The deafening silence seemed to be louder last night after I had gotten home from a brief night out with the group.

The night ended pretty early, and I was home by 3.30am.

No one online either.

I took a shower longer than usual as I sat limp in the bathtub, letting the clamorous splattering of water fill the solitude for a while more.

My sole company.

***

It is almost 5 now, and I have just greeted the day, say, 4.20pm.

Made a quick call to Dad and Mum to send my wishes to them, and the other end of the phone was bustling with life, and everything a festive season like such should have.

They decided to go back to her hometown afterall.

The family there is excruciatingly big.

Imagine this.

Mum has 6 other siblings.

Eldest brother(my uncle) has 10 children. Most of them my mum’s age.

The eldest of 10 children has 7 children, so my nephews and nieces are around my age.

The rest of the 10 children have at least 3 children each.

Then, eldest sister has 8 or 9? I lost count.

2nd sister has 8 or 9 too!

Same goes to 2nd brother!

Whee!

My youngest auntie has 3 children, whom I was really close to since they reside in Singapore.

One of them is my female cousin who is younger than me by a year. She didn’t go back this time cos I decided not to, and I believe it is because how we would need each other to deflect the annoying questions of ‘So when….. and what…. and who…’

So you see, the equation grows exponentially.

I am so certain that I won’t go back when I get married.

So yeah, I could hear all their voices chattering loudly in the background and it was a huge contrast of the silence and gloom(courtesy of the dark, rain clouds hanging loosely out there) in my room right now.

***

And no, I am not doing any visiting.

So this is gonna be a long post.

A post of everything since I have nothing else to do.

I knew I don’t need any new clothes.

And for the past week, I haven’t been able to sleep well. Tossed and turned for most nights and I would wake up in the midnoon everyday, and had troubles going back to sleep.

Not sure if it’s the new year’s jitters.

I slept at 8.30am this morning, after a 3-hours phone call with Nick(he probably is the only one in the group who doesn’t need to do visiting in the morning), which we tackled questions on my ‘teyhness’ and the unfathomable phenomenon that I tend to draw lotsa Bollywood lovers.

And that my role in the group is like that of Kelvin’s and Brian’s.

The assclowns, as he put it. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @#^&!@%#!$#%!$#!#

I don’t want to be in the same group as them, I protested.

I want to be the -ahem- intellectual one, ya know?

***

I managed to let myself in after the bizarre episode, and my days hadn’t been anything short of bizarre since Friday, the eve of eve, which probably takes the pie on bizarre-o-meter.

I almost didn’t want the year of the Rooster to go. Selfish reasons from how it would take another 12 years for my zodiac’s turn scares me to logical reasons like how it has been too great a year that I couldn’t bear to let go.

Then again, when you strip away the sign, it is just a cycle of things that happened which are contained by a frame of time, and things will still move on and change regardless if it’s the year of polar bear or panda bear.

***

I had wanted to go without any new year clothes this year, like I did the last.

Perhaps, the traditional side of me vanquished and I thought of roaming around in town just for the shake of it.

BIG MISTAKE!

Dad was heading towards town, and I asked for a ride.

Happily, I got a free ride to town, and I found myself in the midst of a horrendous crowd of people, that put me off quite a bit.

Hell! It was as if the entire Singapore was in Orchard, and it was proven right to me later on.

Dad stopped at Far East, and I had no idea why I had opted to shop at DFS, though there wasn’t any clothes boutiques there.

Perhaps it was there, I thought I could have some moments of peace away from the jostling human traffic out there. It was a jungle, I tell you.

BIG MISTAKE!

I ended up getting myself some stuffs from Cat and Ben’s Kitty, and my darling god-daughter from Ralph Lauren, and pretty much exhausted my finances thereafter.

I really like what I bought, though I ended up walking away, reminding myself that it isn’t Christmas.

Still! It’s a festival of giving, no?

***

*Gasp gasp* Anonymous commented that he/she saw me at DFS.

And he/she recognised the checkered skirt I was in.

Gee.

Uh oh. I knew it was a big mistake.

***

Just as I was leaving DFS, I tried calling SBB and his phone was engaged for the 3 times I was calling.

Finally, when it got through, he asked how did I know he had called when I am out there in town.

Apparently he was calling my house as I was calling. Quaint timing.

As I was going up the escalator to head over to Far East to trim my brows, I saw a tall, skinny figure right before me as I joined behind her to step up the escalator.

I thought she look rather familiar….

Since I was on the phone, I didn’t quite bother and continued my search in Far East for a place to get my brows done.

Most were full.

I ventured to the next floor and then bumped into the same person again and we walked on.

As I left the building, I saw this guy outside one of the shops, and I remember him as one of the bikers who used to hang out with us, and used to bitch about this certain girl to me. Things between he and us turned bad cos he was some sort of the double-headed hypocrite who, well, messed up people’s friendship.

And an incoming message came in.

It was that certain girl he always bitched about in the past.

And yes, it was her I saw right in front of me earlier on, and she asked if it was me she saw.

I had walked on to Wisma, thinking of checking out Forever 21 when she suggested meeting up.

I was hesitant, yet I thought there wasn’t any harm since I was alone anyway.

You see, I have never met her in person, nor had we even spoken before.

She was a person, I would deem, from the past, and we had known each other by face through friendster or IRC eons ago.

She was alone in town too.

***

I was walking towards Lucky Plaza to meet up with her as I stepped down into the tunnel at Takashimaya.

It was then, I saw yet another familiar face!

Meiling!

I squealed in delight and asked if she was alone, and indeed, she was. She joined me and we both made our way down to Lucky Plaza, to meet Qilin.

***

A little tidbits of information here.

Though I don’t like, nor do I think they would like the kind of association, Meiling used to be the girlfriend of Philip’s close friend.

And Qilin, used to be Philip’s girlfriend too.

In fact, she was the girlfriend before me, and their relationship lasted a grand total of 3 days.

Philip was 22 and she was 16(that paedophile!).

My impression of her wasn’t all that rosy, simply because that she used to be my source of insecurities. She had volunteered too much information to me when we had an amicable friendship online, which the ex contradicted quite a bit.

He then either became agitated or evasive, and the insecurities within me just felt as if he had too much to hide, or that the facts didn’t tally.

Ex then assured me that she contradicted herself too much and I shouldn’t believe in her. Which then, well, of course I gave him the benefits of doubt and seriously doubted her credibility.

So… all those things were in the way.

Now, she is already married, and because how I feel nothing for the ex in that way anymore, it is rather funny to look back how a lot of emotional knots could be untied so easily when just one of the knots is snipped off.

And that is why, I have learnt that how we could see clearly, and not let anyone cloud our judgment regardless of anything.

It is odd to feel totally nothing towards someone whom you once feel wary and sceptical of, and it was as if time did really change much things.

And then you wonder what was there to feel insecure or inferior about because how such comparisons are meaningless.

It is so much more a comfort now.

Interesting.

***

The 3 of us then made our way to Zara since Meiling was in town to get herself a top from Zara.

It drained us well and we ended up sitting down for dinner at Burger King, feeling totally exhausted.

I had quite a bit to share with Meiling actually, but didn’t get the chance to.

It was pretty much an ease to hang out with Qilin too cos she would contribute to the conversations too.

And I was really curious about marriage life and wonder if I myself would ever be able to settle down and I admire her courage to settle down at 21.

***

We headed down to Takashimaya where Meiling needed to return her books.

Right then, Denise and Alvin were also there, and she had messaged me to ask if I wanted to get my brows done.

Yay. I had wanted to, but there was no where I could earlier on, and I jumped on the opportunity.

BIG MISTAKE.

Perhaps the biggest mistake of the night.

We shopped around a bit more in Takashimaya before the 2 of them joined us, and Qilin had met up with her friend, Meiqi, briefly.

Meiqi is really petite and sweet-looking in person and so skinny!

Yeap, she was one of the final contestants in the StarIdol competition or something.

And I always thought I don’t have enough girl pals, and yet I was flooded with an overwhelming load of girls in one single day.

I made 2 purchases that evening.

Simple tops which I don’t even fancy.

Just for the sake of buying something since I am no good with shopping with girls.

I told ya it was a mistake that I was in town.

I saw a dress which I really liked, but it would cost me 350 buckeroos, and I never fail to amaze and amuse myself what kind of exquisite taste I have.

We waited outside True Colours whilst Denise had her brows done, and I finally have some rest time for my feet! Yay.

Bushed.

Meiling was away getting herself some new apparels and I was eager to see what she bought.

I even wanted to try it on for her with the buzzing crowds zooming by us.

And the picture came out scandalously sizzling cos the nude colour top I was wearing was camouflaging well.

But it was too big for me, you know? Hahahaha.

***

It was around that area where Gabrielle saw me.

But it was a shame that she didn’t call out to me cos I would really love to meet the babelicious chick in person.

And by then, I was totally knackered and tired, looking nothing less than a wreck.

***

Was waiting for Denise to have her brows done and I was thinking if I should too.

21 bucks for it was in my opinion, insane.

Yet it was Chinese New Year and since Denise was doing it, might as well, yuh?

So I put my name down and didn’t expect to really do it since they had said that I needed to wait for half an hour or so.

***

As we were waiting, we took some pictures, well, just for the sake of doing so.

Meiling! That darling.

Qilin showing off my tummy. Gee, I look as if I don’t have a waist!

Boohoo.

It was then, as I was leaning on the railings, taking pictures with Meiling, when Qilin, who was taking the picture, suddenly exclaimed, ‘Hey! You are wearing a skirt, you shouldn’t be standing next to the railings…‘

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPS.

I thought of the length of my skirt and the fact it was flared, and went ‘Ah!!’ before stepping away from the side.

What Qilin continued to say made me squirm in utter embarrassment.

‘I also didn’t realise it at first, until I saw the 2 ladies looking up from the escalator and were pointing at you..‘

KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I looked down and realised the railing was right next to a downward riding escalator, and indeed, saw the ladies looking. Below, there was lotsa traffic walking by cos there is a shop located right below, detached from the main mall.

I caught some people still looking up, and darted their heads away as I caught their gaze.

Uh oh….

Ahhhh!!!!!

*Cringe*

SBB was asking me thereafter what I was wearing beneath possibly because I went commando the previous time I was in it. Muahahahaha.

But nooo.. I wore g-string okay? But darn, it was sheer and those see-through one, you know?

Cough.

Muahahaha.

***

Before Denise was done, the lady told me there was a slot for me.

Since I was getting restless from the waiting, and decided that since it was new year, it should be alright to splurge.

I went in, and they directed me next to Denise, at a chair that was furthest in, right next to the window panel, where I could see the passing traffic out there.

BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG MISTAKE!

Well, I thought people would be minding their own business and wouldn’t really see whatever that was going on, yuh?

WRONG!!!!

It was darn painful as she yanked out my brows, though my high pain threshold meant that I rather enjoyed it.

The problem was, my brow was significantly higher on the left side and I voiced it out to her.

She very patiently decided to neaten it for me, and I wished as hell I didn’t.

Why, you ask?

Just as I sat back onto the chair, with 2 sides of my fringe clipped up in a totally unglamourous way, and a huge cloth round my neck, looking totally silly, I thought I caught something from the corner of my eyes.

The lady continued torturing me with her utterly painful plucking skills, and I took a double take.

My eyes widened with horror, and I saw him looking into the shop but not looking at me.

He was surveying the passing traffic, and randomly looking.

He was waiting, I think, with another guy beside him.

I squirmed. I freaked out.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Right then, the lady asked if I was okay, ‘What’s wrong? You saw someone you know? You are blushing!‘

Yesh, I was blushing from the utter embarrassment.

It was Brian who was standing outside there, and I thought of the deadly possibility that how this would go down as one of the funny scenerios that would keep endless jibes coming my way.

Could the rest of the group be there too?!?!

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I squirmed and cringed and squirmed.

I caught Mindy from the corner of my eyes too.

Apparently the 2 guys were waiting for Mindy to withdraw money.

The lady was in good humour, ‘Close your eyes, and they won’t see you! Haha.‘

And I silly-ly did what I was told.

I think I did catch their eyes for a moment but I tried stifling the laugh and turned away to close my eyes.

But, I was right in front of them and they were right outside, and there was no way they won’t see me, right?

I opened my eyes and gave the lady a hard time cos I was trying to cover my face with the large sheet…

‘Boyfriend huh?‘ she asked as she turned to see the 2 guys standing out there.

HAR?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!

The 3 of them then stopped, and were staring at me, without any significant expressions that seem like they were going to laugh at me.

I thought they didn’t recognise me.

But couldn’t be, right? It would just take them another second or so and they would figure out, no?!

And I closed my eyes, and was obviously squirming from the scrutiny, which was the dead giveaway.

The next time my eyes were opened, they were there laughing.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They then went off to get some clothes, and I didn’t even bother if my brows were okay as she said she was done and got off the seat as soon as possible.

Apparently Mindy had saw me and remarked, ‘Oh, that lady inside there looks like an older version of Ting.’

Brian turned and looked and then saw that my expressions were scrunching up and went, ‘It is Ting!‘

*@^#&!@%#!^@%#!@*&#*!@&#%@!

I should have acted cool and I could have passed off as a lookalike, or an auntie inside there.

Grr……

And did I mention that my left brow was screwed up?

I have ugly brows for new year. Boohoo.

***

Qilin, Alvin, Denise and I left for Alvin’s place since all 4 of us stay in the west.

And it was, yay, mahjong night, yet again.

Francis joined us around 11 plus.

We played till it was 4am, before I finally got back the comfort of my home.

***

THE DAY OF REUNIONS

My house was in its worst mess when I greeted the morning at 11 plus after around 7 hours of sleep.

I had decided to forgo the last cleanup of the year cos I simply couldn’t be bothered.

Bra and undies strewn across the floor, plastic bags and paper bags scattered all over, bin overflowing.

Yet I guess the traditional part of my vanquished yet again, and it bugged me enough to get me out of my bed.

And I did the mopping, packing and such.

Now, that explains the backache.

Dad called in the noon to suggest having lunch together, and I gladly obliged.

I had put off this entry(which would have been half of its length) for that.

Dad decided to pamper me, I guess, and suggested Indonesian cuisine, perched on top of Jurong Hill.

He drove there, and it was nice and scenic.

I recalled something and then asked if he had brought me up there for Japanese cuisine when I was a mere kid.

I remember we were having Japanese cold noodles.

And yeap, we did, and he was amazed I could still remember, cos it was almost 20 years ago, when I was perhaps 5 or 6.

Alas, the restaurant was closed, and I was pretty disappointed that I didn’t have the chance to relive that part of my childhood.

I took an extra glance at the place, and it felt good to revisit the place with my dad again.

We could have taken lotsa of pictures.

***

It was then the same old place, Crystal Jade at Holland Village where we lunched.

It was late when we finally finished.

I was tired when I got home, and napped for an hour, before heading for home.

Or rather, what is home to me, by default.

I crossed the familiar causeway, which was pretty empty on a new year’s eve evening.

SBB called just as I was leaving home, and I had officially acknowledge him as my jinx cos in my preoccupation with the phone call, I had forgotten my key.

And, it was the same as the previous time I had forgotten my key.

Both times were the only times in my life I had ever forgotten my key, you know?!

Mum was obviouslly ecstatic to see me.

I remember the last time I went back, it didn’t end with a nice note, with my parting shot of, ‘If you are going to say anymore of such, I would not come back here again.‘

It was somewhat true, I didn’t go back after that, not because of spite, but simply because I feel so much comfort in where I am.

It was a long time, since I last had home-cooked food. They were delicious, as we 3 sat around for a really quiet dinner.

I feel a tad bad, when I saw the made bed, cos she was hoping that I would stay overnight.

I didn’t, just like how I never did for the past years.

***

They sent me to the customs, and I left the book on the car.

***

And yeap, the rest, was probably what you would have read from the previous post.

Bleah.

***

Did I count down on the train?

Haha, no I didn’t.

Cos it was 12 on the dot(yeah, not even 11.59 nor 12.01, alright?) when I reached the bunch of guys, who were monopolising most of the seats at Starbucks, outside California Fitness.

Max joked and asked if I had to be so ’special’ to make an appearance only at midnight.

VampTreSS reached shortly after with her brother, and the group’s strength consisted of: Max, Bibi, Brian, Mindy, Nick, VampTreSS, Eugene, Max’s brother and girlfriend, Joo Yau, Charles, and Tara.

We all then adjourned to Charles’ friend’s place, which was near Holland Village.

Charles gave me a lift and I had the luxury of air-con and music whilst the others were waiting on the bikes in the dark carpark as we waited for everyone to gather at the carpark right next to Dempsey Road.

***

Barry’s place was like that of a resort, Charles told me.

Oh yes.

When we walked right in, a gorgeous labrador, Snoopy was there greeting us.

He reminded me of Creamy, who would turn over with its legs in the air, for the visitors to stroke, and would piss in its excitement.

It did exactly the same thing.

And to my absolute delight, there were 2 huskies(I want a husky too… *sulks*) as we entered to the front porch, where we were throughout the night, right next to a swimming pool.

I thought of skinny dipping but there were too many people.

And the 2 gorgeous huskies were looking so meek and yet so majestic at the same time…

I felt like abducting one of them home.

***

Day 1 of Gambling session started, as we sat round to play Blackjack with Barry’s mates.

Everyone of us lost pretty heavily with the banker having a roll of good luck.

But it was all good fun, and the company of the guys were too great to miss.

***

But it all ended early at 3 after 2 hours since most people have to go visiting today, and they were not exactly having a good field day.

***

Half a year ago today, something unexpected happened.

It was a path I never thought I would take, and a decision I know for certain I would look back and frown upon.

Since then, I seem to lead a double life with the separation of my sole tinge of sexromance life, however barely, from my usual social life.

I know full well that he would cut a phantom figure that would not cross over to my core life. The kind of ahem, private person he is, and the reluctance of the merger of our social lives.

Well, perhaps with the exception of those who are closest to us.

I am not sure where that stems from, and I am not sure if the explanation of how we would always think it is not good enough(the external factors, or maybe, inclusive of ourselves. Up to your own imagination of what they are) works.

I think it is good, and the only way it could to make this relationship friendship pretty exclusive without the potential pressure and speculation.

You know, how you could create a while new dimension, when there is only one person, or perhaps very few people exist?

It becomes a very ideal escape route, when you need an emergency exit out of the reality, when a huge part of the world doesn’t reside there.

You see things differently, you behave different, you take on different roles, too.

A playwright, performing in his own show.

That world, becomes what The Globe is to William Shakespeare.

In that world, you would say different things to the same people as you would in real life.

How strange, isn’t it?

Isn’t it tiring? Isn’t it draining? Do you lose yourself in the midst of all the play-acting? What is real and what is not? Are we just too good as actors that we don’t know anymore? Or is it just a place safe enough for us to let the true selves come out without feeling intimidated by the threats of the society?

You would only know, when you exist between 2 worlds.

You see. When you build a castle in the air, it tends to take on a more ideal form, and it becomes a play directed by you, performed by you. Everything is nice, everything is beautiful.

Till one day, that world fades away, bringing along the memories, the bonds, the people, and then you realise, ‘Oh dear! It’s not real!’ and you panic cos of your desire to escape from the reality.

Then, you scurried to look for other people to build another castle elsewhere.

6 months.

It could be a milestone for some, yet, a beginning to an end for some.

Don’t ask me.

Anyhow, I didn’t get the chance to tell you, it has been an interesting, eye-opening, sweet, intriguing 6 months.

Thank you. For that I could grow that comfortable with a person again, without feeling judged.

Happy Chinese New Year, too.

***

The problem of talking on the phone with SBB, when I am right next to Dad, is such.

On my way to JB, I was on the phone for half an hour with him before he went for his reunion dinner.

I updated him on my silliness on the day before, and how my friends had perhaps seen the worst of me, and I would expect the jokes to come swift and heavy.

The heartless one thought it was funny.

Damn.

Talk about compassion.

Right before the call was ended, he gave a cheery and enthusiastic ‘MUACK!‘ into the phone.

I sheepishly kept a straight face, suppressing a beam as I lowered my voice to 2 octaves lower, ‘Hmm okay, muah muah..’

‘Why I muack you, you never muack me back?‘ he said in his almost trademarked baby voice. (Gee! Cringe-worthy)

I giggled and then retorted, ‘Uhm, my dad next to me, you know?!’

And of course, in his usual cheeky self, he would want to push it further.

Why you never muack me back… hahaha

I ended up laughing real hard, and spelt, ‘Ok ok… M-U-A-C-K! M-U-A-C-K loud loud okay? Yay.‘

Sweetie.. do you remember that night when I…..

I so knew where he was going.

*^@#$!@#$!#$!$#!

Basket.