SEE! I knew it!

I jinxed Spain!

Woe is me… Spain is out and the devastation is eating me up. My heart bleeds for the sexy Spaniards brilliant players who have came so far.

And it was the only match I didn’t catch because of an early meeting today.

Dammit.

Yes, after taking the 3 weeks break I mentioned after the PC show, I am back into the rat race to fight for my survival.

My body is not adjusting well to it, at all.

If I can have my way, it would be after 9th July before I would head back to work, you know?

Now, I am being forced to study, and I dreeeeaaaadddddd studying you know?

My memory is not serving me well either, you know?

Ah well.

At least I am quite blessed that my colleague stays nearby and gave me a lift this morning(oh dear! Who the hell wakes up in the morning these days?!), and my manager was picking his wife up in the evening, so he could give me a lift home.

We went for lunch together this afternoon at Gallery Hotel, and stayed behind a while to watch first half of the replay of Brazil V Ghana.

I finally surrendered and gave up on the books close to 7, did some grocery shopping at Cold Storage, before heading home and made myself a nice, delicious sandwich.

***

Yesterday I left my bag and stuff in the training room to go dinner with my colleagues and manager downstairs. I had my wallet and my handphone with me.

When we proceeded upstairs, they had locked the training room and I had to go home without my stuff! My manager’s laptop was locked inside too.

Thanks to SBB, who thought I am a klutz who always misplaces my key, he got me a wallet with key compartment attached to it on my birthday in March this year.

Sooooooooo…. I made it home after a colleague dropped me off, and I strolled home with my wallet and phone in my hands.

As long as I have my keys, it was no biggie.

***

You know something is very wrong when:

1) You go out shopping with Janise on Sunday, and she warns you that you might catch the attention of potential fashion polices cos you are in track pants, track shoes and tee.

2) You meet up with Roy, VampTreSS and Nick, and Roy says, ‘Can you please put on a bit of makeup when you come out next time? You look like shit!’.

3) You turn up at work on Tuesday, and the manager’s first words, ‘Hey morning! You look like a mess!’.

Oh dear.

***

Oh yes, I finally headed down to Orchard to shop on late Sunday afternoon.

The monster within me was unleashed, yet didn’t manage to do any damage.

Janise came down to join me in Orchard, and accompanied me through my meal fo Pepper Lunch, before we strolled Wisma, and subsequently, Takashimaya.

I saw some stuff I really like though…..

But I ended up feeling so tired and sick at the end of the day that I blacked out when I was waiting for a cab.

I joined Vamp, Roy and Nick for dinner at Scotts, and when they adjourned to watch soccer, Nick sent me to Mohammed Sultan and waited for a cab with me before joining the couple nearby.

My life is becoming a mundane routine.

But am looking forward to tomorrow…. Whee!

I am meeting someone I adore.

WHOOPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I have to hush my exhilarated typing that is so charged by adrenalin so not to disturb the sleeping beast next to me.

Yeayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I am one happy little bean.

Portugal is through to the top 8, and would be playing against England(sneer!) in the next round.

During one conversation with a cab driver 2 weeks ago, I told him I would hope to see Portugal advancing and kick some English butts.

Oh yes, oh please, don’t let that bunch of smug English(can you believe it? They actually compare those cows wives and girlfriends of English players to that of Ecuador’s, saying how the Victoria equivalant is a frumpy plain Jane?) venturing more than they already should.

That is just simply unfair.

I heart England, but they are a team of 11 individual players and not a team, and it gets increasingly excruciating watching them play without them gelling their acts together.

I think how much their wives and girlfriends spend seems to overshadow the players’ abilities.

Oh yes, yesterday’s match between Argentina and Mexico was simply brilliant. Now, that’s what I called balance-play and an exciting match. Mexico really gave Argentina a run for their money.

Perhaps the initial rounds did sift out the strong contenders, and we are in for some quality footie actions….(I hope!)

Today’s match was pretty cute(no no, I don’t mean puppy-eyed Deco, charming Figo, droolsome Ronaldo, nor smouldering Ricardo), and I especially liked it when towards the end of the match, the 2 teams’ red carders(Deco and Giovanni) sat side by side chatting animatedly, and the commentator termed them ‘the bad boys’ corner’, not unlike a couple of school students being punished.

But stupid Starhub had to cut off the celebrations to show the stupid list of sponsors which most probably be on my boycott list right now for constantly tainting my viewing pleasure.

And please O Lord, let Portugal venture on to the Semis!

My ideal?

Portugal/Spain/Brazil. But I would be so heartbroken thereafter. Only one of them could venture on to the finals.

So my guess?

Argentina V Italy, Portugal V Brazil(whee! They can scold each other in their native languages), though I would love a Portugal V Spanish fixture.

Very ideally, I would love to see Portugal or Spain, perhaps, and Italy(Damn, they will have to beat either Germany or Argentina!). Yes yes, me and my favouritism at work.

Gee, I think the semis would be much exciting to watch.

Oh, I am being too ideal here.

And I tend to jinx my favourite teams.

Sobsob.

And who knows… the underdogs might just creep up from nowhere, and the underperforming teams might start to shine.

To quote Alex Fergie, ‘Football, blardy hell!’, you never know what you gonna get. And the best team, might not always win.

And we all know how England has their silly luck since the start of the World Cup. -Shudders at thought-

Alright. Time for some cuddles and some sleep.

Good night.

Oh yes, I am happy, for now.

I finally get to see some of the pictures taken by VampTreSS and Chrissy. They are fabulous.

Though I am looking forward to more space and more time and more room for creavity the next time round. Less fats, please.

I haven’t been sleeping well for the past couple of days, as usual.

I only got to sleep past 7am this morning(screwed body clock, oh dear!), and there was a nagging pain in my tummy due to indigestion before I felt comfortable enough to drift into deep slumber.

I dreamt.

I dreamt of people in my life. I dreamt of my mother.

I remember waking up feeling totally tensed and upset by the dream, before I went back into the same dream with a heavy heart.

I woke up with the same sinking feeling within. It sucks, really.

It wasn’t anything that reflected the reality, but I felt the same exhaustion I suffered in the dream as I woke up.

Sucky.

***

I didn’t go anywhere on a Saturday like this, though I had very much wanted to succumb to the temptation of Orchard in the evening.

I did want to go back to Malaysia, but there wasn’t any transport.

I didn’t go out, except to get myself some food, and I have a new love, Meiji yogurt with Longan. Yummy.

MotoGP kept me home, and a series of television programs kept me glued to the dummy box.

From Hell was good with Johnny Depp, and it does help that I always have a morbid fascination with Jack the Ripper.

Just seen Germany sailing through to the next round, and I guess I would be up to witness Argentina spanking Mexico’s butt.

I have to say I am growing increasingly unhappy with the part timer’s work with the chores.

I woke up to find(I guess she had just left not long before I woke up) the glass tables(dining table and tea table) wet from water(as if wiped with a cloth too wet and not squeeze dry), and the leathery part of the sofa was cleaned in the same way as well.

The bathroom, as usual, was soaked in water, with the excess not swept into the drainage.

I fall down how?!

And not to mention last Saturday she tripped the vacuum cleaner, and then caused the entire’s house electricity supply to the circuits(the lights were okay) be cut off(I was using my computer!).

And she just stopped using the vacuum cleaner, mopped the floor, and then left the washing machine stood still, filled with water.

She didn’t know the circuits were dead.

Ah well.

Anyway, as the water on the glass tables dried up(hello?! I have glass cleaners at home, you know?), the ugly water marks were evident, and the tables look dirtier than before.

Of course, with the vacuum cleaner still down, though I know she mopped the floor, I wonder why she didn’t bother 1) use the broom to sweep and, 2) use the broom-like dust-wipes.

And as much as she cleared my cluttered sink, it doesn’t make things look any neater when she just chunked the tubes of toothpaste, facial foam, SBB’s hairgel, the moisturiser AND my toothbrush(facing down! The audacity!) all into the tray by the side, not bothered to arrange them to stand neatly.

Breathe…….

***

I didn’t feel like going anywhere on Friday after staying out late on Thursday night.

Had a quiet dinner with Dad was pretty nice.

A table of family was right behind us, with 2 very active boys running around, making lotsa noises.

I asked Dad what kind of kid I was, and he said I was always quiet(muahahaha!), well-behaved, except when I was asked to recite things I learnt, or asked to sing.

He then commented how I was always very attached to him.

He shared how when I was 2 or 3, we were residing in Johor, and he would always have to leave the house at 5am to go to work.

And everytime, when I heard the stirs, I would wake up and scurried out of the bed, and refused to let him go.

I was a kid who was always afraid, he said.

I laughed, and thought to myself how I am still afraid, as an adult.

***

On our way back, Dad asked if I remember that one year when Mum went back to Malaysia for Chinese New Year without us.

I laughed.

Yes I do.

That year, was the only year when we didn’t have reunion dinner.

Dad and I heated some leftover food, and settled our dinner, just like that.

Alas, we burnt the food, and it was all charred. Dad sneakily threw the pot away, to avoid Mum’s naggings.

He had to bring me out to buy food, and we later dropped by one of those funfair carnivals.

It was the first time I had so much fun, and I just chunked Dad aside, as I indulged in all those games, rides and my favourite - the bumper cars.

The night was endless. Mum would never ever allow me to take those rides.

I was just a clumsy kid in a bumper car, having the time of my life as my Dad had beer(and occasionally letting me to have a sip) nearby.

I kept saying I wanted to play somemore, and I didn’t go home till very late that night.

I love bumper-cars.

***

SBB’s call woke me up on Thursday.

We met up for a drink in town, as I had to drop by my previous office to collect some payment, before going for a business gathering at Singapore Recreational Club.

It has been a long while since I pulled on a tight, executive skirt, wearing long sleeved shirt to head out.

So uncomfortable….

I still couldn’t find my contact lenses. Bleah.

We sat by BakerZin, catching up a little, before I returned to the office to find Bernice there as well.

It was quite a while before I had to leave for SRC, and we roamed the malls a little using that grace.

I… am… so… tempted…. to….. buy…. something…

I squeezed his hand a little tighter as the urge built up, and the inner war of to-buy-or-not-to-buy was just too great.

I am so relieved I wasn’t in Orchard.

I nearly ventured into Nine West and Coach… and refused to settle for anything less.

I must be really crazy.

***

The silly boy walked me to the junction before I had to cross the road to SRC.

He pointed the white building in a distance to me, that was across the field.

I sulked and contemplated on taking a cab over.

At the zebra crossing, it was a smooch on the lip, a hug, and I tasted his tongue once more before he merged into the evening human traffic… disappearing into the crowd.

And I realised, the silly boy gave me wrong direction. SRC was right before me, and not the white building in a distance. Thank God.

***

It was a social evening.

Making small talks, feeling out of place once in a while, and letting my thoughts drifting into the night as we sat out in the open, on the roof terrace.

Night was pretty. Buildings are charming. The Swissotel was just right before me as the traffic zoomed past.

I was too lazy to move, until the guys adjourned to New Asia Bar, where there was football action to keep me occupied.

I mingled with the people there, and it got a little tiring.

I was asked a very interesting question, ‘You stay out so late, your husband not worried?’.

Uhm……..

***

I went home at 1-ish in the drizzle.

I boarded a Comfort cab, 5079, and asked to proceed to Jurong East.

I am quite sure he asked again, and I said Jurong East Avenue 1.

I was very tired, and said any route will do.

I was all drained from the social mingling and leaned my head against the window to rest.

He overshot the expressway exit, and the next exit would be much further away from my home.

I wasn’t sleeping and I sat up to tell him that he missed the exit.

Then he said, he thought I was heading to Jurong West Street 71.

I told him not to worry and it was okay.

He exited at this industrial area, where it was deserted and quiet, and drove straight into this road without knowing where he was heading.

Not a single soul, and he hit a dead end.

He had to U-turn out, and there wasn’t any way for him to get back onto the expressway.

I directed him to West Coast(a big round), and then turned into Teban, before getting back on the route.

He then kept apologising and said I could just pay him the usual fare. I sounded pretty calm, and agreed.

When the cab finally reached, it was 18.45 on the meter, and I only had 20 bucks with me(I would have passed him 15 if I had change).

The usual fare would be something between 14-15.

And then he said ‘generously’, ‘Oh, 18 will do.’

What the….

I was too tired to fight for my rights, and was pissed internally but just didn’t feel like saying another word.

And I grew angrier with myself when I fail to stand up for myself over such minor incidents.

I just wanted to have a nice shower and rest on my bed after a tiring day.

Ah well.

Stupid, silly me.

I loathe being short-changed.

I have problems sleeping these days.

I would either toss and turn till dawn, or I would end up waking up X-times throughout my sleep, and would take a longer amount of time to drift back to slumber.

It sucks, really, big time. My mind refuses to rest, and I would be turning to my right, lie on my belly, hug my pillow a tad tighter, try to relax my mind, before I would get restless and flip to the left, and repeat the same sequences again.

Manymanymanymanymanymany thoughts running, sifting, darting, in and out.

***

Sunday was television day.

MotoGP, CSI, World Cup.

Sleepness night, yet again.

I was hungry. No maggie goreng.

***

It was a rainy Monday morning and I woke up after just barely 3 hours of sleep.

I coughed, and coughed, and coughed.

I struggled to get out of bed, and walked in the drizzle to take a bus to Jurong East Central to get my medical blood test report.

Everything came back normal, and healthy.

Though I lost weight yet again. Not much, just slightly.

51kg, I am.

I got back and tried to sleep.

And dammit, I couldn’t quite get back to sleep yet again.

It was 12 when I finally managed to nap, and it was 5.30pm when I finally sat up from bed.

I was hungry again. No maggie goreng again.

I called for McDonald’s and had a beef burger to satisfy those cravings.

***

I was feeling slightly sick yesterday when I reluctantly dragged myself out of bed and headed to Valley Point at 3ish.

Tired. Tired. Tired.

I feel and look like shit these days, and just can’t find any ounce of the feel-good factor.

Derrick very nicely sent me down to Bishan when I had to make a move, and I was slightly late meeting Mark and Ryan at Junction 8 in the evening.

Dinner was beef sandwich I ordered, which I failed to touch further after a mere bite.

I guess I pretty much weighed both options and have an inkling of what I might be doing in time to come.

Actually.. I am scared.

***

There is something I must say.

I have met a lot of very, very nice people these days, whom I will be eternally grateful to, for they have shown me kindness in every possible way.

Derrick, Ryan, Mark are incredibly nice people though I am mere acquaintance to them.

But somehow, they feel there is a need to lend me a hand though what they offer might not be what I am truly looking for.

One day, I will remember to spread the same gift of kindness… and make a positive difference, however minor.

***

I remember few months back when I was darn freaking scared in making a career move, he was around.

I am at a brand new junction yet again.

I still can’t quite verbalise what my thoughts are, really, but I know I am just freaking scared.

I met up with him yesterday after the very kind Mark sent me to a clinic in Serangoon Gardens after I had quite bad tummy ache at Bishan, which mysteriously subsided eventually.

I guess we are all searching for some things in life. Perhaps the same things, in different ways, for different justifications.

All best.

***

Was in town with him when I called Vamp and she was with Chrissy nearby.

They were supposed to have a shoot, but it was cancelled last minute and they were loitering in town with their cameras.

We arranged to meet up and by midnight, they suggested that they would shoot me instead.

With unkempt brows, glasses, no makeup?!?!

So, he left me with my pals, as I was abducted to Vamp’s place, stripped nude, and…. *weeps*

The shoot didn’t end till early this morning, with random conversations in between, heavy thoughts lingering… and a constant attack of self-consciousness.

Oh well….. yes yes. I did it!

I did nude shots(ahem, artistic ones, alright) finally. Tastefully done, alright?

The 2 photographers were brilliant, and did plenty of shots which I am really fond of.

Which unfortunately, some may never make it to this space here, as much as I would like to show the brilliance of their skills and perspective.

I would love to be the one shooting the next time round.

And if you ladies out there would like to do the same, and would love to have nude shots of yourselves for whatever reasons, and would prefer female photographers, do feel free to contact any of us, and we will make sure you would feel absolutely horny sexy and comfortable with our presence. Hurhurhur.

The setting up took a bit of time as we tried to make good use of space and lightings with the limitations we had.

Of course, if any of you out there is interested, we would get it professionally done for you at a studio and such.

Since it was impromptu, I didn’t even have the chance to exfoliate/moisturise for the past days to look good.. and of course, my legs weren’t shaved, and my brows were in a mess too.

Oh well. It was….. quite a torture. But great fun nonetheless and we had lotsa laughters in the midst after we were delirious from lack of sleep.

Well, I woke up today with my butt muscles pain pain, and my back muscles strained and such…
The shot was done in good fun, and I thought why not do it before my body goes out of shape soon.

Perhaps one year from now, I would always look back and thought to myself… ‘alright, I was once not fat, and I have pictures to prove!’

Yeap, I am already having sad thoughts(no, I don’t need consolations, I really do have concrete thoughts like such) that I might be old, wrinkly, frumpy and ugly in a year’s time.

***

I woke up to meet Uncle Ben for a drink today at City Hall.

I want to go back to church.

***

I met up with the rest of my ex-colleagues today at my previous office.

I nearly made a booboo when I asked everyone openly if they were going to have dinner and where.

I caught a murderous look, another wide-eyed stare, and a scrunched up face that was waving a big, silent NOOOOOO to me.

Ooops. It was supposed to be a secret mission.

I made a quick exit with Elaine before I messed things up further. Muahahaa.

And I finally collected my Razer Pro|Solutions Mouse(and gee! Mouse pad too!), courtesy of the very nice people from Razer.

I have it delivered to the office, but had yet to pick it up since forever.

We met up with Danny and Bernice(I haven’t seen her for so long!) at Marina Square Swensen’s, before some many others, like Hongxiang, Adam, Candice, Khalid(that darling came back too!), and some whom I had never met before this, Zhiqi, Eugene, who were with the company way before I did.

Danny sent me and Adam(my neighbour!) home thereafter. Thanks so much guys.

Nowadays I am so emotional that a tiny act of kindness, makes me feel the urge to tear.

They are a nice bunch of darlings who made the evening so much more interesting.

It is like, sometimes you meet new people, it is like a social event and you enjoy your time for the sake of it, but when you have truly nice company, it is just… relaxing and.. different.

That perhaps, explain why I ate so much today.

Swensen’s gave us complimentary soup cos our baked rice was delayed for 10 minutes(we didn’t even complain!). I pinched everyone’s food and finished most of mine, before we ordered earthquake.

I was a wimp when I tasted Rum in the ice cream and the alcohol made me sick.

And it wasn’t long when the colourful mixture of ice cream came out in splatters into the toilet sink.

(Dad came home today and happily announced that he bought me ice-cream. How.. nice..)

I haven’t been out for a social reason for the longest time.

Oddly, when I wanna hide away from the crowd, I did.

And yet when I sneak out of my shell, it is a picture of contrast out there.

And yes, tomorrow, I have to be out for a social reason, yet again.

Throw in the smiles and works, it is time to face the world again.

***

You know how I haven’t been wanting to shop for a long while.

Yet, I am now having an incredible urge to shop!

Uh oh.

I appointed SBB to play controller, to tell me NO when I so much wanted to shop.

I… want… to…. shop….

I just want to buy some things.. and spend.

And the money sitting in my bank right now feels sooooooo threatened as I might unleash the monster in me and squander them in a blink of my big, pretty eyes.

***

Sometimes, when I write something factually, they might just be a sentence to you.

It might not make sense. It might seem mundane.

But believe me, for every word I had typed today, heavy emotions hang to each of those words with elaborated meanings to them.

Be back soon.

Ladies around me never ceased to be gorgeous inside out, and the men around are constantly the opposite.

I wonder why, really.

The night out with the ladies was fun and entertaining, and it dragged on till -sheepish- 6.20am in the morning before I finally stepped into the showers and gave myself a decent wash.

Alas, despite the thunders that offered their company, I didn’t quite manage to sleep well throughout, waking up intermittently, and having weird dreams here and there….

I dreamt of…. many different guys.

Different guys in different phases of my life. SBB, Mr KG, and I am not sure if it is because of the soccer season, I dreamt of a certain Brazilian as well.

I finally coaxed myself to nap somemore at 3pm, and woke up only at half past 5.

***

I watched Black Hawk Down for the Xth time today. And suddenly, I am very roused to have a game of Battlefield 2 or something.

Damn it. I think I am obsessed with the spirit of the US Army. I mean, when you think of the US Army, you think of respect, dignity, and “it’s all about the men next to you”. Team spirit and all those shit.

When you think of the Singapore Army… you think of how to ‘geng’, the universal language of Bengism, and parents of pampered boys writing letters to complain this and that…

I mean, it has nothing to do with how you have Eric Bana, Josh Harnett, Ewan McGregor, Tom Sizemore, Orlando Bloom to play US soldiers and… er, I only remember Sheikl Haikel from Army Daze.

Bleah. As usual, I teared when watching Black Hawk Down(again!).

Battlefield 2, anyone?

***

Seems like all the expected teams to venture on to the next round of the World Cup are doing their ‘thang’ and most of the teams already confirmed their places by the 2nd match of their tables.

Now I am just keeping my fingers crossed for Italy to kick some US butts tonight.

Argentina put on a splendid display, didn’t they?

I can only say the only undeserving team that ventured on, is none other than the English. Boo!

***

I decided not to have dinner with the ladies, but with my Dad instead.

Dad was supposed to head down to a wake at Ghim Moh at 8.30pm, and he would be having dinner by himself, with the extra time in hand.

Considering that I am on a tight budget, having dinner with Dad seems like a wiser choice too, hehehehe.

I flustered when I realised I couldn’t find my contact lenses, and SBB saw how I scurried the entire room as I changed, flipped the room upside down to locate those darn lenses since he was on the webcam.

I finally decided I shall just head out with my darn glasses.

Since Dad was giving me a lift, and I was expecting to take a cab home from Holland Village anyway, I thought wearing heels wouldn’t hurt.

And I finally slipped on my heels after giving them the snub for the past months cos I have grown so fond of my sneakers and track shoes.

It was only FF, VampTreSS, Janise, Eveline, and Barffie at Hog’s breath when I arrived.

Chrissy, Faith and Diane joined us slightly later.

Dinner was animated as we spoke of girly topics that should never be spoken of here.

Anyway.

Pictures!

Janise, Eve, Barffie and me.

Well well, I don’t look too happy behind glasses. Hmphf. And why do I have to be the one sitting in front, and by comparisons… I just look bulkier than the rest. Grr..

The ladies and I.

Faith suggested biting our nails.

Right after this, we adjourned to Hagen Daz for ice-cream, and bumped into the gorgeous Joanna and her friends.

It was then, some of the ladies didn’t want to end the night that early… and I…. succumbed.

Faith drove us down to…

Ministry of Sound.

Cough cough.

I know, I know. I am sick and I shouldn’t be around smokey places like these… and that I shouldn’t even be in heels.

Yeap yeap, I know.

Last time I am gonna do that.

***

Vamp wanted me to do a junkie look which I didn’t manage to pull off.

Chrissy, me and VampTreSS.

Yes yes, clubbing in glasses is like the ultimate dorky thing to do.

These ladies are a happening bunch to have a girly night out with, though I have to say I was terribly violated over dinner, and at the club.

I shall not let rip of the ‘highlight’ of the evening, and how I was… *holding back tears…* groped, and molested incessantly.

You can see the glasses leaving a print on my nose bridge. Bleah.

I left after a while when the music got a bit too boring for my liking and I needed to eat something since I had very little dinner.

I was contemplating on leaving for home straight after that, until… a tiny episode made me scramble back to MOS for the rest of the night.

I was sitting down with VampTreSS at McDonald’s with some food from the nearby 7-11 as she sent me off.

As we were talking about personal stuff and such…. we noticed the guy from the next table seemed to be, a little odd.

And yes, it was one of those VampTreSS and Nick would brand as my “Bollywood lovers”.

Don’t ask me why, I would love to know why too.

He is in his late 30s, or perhaps, 40, I guess.

I was talking to VampTreSS, until she had gotten up to change her seat to block his view.

He walked over and introduced himself and said there wasn’t any need to, and he would just like to see me without my clothesglasses.

I maintained my politeless and stripped off my glasses.

He paid an extensive compliment, and when he asked if he could sit down, we told him we were actually talking about personal stuff, and would very much appreciate the private space.

He went back to his seat.

It wasn’t long before he was back again, and asked to sit down again.

And it was a tirade of questions that followed.

It started out with a brow-raising question, ‘Can I ask you out for the night?’

Uhm.. it was like, 1am in the morning.. what is left of the night? Unless, it is interpreted as would you spend the night with me.

I am sorry but I am actually out with my friends nearby, and I am just here to grab a bite.

‘So you you have a boyfriend? Just tell me no.’

Sorry, yes.

‘Do you love him?’

Yes, I do.

‘Do you love him a lot?’

Yeah, I would think so. I laughed.

‘Why do you love him? You don’t have to love him you know?’

Why not?

‘Guys are jerks!’

But he is a nice guy.

It seemed to us that he was suggesting that I don’t always have to ‘love’ my boyfriend and can keep my options ‘open’, or ‘love my boyfriend a little lesser’ for a night.

“How about a dinner? Or lunch?”

I am sorry, but I don’t think he will be very pleased.

“Just a lunch, it wouldn’t hurt!”

Nah.. thanks, but I still think it wouldn’t be nice.

He turned to ask Vamp if she has a boyfriend, and if she loves him.

She lied, like I did.

He then commented that her answer was non-commital and why such a half-hearted answer. But her patience was wearing thin, and retorted, ‘Sorry, but I really don’t want to talk.’

I was saying we have to leave soon, but he just went on and on and asking me stuff(I also very patiently replied, using all the diplomacy I have in me), and left VampTreSS aside, out of the conversation.

It wasn’t long before he said something like you boyfriend love you very much, and I laughed and replied I certainly hope so.

And at the cheesiest moment, he said, ‘well, if he ever doesn’t, this is my number’, and he passed me his number in a folded piece of paper.

Uh.. rightttt.

It was then when Miss Vamp got inpatient and passed me my bag, and said, ‘Alright, we gotta go back, the guys are waiting for us.’

As I related the incident to SBB over the phone earlier today, he laughed, “You should have told him you are pregnant and asked him to leave you alone.”

Right. I was almost tempted to say I am married but I don’t have a ring to justify that.

***

The 2 of us scurried back to the club, looking behind our backs. She thought she heard footsteps behind us, and I snuck back into the club, hoping he would lose me.

It was then I saw Gary, Wenmei’s fiance, and knew that Wenmei, Lihui and Eileen were around too.

The moment I saw them.. I was violated, again, but the 3 pretty and tipsy ladies.

I went back into the club and the R & B music was getting on track.

Faith’s pal was with us, and the girls were pretty high, and I thought it would be better that they were looked after. Vamp did a neat job there.

It was 4 plus when all the girlies ended our night of boogie-ing, with Faith driving us down to Bishan for supper.

We flirtedchatted with the Bak Chor Mee uncle, and he gave us discount for the noodles, and extra fishball/soup when we asked for it.

So sweet!

We bitched and gossiped(hurhurhurhurhurhur) till late 5, before Faith kindly dropped me and Janise off at the main road, and we caught a cab back, just minutes before 6am(yay! No surcharge).

***

It was a relatively easy night to get through on Thursday night, after supper with Nick.

Until I was affected by something that wasn’t unexpected, but still, ouchy when it happened.

I think, I am not sure if that is the case, but people tend to have very extreme ideas of who they think I am.

Just like the other day, a girl pal said guys tend to want to marry her, and see her as the marrying sort, and I whined how I am always viewed as the, well, undateable, the direct opposite sort.

Anyway, that was not quite the point.

Back to Thursday late night.

I was tempted to tell a lie to just get it and over and done with, perhaps just to make thing easier, but then I realised to tell a lie just for the sake of spite(?), cowardice(?), or just trying to play hero(?) is like the stupidest thing to do, because it might cause more complications than it already did.

I am not sure what A said, could have reflected what SBB was questioning himself, which I took it as, he did.

Anyway, emotions just got the better of me, and I just crawled into my duvet and teared.

I took a while to decide if I should pick up the phone or not.

I mean, one thing is, I couldn’t say what he wanted to hear, and also, my presence might just trigger more annoyance in him.

He apologised, and at the moment when I could decide to lie, or not to, nearly.. just very nearly, I chickened out and didn’t.

So evil me.

It was 6 when I finally holed up in bed and sleep, after the call ended.

And then when I woke up, it was a brand new day.

Watching England play is just as entertaining as watching Singapore Idol with those one-dimensional character people singing(err… were they?) with constipated expressions on their faces.

I do adore England(no, not the contestants though), I grew up with English soccer, but there are just too many times that they are more of a disappointment than anything else.

Bleah.

Singapore Idol is just as laughable.

I mean, did you guys actually see those people????

I just came back from supper with Nick, and he played a prank on Vamp and Tan, using my phone to fool them that I am actually suicidal.

I think I was more entertained from that than watching England squandering those chances(Grr… Lampard) at the coffeeshop(Gee, watching it with air-con in my room on my bed is such a luxury. But then again, it is always fun to watch with company).

I am finally heading out tomorrow.

Pictures, pictures, pictures!

5 minutes ago, a minute’s phone call exposed my weakness.

Yes, it just took a minute, and I am now……..

A victim of Starhub!

Yay to all the glorious football games. And uhm, I am smart. They will activate the channels at 12 midnight, and I had called half an hour before that.

Yay. Imagine I called past 12 midnight, and I would have to wait another 24 hours. I would be in time to catch France V Switzerland.

And I had a debate with SBB over the pronunciation of Ghana. He couldn’t stop laughing when I pronounce Ghana as how people would pronounce Gan-nin-na without the ‘nin’, and he insisted there should be a more sophisticated way of saying the country’s name.

And guess what! Ha ha ha! I have the last laugh. Apparently, I pronounce correctly, alright?!

***

I woke up at 4 today, and as usual, rolled around in bed before I got hungry and went out to buy myself some dinner.

After leaving the house for a brief while yesterday, my recovering flu seems to get a little worse than yesterday.

I no like being sick.

***

I left the house yesterday afternoon to collect my beloved, precious, blue identity card.

I was filled with happy thoughts of how I finally could subscribe a phone line under my name(yes yes, my phone line is still under my previous, previous boyfriend’s name, ever since I got my first mobile phone line 5, 6 years ago), I was excited with the thoughts that I could finally sashay into ANY national library and borrow library book with the pretty card, I thought how I could finally get subsidised medical benefits, and joyfully thought contributing CPF is an awesome thing to do.

I must be mad.

I even entertained the thoughts of having a credit card, and I thought of the hazardous possibilities.. and threw the thought out of the window.

All those thoughts ran through my mind when Dad so very kindly sent me to ICA to collect my identity card on a hot, sunny Monday.

And the crowd was crazy.

I think I need a new phone too. I had problems calling out and there just wasn’t any reception.

Ah ha! I no longer have to see Mr ex’s name on my bill, but my own!

Yippeeeee!

But… all the excitement was dampened by the long wait, and the sight of the ghastly picture on my IC.

I mean, I thought my Malaysian IC was baaaad.

Until I saw this one….

My first thought was, uhm…….. isn’t this kind of pictures more suitable on an urn, or on the tombstone?

Damn sad can?

I look as pale as a ghost. And the auntie who took the picture came over to tuck my hair behind my ears at the LAST second, and I thought it look really bad…. especially when my hair is already flat from the helmet.

And where’s my nose and upper lip?!?!?!?!?!

No way would I want it to be on my hearse or grave!

Nooooo Waaaaayyyy!

So please please, if ever you know, I ever got on the newspaper if I were to die young, or you know, get some nice, smiley, sexy, hot, pouting picture of me to display on the funeral.

Or maybe, pass some deceiving deserving shots to those nosey reporters so my orbituary could be of something more presentable and eccentric.

***

Had late lunch with dad. And after a long wait, I finally got back home at 5 plus in the afternoon.

And my energy was sapped up totally by then.

***

My dad was ceaseless on the phone.

He was one busy, busy man, yet he took time to accompany me to pick up my card.

He has aged so much.

But I am glad, his business is finally picking up, and it was funny listening to my dad speaking to some Japanese in his bastardised English, speaking to another client in Hakka, and then switch to Hokkien.

He then turned to me to speak to me in Mandarin.

So multi-lingual. I cannot beat.

Sometimes, it is funny how and why it is so difficult to hate such a flawed man.

***

Mum’s phone line in Malaysia is partially cut off. She can’t make outgoing calls, but I would still be able to call her.

I think I really would have to make a trip back to see her soon.

***

The darn piece of blue plastic costs me $200. Going to the doctor set me back by another $100, and I decide I should give my mum $300 or $400 to sort out the things at home.

Medical bill on Monday will set me back $70.

I am so very the broke.

Thank God I haven’t been going out much.

***

I finally said whatever I had needed to say, things which were meant to say earlier.

It might not be totally what I had wanted to say, but I also heard what he has to say, which, strangely, nothing is out of my expectations.

Goodbye it should, but it wasn’t. But goodbye it would be, sooner, or later.

As much as it is ouchy to think it might be sooner, but thinking how it would have been way before this, it is already… a bonus?

I don’t know.

But sometimes, to be able to finally say out openly what are on our minds, is truly liberating.

I could feel the constipation in the conversation, the strains, as if each other is a painful reminder of what we could have, and would be going through. Or maybe, each other is a reminder of things are difficult for us to think through.

I felt like running away again yesterday.

I talked to friends who were overseas, paving my escape routes.

I feel like avoiding all the phone calls coming in, and just wanna dwell in the temporary peace when my mind isn’t cluttered with what-nots.

Hide. Hide. Hide.

I am afraid of people once again, especially with the recent conclusion of PC Show. It was almost too tiring to deal with people again.

And everything is just too overwhelming these days.

***

I am thankful for that honesty.

Not much friendships have that nowadays. However brutal that honesty might be, it is still comforting to know nothing is too sugar-coated, as close to the truth as possible.

Flu and a stuck nose is a good cover up.

I will remember every word said late last night over the lengthy conversation(then again, which conversation hadn’t been lengthy since the beginning? Laughs).

It was strangely… comforting.

I exhaled, with a huge load off the chest.

***

Sometimes as we look back in phases of our lives, we realise there is nothing much we could leave behind for each other, except for the moments that touched, and the words that etched ever so heavily… leaving a trail of unexpected impacts in our lives.

***

I went to sleep at 6am.

I dreamt a lot. I woke up in the day to find dried tears on both sides of my temple.

I shall say it again. Hormones are incredibly evil.

I am aware of the boring entries which have no visual illustrations. I feel like shit most of the time, and decided taking pictures would be a waste of time.

I keep have to remind myself that I have a few things I have not covered, and I should take the free time on hand right now to sort them out.

And it is weird how the moment I have gotten my PR, AIA, Manulife and Prudential have came knocking on my door, or more literally, bombarding my phone with offers.

And in my state of delirium, I often missed those calls and drifted back into my deep slumber before I could remember to return my calls.

Talking about weird phone calls, I received quite a few anonymous phone calls, that are either from overseas.. or perhaps, public phones?

I mean normally from private number, it would state that the number is private. But there weren’t any indications for these calls I have been receiving.

Since I was sleeping and resting most of the time, I missed 10 of those calls last night. Some of which, understandably, were from Mum，but the rest, were unknown.

Until this afternoon, when I was indulging in the stormy weather, getting some fulfilling rest when I received such anonymous call again.

I picked it up, assuming it was from mum.

Some muffled voice muttered something which I couldn’t make out, and the call was ended promptly with, ‘F**K YOU’.

Oh wow. Thanks, but that was absolutely juvenile, and incredibly pathetic.

I went back to sleep, not wanting to waste such a nice weather to get myself bothered by the call.

***

Okay, I must write about:

Saying goodbye.
The PC Show(briefly. I decided to let some unhappiness go simply because it simply ain’t worth it. Sometimes, I can’t help but remember why I totally loathe having girl pals or working with girls. Especially prissy ones.)
Magazine shoot.
My birthday….(oh.. shouldn’t that be like months…. ago?!)
The little bean.

I should just get started somewhere… and stop procrastinating. -twiddles fingers-

And with those topics above, lotsa pictures are promised.

***

Some posts ago, I didn’t manage to finish my account for the day.

For the sake of posting, I shall just finish it off, or else I feel like I have yet to complete something.

“I struggled through work yesterday but it was Nick’s birthday eve and I met up with the guys.

Kind Kelvin picked me up near my workplace and picked Vamp up thereafter.

We went down to Ubi to meet Nick and Boon, and I took a powernap in the car whilst they sat around the bike shop.

It was Great World city thereafter…..

And so, it was Nick’s birthday eve, and we headed to Great World City to have dinner with the rest of the guys.

Alas, Nick’s bike took a rather long time to fix that Kelvin, Vamp and I had made our way to Great World first.

Kenny Rogers’ was out because the rest of the guys couldn’t make it before the last order, and we had to settle for Country Manna instead.

Roy joined us shortly after, and coincidentally, Brian and Mindy were there as well.

Brian joined us whilst Mindy made her way back. Boon, Nick and Harry finally arrived to complete the waiting game.

I. Could. Hardly. Walk. After. Dinner.

We had lotsa food, and it was indeed a feast, with our table flooded with food.

We overstayed our welcome at the eatery because it was way beyond the closing time by the time we had taken a slow pace to finish our dinner.

Thereafter, the chaps suggested chilling at Shangri La lobby lounge, and the entourage of us made our way down.

Max came down shortly after, in his nice, gay, yellow Adidas Mr Happy jacket(I want one too!).

It is indeed a nice place with plush cushioned seats to chill, and a quiet place enough for us to be heard with the rowdy conversations we had.

Vamp took some pictures, but I am just too lazy to upload my pictures these days.. heh.

When Vamp and I were bored, we tickled the ivory of the grand piano, traumatisingserenading our audiences(well… the only ones were the guys anyway).

Time passed superbly fast. If not for the power nap I had inside Kelvin’s car, I wouldn’t have lasted throughout the night till it was 3am, before Kelvin, Boon and Nick sent me back.

Been a while since I hang out with friends till late with so much fun.

***

And yeap, I spent my entire weekend at home, yet again.

I am resisting the urge to pay 16 buckeroos for the World Cup channels…. but I know I will succumb to it anyway.

Argh.

What can I say? Starhub is evil.

I am still a sick puppy after all these days of resting.

I went back to the doctor today to get more medication and he had to put me in a mask to clear my air passageway.

Too bad I was alone and didn’t have a camera with me… I was tempted to do the ‘Tong Hua’ MTV scene where I would whimper…. “Jia you……..” behind the mask as if I was going to die.

I got the same old medication and despite his insistence that my flu is indeed very bad(I was like coughing my lungs out and blowing out bloody mucus for past 3 days), and have to take antibiotics, I refused vehemently and told him I would give it a while for it to clear. I mean, it had gotten better in the past 2 days, so I am hoping that I don’t have to take antibiotics.

I finally ventured out of my home yesterday noon, and quickly felt the strain on me.

I met up with Filee for nice ice-cream, and some snacks as we caught up with the nitty-gritties. The darling is a gem, I tell ya.

I got home with the intention to rest until the guys called me and seduced me with a game of mahjong.

It was a fun game last night.

And to my utmost horror, a brief sentence mentioned by Alvin triggered off an old memory.

Chris, who had played mahjong with us quite a while back, actually…………..

…… -cough cough- picked me up in Zouk some 2 years back, when I was partying with Eileen(IU swear I still have that entry somewhere in this blog).

I nearly choked my saliva when I realised that fact. Muahahahahahaha, how small can the world be?!

And he is 3 years younger than I am. Cough cough cough cough cough.

***

I was bugged by many many thoughts yesterday.

So much so that I didn’t manage to sleep until I saw the first hint of daylight.

Cluttered. I don’t know what I was thinking, actually.

Or maybe I do.

***

Well well, I will be one busy woman for the next month.

I mean, can you believe it? It is barely 17 minutes of the first World Cup game, and there is already 3 goals.

Oh man.

Now, it is back to the footie action on the pitch, before I feel well enough to be writing again.

I didn’t get to drink my guava juice because there wasn’t any.

Apple juice was a good substitute, and I even had a surprise dose of carrot which…. didn’t come in handy.

I was in a delirium for most of Sunday night, though I was soothed finally with some cuddles and pecks at the end of it.

Snuggled cosily under the duvet, watching CSI, bitching about my stint over the weekend, and battling the brewing cough, fighting the discomfort in my throat.

More cuddles, more sayangs, and I rested on his shoulder.

I turned away to the other side cos I didn’t want my coughs to disrupt his sleep. I dozed off almost immediately, just like he did.

I woke up the next noon, seeing him still deep in slumber.. and didn’t quite have the heart to wake him up.

It was funny to see him sleep with a hand down in his pants(for whatever reason I know not of), and he could recall none of such when he woke up.

We left for ICA in the afternoon, and I reached there at 3.35pm, when the cut-off time was at 4pm.

Talk about being a last minute queen.

I even had to take some pictures for my identity card, which I didn’t manage to do so earlier.

I look ghostly and ghastly in my would-be IC photograph, because my helmet had rubbed off most of my foundation, and my blush.

Oh, and I forgot about those lippy.

DARN.

Thanks sweet potato, for braving through the lengthy 2-hour wait(despite the constant whinings from ya) with me, witnessing a life-changing moment for me. It did mean something to me. Thanks.

At the end of the 2 hours, I submitted my application form, which was approved on the spot, and I waited for my turn to get my details confirmed, thumbprints taken, and my chinese name chosen.

And yes, I now have a Singaporean ID number! WOOOHOOOOO!!!

But boohoo, it isn’t exactly an easy number to memorise, and I still have some problems remembering it.

Not pretty, boohoo.

The only consolation is, the last 5 digits do not have anything from 1-5…

So now, my IC number is S81XXXXXH!

Yeay!

And I got little congratulatory kiss on the cheek just before I left the building. Whee!

We had dinner in Lavender area after the long wait, and I can’t wait to get my paws on my spanking new blue identity card next Monday.

Sat around to chat for a while before I jumped on a cab to head home… Told Dad that the documents were already done, and from hereforth, I would have CPF!

Everything went on smoothly yesterday and I am glad.

I decided to stop by at the nearby clinic. Good move.

My sore throat had escalated into a full-blown flu.

Dripping nose, constant coughs, greenish mucus, and a fever!

ARGH!!! Bad time to fall sick.

I mean, I was just beginning my break but I am sick. How sad is that?

And.. I have to see my doctor strike out the originally prescribed medication cos my condition would mean I have to avoid some of those thingy.

He shook his head with a smile when he saw me sashaying out of his consultation room, probably because of the low jeans, or perhaps because of the helmet.

He had told me how his wife and parents had refused to allow him to ride a bike.

I walked towards Alvin’s home, and then realised I got the meet-up location wrongly.

We were supposed to meet at MY place.

My fever had fried my brain.

No medication for fever, and I had to endure the long night of periodical coldness, and uncomfortable warmth at the same time.

And no wonder, I lost terribly over mahjong because I found it so hard to concentrate.

It was so uncomfortable…

And when I finally did finish with mahjong, I wondered if I could skip shower because I was feeling too cold to go through with one.

But I thought of how I had been out the entire day.. and the clean freak in me emerged triumphant.

I had the quickest shower ever, soaped myself, and rinsed thoroughly… and quickly wrapped myself in the towel.

So.. freaking.. cold.

Brrr…

Dad bought back some supper for me since I didn’t have too great an appetite over dinner.

I downed my cough syrup and running nose medication which brought me into a state of trance.

I giggled through my conversation with SBB, and watched the repeat telecast of Mugello MotoGP(one of the most exciting races in a long while!) as the medication worked its magic.

I was knocked out cold by the medication by 3am.

I slept through the heavy storm this morning, this noon… and only woke up for a dose of medication at 10.

By the time I finally woke up, it was 5.30pm.

Woohoooooo… a long, long rest. Just what I needed.

My head was just too heavy.

I have to bear the ache in the right side of my head throughout the day, and was too weak to do anything.

My cough became thick and more frequent. Bleah.

Dad bought dinner back for me but I could taste nothing.

Sitting in front of the monitor was a chore.

I don’t like being sick. I feel weak. I feel like just sleeping in my bed for the entire day and not do anything.

I feel like I need to be sayang-ed.

And even now, I am typing as if I am not thinking.

So.. tired.

I can’t even proceed with the discussions of my next career move with a few people though I had thought of settling them this week.

Oh more pictures from the PC show!

June, Ting, Joyz, Stephanie.

I cannot stand typing here anymore.

Ting, out.