you, that make you feel naked, exposed, and insecure.

You saw the secret wells within them too.

Cos, it is from them, you see yourselves, and recognised that some things, had never gone away.

You saw the reflection of a tiny stone which is all that’s left of the rock.

It is sadistic, but I found myself looking forward to meeting these people.

Cos, perhaps, I am looking for answers, fervently.

Cos, perhaps, I slowly am untying the knots within with their help.

I am pretty taken aback from the chain of incidents these days.

Too fast, too much, too swift. For my mind to handle.

Too… eerie. Coincidences. Countless of them.

I wanna thank the people who had brought such impact upon me. You might not even be aware who you are, but yeah, I am blardy thankful.

(No, the smart asses out there who think they know me well, I DO NOT mean you guys, obviously)

I conceded.

Remember when we were kids, we used to enjoy joining up numerated black dots, and at the end of it, it would make out a picture?

We would realise how we had drawn a castle, an animal, or a vehicle?

As I linked the dots together these days, the picture became more and more apparent.

It has a shape. It is not just random dots on the paper.

Last night, I finally made out what the dots were pointing me towards.

It is a picture of a well, filled with pebbles.

***

I had contemplated for the longest time to confront them.

Perhaps from my words, I could finally sort out my thoughts.

To see myself from another perspective.

Perhaps I was lazy.

Perhaps I was in denial.

Perhaps, I just didn’t want to hurt some people with the truth.

Too much perhaps.

I guess, the only way to renounce them, is to slowly go through the pile of blood-stained pebbles.

I might have to relive that moments of hurt and pain, savour the sweetness that no longer belongs to me, but, I think it is only so I could derive a form of closure.

Liberation.

It might take months, or even years before I could muster enough courage to finally complete the exorcism.

But at least, I have to start from somewhere.

And I would.

*Breathe in*

I pretty much have an idea where to start.

Yet, I am not sure if tonight is the night.

Somehow, the coward in me is acting up.

I am feeling an inability to express myself well.

I find it almost impossible for me to churn up anything.

Even this post, is taking up too much effort. No flow.

I will try.

I will.

Have to.

THIS FUNNY THING THEY CALLED NOSTALGIA

Great timing.

The rumbles from the warning skies, I now hear.

***

If I have to be precised with each and single thought that goes through me at this moment, it would perhaps be the longest blog, ever, from me.

I can’t think straight.

Not when the stupid medications are still screwing my brain over and over again.

I feel weird.

Physically, from the medications.

Sentimentally, it’s a mess within.

Many strands of emotions, of different extremes, entangled, dry, and brittled.

I tried to pull them apart, detangle the choked bundle, so that I could identify exactly what I am feeling now.

But, I can’t.

Yet, I know the culprits.

Oh well.

***

Dad touched down from China at Changi, and thus, he spent the night in Singapore today.

I was feeling rather sickly, and was conversing with him from behind the doors.

I was suddenly reminded of the poignant entry Kenny had written.

Draped a decent dress over myself, and ventured to the hall, a tad reluctantly.

‘Happy Fathers’ Day…‘ I mustered all the energy I had to put on the cheeriest smile.

He beamed, looking contended.

My heart warmed.

1.20am. No longer Sunday.

Still, it doesn’t matter, cos I made him smile.

I know, cos he told Mum he is most happy when he sees me smile.

***

I had wanted to blog about something happy on Friday night.

After I dug through my mum’s wardrobe to pass time on an eventless evening, looking for some inspirations.

A retro party on Saturday, you see.

Since my mum is not living with me, all the clothes in the wardrobe are pretty redundant.

I was surprised with some of the *cough* gems I found in the wardrobe.

It made me happy, on a Friday night which I spent alone.

*Sniggers*

Don’t laugh.

I was digging through the piles of old clothes when I saw this orange set of top and bottom, which my mum had wanted to throw away some months ago.

I protested strongly.

I had never wore this awful pretty combination before, cos, erm, I simply didn’t have the courage to do so.

And no, they didn’t belong to my mum.

Dad had bought them for me when he was in Hong Kong for a holiday when I was in secondary school.

Men.

What can I say?

You can never, ever, trust their tastes too much.

And, I warn again, DO NOT LAUGH.

*Cough*

I think they are beautiful.

A sheer zipped top, with a stripped skirt to go along.

Yes, they are beautiful, and I do not want to chute them down the bin.

Cos, dad bought them for me.

He bought them, thus, they are nice.

***

I found the perfect gear for the retro-themed party!

In my mum’s wardrobe!

Whee!

Erm.

*Cough*

It reminded me so much of the Taiwanese TV personality Ruhua, and I just had to try it on, and laugh at myself when I stare into the mirror.

Very cute, don’t you think?

So… so.. so…. mesmerising eh? Sorry, I am at a loss of words.

The surprise of the night came.

When I saw this deserted piece, isolated on a hanger in a corner.

I stripped it from the hanger, and put in on.

I thought it wasn’t too bad, considering the ghastly piece I found earlier on.

I did not have any memory of this dress, nor had I ever seen my mom in it.

Yay, I found something I could wear for the party.

Something, belonged to my mom.

I kinda like it when I can slow my pace, to appreciate my parents’ tastes, once in a while.

If only I could have as much patience to appreciate their tastes in partners.

***

Felt immensely sick after downing the cocktail of pills.

Plan was to meet up with Janice at Dhoby Ghaut.

I stopped at City Hall MRT to bank in a cheque, and withdrew some cash from the ATM.

Apparently, the pills are indeed evil.

My hands were shaking so much that I dropped my cash, my card, and everything else, onto the floor.

It was THAT bad.

I shall not mention how the pills made me insert my EZ-Link card into the ATM machine today, and silently grumbling to myself when several attempts failed.

But, I was alert enough to did a quick check with a fast turn of the head when I realised what a doofus I had been.

No one saw. Phew.

Then, I told Janice I would meet her at Dhoby Ghaut.

Apparently, I had forgotten about it, and I thought I had told her to come meet me at City Hall instead.

I knew it.

I shouldn’t even head out for Saturday and Sunday.

Then again, I had to.

***

Was walking along CitiLink Mall in a daze, when my attention was captured by a few distracting flashes.

I slow-motioned my head to the left, took a nonchalant glance behind. 5 tall, lanky, skinny, gorgeous models walking down the stretch, with a photographer snapping away while they sashayed with that chilled look on their faces.

RIGHT NEXT TO ME.

There I was, a dazed, short(comparatively), plump(try standing next to them and you would know what I mean), unglam(they were in gowns) one walking right next to them.

I thought I saw people looking at them, and then took a quick look at me, amused.

I was blocking their way, I think.

*^#$%@$%@!#$!#

What a striking contrast, I know.

I sneaked into the entrance of the next shop, totally embarrassed.

Bleah.

***

Did a whirlwind shopping trip with Janice at Dhoby Ghaut, before we rushed down to Bedok by cab.

Had wanted to drop by Philip’s chicken rice stall, but decided time was tight.

Anyway. We were on our way to the retro-themed birthday party.

We joked how in those movies, the nerds would be invited to parties so the people would have something to laugh at.

And the horror struck.

Look! The fear! The jitters!

I think it must be the pills.

Then again, it might be just the usual jitters I get when I am going to meet a bunch of people I have yet to meet before.

The awkwardness, the whatever and ever. You know?

Somemore, my brain a bit out of sorts, couldn’t process any data.

Pretty unnecessary worries, cos the birthday girl was all smiles when she greeted us at the door.

It was Yunyi(Wanyi)’s 21st birthday party!

The details were a tad hazy cos I was feeling all right one moment, and had to take several deep breaths cos the nausea was too overwhelming the next.

Janice and I were too shy to mingle, and were sticking to each other most of the time.

Shy, you know.

I remember there were many Mozarts-in-the-making rupturing my eardrums serenading us for most of the evening with their masterpieces.

I remember how Janice was glued to the television, enchanted by ‘Kindred Spirits’.

I remember how little I ate despite very much roused by the good spread cos I was just too unwell.

I remember how we were laughing at some hilarious antics, which I couldn’t recall what.

I remember how her room and her *cough* bed posts looked.

I remember how every one of her friends is skinny and looked starved slim.

Meet, the evil stepmom and her 2 Indonesian maids stepdaughters.

I do look evil, don’t I?

Now, I understand why people commented I have the -sneer- mistress look.

Oh, I clipped the sides of the dress, so that it would look different. *beams*

Okay okay, here, all smiles and neater hair.

So sweeeeeet huh. Give me a head of blond tresses and I might just look like an all-American sweetheart.

9 of us then all left to go Outram Oriental for KTV.

Yay!

***

In the cab, somehow topic was brought on to Guangyang, and Shubin.

And how life is often filled with regrets.

The tears hovered.

Talks of Shubin reminded of one of the last conversations I ever had with him.

Ouch.

Anyway, it was supposed to be a happy day, and all of those were buried, as we alighted the cab with eagerness.

***

Janice grew bored, and suggested whoring for the camera.

And I could hardly muster a smile.

I was then reluctant to pose for the camera cos I didn’t want to be the nearest to the camera. *pouts* I would end up being the fattest-looking, you see.

That’s better.

Janice and I with the birthday babe!

We acted cool…

And..

We tried to look sexy but failed miserably wasn’t quite convincing.

So we tried acting cute.

(Wah, very big huh)

My eyes, I meant.

Me and Weili.

His eyes are not so small in real life, but they are always mysteriously swallowed up by his face when he smiles.

Yah, don’t start. I know we look hideous.

All the babes who were present.

What separates the 3 girls on the left from the rest, is the fact that they sang darn well.

(But, *cough* the rest of us sang the best)

What separates the 5 girls on the right from the rest, is the fact that they blog.

Carol, Midori, Yunyi, Shuyin, Yanyan, Ting, Janice.

So, when you’re in a big group, what do you do when someone else is singing?

1) Cry.

Birthday girl was so touched by the MTV that she cried.

Despite watching it for the 264343th time.

2) Mimicking the scenes from the MTV.

我选择了你，你选择了我。。
这是我们的选择。

Nice.

3) Do sit-ups.

I was warned beforehand that if I dare to post up the demostration picture for this, I would be delinked, defamed, and *horror of all horrors* detwirled.

Since the threat came from her, I ought to practise some self-discipline, and keep the picture from the public’s eyes.

***

It was past midnight when we bade the girls goodbye.

Programless, Janice and I strolled to Rav at Boat quay to meet her Mass Communications classmates.

We didn’t quite enjoy the crowd, and we then strolled to…. Attica.

Wasn’t quite in a clubbing mood, so we hesitated till 2am before we decided to venture in.

Been weeks since I hadn’t been there, and it was one of the most boring Saturday nights, ever.

Music was erm, rather bad.

Airkissed the familiar faces as greetings were exchanged.

We stood around to chat most of the time, catching up with some friends, and only stayed for a couple of hours before we left.

Everyone was warm and nice.

Janice and I then sat around to chat over our usual 7-11 supper, and by the time we finally finished, we walked to City Hall to grab a cab.

It was 6 when I finally reached home.

***

Struggled to get out of the house in the evening.

Destination: Mandarin Hotel.

Adrianne, my primary school mate, ended her singleton days.

The first, of the class of 43, 6I, 1993.

Man.

Apparently, she only invited a handful of ex-classmates, and since 2 others couldn’t make it, I was the *gasp* only one who turned up.

Still, there wasn’t a lack of familiar faces.

Huimei, my secondary 1-4 classmate, was there too, cos she is a friend of the groom.

Another River Valley face was there too, and I was surprised when she could spit out my name the instance I saw her.

For the night, the only familiar faces around my table, were that of Mrs Chiang, my primary 5/6 form teacher, and Andy, her son.

Andy stood in for her for a couple of months when she was on medical leave, and thus, our class was well-acquainted with him.

It is no surprise that I was the only victim one who could engage in thosewerethedays talk with Mrs Chiang.

She gasped and greeted me, ‘Hey Huiting! The gigglish one!’

In which I responded with a series of giggles.

Still am, I guess. Old habits die hard.

I was quite *cough* flattered when she remembered me as the one who fought and bullied by the boys.

And the one who excelled in Chinese, struggled with English.

There were many names constantly hanging loose from the lips, and it was easy to see who her pets were back in those days.

It was nice.

Warm, and fuzzy.

I always miss my primary school classmates more than others.

Just that I felt a tad inadequate bringing up the countless names of my ex-classmates.

Accompanied by their choice of careers.

There were talks of old pals. My ex-classmates, her ex-students.

There were talks of cancer. My condition(no, I don’t have cancer. Not really.), her fight against it.

There were talks of teaching. My short-stint, her career for life.

There were talks of God. My struggles, her testimonies.

She mentioned something about knowing my problems, which came as a surprise, cos that was a first, ever, from her.

She said something about how everything wasn’t easy for me, and that she could see that I am strong.

I smiled cheekily, squinting my eyes impishly, hiding the glassy traces that my emotions were slightly stirred.

If only she knows.

Generally, solemn stuffs.

Which is kinda depressing, actually, considering the junction I am at right now.

***

Adrianne’s husband is a Navy Officer.

And I am rather impressed by the quality of guys at the dinner.

Plenty of eye-candies.

Though not necessary the ones holding the swords.

I went ‘Wooooooooo…..’ when I saw the guys in uniforms.

I scrutinised their faces and retracted it.

These 2 stopped right in front of me when they took their positions.

I would rather put some of the civilians who attended the dinner in the uniforms in to replace them.

The expression of the random victim of mine(to be captured on the camera) was that of great reluctance.

Navy guys. *Slurp*

Now, I feel like one of those perverts from Sggirls.com.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

*Cringe*

Didn’t manage to eat much despite the spread.

Apparently, I still out-eat most people at this table.

I concluded the night with 3 bowls of the desserts, and snacked on 3 boxes of chocolate when we left.

Mrs Chiang and I.

Andy and I.

He used to be in his prime when he was teaching us.

Now, he’s already a father of two, and becoming very a tad uncle-ish.

Me and the bride.

I would like to say how I was much skinnier than her back in those days.

I told ya so.

Andy and Mrs Chiang graciously gave me a lift home.

I felt…. a very strange mix of emotions I haven’t felt for a long time.

Very, very strange.

So strange that I feel half-hearted throughout, blogging this boring post.

I realised tears come swift these days.

Even watching the news proved to be a challenge.

Ever since that fateful night when I sobbed.

Eeeeeeeek.

Marshmellow Ting is back.

Yucks.

Don’t want.

Go away.

POTENTIALLY HAZARDOUSLY LENGTHY BLOG AHEAD

Not this one.

The next one perhaps.

Much thoughts had invaded my private space for the past couple of days, and there are many things I would want to talk about, but then, er, would not be very healthy for your eyes, and emotional state if you were to read them all at one go.

So, I would just do the simple recaps for the weekend.

Erm, not now.

Later, when I return home, perhaps.

For now, I have to doll up, and dash out.

Albeit a tad reluctantly.

I suspect my quite goodlooking doctor was trying to kill me, instead of cure me.

The medications he gave me are making me really queasy despite the fact that they are not supposed to make me drowsy.

It’s worse. Much, much worse.

I have been feeling the accelerated heartbeat, sweaty palms, nausea, uncontrollable shivers from the cocktail of pills.

Light-headed.

I went to town yesterday in such a daze that all my reaction lagged. All my senses lagged.

And my ability to decipher, to hear, to see, to process, all slowed down.

Scary.

I felt like a zombie.

And now?

Whee.. I just took another dose.

And I am heading out.

I can feel the thumping of the heartbeat, and I am shaking already.

Woohoo.

There better be a seat for me on the MRT, or I might just make headline news for doing something silly.

In fact, I feel much, much better without taking the antibiotics, or whatever thingy he prescribed me to drug me with.

The symptoms seem easier to bear more than the after effects.

Bleah.

So now, what should I wear?

RANDOM RAMBLINGS

I don’t feel like blogging…

Correction. I want to blog but I don’t have anything to blog about.

I feel as if I have a terrible bout of amnesia.

I woke up today feeling a tad weird.

It felt as if I had a memory loss or something.

I sat up, and my spine hurt slightly. I stood up, and my head felt light and ouchy.

Did someone club me on the back with a baseball bat or something last night?

I can’t remember.

What did the pills do to me?

***

If I am going to blog today, it’s gonna be such a Singlish infested one.

Which is, totally not me.

But then again, people who had spoken to me over MSN before, would know that I am quite an ardent fan of bastardised English.

Heck lah, liberate for once.

Must be the company I am with these days.

*grumble grumble*

I want a new phone!!!!!!!

The new Nokia 8800 very nice leh, and I can’t help but want one also.

I can’t believe Allan actually got one for himself, and one for his wife.

If you want to marry me, buy one and propose to me with it in its glam glam box, okay?

See I now so cheapo, one $1500 phone can make me marry you leh, what you waiting for?

Of course, I will not say how I would conveniently request for a 5-carat engagement ring in the same breath.

Coco Lee also got 10 carats leh, what I ask is only half only lor.

I am broke, or else I would just rush to the stores to get one for myself.

For the 5th time since March, I spent $46 for the not-too-bad, rather hunky doctor(still, I have yet to find a match for *cough* Alan/Vyers) to tell me I am down with flu, again.

*&@#^$@#%$%@$#@

Wah piang… March till now only 3 months only lor, and 5 times, you know?!

How can I be not broke?!

I need a doctor boyfriend man.

Wooo.. sounds like I need a doctor, a boyfriend and a man.

All roll into one, can or not?

And I have been coughing and sniffing for one week already, and it’s almost like I have only one or two weeks of break before I fall ill again.

Somemore got bloody cramps lor!!!! Yah la, pun very much intended.

Dr Quite-goodlooking told me to stay away from cold drinks, and ‘cool stuffs’ like tea, herbal tea, wintermelon, watermelon, whatevermelon, and chilli for the next 2 weeks.

BLARDY TWO WEEKS?!

Want me to die is it?

Obviously, I am quite a nice patient.

I drink nothing but tea, and I don’t eat anything without chilli.

I shan’t mention that I downed 6 pills with chilled green tea just moments ago, and I had a mediocre plate of Hokkien mee right after the consultation at the hawker centre.

Kamikaze shots tonight, anyone?

Perhaps they will cure me faster, or something.

Oh, I recognised the ‘missy’ at the clinic.

I saw her at Balaclava last Friday and I asked was that her.

Indeed, she was there to check out the band. My memory never fails me.

Now, I am contradicting myself.

***

I actually feel like taking a break from blogging for a while.

No no no, not a stunt la.

But I thought of posting something different.

But, don’t dare leh.

A bit not very the blogreader-friendly.

See how la.

***

I feel like blogging about something also leh.

But I think I will do so after today.

Yah, after Friday.

Actually going by the time, maybe I can already start posting.

Since he would be offwork by now.

Then again, we all know how cranky some people’s working hours can be, so I better not take the risk.

Sounds cryptical? Hurhurhur. Purposely one.

Cos you see, I don’t really want somebody to read it in the office, and it would be a better idea that the post is read after work today.

Don’t make sense to you right? Nehmind, stay tuned, and I might just shed some light on it in the next couple of days.

Or maybe I won’t.

See how la.

***

I need kisses and cuddles.

Deprived.

***

(Please read the below with a slight sense of humour hor.)

I feel like prostitute yesterday.

Wah piang.

Everyone messaged me as if there is an agenda in mind like that.

Even when I thought everyone was sweet and concerned about me, the message windows popped up with sugar-coated requests and words that were mostly none-of-my-business.

Felt so used, and… exploited.

I mean, if they are friends, okay la, understood. Of course don’t mind.

But mostly are people who would never message me unless something crops up one lor.

Like that, very what right?

Then I realised there were many strangers adding me on MSN, ICQ, ONLY intention was to ask about this and that person on my blog.

Some wanted to fish for gossip.

Bubblemunche, your fault.

And the pretty babes in my blog. Your faults.

I look like a pimp ah?!

Then ah, there are those who would never message me (*cough* or even the one who removed me from friendster), suddenly became so friendly with me…

WHY?!

Cos want me to put in my blog that their chicken rice stall opening tomorrow.

So yup, people, please take note, their chicken rice stall opens tomorrow.

And Mr Ex-boyfriend of mine even had the audacity to suggest cheekily that I could help them by dressing up in a chicken suit(yes, they already rented the chicken costume).

Tsk tsk.

I did a check on my URL to make sure I didn’t get the wrong address.

No leh, I never see http://jcdecaux.blogspot.com in my address bar.

Talking about J C Decaux, *shudders* that’s another scary story, revealed to me by Janice through MMS yesterday.

Wah piang eh.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *shrills of horror*

As usual, I ain’t disclosing.

Then ah, there are the ones who messaged me on MSN just to say hi, and when I reply, they don’t talk anymore?

Hours later, they would say bye and night, before they went offline, and never even wait for you to say bye lor.

Very fun like that is it?!

Like that, might as well don’t waste my bar’s space.

Wah, say until like this, who still dare to message me on MSN man.

I very nice one, really.

***

I never go anywhere yesterday leh.

Today also don’t know yet.

Maybe shall catch a movie by myself later.

Star Wars, here I come.

Naboo, here I come.

Hayden, here I come.

No, not Nicky that Hayden.

Yoda baby, wait for me. *Ting sends flying smooch smooch*

Maybe I should rewatch Mr and Mrs Smith again, and get a silent orgasm in my seat watching the 2 of them sizzle the screen.

Joke, okay, joke.

***

I need a new layout man.

But I am a html-idiot.

How?

I think I might just opt for some boring templates from blogger.com.

I am lazy la.

I like the colour combination but then apparently some people have problems viewing it.

And my centre alignment is not very oldfolks-friendly.

*Cough*

And I don’t know how to remedy it wor.

Anyone know how to do the swish swish swosh swosh one for me?

So I can put mutilated cropped pictures of myself like those at the side also?

Maybe I will consider putting my face also, untwirl, if nice.

Not my face, the layout.

Face can never be nice lah.

***

I just remember tomorrow got something to attend.

Then hor, something to attend again on Sunday.

I am so broke.

Blardy broke.

I need a rich bloke.

18-50, anything also can.

Of course la, I must like you enough first.

No need rich la, treat me well, can liao.

But good la, with such enriching programs for the next couple of days, I need my 2 battery packs to be fully charged.

Stay tuned for a glorious spread of pictures.

***

Everybody’s changing - Keane

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can 
You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why 

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same 

You're gone from here
And soon you will disappear
Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right 

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same 

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same.

Heard at Balaclava last Friday.

I like.

SCARLETT’S SCANDALS

I can’t think properly.

*&@^$#%@$%#@$^@

Pain.

Ouch.

So pain until I feel nauseous.

Ouch….

Ouch…

Ouch.

Sheesh.

How to blog like that?

*BREATHE* *INHALE*

*EXHALE*

Alright. I will give it another couple of hours before the pain dissipates.

It is time like this I wish I have a boyfriend. *frowns*

And it doesn’t really help after Mr KG was online a couple of days ago.

*Waves irritating thoughts away*

What the hell.

Think about him repeatedly, for what?

***

Come to think of it, when you start hanging out with bloggers, you realise there isn’t much a need for you to keep a blog anymore.

Especially when your blog keeps track of everyday mundane life, like mine.

BLEAH.

Whatever you blog, will become stale news. Cos whoever you went out with, especially those with FF - Fast Fingers(woooo *raise eyebrows* I wonder what they are good for), would have finished blogging by the time you step out the shower.

So, with the meet-up already accounted for, I could just twiddle my fingers, without a need to blog.

So, everyone would have known we went to Esplanade this evening without me telling.

So, I was spotted with Finicky Feline’s Tightanus Tetanus on the bridge leading from Esplanade to One Fullerton.

For that, she came up to me, gave me a tight slap across the face, before shoving me aside, kneeing Tetanus in the groin.

For the finale, she stabbed me in jealousy, before slitting Tetanus’ throat, ending us Romeo & Juliet style.

Hey wait, Romeo and Juliet didn’t exactly die that way, did they?

But, what the heck.

She then mutilated us, before dumping us into the cold, freezing sea.

Oh, that wasn’t quite her version of the story yuh?

Anyway.

Yah, very right.

Few days ago, words have it that I was all over Tetanus.

Then, it was at Coffee Club some days ago, in which Vamptress (hey dear, I don’t have to tell you how much I reload your page in a single day) joined in for a sensational threesome(Tetanus’ account).

Freeze.

Thanks to Tetanus’ brilliant editing that gives the picture a sense of life. Nice.

A picture that embodied all the erotism of the exchange.

In a non-sexual way.

Halt.

The real truth to the Esplanade liaison is as below:

It was a foursome.

Wooohoo.

Getting more exciting, isn’t it?

Yes, I got the flattest butt, thickest waist amongst them.

*Grumble grumble*

My weak retaliation?

-Tiny voice- Camera angle…… really…

As if you believe.

And we really didn’t mind sharing him(no other choice, thus why).

He favours girl with the shortest hair, thus, the hierachy has it that Janice is furthest away from him, with Finicky Feline in between us.

So, for the next outing, I would expect it to be a 5-persons mass orgy.

***

The evening was pretty interesting with her, Tetanus meeting up at MPH, before walking over to Esplanade for a quick drink.

The idea of the day?

To catch E.I.C. in action.

(Was reminded of a once-friend.)

Cos Finicky Feline had coerced us into thinking that Jack is incredibly cute, and all of us should accompany her down to watch him in action.

Who is this Jack?

Tetanus turned to me, and asked perturbedly, ‘He cute meh?‘

In which I replied, ‘He cute meh?‘ with the same puzzled look.

I have to admit I find Gabriel, of massive mass, adorable though. *giggles*

Janice joined us later, and asked which was the star of the night.

‘The least unattractive one,‘ I quipped.

‘Not very cute what.’

-Cough-

Vamptress, who joined us later, was the only one who shed some hope.

‘Not bad, quite cute.‘

Then again, not once did I affirm that men with talents are ridiculously sexy, and alluring.

Hence, brownie points to that, and looks are instantaneously secondary.

With the brilliant music serenading us, I spanned my vision to the buildings glittering in the background.

Fullerton, UOB buidling, Hitachi, One Fullerton, and the symbolic Merlion.

Nice.

I am still awfully guilty of putting the shy Finicky Feline in a spot when we went up to Jack for a picture.

Janice, Airhole and I last minute backed out, and insisted the duo taking a picture together, without any extras like us.

It was when we were done, that the very nice Jack told Airhole to take a picture of the 4 of us together.

And, unlike what Finicky Feline had suggested, he doesn’t like me. I don’t think he fancies a large lump of lard.

#%^!$#$!#$!@#%^*

He is evil.

Had he not suggested us taking a picture altogether…. argh.

I will NEVER take pictures with people who are wearing black again.

I will NOT be the one standing nearest to the camera next time.

NEVER!!

Okay, I think, karma for pointing to Finicky Feline to him that she wanted a picture to be taken with him.

Karma for looking at Finicky Feline, and saying, ‘Hey, maybe you should get his email so you can send him the picture or something.‘

Cough.

With friends like me, who needs enemies guardian angels.

Karma has it that I look awful on the picture.

Next time don’t dare already.

***

I kinda enjoyed Airhole’s company, when he is not intoxicated.

***
The city is gorgeous, garnished by the sweet sounds of the night.

Such brilliance.

Still, something was amiss.

Something was sorely missed.

***

It was a noisy walk to One Fullerton, where we chilled at BakerzIn.

We breezed past where Embargo used to be.

Only been there once.

After Hillsong’s Festival of Praise, a year ago?

With HIM.

The place we met up, 1st time, after so long.

Now, I see, why I took a glance, a split second longer than I should.

***

The warm chocolate cake perked me up a little.

I can be so easily provoked, and yet so easily appeased.

Thanks to a very generous Sister David, who would never fall for me, concluding the night by footing all our bill.

***

Tired.

Adjourned home with no further plans.

Good move.

Imagine me scrunching up in pain when I am out partying.

Not a very nice sight.

***

*Waves fervently*

Next time, if you see me, please do come up and say hi.

I know, it takes a bit of courage, especially you have to face a makeupless, unglam Ting.

Sigh.

I should remove all photographs to prevent likewise tragedies from happening in the future.

Darn, I am lazy. I would rather do so than to pile on makeup.

***

Quote from ‘P/s I so want a “happy” friend. Any “happy” guys here who need a galpal like me, please email me!‘

I also want a pal like this.

I am rather put off by relationships, and in need of an affectionate pal.

I will smack you if you are thinking of anything linking to the word ’sex’.

Yes, I am deprived, but not necessary THAT sense.

Male company, maybe.

The kind that would not fall for me, and yet be there like a sister, for me.

I used to have such a pal, whom I could cuddle, hold hands with, without anyone having their imaginations run wild.

I kinda miss that.

***

Now, at 4.55am, I am talking to a man who is slightly intoxicated.

Strangely, this is the first and only time, I feel I could see a different side of him, a more serious side.

I agree with what he spoked of his predicament, indirectly speaking into mine ‘idle hands are the devil’s play ground.’

True, true.

Plenty of space for them to create negative thoughts in.

Gee, nowadays you guys have to read everything twice or thrice eh?

Oh well.

Whee! The pain is there no more. I could sleep well tonight!

Out.

FINICKYMUNCHED/BUBBLEFELINED

First of all.

The saga had a closure.

I feel liberated. I feel good.

If only you can see the mesmerising sweet smile on me right now.

But, the talk had took up most of the time I had wanted to leave for this entry. *pouts*

Anyway.

The 2 gorgeous people I had met, by now you would have known, were *cough* two of my favourite bloggers of all time, Bubblemunche(XXXX), and Finicky Feline(XXXXXX).

Yes, Bubblemunche, or fictitious Eddy Neo to some.

Or, a totally fresh character to others, who had located him elsewhere on the blogosphere.

And sorry to disappoint some of you peepz out there, we, the 2 brilliant ladies, had popped his meet-the-bloggers cherry.

We were his firsts.

It could have been me, and just me, only.

Boohoohoo.

It was last evening, after an eventless, homebound day.

BB: I’m scared of all the blog politics too….
BB: That’s why…..
BB: No meet-ups for me :P!
Ting: yah..
BB: Anyway..
BB: This is a bad time..
BB: But..
BB: Wanna meet-up for dinner somday?
BB: Haha..
Ting: yes..
Ting: with FF?
BB: I’m curious about how FF’s like
BB: Eh..
BB: I do things on impulse..
BB: I might regret this.. but oh well…
Ting: Tomorrow?
BB: Can also
Ting: Ok set.
Ting: YOU DIE.

Muahaha. I set the date right on the spot so I could leave no room for him to regret.

Hurhurhur.

Jurong Point. 6.30pm. Outside Giordano, the trio agreed.

*Cough* Obviously, someone was blardy late cos she was blogging slightly delayed. And the other two were *gasp* early!

But no, FF didn’t go up to BB to identify herself though she had spotted him with the description he had provided me with - an ugly green jacket.

I shall not blog about how FF and I were so blardy, freaking shy(yes, shove it into your minds that WE GET SHY TOO!) that, we actually walked into the mall, and immediately U-turned out of the entrance cos we didn’t dare to approach him.

We held our hands, and were a bundle of nerves.

Jitters.

Finally, we walked up to him.

My head bowed. Eyes focusing on the floor hoping he would not realise I was without a hint of makeup.

Handshakes were exchanged, and his amicable laughter, framed by the giant pimple on his chin, broke the ice. I giggled nervously.

Dinner was at Fish & Co.

Audible gasps were heard when we sat down, when the man removed his top jacket to reveal the magnificent sight beneath.

Oh.My.God.

*Holds breath*

Lo and behold. The sight before us.

He had plotted this, I am sure.

We swooned. We got slightly moist from the oozing beads of sweat. We were in need of a cold shower.

*ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

UNIFORM, YOU KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We didn’t need to order anything. We then had him for dinner.

I wish No, we were too shy. We are prim and proper ladies. Very demure, too.

We were informed soup of the day was ‘lamb chop’.

I was grossly disappointed when clam chowder was served instead.

We had an animated dinner, filled with explicit detailed insights to post-Eddy Neo days, and we even thought of filling ‘Scarlett, Bubblemunche, Finicky Feline’ on the feedback form.

Woooooooooooooooosh. THAT uniform, again.

Bubblemunche has very nice, big eyes, but a very small face.

Finicky Feline has very hairy arms. Does that make her a very horny person?

Even if she is, you would never guess from her demure Japanese Korean porn star look.

In her haughty words, ‘hey it’s not my fault i look so innocent and sweet. I was born with it, baby.’

Bleah.

Scarlett Ting? She is much more cheerful than what they had expected. Or so they said.

Verdict of Bubblemunche?

Mr Sweetheart.

He insisted on getting the bill(next time, bring him to Equinox or something).

We adjourned to Swensen’s, where we had freaking sinful desserts.

Finicky Feline had a swollen eye, and the sweetheart promptly left his seat, rushed down the escalator, ran into the mall, down the escalator again, to get some eyedrops from the pharmacy.

Imagine my utter flabbergastion when he was back with a pack of lozenges as well, cos I was coughing relentlessly for the evening.

He even requested for a glass of warm water for me.

*Ting cues* Everyone, says ‘Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww………….’ with me.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww….

*Smitten*

Were we on earth? Couldn’t be. No such guys still exist!

Over dinner, the duo were pretty curious about Jayaxe, whom I had the *cough* honour to meet up many moons ago.

A call was then made to the other sweetie(yes, in fact, Bubblemunche does remind me very much of Jayaxe’s gentlemanly, sweet-soul ways), and the smart one guessed their identities accurately.

We must all meet up for a game of mahjong, or dinner one day.

Must make them wear uniforms.

*ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

The 3 of us took the train, and it was on the platform, where I rolled up Bubblemunche’s sleeve to reveal his hard, stiff, thick…. bicep.

Finicky Feline and I, held on to each other for support.

Thanks Bubblemunche. It was a great pleasure.

Seeing you in uniform Admiring your biceps Meeting you, that is.