5 minutes ago, a minute’s phone call exposed my weakness.

Yes, it just took a minute, and I am now……..

A victim of Starhub!

Yay to all the glorious football games. And uhm, I am smart. They will activate the channels at 12 midnight, and I had called half an hour before that.

Yay. Imagine I called past 12 midnight, and I would have to wait another 24 hours. I would be in time to catch France V Switzerland.

And I had a debate with SBB over the pronunciation of Ghana. He couldn’t stop laughing when I pronounce Ghana as how people would pronounce Gan-nin-na without the ‘nin’, and he insisted there should be a more sophisticated way of saying the country’s name.

And guess what! Ha ha ha! I have the last laugh. Apparently, I pronounce correctly, alright?!

***

I woke up at 4 today, and as usual, rolled around in bed before I got hungry and went out to buy myself some dinner.

After leaving the house for a brief while yesterday, my recovering flu seems to get a little worse than yesterday.

I no like being sick.

***

I left the house yesterday afternoon to collect my beloved, precious, blue identity card.

I was filled with happy thoughts of how I finally could subscribe a phone line under my name(yes yes, my phone line is still under my previous, previous boyfriend’s name, ever since I got my first mobile phone line 5, 6 years ago), I was excited with the thoughts that I could finally sashay into ANY national library and borrow library book with the pretty card, I thought how I could finally get subsidised medical benefits, and joyfully thought contributing CPF is an awesome thing to do.

I must be mad.

I even entertained the thoughts of having a credit card, and I thought of the hazardous possibilities.. and threw the thought out of the window.

All those thoughts ran through my mind when Dad so very kindly sent me to ICA to collect my identity card on a hot, sunny Monday.

And the crowd was crazy.

I think I need a new phone too. I had problems calling out and there just wasn’t any reception.

Ah ha! I no longer have to see Mr ex’s name on my bill, but my own!

Yippeeeee!

But… all the excitement was dampened by the long wait, and the sight of the ghastly picture on my IC.

I mean, I thought my Malaysian IC was baaaad.

Until I saw this one….

My first thought was, uhm…….. isn’t this kind of pictures more suitable on an urn, or on the tombstone?

Damn sad can?

I look as pale as a ghost. And the auntie who took the picture came over to tuck my hair behind my ears at the LAST second, and I thought it look really bad…. especially when my hair is already flat from the helmet.

And where’s my nose and upper lip?!?!?!?!?!

No way would I want it to be on my hearse or grave!

Nooooo Waaaaayyyy!

So please please, if ever you know, I ever got on the newspaper if I were to die young, or you know, get some nice, smiley, sexy, hot, pouting picture of me to display on the funeral.

Or maybe, pass some deceiving deserving shots to those nosey reporters so my orbituary could be of something more presentable and eccentric.

***

Had late lunch with dad. And after a long wait, I finally got back home at 5 plus in the afternoon.

And my energy was sapped up totally by then.

***

My dad was ceaseless on the phone.

He was one busy, busy man, yet he took time to accompany me to pick up my card.

He has aged so much.

But I am glad, his business is finally picking up, and it was funny listening to my dad speaking to some Japanese in his bastardised English, speaking to another client in Hakka, and then switch to Hokkien.

He then turned to me to speak to me in Mandarin.

So multi-lingual. I cannot beat.

Sometimes, it is funny how and why it is so difficult to hate such a flawed man.

***

Mum’s phone line in Malaysia is partially cut off. She can’t make outgoing calls, but I would still be able to call her.

I think I really would have to make a trip back to see her soon.

***

The darn piece of blue plastic costs me $200. Going to the doctor set me back by another $100, and I decide I should give my mum $300 or $400 to sort out the things at home.

Medical bill on Monday will set me back $70.

I am so very the broke.

Thank God I haven’t been going out much.

***

I finally said whatever I had needed to say, things which were meant to say earlier.

It might not be totally what I had wanted to say, but I also heard what he has to say, which, strangely, nothing is out of my expectations.

Goodbye it should, but it wasn’t. But goodbye it would be, sooner, or later.

As much as it is ouchy to think it might be sooner, but thinking how it would have been way before this, it is already… a bonus?

I don’t know.

But sometimes, to be able to finally say out openly what are on our minds, is truly liberating.

I could feel the constipation in the conversation, the strains, as if each other is a painful reminder of what we could have, and would be going through. Or maybe, each other is a reminder of things are difficult for us to think through.

I felt like running away again yesterday.

I talked to friends who were overseas, paving my escape routes.

I feel like avoiding all the phone calls coming in, and just wanna dwell in the temporary peace when my mind isn’t cluttered with what-nots.

Hide. Hide. Hide.

I am afraid of people once again, especially with the recent conclusion of PC Show. It was almost too tiring to deal with people again.

And everything is just too overwhelming these days.

***

I am thankful for that honesty.

Not much friendships have that nowadays. However brutal that honesty might be, it is still comforting to know nothing is too sugar-coated, as close to the truth as possible.

Flu and a stuck nose is a good cover up.

I will remember every word said late last night over the lengthy conversation(then again, which conversation hadn’t been lengthy since the beginning? Laughs).

It was strangely… comforting.

I exhaled, with a huge load off the chest.

***

Sometimes as we look back in phases of our lives, we realise there is nothing much we could leave behind for each other, except for the moments that touched, and the words that etched ever so heavily… leaving a trail of unexpected impacts in our lives.

***

I went to sleep at 6am.

I dreamt a lot. I woke up in the day to find dried tears on both sides of my temple.

I shall say it again. Hormones are incredibly evil.