I had wanted to blog, very, very much.

About inadequacies.

But my biological system is screwing my body so much that I could do nothing much but roll around and writhe in my bed, in much pain.

I found 2 other ways to relieve myself of the bloody cramp, after not able to find ANY painkillers in the house.

It is one of the worst cramps I had in a long, long, long while.

It wasn’t painful, but it seemed to touch some nerves that made my body go weak. Nauseating too.

So bad that, when I was out today, I nearly fainted in Kinokuniya, until I composed myself, and held on to one of the shelves. Breathe, I told myself. And I did.

Finally, my vision gradually restored itself.

So bad that, when I was on the phone with VampTreSS, I was almost moaning into the phone.

It would have been sexy, but then I was in pain, so no, it wasn’t.

I finally conceded that I might not survive without painkillers, and tried to dig around the house for my potential savior.

Drawers, cabinets, my room, no signs.

Kitchen, hall, table, no either.

So, when I was in the hall, the world spinned again.

The pain became sharp and excruciating.

I doubled over and couldn’t walk, whilst VampTreSS was still on hold on the phone in my room.

I made her wait for another 10 minutes before I finally felt the pain go away, and staggered into the room, collapsed onto the bed and told her I was still alive.

That bad.

Shortly after, I ended the call with her.

I finally found the real savior for the day.

The heat pack from OSIM Cat gave to me on my birthday this year.

I had been reluctant to use it cos it looks too pretty in its packaging and I have something about preserving my gifts.

I finally whipped it out of its packaging, clicked the metal piece in it, and it harden instantaneously!

I thought I would have to open the packaging of the waist pouch Cat and Ben got for me, but the heat pack got a tad too hot to handle, and I used it too.

It soothed a little, but it didn’t get better.

Until….

2 things happened. Good news, AND bad news.

Good news.

SBB called.

Aww, and you thought I am going to say something sweet.

Actually, er, I wanted to say how I was rattling to him how I had seen 3 items when I was in town yesterday and today, and how much I wanted to buy them.

Thinking of the 3 items, suddenly, relieved myself of the pain, temporarily.

SBB then told me to take a nap or something, so at least I could sleep the pain away, and feel better when I wakie.

A dose of sugar. Not too bad for the system.

Right after he hung up the call, the thing that really did the trick for the menstrual cramp to go away came in.

Coen emailed me.

A short one.

And you wonder why it is so amazing eh?

That, is the bad news.

I dropped a tear. Just a single drop. Because, I feel judged. Judged by someone whom I thought is nice.

Hurhurhur. *Sardonic laughs*

But well, I am feeling better now, ain’t I?

This week, has been an emotional roller coaster.

I feel too much inadequacies.

A phone call with VampTreSS a while ago, prompted this conclusion from her;

‘Darling, you are spiralling down again. You are falling back into depression.’

Yes, I am.

And I suspect, it is not even hormonal-induced.

I broke down and I sobbed over the phone. For a little while. The longest I allowed myself to indulge in.

‘Sorry that I am not there to give you what you need right now.‘

‘Sex?‘ I mumbled between tears.

We burst into laughters and I stopped those pearlies.

I joked how I should attend tonight’s event at Coco Latte, and I would bring a blade, slash my wrist before the door bitch, so she would let me in without any dressing up required.

Hurhurhur. *Twisted laughs*

I will bounce back.

Take my words.

Give me a year to 2 years.

I will be a stronger, and much more successful person YOU, yes you people out there who see me as nothing but a useless slut, ever think I could be.

*Bows*

*Smirk*

If I haven’t killed myself by then, that is.

Hurhurhurhur.