I am so panicky that I can almost die.

Argh. I hate it when things crop up last minute.

I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.

I had planned it one week ahead of the deadlines cos I was afraid something like this might come up. So now, I am going to be right on the dot of the deadline if I were to shift it back a week. So if anyone else is gonna screw me up next week(it seems so possible)… I am so freaking dead.

The problem with asking for favours is, you will never get things done smoothly. And, you are the only one fighting to meet the deadline.

And I shall slowly witness the demise of my first ever article. My baby.

I am holding back. I shall not allow the obscene curses slip my tongue.

Oh f**k.

I am so f**ked.

Breaking down in tears for the 2 times in a row in 4 days is just not healthy.

Or maybe just an illustration of my incapabilities.

***

I am so touched that I can almost cry.

I got my first pay cheque, ever.

Well, you see, last time when I was with MOE, I would get my pay through my account, instead of a physical cheque.

And, thereafter, I have been doing freelance work, which wasn’t the kind of constant, monthly pay cheques.

The darn thing about cheques is, you would have to wait for it to be clear before you are officially out of the red.

***

I made a booboo yesterday. I went to work thinking that I lost my Tiffancy & Co ring(21st birthday pressie from the MDIS gang), only to find it resting comfortably on my bed when I got home in the evening.

All the moping for nothing.

Nothing too exciting on a Monday, unless you consider patching the Battlefield 2 in my work station, and I finally *punch fists in the air* get to play Battlefield 2 and Special Forces at work.

Besides drawing up some plans I have for later in the week, and returning some emails, Monday was surprisingly cool for me whilst others were in a last minute mad rush.

Well, the contents required of me last Saturday were actually held back, so my part is pretty much done except for some minor tweakings when they finally need it.

I left office at a quarter to 7, with everyone else in my team still slogging the evening away.

***

For the first time, I met up with Jane Doe alone. Out of the 3 bitches, she was perhaps the only one I had yet to hang out with solo before.

I met her up for lunch at Purvis street, had obscenely expensive chicken rice for lunch(I always go for chicken rice because I thought it would be 2 bucks, ya know?!), and chilled to tea thereafter.

I was kinda emotional after that.

Darn those hormones.

***

I watched ‘You think you can dance?’ for a brief while, and thought to myself how nice it would be if my parents had groomed me to be a dancer at a tender age.

To be not able to dance, to be lack of grace, to be not able to express myself through those fluid body moves are some sort like the regrets of my life.

My children will have a chance to dance.

***

She called.

Pissed the hell outta me. She could easily trigger that button of mine simply just saying those paranoia-induced statements, and unnecessary spiteful words.

20 over years, aren’t you tired? I asked. Should any of those things come as a surprise? Don’t you think you should reflect upon yourself? Why are you such a mercenary, shallow idiot?

I could have felt sorry for you. I actually do. But if you are seeking for an alliance to get back at him, I am sorry, you got the wrong person.

***

I jumped around silly, had banana nut crunch for dinner, and did my clumsy dance moves in my room(don’t ask).

And by half past 9, I was in bed.

It was supposed to be a nap.

I had a string of terrible dreams which was possibly induced by that earlier phone call.

I did wake up near 3, spoke to SBB a little, before he shoo-ed me off to bed.

And here I am, waking up at 8.45am after sleeping at 9.30pm.

If I am still tired today, I have absolutely no excuses why.

***

Sunday was do-nothing day.

Woke up at 5.30 in the evening is a luxury I no longer have these days, except on Sundays.

I seriously have no idea how the day breezed by, and it was perhaps lotsa television programs that had kept me busy throughout.

The laundry, and other house chores, too.

I didn’t meet up with him. He was tired. Nothing out of expectations.

‘Sorry sweets, I promise I will drop by next week, okay? I will definitely come by next week.’

Uhm. Really. Ya, right.

What had substituted the meet up was another couple of hours on the phone before we headed to bed at 4.30am.

I overslept on a Monday morning, but still managed to get to work on time. Phew.

These days, I either blog about my work, or I have absolutely nothing to blog about cos I would so overwhelmed by fatigue.

I need a life.

***

Last Friday, it was yet another day that was packed with meetings and meetings.

We gathered for a get-to-know-the-team meeting, and it lasted all the way till it was off-work time.

I think the team is doing everything well, since everyone gets along fine and the co-ordination is going on strong too.

But I am not too sure if our efforts are really recognised, cos they might not be able to see some things as yet. And a lot of times, people in general are shallow in the sense that they only see what they want to see, and what they don’t see, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

Yes, they want more freeplay on our parts as well as more characters, but at the same time, I think they should trust this team(not me hehehe) enough that we could get things moving faster without their constant jitters.

I stayed on a little, did a bit of things in the office, yadda, yadda, yadda..

Made my way to Jurong Point and reached there around 9, got myself a ticket to watch Milla J kick some asses.

I finally used the final free ticket right on the last day of its expiry. Wasn’t that keen, but I supposed I could do with a bit of quality time with myself. Wasn’t that great a show, but Milla J is as usual, a joy to watch.

Frankly, I would shag Angelina Jolie anytime, and Milla J would be 2nd on that twisted list.

It was 2 when I finally slept for 11 hours to prepare myself for the long Saturday ahead.

***

Thursday was cool.

I attended meeting, looked for costumes, and also, attended an event.

As the editor and I were walking towards the Oriental Hotel through CitiLink, I saw him wearing the exact Plantroinics headphones I was eyeing that very morning.

He got it free, after he had written a good review for them.

FREE!!!!!!!!!!

I want to be an editor and I would promise to write good reviews. Muahahahaha.

***

Oh well, freebies are destined not meant for me.

But we attended the launch of the iPod Hi-fi.

Being constantly in the red would mean that I seldom have the spare moolah for such luxury products, so I can proudly announce myself as a Apple/Mac virgin.

Eventually, my editor took a set of it home, together with an iPod Nano…. to do a review. The set was on loan for a week.

If only it is for free, and I would have put up a good fight to be the editor hehehehe.

Eventually, the only reason I was there for…. was….

Baby tomatoes stuffed with cheese!

God-knows-what-their-names-are-but-woohooly-delicious-stuff.

My favourite! Nuts and raisins. The nachos are yummy too with the avocado dip.

Oh yesss… the heavenly tandoori chicken with… I don’t recall what’s on the left though.

The wasabi coated cream prawns in the center was my absolute favourite. The meat rolls on the left weren’t too bad, but not something you would want to have too much of.

And I totally adore the peach dumpling because of its thin, crusty exterior, that was crispy and not soggy. It almost melts in your mouth.

Though personally, I would have adored the meat dumplings better… but I don’t think the crust could have held its weight.

The lemon pies on the extreme right was nice but not as cool as the chocolate puff. Chocolate fan here, remember?

So, despite not as well-paid as I should be after the previous job offer, I supposed there are still enough perks to keep me in this business, eh?