Today had been a rather tedious day.

I didn’t manage to fall asleep till 8am, and by the time I greeted Monday, it was already 4pm.

The sky was overcasted and threatened to pour its bladderful of rain down.

I had to get out of the house at 5 plus, to get to Tanjong Pagar at 6pm.

My Sunday was a mundane one. I stayed home. Watched the lads got into some serious action on the track, and just… read.

I have no idea how my time passed either.

I helped out a friend from 6pm to 10pm today, and I felt pretty miserable about the entire thing.

Problem is, I didn’t know how to say ‘No‘, since it was pretty much true when she brought up the fact that I am pretty much unengaged, and it would be good to pass time.

I realised one very important thing.

You get immensely dissatisfied with your predicament when you are trapped in a situation that shows you how money is never a factor for passion.

It just makes you even more loserish about yourself, that you are doing something you detest lots just because it is an obligation, and you just want to do something to make yourself look useful.

Seriously, to be surrounded by teenagers and to help out for mere 3 hours made me feel more handicapped than before.

I would rather help out VampTreSS as her assistant, free-of-charge and learn the ropes of trade anytime.

But it is also then, did I realise, I would rather do anything else in the world, other than telemarketing.

Oh, did I mention I have a fear for picking up the phone to make a call?

And yes, I have yet to overcome it yet.

Why?

Fear of rejection.

And oh, did I mention telemarketing is all about rejections too?

Nevermind. I shall cheer myself up.

I met up with VampTreSS after I had finished. I walked down the mellowed Shenton Way from Fuji Xerox building down to the MRT station at 10pm, and I was so engaged in my own thoughts that I had not seen a Caucasian lady waiting for cab at the bus stop, and had hailed for one before she did.

I could see her explosive face as the cab passed her, then did I realise what I had done.

No good, no good.

Ting had been a bad girl recently.

Met up with VampTreSS and we went down to Holland Village to chill.

The usual guys-cum-sex talk.

Erm, wait a minute. Guys, and sex talk would seem a better way to put it, eh?

Anyway, we finally left for home at around 1.30am.

Thanks babe, for taking the tension of me. We had a great time doing some filming. Muahahaha.

I have to perk myself up somehow.

This is sounding way too… demoralising.

Anyway… to perk everyone up and not wanting to tinging you guys with my hues of blues, I shall not show a side of me, which people closest to me had been raving about.

And, it has something to do with songs. A song that traumatises my inner group of pals.

Featuring the panda bear, daddy bought for me over his recent trip to China 2 weeks ago.

I came home that day and saw it sitting on the ironing board, and I knew it was for me.

I picked it up maternally, held it preciously in my hands as I migrated it into my room, close to me.

I felt this warm fuzziness within me, and it embodies the love daddy has for me.

I didn’t thank him.

In fact, when he called me up yesterday to join him for some dinner organised by his clan, I turned him down flat cos I had wanted to catch MotoGP.

I resented the thought of going down even more when he told me my half-sister, the eldest one would be there as well.

I doubt I would be welcomed anyway.

I would never how he chucked me aside 4 years ago to sit with them, and I was left alone.

Too awkward for us to be at the same table, you see.

He didn’t know. I was holding back my tears throughout that Chinese New Year reunion dinner, when he took a family photo with her, and my 2nd sister, and their families, without me.

They had their families that night. I didn’t.

Perhaps I never quite healed from it, so I didn’t want to go through that horrid feeling again.

To be denied.

So, I further rejected him when he asked me to join them last night. He sounded annoyed at my stubbornness.

I got more hurt than pissed when he said, ‘Don’t be lazy! Why are you so lazy? Get changed and come down now.‘

Ouch.

Now, this is what he thinks of me. Bravo.

He knows one thing about me. You be tough with me, I will never give in.

The blood of rebels runs deep within me.

‘I.AM.NOT.LAZY.‘

My voice was not raised, but the coldness and strength in my slowed words made him took a step back.

He pleaded.

I felt like giving in, but… the eventual answer was a no.

He hung up the phone, disappointed and slightly pissed.

I am sorry. If only you know.

Ting has been a bad girl.

Another thing?

Was crossing the road from a late night snacks-stocking trip to Esso.

I was crossing the road, on the phone with SBB, when I realised the cashier had charged me 3.50 less.

I was about to venture back into the store, but was feeling more lazy than dishonest. To walk the distance back, or not?

I struggled with the thoughts over what I should do.

‘Oh no, what should I do?‘ I stopped right at the roadside, not knowing what to do.

I didn’t want to be dishonest.

‘If I were you, I would just forget about it,‘ SBB quipped.

‘I don’t know why, but….should I, should I not?‘ the confused one thought out loud.

‘You got a conscience,‘ he said.

‘Really? If I really have conscience, I wouldn’t mind walk the distance back right now, would I?‘ I contested.

‘Go home,‘ he said.

For the first time of my life, when someone had short-charged me, I actually…. cheated, after making sure the workers’ pay would not be docked.

‘Now, I don’t have a conscience,‘ I said, with a tad of guilt, as I continued my walk home.

I still feel that guilt. *bites lower lip and glances at the floor*

Ting has been a bad, bad girl.

Eh? I had thought I would show a different side of me with the clip of the panda bear, and didn’t expect to rattle on this much.

But I supposed these do show a very different side of me.

The disappointing side.

The really awful side.

Anyway.

CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE EXCLUSIVE CLIP OF TING

Or

CLICK HERE IF THE ABOVE DOESN’T WORK FOR YOU

If both don’t work. Er, I will email you if you leave your email address. If not? Shoo, and don’t watch it.

Be warned though.

Not for the faint-hearted.

Take a deep breath.

Are you ready for it?

Hurhurhur *evil laughters*