OH, I’M ALIVE.

This is digustingly horrifying.

I didn’t get to see daylight at all, today.

And to think, 6am was the earliest(yes, you read it, earliest) I had hit the sacks for the past week.

It was 8pm when I finally sat up on my bed, wondering how did I get manage to stay knocked out for 14 hours.

I sat up, chatted on MSN for a brief while, before I tucked myself comfortably under the duvet, and fell into a deep slumber again.

Time was 8.45pm then.

When I finally opened my eyes again.

The horrors.

12.05 am.

I think it has something gotta do with the dream I had in my massively long sleep.

I remember there was this cute guy. Shy, goodlooking, mild-mannered, sporty, well-built, tall.

A stranger, whom I doubt I have met in real life. Perhaps I did, but definitely not a friend.

In the dream, he was pursuing after me, and every little darn thing was so darn sweet.

He hugged me and pecked me on the cheeks, and he tried kissing me. And he rejected a darn sweet and pretty girl for me. *sniggers*

That’s the furthest we went, in the dream.

Hurhurhur.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that I am darn blardy deprived of affections.

It wasn’t that I was hankering for more, and hence, slept again.

I think it was the lingering sweetness that made sleeping such a pleasuring form of escapism from reality.

To be pursued, to be loved, and to blush from all the silly things.

And weird enough, the dream did somehow continue itself like some form of story in the 3 hours nap that followed up.

Still, I don’t know who the guy is. And his image is slowly diffusing from my memory.

Vague.

***

Saw this on Cowboy’s Bar, posted by Shion.

http://www.sfc.org.sg/the_bertrand_lee_appeal.htm

I hope you guys can help to spread the word, to keep a creativity mind alive.

Hope, is what we can spare.

***

And, foreign press had branded the Live 8 concerts as the best, ever.

It is not a mere concert to entertain, it is hoped to bring awareness, to bring our voices together, and be heard in unison over the poverty issues in Africa.

They don’t need your money.

It’s about justice, not charity.

All you have to do, is to add your name to the list. (Yes, click on the link, you heartless pricks)

And a personal request from me, if you’re of the same faith as I do, or not, do offer a prayer, with them in your thoughts.

***

I didn’t feel like blogging.

I still don’t.

Wait a minute. Don’t feel like doesn’t equate to ‘nothing to blog about’.

Perhaps the high-productivity from June had reached disutility.

But I have to kick off from somewhere to get myself started again.

And well, the obscene amount of rest is enough to last me through the night.

Friday was a relatively amazing night, with an unlikely combination of people, coming together for an intimate night.

It was an odd night.

It started out with a very nice dinner with Gavin, Janice and FF at Chijmes. We went Turkish for the night.

Traffic was a killer and I would have saved more time and moolah if I had took the train.

The cab fare was a whooping 17 bucks when FF and I reached Chijmes. *gasp in horror*

Dinner was great with Miss PR, Janice, hyping the whole night up with her animated talks, and us throwing in harmless jibes here and there to make it a noisy affair.

The very nice gentleman picked up the tab, and dinner was fabulous.

We made Gavin cringe endlessly with our explicit evaluations on beautiful women, and swooning over butts and tits.

I bet he enjoyed it, just that he would rather play the innocent role.

We adjourned to Hideout after dinner to join a certain Mr Anonymous, and though Janice had said she would want to leave before midnight to go public, and that I would leave together with her, the plans didn’t go according as planned.

Janice had tried to push her limits with the whiskey, and despite being really sloshed, she maintained she wasn’t.

Yeah, she wasn’t. *cough*

We played ridiculous games of ‘I have.. I have not‘, and we learnt a few amazing things about people, and ourselves.

Just to clarify some misconceptions, I don’t ‘thrash talk‘.

Muahahahaha.

At the end of the day, I learnt some things.

Some cans of worms are better left unopened.

A very bittersweet aftertaste was left lingering.

And I don’t mean from the beer I downed.

A very simple sentence which was meant to be a joke, triggered something within.

I giggled, with my vision slowly blurred.

Crybaby.

It was queer listening to a very bare analysis from the guys’, in a more serious breath.

Sometimes, it’s scary how someone could just disarm you and expose you, raw and naked, stripping you off your last ounce of security.

And gee, it’s refreshing to know that my blog projects me as someone ’snobbish’.

Muahaha. Interesting. I like.

Overall, the night had been, in FF’s words Odd, but nice.

Supping at the place where we had supper when Kenny was in town, before Mr Changi Gavin sent FF and I home.

A great pal and gentleman, he is. Guys should learn from him.

Coincidentally, an old pal of mine, is actually his friend!

And now, I know something I shouldn’t about the pretty boy. Muahahaha.

And I still have this Chinese classic ‘Jia’(Home) of the famous trilogy, ‘Jia’, ‘Chun’, ‘Qiu’, by Ba Jin with me, which was supposed to be on loan to me some 7 years ago.

So slow-paced that it could murder everyone with its dragginess.

Still, it’s a classic, and I pretty much enjoyed my read.

The pretty boy didn’t.

***

Saturday was supposed to be Rugby-watching day with Bruce.

Had wanted to wait for Janice to get ready but it would be 5pm when we reached, but Bruce would not be staying out after the match.

Hence, we asked for a raincheck since he wouldn’t be staying out much, and we didn’t have any concrete plans in between to fill in the rest of the day.

FF and I then arranged to watch War of the Worlds together at Marina Square.

Yay! My 2nd movie of the year.

No yay for the fact that, again, it was watched with a female.

So stressful while watching the movie, and I cupped my ears most of the time cos of the suspense from the sound effects.

Irritating.

The flashes from the lightnings, also unsettled me. Well, that’s what happens when you are a astraphobe.

It wasn’t a fantastic show if you have high expectations of it, but it’s okay, wouldn’t put you to sleep with its far-fetched storyline.

Dinner was at Carl’s Jr, which is a fantastic suggestion by FF. The service was brilliant, but the price was exorbitant due to the bigger portions of meat they use.

Seriously, I adore the burger. It is nicer than the fast food joints’, and nearer to my favourite Burger King’s.

Yummy.

The staffs promised to remember us the next time we patronise them.

Now, will anyone bring me there for dinner in the new week? *pleading eyes*

It was followed by a long talk before we took a walk to the bus stands.

I.AM.SERIOUSLY.DEPRIVED.

Met up with Janice and her friend Jasmine, for the preplanned ‘post birthday night out’ for Jasmine.

It was a bland night, with this Grade 1(in Janice’s words) cute guy in my sight when we were dancing in Attica to add some flavouring to the otherwise nothing-to-rave about night.

But he danced funny, I tell you.

Some guys should never boogie to ruin their images.

Muahahaha.

A tall Texan guy came up to me, and rattled on some stuffs which I couldn’t quite catch cos he was so much taller, and it was too far down on earth to hear his mumblings.

He asked why are we heading up to Attica Too cos he didn’t pay that much, and thus, wouldn’t be heading up.

‘The guys are cuter upstairs,‘ I replied curtly.

He was rather taken aback, and shrugged. ‘Do come back here to look for me if it’s not so cool upstairs yuh?‘

‘We shall see.‘

The 3 of us before we ventured up to Attica Too.

We gave the birthday girl a peck, but she didn’t seem to quite like it. Muahaha.

The 3 of us when we were at the bar at Attica Too.

Jasmine and yours truly.

Janice and yours truly.

Me and one of the servers who helped to take the picture for us.

Me and Rob, one of the bouncers there.

Clifford got us a jug of Cranberry vodka and I took a huge gulp before feeling the effects overwhelmed me.

It wasn’t long before Janice got rather sick and hammered by the effects(adding on to the amount she had the day before, she was gone pretty swiftly), and we ended the night early at 2 plus.

Sent her to the bus stop, and saw the message from Faith that she was over at Velvet. Had thought of extending my night over there.

Called her but since she was heading to Devil’s, I opted home instead.

Then again, home wasn’t exactly where I wanna go.

Was thinking about certain issues, and had wanted to take a walk to refresh the mind.

***

I walked around the area, mesmerised by the quietness of the lonely night.

There was hardly a soul in the dark, as I strolled by rows and rows of closed shops.

The flickering lights of the city enticed me.

The view of corporate buildings, fancy hotels gave a warm, fuzzy feeling.

The buzzing sounds from the bare traffic were my only assurance.

I didn’t feel threaten by the night nor the solitude as I sashayed down the streets, swinging my bag liberatingly.

There were times my head was bowed, deep in thoughts, feeling dejected.

There were times I lifted my head high to browse the route in front of me, feeling recharged, and inspired. I gave springs to my feet.

All kinds of mixed feelings.

Stifling, liberated, confused, cleared, negative, positive, discouraged, whatever.

Lonely, but not alone, I felt.

I walked.

I didn’t feel like stopping.

Not even the blisters from the heels could stop me.

It was almost obsessive as I walked, and walked.

Therapeutic.

I feel like the most alive being, the best, the most charming, the smartest, the most achieved, the happiest, the slimmest, the cutest, the chirpiest and the most positive thing around.

Just because, there was only me.

I reluctantly ended the unrealisticism when I boarded the nightrider home.

When the bustling conversations of young people with their friends highlighted that loneliness yet again.

I, am still, alone.

And lonely.

Pretty much, still a failure, I suppose.

Hurhurhur.

Is that my weekend?

Oh. That’s it.

***

The wind is howling, the trees are swaying.

I could hear the rattles as the heavy drops hit against the glass.

It’s raining outside.

And yes, is that the first roar of thunder that I hear?

Ah, the fear.

And suddenly, everything seems so familiar, again.