Or that of a very bored individual.

So, you should expect nothing less than the lengthy entry before this, cos yeap, it’s the 3rd day of the Chinese New Year, and I am yet at home, again.

And oh, thanks for taking the time to read my 700th entry.

I will tell of how I nearly lost 1600(yes yes, it would look like singapore dollars one thousand and six hundred only on a cheque) over the mahjong session late last night.

With our smallest ever bet, somemore. 10 cents, 20 cents.

The horrors! The gore! The utter madness!

***

Happy birthday, Qiwei.

I didn’t forget… and it is certainly not because that I have cool, new friends, and I forget the old.

*Hug*

***

It was a quarter past 4 when I finally got up, and a call came in.

From someone I adore much, and is the mum of my once-good friend.

Once, only because time changes things, and we have moved on to different phases, and different priorities in life.

Or perhaps the inferiority complex within me acted up, and shied away from his busy schedule.

Has been 9 years. Wow.

And Auntie is still thinking fondly of me, constantly asking about me.

Her favourite question would be why I had never hooked up with her son, but I know full well that I am never good enough for an overachiever, and to be closer to the fact, I was too much of a guy to him!

She spoke fondly of the past, and how the elitism in my mum limited my social circle to that of people from The Chinese High School, cos she thought it would be good enough an influence to spur me on to study.

I laughed at that piece of memory and how it had ended up making me more of a tomboy.

Chinese New Year. Wow. Perfect shield to re-establish lots of broken bonds over the years, ideal coverup for me to pluck the courage to check on people who are on my mind, but never had the guts to find out how they are doing.

***

I finally rested enough last night(this morning?).

Sleep was scarce for the past week, not because I didn’t have the chance to sleep(oh well, when you do not have any visiting to do, the only sensible thing to do is to sleep those eyebags away), but because I simply couldn’t.

Few days in a row, my sleep was disrupted by the multiple times, every hour. Reason? No idea. But it could be the cigarette stench that leeched stubbornly to my hair, that caused the irritating nausea enough to rouse me awake.

What an irony.

I love and hate the smell at the same time.

Results? I had less than 7 hours of sleep everyday, and I had Nick telling me that I ought to sleep my eyebags away. Darn. Are they that visible?!

But finally. Thank God.

Almost 9 hours since 7.30 this morning, I slept well without waking up much in the midst of my sleep….

What bliss.

***

It is day 3 of Chinese New Year.

I have the record of receiving one ang pow per day.

I saw a lone ang pow sitting on the ironing board as I dragged myself out of bed for some sunshine in the hall.

Dad is presumably back in Singapore, and had left it there for me.

I am not sure why, but it sure looked like a mockery of the reality for me.

My 3rd ang pow, yet it wasn’t given to me personally, and it seemed to lose all its significance.

And perhaps you have thought about the consolation of highly-sugared goodies.

Strangely, I have no appetite and all those have no particular appeal to me. Bleah.

3 days and I have gone without proper food cos no darn place was opened and I am too picky to go for fast food.

Did I mention how I simply resent Chinese New Year these days?

The greater the buzz is, the higher the contrast it is.

Just like how white seems to possess utter brilliance in the midst of loud, intimidating black.

What is Chinese New Year to me now?

***

And no. The year of the woof woof has not made me a lesser doofus than in the year of the chick. Or the year of the gorilla… or the sheep… or rather, any other year. Bleah.

But it has made me a bigger gambler than any other year, probably because er… I never quite gamble during Chinese New Year with my friends in the past.

But this year, there are mahjong, and the constant Blackjack sessions with VampTreSS and the gang.

Alas, the dormant self in me is unleashed once I hit the table, and oh dear oh dear, what a monster they have created.

***

Nick gave a rough gauge that the guys would be meeting up at Charles’ place on Day 1 of Chinese New Year, yet it wouldn’t be anytime before 10pm.

Obviously, there wasn’t anywhere I went after blogging the previous entry, and was home bound throughout the day, and evening.

Out of absolute boredom, and feeling the need to be somewhere just for the sake of doing so, I messaged Denise and Alvin and asked if there would be any mahjong-ing, and I would drop by to make it a chinese new year visit to his family.

It was 8.30pm when they picked me up from the lobby, and there was still no concrete time set for the Blackjack session over at Charles. Nick asked me to call Brian, Brian wasn’t sure, VampTreSS was still stuck at some gathering, so on and so forth.

And yippee, it was mahjong time for the next couple of hours, and I had my first ang pow collection from Alvin’s family.

It wasn’t too dramatic a game, just the way I like it.

Everyone’s chips were pretty much levelled at the end of the 2 hours, and though I was the sole winner, the grand total of my winning was 6 bucks.

***

The directions to Charles’ place were vague and confusing.

No one could give me quite a definite, clear-cut instruction.

Since it was near Holland, I had decided to take a bus from Alvin’s place.

I would have taken my usual 502, but I took 105 instead.

And that, being my first ever time taking the darn bus route.

So, I happily thought I would alight at one of the stops and walk into the housing area(or so I thought..).

But………. *curse curse swear swear* I didn’t know the bus route wasn’t what I thought it was.

Still, it went past Buona Vista, and I safely thought I would be okay, you see.

But….. *curse curse swear swear* it didn’t turn into where I thought it would and I ended up missing the stop and alighted at Commonwealth MRT station instead.

*BEEP* *TOOT* *CENSORED CURSES*

The very kind Mr Nick told me to stay put and he would fetch me from wherever I was.

At first, it was the supposed bus stop Roy had told me to turn into the residential area, so he could just pick me up from the main road. But since the bus didn’t go there, I told him to wait for me at Holland Village instead.

BUT!!! I alighted at the wrong stop and changed the venue to Commonwealth MRT instead.

Well done.

He didn’t know where Commonwealth was, and I told him it was a stop after Buona Vista.

Indeed, he did end up a stop after Buona Vista.

BUT! It was Dover he ended up at, 2 stops away from where I was.

Bleah.

If I took the right bus, I could have reach by 11, but it was 11.40pm when we finally got into the depths of Holland Close(gosh, thank God I didn’t attempt to walk in. It was almost impossible!), and got to where Charles’ place is.

I would like to clarify that I am normally really fantastic with directions and such… it was purely the guys’ fault for the blunders I made.

Ahem.

***

The guys were already there, and there were plenty of new faces I had yet to meet prior to that day.

There was Kenneth, whom I met briefly just before Christmas, a few faces I didn’t put names to, and Tiffany(who was with Bikai) with the charming smile really drew my attention.

A pity she left early. Gee, how suspiciously scandalous with the way I put it.

I guess my luck wasn’t too bad that night.

I had quite a roll with 5 cards that night. 5 times, actually, under the most bizarre scenerio. With 4 cards at 13, 14, or 15, I had to draw yet another to risk losing double, or take a chance at the double payout.

And strangely, I managed to clear with the last card, merely. When I do draw 2 cards at 13, 14 or 15, most likely I would end up not having such luck at all.

Other than that, I had quite a bit of double payouts(can’t recall how much, but say, more than 6, under 10) with Blackjacks by the time the night ended at 5am.

Most of the others had left early. Max and Bibi left around 1 plus. VampTreSS and Roy around 4.

I kept my bets low throughout the night, and supersitiously kept it at 6 after winning the 6 bucks over mahjong.

It was almost starting from nothing.

When Charles and Kenneth were dealing when I first sat down to join in, my luck was fairly good.

It became oddly brilliant when Brian took over to deal, and I don’t recall losing any round, nor going bust from that.

I didn’t even have to take out any cash from my wallet to start playing, and the stash of reds starting coming in, and I was 30 bucks up.

Or perhaps, like what everyone was fervently talking about after he left, that his luck just wasn’t all that good, and he had lost pretty heavily within that half an hour when he took over.

During one of the meet-ups, he had declared how he had won big the years before and I joked who knows I might end up being his jinx. He said I could try in his usual cocky manner.

I swear I was just joking and didn’t mean what I said. And come on, such an innocent sweetie like me could never be a jinx, no? Ahem.

Then again, it is the new year, perhaps what he lost would reap greater returns in other aspects of his life in the year of the pup.

He decided to call it a day early.

My luck was declining at the start when Charles and Kenneth took over again, and whatever I had won from Brian were gone. Zilch.

Slowly, but surely, I was on a roll and I was perhaps, 12 bucks up.

Since most weren’t compulsive gambler, the only familiar person around the table was Nick.

As I took a break and joined the guys at the yard for a brief while, VampTreSS asked if I was wearing red underwear under my mini that very night.

I was puzzled for a while before I got what she meant.

‘Huh? No ah, why leh? I am not wearing any…‘

That drew the ‘no wonder’s from the rest, possibly that provided the conclusion why I had managed to con win Brian’s moolah.

Nick went, ‘No wonder I found a wet patch on my pillion seat.‘

Which on hindsight, hello??? Why would there be a wet patch if it was Nick who pillioned me? Hurhurhur.

No promises if it was any other guy in the group *cough cough cough*.

***

Vamp: We have a new nickname for you!

Mindy: Yeap.

Me: Huh?

Vamp: *sniggers* Mamasan… machiam ah. You just need a ciggie.. the pattern ah.. wah. The posture, the expression.. professional sial.

Mindy: Yah man. All you need is a glass of whiskey.

Me: Huh?! That bad meh?

I looked up to Mindy and managed my most innocent doe-eyed look: Where got like mamasan?

Mindy: You should put a glass of whiskey in front of you as you play.

Me: Maria, get me a glass of whiskey.

Mindy: Yes, Mum.

Darn. I should stop looking so solemn as I play.

Yes, I am now recruiting girls under my wings, anyone?

***

I think the most redundant move of the night was when I had an Ace and a 7, which would make up 18. I decided to go for it and drew a 4, which the ace would then become a denomination of 10.

21.

Yay.

Madness.

***

I increased the bet as VampTreSS and Roy decided to chip in on my luck.

We increased the bet to 25(Roy would always go for 10, Vamp would be 6, and I would pool in the rest), and won that few rounds with the increased bet.

We were on a roll, almost, with that few rounds of unformidable victory.

By then, I was seeing the first 50 dollar note on the table, courtesy of KCB, Kenneth-Charles Bank.

At the end of the night, the peak of my winnings was 120.

I went down to 90 when the night concluded as Charles’ luck picked up at the last few rounds.

I won 2 rounds of blackjacks, and decided to cut my bet to 2 bucks for the fun of it to pass time though I had thought of ending it for good.

Good move.

When I placed the 2 bucks on the table, they had 2 Aces immediately, and I lost only 6 bucks, instead of what could have potentially happened.

Phew.

***

By 5, Nick was kind enough to offer me a ride back home, like he did the night before(then again, Toa Payoh isn’t that -cough- far from Jurong, isn’t it? Muahaha).

So on both nights, I had saved abundant on cab fares.

Yay.

Thanks, ol’ chap.

***

Sidenote: Just received a call from Alvin and they had played another round of mahjong without me today whilst I was still snoozing away.

Thank God for the sleepy bug in me.

One friend lost 140 bucks.

*Shudders*

***

I woke up on the 2nd day of new year feeling the same dread I had the day before.

Feeling the same… why-the-hell-am-I-at-home?

I thought of Eileen who once had said that she would come over for a visit, and thought of visiting her instead since it would be more convenient for her that way.

And, I was eager to see my god-daughter!

It was 3pm when I finally went out of home to do my first proper chinese new year visit! So excited and so happy.

Took a bus down and had a nice chat with Meiling over the phone on my journey there.

And finally, I get to see the little bundle of joy, and boy, how much has she grown!

I squealed with excitement when I saw her…. sarong!

I didn’t think there would be still people using one these days, and I reminisced my childhood when I was a sarong-baby too.

Does that make me a Sarong-Party Girl(SPG)?

I even played a little with the princess as she had her bath, and I don’t think it’s safe enough to post her gorgeous nudes here.

Before shower when she was a little grumpy.

Awww… coochy coochy coo.

Baby Rene, godmum Ting and Mummy Eileen.

And yes, I even got an ang pow from the mummy. Gee.

Suddenly, the privilege of being single overwhelmed me. Haha.

She’s a happy baby post-bath!

And she has the making of a model, doesn’t she?

***

I had wanted to make the visit a quick one, perhaps visit Denise at her home too, before going home to change to head out.

Thus, I gathered my stuff and headed out with Eileen and Dave who had wanted to bring Rene out for a walk at Bukit Panjang plaza.

I volunteered to carry the 6-kg(yes, my arms are hurting today) cutie pie in my bosom throughout, and she fell asleep in my arms…

Awww…. it was the 2nd time she did so.

Hey wait. I think it’s the 3rd time.

She did it everytime she was in my arms.

Gee.

How cool.

This time, she conveniently ‘cushioned’ her head on my chest.

By then, I didn’t want to wake her up, so I ended up at their place again.

It was a short catch up with Eileen as she finally have some quiet time to herself.

I did the usual clumsy things I do over at their place, and spilled a cupful of water onto the floor.

Well done.

***

By 6 plus, I bade goodbye to them and cuddled the little sweets in the sarong as she napped.

Visiting, could be nice, and not a chore.

***

I messaged Vivienne, whom I was thinking of, and she told me her 2nd one, a girl, is on the way. Perhaps in 2 weeks.

I was pleasantly surprised and made a mental note that I would visit her then, and I would have another baby to play with.

Then again, when you show that maternal side of you, people tend to have the same question in mind.

When’s your turn? This year?

Oi! Choy!

I am not even settled down with a boyfriend yet, and I guess that have to wait.

For a long, long while.

Or most probably, never.

Yet, this is the most bizarre thing I had gotten this new year, courtesy of Eileen and Dave:

Uhm, yeap, for me.

Why?

Cos the silly Liverpool fans in them forbade Rene to don anything that is of my Manchester United.

So this was from a friend, and they decided to give it to me, for my baby(?!?!?!?!?!) cos Dave had cruelly refused Rene the rights to support a better team.

I hope this overall is still in trend 10 years down the road or something.

Talk about early investment, or something.

***

I spoke about this funny coincidences between Eileen and Viv.

Some years ago when I was still a teacher, Vivienne was my colleague in school.

One day, she suggested that over the holidays, we should go Zouk together someday.

She got pregnant and we never had the chance to party together again.

Some couple of years ago, I went clubbing with Eileen.

After that, she suggested, hey, we should go Zouk together someday again.

She got pregnant and we never had the chance to party again.

So, Zouk someday, anyone?

***

Alvin and Denise picked me up from Bukit Panjang Plaza around 6 plus and we picked up TheProfessional from her place.

Please don’t mind the dishevelled auntie beside her.

We went to Alvin’s place for some sizzling action of 3 on 1.

Mahjong, obviously.

***

Untypical message came in from SBB, and he queried on my haul.

It was a short call, which ended with the typical……. M-U-A-C-K.

Which I ended up with a low, bassy, ‘Um. Okay.’

What uhm? You uhm what?

Uhm.. yeah, uhm… Purposely one, right, you!

Of course, what do you think?

The rest endured a moment of winter and goosebumps as I..

Okay. Fine. Alright. MUACK!

The rest shot me a glance as they held the constipated looks.

I did win a little that evening, too.

It was an evening of mahjong before Alvin sent me back to my place, where I did a superfast change, and headed out of the house for town.

The guys were in town, and I took a train to meet up with them.

Wrong move.

When I got there, only the guys were there, and they were waiting for some others to head down.

In the midst of waiting, they still didn’t have any concrete plans to do anything and I ended up being bored stiff.

Alvin then called to say Lawrence and BK were up for mahjong but they lacked a leg.

The long wait with the guys were fruitless and since it was all coffeeshop uncle talks, I decided to take my leave and head back to Jurong at 1am, only an hour out.

I should not have headed out, since it cost more than a chain of firecrackers for midnight fare.

I was there in 15 minutes flat, cos the taxi driver was speeding down the expressway.

The uncle looked as if he was more than 70 years old!

The cab was the kind that resembles the old cars, and I thought you could only find this kind of cab in Malaysia.

But it was the smoothest ride I ever gotten in a long while, and the air-con was comfortably cold.

***

And yes. The stake was raised to 3-6.

I was almost 100 bucks down.

And I managed to lose only 20 odd, which was a huge relief.

BK decided he had enough and left for the night around 4 plus.

Left with the 3 of us, we decided to play 3 sided mahjong.

With the stakes of 10 cents, 20 cents, for the sake of playing.

When they asked if I would want to play unlimited, and the decision would lie with me.

I agreed, and then said that since it was new year, why not.

Bad move.

***

What I didn’t think of, is the potential of it.

Since it was 3-way mahjong, and only 10cents, 20cents.

Lawrence became restless and was only playing cos he thought it was like random child’s play.

Until….

There was this part when he nearly had the green ‘fatt’, red ‘tiong’, and white ‘ban’, that would make up da 3 yuan.

I won quick, and he nearly beaten me to it, and he would have won by getting the tile by himself.

When he opened the tiles up, we did a calculation, cos it would have been 13 ‘tai’s, and plus the double for drawing the tile himself…

In mahjong, how much you pay depends on how many ‘tai’s.

Never did we expect…. the unlimited would mean:

10 cents, 20 cents, 40 cents, 80 cents, $1.60, $3.20, $6.40, $12.80, $25.60, $51.20, $102.40, $204.80, $405.60, $811.20.

Blardy $811.20!!!!!

No one told me the potential of that.

Since that round, everyone of us sobered up from the shock and decided to put our hearts into it.

It was much laughters from the delirium and the surrealness of the close call.

And the last round, I won by 7 ‘tai’s, and I nearly fainted when I saw Alvin was doing the same thing Lawrence was doing, and Lawrence had all the major north, south, east, west cards, which would have been 13 tais as well.

Blardy hell… and they were so close to winning as well, ya know?!?!

That would be another $811.20!!!!!!

I would have fainted there and then.

And I could see that they were serious about paying if the other party did win…

And my tiles were all horribly messed up that I couldn’t do anything potentially that much.

So, gee, I should be glad.

Eventually, I always gamed with minor wins, and I won 12 bucks from there, instead of declaring bankruptcy at the end of it.

It was 6.30am when they finally called it a day and I walked out into the morning sighing a sigh of relief, and wondered what kind of madness I had gotten myself into.

Kill me. Just kill me.

***

Alright, that’s pretty much a conclusion to my past days of new year celebrations, if you would call that a celebration.

Now?

Hurhur.

Alvin had just called to say he would pick me up in a quarter of clock’s time for another game of mahjong.

***

He had stopped by for a smoke break at 10.15pm and recalled this noon’s session which I missed.

I have to mentally remind myself not to get myself into such deep shit later, though the new year’s vibes might do something real silly to me.

Wish me luck.

Hurhurhur.

I am not a compulsive gambler.

Really.

Am not.

I am just… bored.

So bored that I am blogging from his place whilst waiting for mahjong to start.

The deafening silence seemed to be louder last night after I had gotten home from a brief night out with the group.

The night ended pretty early, and I was home by 3.30am.

No one online either.

I took a shower longer than usual as I sat limp in the bathtub, letting the clamorous splattering of water fill the solitude for a while more.

My sole company.

***

It is almost 5 now, and I have just greeted the day, say, 4.20pm.

Made a quick call to Dad and Mum to send my wishes to them, and the other end of the phone was bustling with life, and everything a festive season like such should have.

They decided to go back to her hometown afterall.

The family there is excruciatingly big.

Imagine this.

Mum has 6 other siblings.

Eldest brother(my uncle) has 10 children. Most of them my mum’s age.

The eldest of 10 children has 7 children, so my nephews and nieces are around my age.

The rest of the 10 children have at least 3 children each.

Then, eldest sister has 8 or 9? I lost count.

2nd sister has 8 or 9 too!

Same goes to 2nd brother!

Whee!

My youngest auntie has 3 children, whom I was really close to since they reside in Singapore.

One of them is my female cousin who is younger than me by a year. She didn’t go back this time cos I decided not to, and I believe it is because how we would need each other to deflect the annoying questions of ‘So when….. and what…. and who…’

So you see, the equation grows exponentially.

I am so certain that I won’t go back when I get married.

So yeah, I could hear all their voices chattering loudly in the background and it was a huge contrast of the silence and gloom(courtesy of the dark, rain clouds hanging loosely out there) in my room right now.

***

And no, I am not doing any visiting.

So this is gonna be a long post.

A post of everything since I have nothing else to do.

I knew I don’t need any new clothes.

And for the past week, I haven’t been able to sleep well. Tossed and turned for most nights and I would wake up in the midnoon everyday, and had troubles going back to sleep.

Not sure if it’s the new year’s jitters.

I slept at 8.30am this morning, after a 3-hours phone call with Nick(he probably is the only one in the group who doesn’t need to do visiting in the morning), which we tackled questions on my ‘teyhness’ and the unfathomable phenomenon that I tend to draw lotsa Bollywood lovers.

And that my role in the group is like that of Kelvin’s and Brian’s.

The assclowns, as he put it. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @#^&!@%#!$#%!$#!#

I don’t want to be in the same group as them, I protested.

I want to be the -ahem- intellectual one, ya know?

***

I managed to let myself in after the bizarre episode, and my days hadn’t been anything short of bizarre since Friday, the eve of eve, which probably takes the pie on bizarre-o-meter.

I almost didn’t want the year of the Rooster to go. Selfish reasons from how it would take another 12 years for my zodiac’s turn scares me to logical reasons like how it has been too great a year that I couldn’t bear to let go.

Then again, when you strip away the sign, it is just a cycle of things that happened which are contained by a frame of time, and things will still move on and change regardless if it’s the year of polar bear or panda bear.

***

I had wanted to go without any new year clothes this year, like I did the last.

Perhaps, the traditional side of me vanquished and I thought of roaming around in town just for the shake of it.

BIG MISTAKE!

Dad was heading towards town, and I asked for a ride.

Happily, I got a free ride to town, and I found myself in the midst of a horrendous crowd of people, that put me off quite a bit.

Hell! It was as if the entire Singapore was in Orchard, and it was proven right to me later on.

Dad stopped at Far East, and I had no idea why I had opted to shop at DFS, though there wasn’t any clothes boutiques there.

Perhaps it was there, I thought I could have some moments of peace away from the jostling human traffic out there. It was a jungle, I tell you.

BIG MISTAKE!

I ended up getting myself some stuffs from Cat and Ben’s Kitty, and my darling god-daughter from Ralph Lauren, and pretty much exhausted my finances thereafter.

I really like what I bought, though I ended up walking away, reminding myself that it isn’t Christmas.

Still! It’s a festival of giving, no?

***

*Gasp gasp* Anonymous commented that he/she saw me at DFS.

And he/she recognised the checkered skirt I was in.

Gee.

Uh oh. I knew it was a big mistake.

***

Just as I was leaving DFS, I tried calling SBB and his phone was engaged for the 3 times I was calling.

Finally, when it got through, he asked how did I know he had called when I am out there in town.

Apparently he was calling my house as I was calling. Quaint timing.

As I was going up the escalator to head over to Far East to trim my brows, I saw a tall, skinny figure right before me as I joined behind her to step up the escalator.

I thought she look rather familiar….

Since I was on the phone, I didn’t quite bother and continued my search in Far East for a place to get my brows done.

Most were full.

I ventured to the next floor and then bumped into the same person again and we walked on.

As I left the building, I saw this guy outside one of the shops, and I remember him as one of the bikers who used to hang out with us, and used to bitch about this certain girl to me. Things between he and us turned bad cos he was some sort of the double-headed hypocrite who, well, messed up people’s friendship.

And an incoming message came in.

It was that certain girl he always bitched about in the past.

And yes, it was her I saw right in front of me earlier on, and she asked if it was me she saw.

I had walked on to Wisma, thinking of checking out Forever 21 when she suggested meeting up.

I was hesitant, yet I thought there wasn’t any harm since I was alone anyway.

You see, I have never met her in person, nor had we even spoken before.

She was a person, I would deem, from the past, and we had known each other by face through friendster or IRC eons ago.

She was alone in town too.

***

I was walking towards Lucky Plaza to meet up with her as I stepped down into the tunnel at Takashimaya.

It was then, I saw yet another familiar face!

Meiling!

I squealed in delight and asked if she was alone, and indeed, she was. She joined me and we both made our way down to Lucky Plaza, to meet Qilin.

***

A little tidbits of information here.

Though I don’t like, nor do I think they would like the kind of association, Meiling used to be the girlfriend of Philip’s close friend.

And Qilin, used to be Philip’s girlfriend too.

In fact, she was the girlfriend before me, and their relationship lasted a grand total of 3 days.

Philip was 22 and she was 16(that paedophile!).

My impression of her wasn’t all that rosy, simply because that she used to be my source of insecurities. She had volunteered too much information to me when we had an amicable friendship online, which the ex contradicted quite a bit.

He then either became agitated or evasive, and the insecurities within me just felt as if he had too much to hide, or that the facts didn’t tally.

Ex then assured me that she contradicted herself too much and I shouldn’t believe in her. Which then, well, of course I gave him the benefits of doubt and seriously doubted her credibility.

So… all those things were in the way.

Now, she is already married, and because how I feel nothing for the ex in that way anymore, it is rather funny to look back how a lot of emotional knots could be untied so easily when just one of the knots is snipped off.

And that is why, I have learnt that how we could see clearly, and not let anyone cloud our judgment regardless of anything.

It is odd to feel totally nothing towards someone whom you once feel wary and sceptical of, and it was as if time did really change much things.

And then you wonder what was there to feel insecure or inferior about because how such comparisons are meaningless.

It is so much more a comfort now.

Interesting.

***

The 3 of us then made our way to Zara since Meiling was in town to get herself a top from Zara.

It drained us well and we ended up sitting down for dinner at Burger King, feeling totally exhausted.

I had quite a bit to share with Meiling actually, but didn’t get the chance to.

It was pretty much an ease to hang out with Qilin too cos she would contribute to the conversations too.

And I was really curious about marriage life and wonder if I myself would ever be able to settle down and I admire her courage to settle down at 21.

***

We headed down to Takashimaya where Meiling needed to return her books.

Right then, Denise and Alvin were also there, and she had messaged me to ask if I wanted to get my brows done.

Yay. I had wanted to, but there was no where I could earlier on, and I jumped on the opportunity.

BIG MISTAKE.

Perhaps the biggest mistake of the night.

We shopped around a bit more in Takashimaya before the 2 of them joined us, and Qilin had met up with her friend, Meiqi, briefly.

Meiqi is really petite and sweet-looking in person and so skinny!

Yeap, she was one of the final contestants in the StarIdol competition or something.

And I always thought I don’t have enough girl pals, and yet I was flooded with an overwhelming load of girls in one single day.

I made 2 purchases that evening.

Simple tops which I don’t even fancy.

Just for the sake of buying something since I am no good with shopping with girls.

I told ya it was a mistake that I was in town.

I saw a dress which I really liked, but it would cost me 350 buckeroos, and I never fail to amaze and amuse myself what kind of exquisite taste I have.

We waited outside True Colours whilst Denise had her brows done, and I finally have some rest time for my feet! Yay.

Bushed.

Meiling was away getting herself some new apparels and I was eager to see what she bought.

I even wanted to try it on for her with the buzzing crowds zooming by us.

And the picture came out scandalously sizzling cos the nude colour top I was wearing was camouflaging well.

But it was too big for me, you know? Hahahaha.

***

It was around that area where Gabrielle saw me.

But it was a shame that she didn’t call out to me cos I would really love to meet the babelicious chick in person.

And by then, I was totally knackered and tired, looking nothing less than a wreck.

***

Was waiting for Denise to have her brows done and I was thinking if I should too.

21 bucks for it was in my opinion, insane.

Yet it was Chinese New Year and since Denise was doing it, might as well, yuh?

So I put my name down and didn’t expect to really do it since they had said that I needed to wait for half an hour or so.

***

As we were waiting, we took some pictures, well, just for the sake of doing so.

Meiling! That darling.

Qilin showing off my tummy. Gee, I look as if I don’t have a waist!

Boohoo.

It was then, as I was leaning on the railings, taking pictures with Meiling, when Qilin, who was taking the picture, suddenly exclaimed, ‘Hey! You are wearing a skirt, you shouldn’t be standing next to the railings…‘

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPS.

I thought of the length of my skirt and the fact it was flared, and went ‘Ah!!’ before stepping away from the side.

What Qilin continued to say made me squirm in utter embarrassment.

‘I also didn’t realise it at first, until I saw the 2 ladies looking up from the escalator and were pointing at you..‘

KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I looked down and realised the railing was right next to a downward riding escalator, and indeed, saw the ladies looking. Below, there was lotsa traffic walking by cos there is a shop located right below, detached from the main mall.

I caught some people still looking up, and darted their heads away as I caught their gaze.

Uh oh….

Ahhhh!!!!!

*Cringe*

SBB was asking me thereafter what I was wearing beneath possibly because I went commando the previous time I was in it. Muahahahaha.

But nooo.. I wore g-string okay? But darn, it was sheer and those see-through one, you know?

Cough.

Muahahaha.

***

Before Denise was done, the lady told me there was a slot for me.

Since I was getting restless from the waiting, and decided that since it was new year, it should be alright to splurge.

I went in, and they directed me next to Denise, at a chair that was furthest in, right next to the window panel, where I could see the passing traffic out there.

BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG MISTAKE!

Well, I thought people would be minding their own business and wouldn’t really see whatever that was going on, yuh?

WRONG!!!!

It was darn painful as she yanked out my brows, though my high pain threshold meant that I rather enjoyed it.

The problem was, my brow was significantly higher on the left side and I voiced it out to her.

She very patiently decided to neaten it for me, and I wished as hell I didn’t.

Why, you ask?

Just as I sat back onto the chair, with 2 sides of my fringe clipped up in a totally unglamourous way, and a huge cloth round my neck, looking totally silly, I thought I caught something from the corner of my eyes.

The lady continued torturing me with her utterly painful plucking skills, and I took a double take.

My eyes widened with horror, and I saw him looking into the shop but not looking at me.

He was surveying the passing traffic, and randomly looking.

He was waiting, I think, with another guy beside him.

I squirmed. I freaked out.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Right then, the lady asked if I was okay, ‘What’s wrong? You saw someone you know? You are blushing!‘

Yesh, I was blushing from the utter embarrassment.

It was Brian who was standing outside there, and I thought of the deadly possibility that how this would go down as one of the funny scenerios that would keep endless jibes coming my way.

Could the rest of the group be there too?!?!

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I squirmed and cringed and squirmed.

I caught Mindy from the corner of my eyes too.

Apparently the 2 guys were waiting for Mindy to withdraw money.

The lady was in good humour, ‘Close your eyes, and they won’t see you! Haha.‘

And I silly-ly did what I was told.

I think I did catch their eyes for a moment but I tried stifling the laugh and turned away to close my eyes.

But, I was right in front of them and they were right outside, and there was no way they won’t see me, right?

I opened my eyes and gave the lady a hard time cos I was trying to cover my face with the large sheet…

‘Boyfriend huh?‘ she asked as she turned to see the 2 guys standing out there.

HAR?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!

The 3 of them then stopped, and were staring at me, without any significant expressions that seem like they were going to laugh at me.

I thought they didn’t recognise me.

But couldn’t be, right? It would just take them another second or so and they would figure out, no?!

And I closed my eyes, and was obviously squirming from the scrutiny, which was the dead giveaway.

The next time my eyes were opened, they were there laughing.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They then went off to get some clothes, and I didn’t even bother if my brows were okay as she said she was done and got off the seat as soon as possible.

Apparently Mindy had saw me and remarked, ‘Oh, that lady inside there looks like an older version of Ting.’

Brian turned and looked and then saw that my expressions were scrunching up and went, ‘It is Ting!‘

*@^#&!@%#!^@%#!@*&#*!@&#%@!

I should have acted cool and I could have passed off as a lookalike, or an auntie inside there.

Grr……

And did I mention that my left brow was screwed up?

I have ugly brows for new year. Boohoo.

***

Qilin, Alvin, Denise and I left for Alvin’s place since all 4 of us stay in the west.

And it was, yay, mahjong night, yet again.

Francis joined us around 11 plus.

We played till it was 4am, before I finally got back the comfort of my home.

***

THE DAY OF REUNIONS

My house was in its worst mess when I greeted the morning at 11 plus after around 7 hours of sleep.

I had decided to forgo the last cleanup of the year cos I simply couldn’t be bothered.

Bra and undies strewn across the floor, plastic bags and paper bags scattered all over, bin overflowing.

Yet I guess the traditional part of my vanquished yet again, and it bugged me enough to get me out of my bed.

And I did the mopping, packing and such.

Now, that explains the backache.

Dad called in the noon to suggest having lunch together, and I gladly obliged.

I had put off this entry(which would have been half of its length) for that.

Dad decided to pamper me, I guess, and suggested Indonesian cuisine, perched on top of Jurong Hill.

He drove there, and it was nice and scenic.

I recalled something and then asked if he had brought me up there for Japanese cuisine when I was a mere kid.

I remember we were having Japanese cold noodles.

And yeap, we did, and he was amazed I could still remember, cos it was almost 20 years ago, when I was perhaps 5 or 6.

Alas, the restaurant was closed, and I was pretty disappointed that I didn’t have the chance to relive that part of my childhood.

I took an extra glance at the place, and it felt good to revisit the place with my dad again.

We could have taken lotsa of pictures.

***

It was then the same old place, Crystal Jade at Holland Village where we lunched.

It was late when we finally finished.

I was tired when I got home, and napped for an hour, before heading for home.

Or rather, what is home to me, by default.

I crossed the familiar causeway, which was pretty empty on a new year’s eve evening.

SBB called just as I was leaving home, and I had officially acknowledge him as my jinx cos in my preoccupation with the phone call, I had forgotten my key.

And, it was the same as the previous time I had forgotten my key.

Both times were the only times in my life I had ever forgotten my key, you know?!

Mum was obviouslly ecstatic to see me.

I remember the last time I went back, it didn’t end with a nice note, with my parting shot of, ‘If you are going to say anymore of such, I would not come back here again.‘

It was somewhat true, I didn’t go back after that, not because of spite, but simply because I feel so much comfort in where I am.

It was a long time, since I last had home-cooked food. They were delicious, as we 3 sat around for a really quiet dinner.

I feel a tad bad, when I saw the made bed, cos she was hoping that I would stay overnight.

I didn’t, just like how I never did for the past years.

***

They sent me to the customs, and I left the book on the car.

***

And yeap, the rest, was probably what you would have read from the previous post.

Bleah.

***

Did I count down on the train?

Haha, no I didn’t.

Cos it was 12 on the dot(yeah, not even 11.59 nor 12.01, alright?) when I reached the bunch of guys, who were monopolising most of the seats at Starbucks, outside California Fitness.

Max joked and asked if I had to be so ’special’ to make an appearance only at midnight.

VampTreSS reached shortly after with her brother, and the group’s strength consisted of: Max, Bibi, Brian, Mindy, Nick, VampTreSS, Eugene, Max’s brother and girlfriend, Joo Yau, Charles, and Tara.

We all then adjourned to Charles’ friend’s place, which was near Holland Village.

Charles gave me a lift and I had the luxury of air-con and music whilst the others were waiting on the bikes in the dark carpark as we waited for everyone to gather at the carpark right next to Dempsey Road.

***

Barry’s place was like that of a resort, Charles told me.

Oh yes.

When we walked right in, a gorgeous labrador, Snoopy was there greeting us.

He reminded me of Creamy, who would turn over with its legs in the air, for the visitors to stroke, and would piss in its excitement.

It did exactly the same thing.

And to my absolute delight, there were 2 huskies(I want a husky too… *sulks*) as we entered to the front porch, where we were throughout the night, right next to a swimming pool.

I thought of skinny dipping but there were too many people.

And the 2 gorgeous huskies were looking so meek and yet so majestic at the same time…

I felt like abducting one of them home.

***

Day 1 of Gambling session started, as we sat round to play Blackjack with Barry’s mates.

Everyone of us lost pretty heavily with the banker having a roll of good luck.

But it was all good fun, and the company of the guys were too great to miss.

***

But it all ended early at 3 after 2 hours since most people have to go visiting today, and they were not exactly having a good field day.

***

Half a year ago today, something unexpected happened.

It was a path I never thought I would take, and a decision I know for certain I would look back and frown upon.

Since then, I seem to lead a double life with the separation of my sole tinge of sexromance life, however barely, from my usual social life.

I know full well that he would cut a phantom figure that would not cross over to my core life. The kind of ahem, private person he is, and the reluctance of the merger of our social lives.

Well, perhaps with the exception of those who are closest to us.

I am not sure where that stems from, and I am not sure if the explanation of how we would always think it is not good enough(the external factors, or maybe, inclusive of ourselves. Up to your own imagination of what they are) works.

I think it is good, and the only way it could to make this relationship friendship pretty exclusive without the potential pressure and speculation.

You know, how you could create a while new dimension, when there is only one person, or perhaps very few people exist?

It becomes a very ideal escape route, when you need an emergency exit out of the reality, when a huge part of the world doesn’t reside there.

You see things differently, you behave different, you take on different roles, too.

A playwright, performing in his own show.

That world, becomes what The Globe is to William Shakespeare.

In that world, you would say different things to the same people as you would in real life.

How strange, isn’t it?

Isn’t it tiring? Isn’t it draining? Do you lose yourself in the midst of all the play-acting? What is real and what is not? Are we just too good as actors that we don’t know anymore? Or is it just a place safe enough for us to let the true selves come out without feeling intimidated by the threats of the society?

You would only know, when you exist between 2 worlds.

You see. When you build a castle in the air, it tends to take on a more ideal form, and it becomes a play directed by you, performed by you. Everything is nice, everything is beautiful.

Till one day, that world fades away, bringing along the memories, the bonds, the people, and then you realise, ‘Oh dear! It’s not real!’ and you panic cos of your desire to escape from the reality.

Then, you scurried to look for other people to build another castle elsewhere.

6 months.

It could be a milestone for some, yet, a beginning to an end for some.

Don’t ask me.

Anyhow, I didn’t get the chance to tell you, it has been an interesting, eye-opening, sweet, intriguing 6 months.

Thank you. For that I could grow that comfortable with a person again, without feeling judged.

Happy Chinese New Year, too.

***

The problem of talking on the phone with SBB, when I am right next to Dad, is such.

On my way to JB, I was on the phone for half an hour with him before he went for his reunion dinner.

I updated him on my silliness on the day before, and how my friends had perhaps seen the worst of me, and I would expect the jokes to come swift and heavy.

The heartless one thought it was funny.

Damn.

Talk about compassion.

Right before the call was ended, he gave a cheery and enthusiastic ‘MUACK!‘ into the phone.

I sheepishly kept a straight face, suppressing a beam as I lowered my voice to 2 octaves lower, ‘Hmm okay, muah muah..’

‘Why I muack you, you never muack me back?‘ he said in his almost trademarked baby voice. (Gee! Cringe-worthy)

I giggled and then retorted, ‘Uhm, my dad next to me, you know?!’

And of course, in his usual cheeky self, he would want to push it further.

Why you never muack me back… hahaha

I ended up laughing real hard, and spelt, ‘Ok ok… M-U-A-C-K! M-U-A-C-K loud loud okay? Yay.‘

Sweetie.. do you remember that night when I…..

I so knew where he was going.

*^@#$!@#$!#$!$#!

Basket.

I swear my eyes were moist as he pulled off from the driveway.

I had grabbed the bunch of dangly keys from his hand and made a dash up home.

I unlocked the door, before I ran down to return to him my bunch of saviors.

It was just for that couple of minutes.

He pulled off from the driveway as I turned my head once more as I watched that sedan go.

***

Happy Lunar New Year everyone.

I wish everyone happiness, plenty of wealth, and abundant of great, steamy, lusty, fabulous sex.

It’s the year of the bitch, you know? So, all the more I should fulfill that part of me.

***

I had been wanting to blog about yesterday, and today.

I had even condensed my reunion dinner in Malaysia to a short affair and rushed back.

Dad and mum dropped me off in Malaysia’s customs, before heading back to my JB’s home.

When I was at the customs, I realised I had forgotten my Connelly’s book.

Darn.

***

When I was on a cab back(yes, I was THAT eager to get home, and decided to splurge), I realised I forgot my keys since dad was the one who locked the door today(I had put it in my Gucci carrier when I went out in the noon, and had forgot to transfer it into my casual bag).

@(*#%#!%@*!(#*!@(*#^^!@$#!%#@#!@(#*&*#@%

*CURSE CURSE SWEAR SWEAR*

I was thus stranded.

And the damsel in distress(as Mindy kindly put it, though she later concurred with Dexter that Idiot was a more apt address), made a call to Dad, who had been looking forward to a well-deserved rest.

Dad drove all the way down from Malaysia, just for that couple of minutes, just so his stubborn daughter could spend the New Year away from them, in what she deems is her comfort zone.

I was stranded for an hour, cos he was stuck in a jam.

I then had a strange craving for a fag as I slumped over the bench at the breezy lobby, and was rather regretful not having enough ringgits earlier to get… well, you know.

I then kicked myself for forgetting my book, or else time would be easier to pass.

Right then, my only companion, my Mp3 player, decided to die on me and I was left dwelling in my own solitude.

SBB called to check on me, and the heartless one had the audacity to laugh at my plight.

Boohoo.

My new year’s eve is such a miserable affair.

Boohoohoo.

I did the smart thing of messaging everyone greetings and realised how tedious a chore it actually is.

Dad finally reached, and he DID NOT even mouth a single word of grumbles, and was actually laughing over my silliness.

I… don’t know what to say, really.

It made the night, which I had thought to be so cold and chilly, to be spilling with warmth.

Thanks, Dad.

He should be on his way to JB now, as I sit here.

He had fetched me back to JB today, ferried me from home to the customs, and then to Singapore, and back home again.

And I am ashamed that I am making him doing all these when I know how much he had wanted to rest.

Really…

Perhaps I should stop before I get too sentimental on new year.

Alright.

I am supposed to meet up with the guys now, and I shouldn’t be blogging if I don’t want to spend my new year in the train’s cabin.

Enjoy yourself everyone, and indulge yourselves in the most pleasurable liberations!

I swear this is the last screw up I am allowing myself this year!!!!!!

Which is cool.. cos it is the last hour of new year.

I dread Chinese New Year.

I really do.

It is a season that always highlights how unaccepted and rejected a being I am.

I totally resent family gatherings.

Saying Chinese New Year is not my favourite holiday is a gross understatement.

***

I was 17 when I first had a quiet new year.

I spent it in France.

Though I had my parents there for reunion dinner with me in London.

When I was 18, I had fever for a few days, but it was one of the best and cosy New Year, ever, for me.

It was spent with Tiffany, Ken Shin, Howe Szuan and Sam.

***

Years on, I didn’t quite remember enjoying much of my new year….

***

I only have the gambling sessions(which I hope to win everyone big big) to look forward to.

Maybe, the ang pows too. But with misers as relatives, I highly doubt so.

A week or so ago, dad asked, ‘So, have you gotten any new clothes for the festive season?’

In a nonchalant voice, I replied negatively.

‘Do you want to get any?

I expressed total disinterest, and thought there wasn’t a need for.

In a conversation with SBB later that evening, I spoke of that incident and then it hit upon me that I had thrown with an invitation to shop right in my face, and I turned in down.

Yeah, Dad wanted to give me a couple of hundreds for shopping yet my absolute dispassion stuffed that chance down the chute!!!

Arghhh. Bummer.

I could have used the money for other purposes like.. saving up to get myself an iGallop or something.

I saw the commercial of iGallop and it made me blush.

I decided to name iGallop my ultimate fantasy and it would be really nice if you guys decide to chip in some buckeroos to give it to me on my birthday.

Woohooo.

By then, sure as hell, I would get myself some leash or sturdy raffia string, or some cable ties.

VampTreSS kindly offered that she would sponsor me scotch tape.

What for, you ask?

Hurhur.

To attach Surprise(yes, my dildo has a name, courtesy of SBB. Now, it makes me wonder if he has a nickname for his wee-wee too. *shudders at thought*) right in the heart of the seat, of course.

I would very much love to attach a picture of Surprise here, but I didn’t think you guys(especially guys, who would get their egos hurt) would take it well.

Ask Janise, Joey or maybe Serendipity.

Janise and Joey had a glimpse of it in real life, and Serendipity had asked to look at it through the webcam.

Hurhurhur.

I decided Surprise is too shy to be exposed here.

And oh yes. If I do fix it onto the iGallop, I would certainly turn it on as well.

Ah yes, Surprise vibrates too!

Lessons went on well yesterday, and as usual, I had fun and Francesca is a brilliant coach. She’s a real tesaro(treasure, the word I learnt from Paolo).

***

I was real tired after the lesson, and almost dread the journey home.

A couple of painful blisters, results from the vanity of wearing heels, were tormenting my feet.

Yet, I had a date with the ladies that very night.

Though it was said that they would meet up first before my lesson was over, it didn’t quite happen as change after change took place whilst I was still in class.

I was almost tempted to make a straight dash home on the train before the call came in near 10, say, 945pm.

But it has really been a long while since we had a girls’ night, and I stopped at Commonwealth to take a bus to Holland Village, to meet up with VampTreSS, FF, and MissWhiney at the coffeeshop.

Mr Butch joined us slightly after my arrival.

***

I was so tired that I was paralysed in my seat.

When I am tired and staying out, I tend to overstay because I am just too lazy to move.

I had so much will to leave for home before midnight so I could save on transportation, but I was really too tired to move.

FF and the Butch left before midnight, and the 3 of us adjourned to Crystal Jade, before moving back to the coffeeshop after Crystal Jade closed at 3am.

It was 4am when we finally made our way home, and yes, I took a cab. Sigh.

***

Precise reason why I am confining myself to the comfort of home today.

Which was pretty fruitful.

But I am so proud of myself that I fought off the temptation of any food yesterday!

***

I dozed off with my glasses on, lights on, probably at 6 plus in the morning, before I was jolted awake by the awkward sleeping position at 7 plus.

It was past 4pm when I finally woke up and I was well-rested.

Was reading the news for half an hour before Mr SBB called, finally at a friendlier time that didn’t rouse me from my rest.

Spoke on the phone briefly for more than half an hour till 5.30pm and I went back to the books for some reading.

***

I had a dinner date earlier on today.

I would really want to type a tediously long entry about it, cos it could have been the best dinner I ever had.

I have so much to absorb from the dinner that I should leave an entry about it till later.

I jotted down the points almost immediately the moment I reached h