I can’t help but feel really irked by the recent cab fare hike. It is almost too ridiculous.Creeps.

And I am not blogging much also because blogger has been giving me quite a bit of problems and those problems are making my blogging efforts a darn exasperating one.

I subjected myself to quite a fair bit of running around for the past few days, and had met up with so many people I had meant to meet.

Friday kickstarted the intensive catching-up sessions when I met Mingwei and Cynthia at West Mall for a late lunch, before I dropped by Woodlands to meet up with Serene, Ben, and the little Zachary and Zoe.

The last time I saw Zoe was when she was just a couple of months old, and now, she is already running around, saying prayers for me when prompted by Serene.

How sweet.

She is like a carbon copy of Zachary, and is truly a Daddy’s girl. She made me laugh when she cuddled her doll and lifted up her dress to mimick breastfeeding.

As for Zachary… I didn’t think he would still remember me after all these while, but I think I am residing in the deep recesses of his memory when his mum asked if he remembers me, and he went.. ‘Jie jie….’ (Yay!)

You see, back in those days, he used to address me as Auntie Tingting, and I would always joke and correct him that it should be ‘Jie jie’. Ahem.

Eventually I had a long talk with Serene and Ben until the kids were to be put in bed, and they are going to link me up with Pastor Henry this week.

Phew.

***

I got home pretty late that night and indulged in yet another long session of CSI. I am finally onto Season 2, and am expecting to finish it and move on to Season 3 by today.

Whee!

And I downloaded a movie to be watched later when SBB drops by.

My life is just a routine.

***

Woke up on Saturday without much sleep. Somehow, I just couldn’t sleep on more despite feeling really tired.

I did make my way down to Holland Village for a ‘downunder’ appointment in the late afternoon after a couple of episodes of CSI, and had bumped into Zhiyang who was there with his colleague.

We went to Pets Lovers’ Station to coo over the cute little pups.

***

I had struggled for the longest time to make up my mind whether to drop by for Rosemary’s engagement party.

I was feeling a dash of social shyness for the evening, and was afraid I might feel immensely out of place.

I know not why.

But eventually, I know I did want to see those familiar faces again. You know, how sometimes some people would just remind you of the more innocent times, when things were simpler and less complex?

Somehow, things and people might change, but their faces will always evoke that familiar nostalgic, bittersweet feeling.

Just like a scent.

***

I am happy for the bride and groom to be who looked soak in bliss.

29th July. Heh, so quaint.

It was nice seeing some of the NPCC friends of mine, and the guys are finally graduates and are a couple of months into the workforce.

The night was.. nice.

A talk with Felicia tore down my guards and it was a nice talk. A short catch up with Nam Kung, Weiqiang and Junhong was pretty vague, but yet… you feel that when some people ask you how are you doing, they really mean what they ask.

Really.

Fuquan gave us a lift home and the night was concluded… with a nice, sweet feeling lingering.

***

I was supposed to wake up by 9 to head down to office on a Sunday.

I tried to sleep since 1, but failed to do so, and tossed around for another couple of hours.

I called up Eugene(my ex-colleague) and spewed forth large amount of rubbish before I finally decided I shall try to get some more sleep.

By then, it was almost 4.

SBB gave me a quick call, and soon after, I finally fell asleep.

***

My colleague picked me up on an early Sunday morning, and I was dressed for work, and had my work jacket in my arms.

Everyone ended up late for the meeting and we were one of the earliest to reach.

I should have just snoozed on a little more.

The guys took a quick fag break and it was quite a storm out there with the chilly heavy wind, and I was thinking to myself how nice it would be if I was tucked in nicely in my duvet.

It was a quick briefing before we moved on to Suntec City for lunch by noon time.

It was yet some waiting for seats, before the entourage of our team gobbled down our food. Tommi’s wife Janet, was an absolute darling to have around.

The guys were up for some serious challenge for the day - giving up their hair in the name of charity, Children’s Cancer Foundation.

All the guys in our team shaved bald, and some other colleagues did come down to render their support as well.

Alas, the crowd was too much for me and I ended up feeling totally sick in the midst of people.

The guys were really sporting and I felt a little dejected that I wasn’t part of it(permission not granted from a certain someone who said, ‘Cos I say so’).

I should have some pictures to put up, but the darn blogger is going against me and I had troubles loading the pictures for the engagement party and the head-shaving event.

So gotta wait I guess. Boohoo.

***

I had wanted to make my way down to Far East to see my ex-colleagues at GXL event, but I was feeling too weak to carry on the day and headed home with the rest of my westerner colleagues by cab.

I would say I am very touched by everyone’s concern yesterday and I think the solitary wall I had built up in the initial period is slowly coming down.

I fell asleep almost immediately after my showers, until a call came in the evening for a game of mahjong.

I still need to relax, you know?

Heh.

***

No surprises what I spent my time on after mahjong.

More CSI.

Until I fell asleep with my glasses on halfway through episode 15.

***

I think Dad is closer to the truth much more than ever when he gave me a call when I was playing mahjong.

He was such a darling to get me 3 tubes of Lancome lip gloss(juicy tubes) when he flew back from Indonesia yesterday.

I nearly gave him a quirky answer over the phone when he called.

***

A brand new day today, and I had to dread my ass out for a meeting at office.

I came home straight after that and I am very pissed that the food at the office building sucks and is darn expensive.

I also feel a great deal of fatigue from the long bus ride, which led me to alight at the wrong bus stop.

I took another bus to Buona Vista MRT, and I was so put off by the walk to the overhead bridge that I decided to take another bus home.

It took me more than an hour, from daylight to night, before I finally got home.

I did house chores.

I watched CSI.

And I even blogged.

Oh dear.

When can I finally get back the spark in me for me to blog decently again?

Soon, soon.

Maybe I should just get my own domain.

Anyone would be so kind to sponsor me? Heh.

I haven’t been blogging because I have been busy, tired, busy, tired, stressed, and tired. I finally finished 3 full days of excruciating course, which made me a very angry person.

My most hated things in life are: books, exams, and being trapped in lectures and classes.

Well done, I was forced to go through all of the above in the past 3 weeks.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were… torturous with 9.30am(THE HORRORS!)-5.30pm lectures.

I skipped last 2 hours of class on Monday and was almost blacklisted(I think).

Well, I had my justification. I took half an hour to visit the clinic cos I was feeling darn unwell.

Then, my manager messaged me to get to the office(which was 2 storeys below the training room) for a meeting.

I had been extremely grouchy. But I was glad to monopolise the corner of the last row, so I could stare out of the window for most of the class.

I even played my MP3 player whilst listening to the boring and dry stuff.

I dozed off a couple of times.

I SMSed relentlessly.

I doodled.

I cursed internally x 100.

Until I was finally liberated yesterday.

***

I really resented the world with all my might on Monday. I feel like wringing everyone’s neck. Especially those who ask stupid redundant questions that would delay the break times.

And I shall not mention how my legs were like going to cramp from the long period of sitting down.

I slept like 12 every night and woke up tired at 7 plus every morning despite setting my alarm for 8.10am.

I feel so glad that I took public transport for all 3 days. So proud of myself.

I stayed back in the office till 7 plus on Monday.

I think it got a bit too much for me on Tuesday night and I cried myself to sleep.

But on Tuesday, I finally made the call I had wanted to make to Serene for the longest time and said whatever I had needed much courage to say.

And now, it is for the final hurdle.

***

I have a new joy in life.

It is called CSI Season 1.

Thanks to Mindy and her patience over MSN, I finally learnt how to download the entire season. Hurhurhur.

And that is one of the reasons why I haven’t been blogging.

I reached home, I would watch until it is 12, then I would sleep.

Yesterday I watched from 1am-4am, since I could go to office a bit later today.

Wooohoooo.

I need to have more space on my computer, you know?

***

My memory is failing these days.

I can’t seem to remember what had happened for the past week, ya know?

But I think I could remember having the worst tummy upset ever in my life when I went to the loo throughout the day on Sunday morning.

I was woken up by a sharp pain at 9 plus, and then it went on throughout until 10 plus before I could sleep for another couple of hours despite the pain.

It didn’t go away and I felt darn bad on Monday when I had to wake up early despite the discomfort.

Must be the silly prata supper I had with the guys on Saturday.

***

Saturday.

I left home in the evening to meet up with Wei. I had wanted VampTreSS to meet him.

We ended up sitting around City Hall area till late, and it was a nice windy day to be out.

Nice night.

Boon came over to pick us up with Nick and the 4 of us went down to Pasir Panjang for supper.

Darn the curry.

We adjourned to West Coast McDees, had my fill of hot fudge sundae before I bade the group an early goodbye to head home for my CSI.

Wheee!

***

I had been a bad, bad girl on Friday.

I had been a bad, bad girl today.

Because…….

I went shopping!

I bought myself nice sunglasses. SALE! Half price! My sensitive eyes these days have a savior!

I bought myself a nice dress. Running out of things to wear, and I do need new clothes.

But I bought myself an ugly pair of shoes. I have to stop wearing slippers to work.

Miscellaneous stuff here and there.

Those paper bags are so pretty….

Oh dear, I am one broke lass.

***

Had dinner with Alvin and Denise on Friday evening in Orchard, before we took a cab to his place for a game of mahjong. Heh.

Oh. Today we played mahjong too after I had finished shopping in Orchard.

Whee!

***

I arranged to meet up with Nick for dinner yesterday, but he was late, so he asked me to meet up with Brian first since he was already in town.

I went to Orchard after my course yesterday, feeling totally liberated.

Whee!

Mindy arrived shortly after, and her workplace is just along the same stretch as where my office is located.

She suggested doing lunch one day which doesn’t seem too bad an idea since I am like the ultimate loner in the building.

My colleagues were either out most of the time, or I just feel too shy to ask anyone else to join me.

So I would end up going around myself.

It is like how I have to find seats only after I order my food, and sometimes I might not have seats though I had gotten my food.

Bleah.

After the 4 of us chilled at Cream Bistro, Nick dropped me off at Newton where I caught a cab home.

I deserved the cab ride after how the world(or rather, the course) had been cruel to me.

***

This week.. is one of changes.

I will pen my contract some time this week, and I had chosen the 28th, or rather, 29th.

Which is silly, because it was chosen, simply because I had lost a bet to Finicky Feline on the exact date last year.

Silly, silly me.

***

This week, things happened, and I realised I am running out of places to hide.

Yes, the time is near.

***

You know how funny it is when your ex-boyfriend suddenly gets in touch with you, and then someone you shared something special with suddenly gets in touch too?

Then, someone you quite admire joked that he wishes to see you in your birthday suit on his birthday after seeing your MSN picture(gee, speaking of devil)?

Then someone who used to have a crush on you is constantly looking for you too?

Oddly, all 4 are in different countries, and Chinese from different countries?

Such is bad timing.

***

I had been having bad dreams.

I had a bad day. I am extremely tired.

I am darn agitated over the slightest things.

Just… tired and stressed.

I am sooo not a morning person.

SOMEWHERE

So are you going to cook for me?

Can. Make sure you are properly insured though.

Maybe you should get ……..-insert a list of ingredients here- and we’ll cook together when I go over okay?

Okay…. but I will cook for you more extensively next time. I might just make a sandwich this time round cos I doubt I would have the extra energy after my exam.

Okay, set. Then you also going to pose for me right? (a cheeky reference to the shoot I did for VampTreSS and the product shoot)

What?! You think I superwoman huh? Exam, sleep deprivation, grocery shopping, cook, and still pose?!

Yup! Hahaha.

Gee, oh, I suppose I need to throw in a shag too? Do I need to throw in a free massage, wash the dishes, and a cup of tea, sir?

Actually, the posing and shag can go together. And, I would prefer a cup of coffee, thank you.

………………….. -mutters curses-

***

17th June 2006.

I was supposed to do my shopping in the early part of the day but my stamina didn’t last me through noon.

I caught a long nap before I headed down to Holland Village in the evening, lugging back things that I could remember off the back of my mind.

It isn’t surprising that I did miss out some stuff, and I could only make do with whatever I had.

***

It was a grand opening ceremony. I burnt my butter when I had put the pan over the fire for a tad too long.

I panicked and had to rewash my pan and turner, feeling totally discouraged.

A prompt message was sent out, ‘If my cooking tastes really horrible and bad, will you still finish it and bruff me it is nice?‘

No reply. I thought he chickened out.

A few more seconds passed, and he had called back, “Hahaha, what have you done? Yeap, I will still finish it and bluff you it is nice.”

“I screwed up.” I muttered defeatedly.

“How do you screw up a sandwich?”

“Ah well, I will explain to you later.” I mustered my most pitiful voice.

“Okay, I am coming over now.”

***

Things only got slightly better from there.

Whilst he made his way down, I cut the bread into half(damn, I need a bread knife).

I coated the bread with butter, and panfried it a little, and threw on a piece of cheese onto it.

Not knowing what to do next(??), I cut the tomato up and plucked a few petals(??) from the lettuce(dammit! Don’t they sell just a few pieces of leaves?! I still have 2 huge balls of it in my fridge, and I am no fan of lettuce).

I am one who is very anal about food hygiene, and I made sure I wash, scrub, soak and whatsoever them before using them.

Uh.. so what next?

I chopped some garlic(uhm. I forgot about the onions actually. No, it was more of, the onions came in too big a pack and I forgo it….) and had wanted to chop up the capsicum, but! I had conveniently forgotten about the capsicum as I started become realllll clumsy in the kitchen.

I nearly dropped the knife and chopping board onto my feet.

I was slightly glad I started without him, or else I would be mocked constantly over how hopeless I am in the kitchen(I am not hopeless okay!) in the future.

I thought it would be cool if my sandwich comes with sides… and I bought aparagus.

I soaked the asparagus in salt water.

I fried the garlic, threw in some seasoning, poured a little oyster sauce and threw the few miserable stalks of asparagus(I still have one big pack! I don’t know why I was so stingy that I only used a few stalks…) into the pan to stir-fry.

Oops. Was I overly generous with the garlic and oyster sauce? Uh oh, he might get a sodium high.

Next up, I threw in the sausage.

Uhm, I think I forgot the garlic and oyster sauce was still very much in the pan….

Ahhhh *pulls hair out in frustration*

And my sausage became blackish. Eeek.

Fortunately, I had 2 sausages!

I fried the other one to perfection. -glee glee glee-

I took out some pieces of bacon, threw them into the pan.. and browned them. Threw them onto the sandwich.

Then, I took out the badly-marinated beef cubes(I did my grocery shopping late, remember?), which SBB later insisted nobody ever uses beef cubes in sandwich.

It was when I was tossing the beef cubes into the pan when the phone rang.

“I’m here…”

“Oops! Give me 5 minutes!”

“It’s alright, I will go to the first floor lobby and you open the door for me from there.”

“Okok!” I was eagerly getting him off the phone so I wouldn’t over cook the darn beef.

And when he finally did get to the doorstep….

…. I finished!

He gave me a peck as I greeted him at the door, and I felt awfully self-conscious cos I was coated in a layer of smelly grease.

Don’t you guys dare to laugh at my efforts.

His dinner on the right, and mine, on the left.

I tried a bite and the beef… was tasteless.

Other than that, it was rather edible.

So, did he keep to what he said about finishing it?

Nope!

Hmph. Then again, he finished everything except for the bread, cos he said it was making him too full.

Phew.

And nope, he didn’t help with the dishes either. All I had was a little thank-you peck on the lips.

Oh and he very kindly threw in an invitation for me to dive into his cuddles with his opened arms. A tight embrace feels good.

But well, he did offer to cook for me in return with the leftover ingredients, but I was too full to snap up the offer.

Next time, sweets.

***

I finally had a well-deserved shower right after dinner…

But that rascal cheekily unlocked the door from the outside and gave me a big scare.

Grr……

It became a water fight as I turned the showers at him, but he emerged a notch evil-er when he dashed into the bedroom and held my baby pillow as captive.

***

We contemplated on taking a late night walk to the petrol kiosk nearby, but we were suddenly growing a tad lazy.

We cuddled in front of the monitor and watched the horrific attack on KennySia, and wondered why no one shoved the french loaf into his….. mouth.

Eventually, we did drag our butts out of the house and took a walk under the half-moon.

We nearly did somemore veggie shopping, but I was lucky to escape from all of his crazy ideas.

As we strolled back, my hand in his, I suddenly recalled just how I had reread my archives just a while back.

I muttered, ‘Gee, all XXX’s fault!‘

He got it immediately. ‘Yeah man. -expletives-’

Exactly a year ago on the same day, on a night like this, if not for that blardy 8 and half hour phone call…

Oh well.

“Gee, it has been exactly a year… hmm how fast.” I seriously have no idea what was going through my mind then when I muttered that sentence.

“Hur, yah man.“

-Silence-

***

You know, how a song will remind you of a phase of your life?

Recently, with the trailers of “The Lakehouse” intruding advertising space, the song kept haunting me…

A song I might have mentioned more than once over the past year.

Coincidentally, SBB called when I was listening to MTV, and the song came on air again, not once, but twice.

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Ironically, that song crept into my mind as we approached the main gate as we walked back home in the night, and through the carpark, where it all started.

***

Just as he got off the phone, I was thinking about just another song, which I mentioned exactly a year ago too.

I remember my virgin photography session with the guys… which was the start of the friendship I had with the group exactly a year ago too.

I named the album Everybody’s Changing, speaking of changes in my life, speaking of changes, in people’s lives.

Right then, the song came on.

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don’t see how you can
You’re aching, you’re breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody’s changing
And I don’t know why

So little time
Try to understand that I’m
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody’s changing
And I don’t feel the same

You’re gone from here
And soon you will disappear
Cause everybody’s changing
And I don’t feel right

So little time
Try to understand that I’m
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody’s changing
And I don’t feel the same

***

I am fading out.

I think.

***

We got cuddly, kissy and all cosy to round off the night. It felt good enough for me to drift off to sleep just like this, in his arms.

He did something really kinky to me that it is almost unprintable.

I still feel a tingle down my spine as I dwell on it.

-Wry smirk-

Maybe, just maybe, you need to bribe men with candies and chocolate before they would do what you want.

***

We were just lazing around in bed talking nonsense, childish bickers, spent a great deal of time figuring out which is my master eye, and fighting over which side of the bed to sleep on.

And I actually did throw in a massage too.

Tsk tsk.

***

Whee! I disturbed him enough to get what I wanted before he went to sleep. Muahaha.

I must be really, really tired.

I fell asleep as soon as I could remember, since it was already 6am.

I hope he didn’t realise how I was drooling all over his shoulder.. again.

***

As I cuddled him from behind, his hand crept onto mine and held it.

I drifted back into sleep again…

***

The faint rambles of thunders accompanied the dimly litted room in the afternoon.

I snuggled closer to him, attempting to burrow my head into his neck.

The alarm rang in a slight while, and my eyes could hardly open.

His face was the first thing I saw when I squint my stubborn eyes.

I demanded a wake up peck and cuddle with a scrunch of my facial expression.

He sat up to wash up and gave a chuckle, and teased that he should probably make me walk around the house, and I would probably do it with my eyes closed.

I hid under the cosy and comfy duvet, and got him into bed for another cuddle in my dreamy state.

I sat up to lean on his back, almost dozing off again, before I slumped back into the bed and continued snoozing, until he woke me up to send him to the door.

It was rainy, cosy, and a perfect day to lie in.

I thought I would take some time off the monitor to concentrate(ahem, yes) on the darn notes over the weekend(that is, after my previous post)… and I thought it would be the perfect justification of why I haven’t been updating this space for quite a while.As much as I would like to think that I have been making conscientious efforts studying… err… as I chew on the past weekend’s events, -sheepish- I knew I had been a bad, bad girl.

Let’s see.

I promised my manager I would finish 2 chapters.

Straight after my previous post on Thursday, I gave in for a quick game of mahjong at around 10, with the usual suspects, and this time, Bernard, whom I have not seen for the longest while, made a grand appearance!

I stayed up after they had left, and binged on a double cheeseburger to tide me through the late-night reading.

I finally finished the 2 chapters(gee, nobody warned me how blardy lengthy the chapters were!).

Concluded the night with a catch-up phone call with VampTreSS, and it felt as it I was kicked hard in the guts when I was bitching bringing up something regarding SBB to her.

Hurhurhur.

Someone must have been listening very carefully.

***

I didn’t wake up early on Friday, as much as I thought I should.

I thought my manager would call me to meet up at the office but he didn’t, so I took it as a cue to do home study.

Which… obviously didn’t happen.

I met up with the rest of the guys(Nick and all) for supper, and Kelvin and Nick picked me up from Buona Vista MRT to head down to Holland Village.

Had a fulfilling supper and a coffee session thereafter, before we roamed around Cold Storage at 3am.

It was late, yet Kelvin very nicely sent all of us home. Me first at Jurong, Mei mei at Choa Chu Kang, possibly Vamp next in town, Nick next at Toa Payoh, Daphne at Tampines, before he is finally home in.. *gasp* Pasir Ris.

It is no wonder that my 2 chapters, came to a halt all the way until….. Saturday.

***

Yet on Saturday, I succumbed to the guys’ suggestion of an early game of mahjong, when Chris joined Alvin, Denise and I for the late afternoon.

I need to relax a bit, you know?

It ended around 8pm, and left the rest of the evening free for me to reaaaallly concentrate.

I managed another 2 chapters before calling it a night.

Spoke to SBB for a little while and whined about my dread… and he had drilled enough sense into me to grit my teeth and get it over and done with.

Though he did make a little comment when I said something like, ‘That’s why I thought I would play a game of mahjong… before….’

Hurhurhur.

I don’t remember retiring till 5am.

***

I woke up knackered on Sunday, dreading the whole studying process again.

I managed 3 hours of studying before the guys came over… for yes, mahjong again!

Eric, who had been MIA-ing for the longest time suggested the game after he was down with… herpes shingles. Leslie turned up too and we had a 2nd round of game.

It was 7 when we started our game, and it lasted till 1-ish, and we continued the night on with a meal of supper before I got back at 2 to have a shower and continued with the books.

I squeezed in 3 hours of intense studying, which was more of doing the mock questions, and left the textbook untouched.

I am so proud my book is in mint condition.

And when I thought I could catch 3 hours of sleep before my wake-up time of 8, the irritating insomnia hit me once again and I only managed to drift off at 6 plus in the morning.

One plus hour of sleep?

That’s pure hell.

***

I caught a cab yet again, and the cab fare built up to 20 bucks.

What the blardy hell.

4 bucks on ERP, 2 bucks on peak hour rate, and the rise in cab fare snowballed the total fare to exorbitant rates.

I wanted so much to wring the neck of the uncle, but decided it wasn’t his fault.

I started to feel really sick when the crawling traffic and piercing morning rays were killing me bit by bit.

The room was already filled with people, compared to the time I took my last paper, where only 6 people were taking the test.

I didn’t like the stuffy feeling, and dropped my bag to the floor and waited for the test to start.

Oh, I was 2 minutes early. How proud I was of myself.

I was never on time for exams as far as I could remember.

After half an hour, I skipped quite a number of questions and my dizziness was brewing with the faint whiff of cologne making me slightly giddy.

I quickly finished up the few questions which I had no confident of.

You see, when I have no confident of the answers, I would write down the question number before I would go back to it again.

Either that, or I would leave it blank.

I calculated the total of such were probably around 15ish. Plus and minus 5 questions for errors, it should be able to get me a pass.

Since the marks aren’t important.. I could take it no more and click on FINISH.

Whee!

It was a PASS and I collected my result slips and made my exit out of the stifling environment.

45 minutes for a 2 hour paper…

But the malls were not opened yet.

Dammit.

Didn’t manage to do the shopping I had hoped to, so I returned back to office, and did the necessary paperworks(manager insisted it was 2 miracles in a row), till it was half past noon when my manager sent me to Tiong Bahru MRT so I could finally head home for some decent rest.

I did some walking around in Tiong Bahru mall before heading back by MRT.

I refused to let the cab companies sucking me off more than they deserved. Not to say they deserved much from me that morning. Hmphf.

I finally succumbed to the sleepybug, and woke up only in the evening.

I took a train to Buona Vista, and walked to Holland Village.

I am beginning to be awed by my determination not to be reliant on the train!

Whee!

I lugged back tonnes of grocery, ingredients for me to cook up a mess in the kitchen.

Last I heard, SBB is still very much alive(nope, no signs of food poisoning yet), and I am proud to announce that he survived my very bad cooking.

***

A Mars bar will never look the same in my eyes, ever again.

***

How do you find out which is your master eye?

Do you do the triangle thing with your hand and fingers to look at an object through it to determine it?

Hmmmmmmmmm…. so if the test is accurate, how does one explain that sometimes my left eye is more dominant, and on some other occasions, my right eye is so?

He says I am a weirdo

NO!! Am not.

***

Kill people set fire is correct! It is not chop people set fire.

We bickered over the origins of that phrase and apparently, he didn’t know there is a chinese idiom, in formal speech that means Kill people set fire.

And “chop people”(in hokkien) is just one of the techniques used to kill people. Ahem.

***

The sky was rambling when we woke up today. So cosy.

I was so tired.

But it had been a long while since I fell asleep almost immediately, and had such a nice, good sleep.

I wished I could lie that way in bed, and snuggle under my duvet for the entire day.

He left, slightly after 3.

I only woke up around half past 4. Or was it 5?

I was THAT tired.

***

I went for dinner alone at the nearby coffeeshop, called up an estate agent, signed my CPF forms(and finished some paperworks regarding Dad’s company), did some reading, lazed, and watched some television.

This week, will be a challenging one ahead.

Gee, it is already Thursday. This week had advanced pretty quickly, and seriously, I can’t wait for it to pass sooner.

One test down, but another to go, on Monday. Grr….. -pulls hair out-

Was supposed to stay home and study today but I ended up surfing and chilling for most of the day, and neglected my book, which I had not even read through a single page much.

I don’t have to repeat myself how much I loathe studying.

***

One of my NPCC mates is engaged and there will be an engagement party coming up which I am not sure if I would turn up.

Whilst browsing Friendster today, I realised another of my secondary school classmate is already married earlier this year.

Not to mention that a very darling friend of mine, who is turning 24 today, is getting hitched early next year to a very, very nice man.

Happy birthday Mei!

A life changing year for many.

***

I went back to office to collect some notes and such yesterday and met up with Kaiming and Lingshen for dinner in the evening.

My manager was almost like supervising my studying progress as he busied with his stuff and I, flipping through the notes half-heartedly. Tsk tsk.

It had been ages since I last met them and they were really brilliant to accompany me as I browsed the malls, which led to yet another unfruitful shopping trip.

We went for dinner at Waraku at the Starhub building in Orchard, before leaving for a walk down the stretch to Takashimaya.

Alas, I got really tired and the malls were already closing.

We settled for desserts at Heeren’s NYDC, before they sent me to the cab stand.

It was amazingly easy to catch at cab at 10.45pm, and since I got on a SilverCab(which Kaiming very gentlemanly gave up for me as he took the blue colour one), the cab fare was in the same old comfortable range…. unlike the unpleasant trip I had the day before.

I like the same old familiar feeling whenever I met up with these 2 lovely chaps, but somehow my energy level didn’t match up to my enthusiasm.

***

Oh yes, Tuesday.

Tsk tsk.

I woke up feeling incredibly groggy, considering that I only slept for barely 2 plus hours.

And of course, I would have to succumb to the bloodsuckers cabs since I had slept a bit more, and I didn’t really want to be late(if I took a train, I would have to walk quite a distance). I still thought I could be slightly earlier to do a bit of studying you know?

Cabs were everywhere on a Tuesday morning, 8.15am.

Interesting!

Eventually, I thought it would be safe for me to catch a SMRT cab…. which stopped readily for me.

Oooooooo how blardy wrong I was.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ -Curse curse swear swear-

The fare chalked up to 18 blardy bucks.

BEFORE THE FARE HIKE ALRIGHT?!

4 bucks of CBD charge, and 1 quid for peak hour.

Kill people set fire you know?!

It is like the normal charge for me to catch a midnight cab home from Orchard alright? And I wasn’t even going anywhere far, it was Suntec City I was heading to!

I knew it was going to be a bad day.

And the lack of ample rest had made my trip in the cab a horrendous one… it gave me a tremendous headache on the ride, and a supreme heartache after the ride.

***

I staggered out of the examination room after 2 and half hours and my stiff legs refused to carry my weight. No breakfast, that was why.

I had intended to head back to the office because, very brilliantly, I had forgotten to bring my phone out when I was rushing for the exam that morning.

Well done!

When I realised I had forgotten my phone, I knew it was going to be real bad, cos my manager would be looking for me.

***

I think it was almost impossible that I would pass.

A miracle has occured(again).

You see, the night before, I was supposed to borrow a calculator to familiarise with the calculations, but I realised I didn’t have any and had to borrow one at the last minute.

I was supposed to attend some tutorials which I didn’t cos I couldn’t make it back then.

Then huh, when it was almost 9, I just finished half of the book, and had left the rest untouched.

I was supposed to finish doing 2 sets of mock paper given by manager, which I didn’t even manage to do any.

And….. what did I do?

I gave in to a game of mahjong with Edmund, Alvin and Denise till it was 11.30pm!

You see, I needed some relaxation. Ahem. Justifiable right?

But! They have to repeat Italy’s triumph on Channel 5, and I ended up being captivated by the evil dummy box yet again!

So it was 1 plus when I finally had a shower, and finished with the game.

I spoke to SBB, before I got into the mood of finally reading up on the calculations.

I tried for an hour, and made plenty of mistakes. I became frustrated.

Then ah, I tried to read and flip through the rest of the book and realised the laws and such confused me big time. My headache started nagging me.

It was almost 4.20am when I decided to send a mayday message to my manager to tell him that I doubt I could make it for the exam tomorrow, and how dead I was.

In fact I was hoping I could skip it cos I dreaded waking up at 8am.

I finally dove into bed with the bare minimal I could muster at 5, but with my recent insomnia, I only drifted off much later.

And before I knew it, I woke up at 7.50am without the alarm’s help.

Damn irritated, alright?

I was sulkish. I didn’t feel well. A hint of headache was there.

I went off to realise I forgot my phone.

The cab fare was horrid.

I went into the exam room with the following things scattered all over my table: Eye drops, a bottle of water, Strepsils, tissue, pencil…

I didn’t feel good at all.

Eventually, I thought I would take a lot of time to muster the courage click on the FINISH button…

Then, the basket machine didn’t allow me to do so, because before I knew it, time was up.

I was doing some calculations with my head bowed, and when I looked up, it was a box that flashed up to tell me that…..

I PASSED!

Wooohooo!

Idiot. Deprived me the chance to press for the results myself. And I hadn’t finished my paper.

It wasn’t a surprise that I only managed a borderline pass. HEHEHEHEHE.

But it didn’t matter. A pass is all I need.

Right after the exam, I wished I could inform everyone the good news, but darn, I didn’t have my phone with me.

I took a long walk back to my old office where I met the guys for lunch… The wait was so long that I nearly fainted from the wait and hunger.

As in.. literally faint.

Marcus very sweetly got me a cup of Ribena when I was all sickly and yet I didn’t manage to hold it down before I was so sick that I ended up puking in the foodcourt.

I felt so much better after eating something to up my blood sugar level.

Eventually I struggled to make my way home by MRT because I totally refused to take a cab after my ordeal that earlier morning.

***

I got into a relatively full train, with most seats taken with a couple of passengers standing around.

I was in the last cabin, coping with the lack of sleep and giddiness, and was hoping I could get just ONE seat…

I walked in, and there were a couple of empty seats that were snapped up almost immediately.

I was pale, tired and was darting my head from left to right looking for a seat, when I heard a loud, ‘Excuse me, here!’.

I turned and saw a nerdy looking chap signalling to me, an offered the seat.

I didn’t think too much into it, and thought how nice it was because I could rest and read my magazine.

I smiled brightly and gave a chirpy thank you, and plonked my big ass on the seat.

After I sat down, I was like…. WAIT A MINUTE!

Was I just offered a seat on the MRT?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I realised a few pairs of eyes were looking on to me, and giving me the puzzled look, and I retracted back, looking a little sheepish.

The next stop came and a few more people alighted, but the guy didn’t sit down..

So I supposed he saw that I was looking for a seat and so offered the seat to me by alerting me that there was a seat…

So I supposed he was just being nice since he didn’t want the seat and I was obviously looking for one.

So I supposed I was just looking sick and tired…

Boohoo! I mean it couldn’t be that I look like I am 5 months pregnant or something right?!

If I really do, it wouldn’t explain why the auntie yesterday was jostling me to go up the bus and left me seatless.

Hmphf.

Oh well.

***

I called up SBB when I got back and he is the only wonderful one who went, ‘Congrats, I knew you can do it.’

But I was half delirious and was mumbling throughout the conversation before I went for a shower. Not before I messaged manager that I forgot to bring my phone and would call him in a while.

After shower, I was just too tired to move a limb.

In the evening, I finally called my manager.

First thing he asked, ‘So did you go for the exams today?’

Since I was almost uncontactable, I think he must have thought I didn’t wake up or I did my disappearing act.

I told him I did, and he went, ‘So.. uhm, how much did you not make it by..?

‘Huh?’

‘I mean, how much did you fall short of the passing marks…?’

‘But.. er.. uhm.. I pass ah…’

‘Huh? You pass? Wah lau eh!! You never informed earlier? I still thought you feel bad and too sheepish to tell me you fail! I still so worried when I couldn’t get you.’

‘Idiot! You must have either thought I didn’t go and see me sure fail is it?!’

Met up with my neighbour for dinner on Tuesday night, and finally heaved a sigh of relief as I pass one module, and ended the night with enough rest.

Ah well. I should at least start some studying right now.

Out.

这一路， 我迷失了。彻彻底底地。自己，方向，抉择。人生。

跌跌撞撞，懵懵懂懂，是是非非，轰轰烈烈。

框在一个不属于我的国度里，摸索着。

我存在的那一端，是黑暗的。抱歉，还好，我不是。至少我是那么认为。

任性的确不可思议地磨出了韧性。

玻璃外的世界是鲜艳的。

抽离地调侃人事变迁，嘿！不干我的事，却让我惊呼不该变的，始终还是沿着进化论，变了。物是人非，事与愿违，怎么会如此?

看着我存在着的框里的一切，讶异发现那他妈的早该变的，不被看好的，反逆道德观念，背弃尊严， 竟然奇迹般存活了。而且，还很久，很久。

故事理应不该如此， 剧本的发展也不该如此及具讽刺性。洒了一地的眼镜碎片。

结局，也应该是在酝酿当中吧。

当初，我看到了路的尽头，但不知道有几个弯，要走几哩。会否步履蹒跚，会否万劫不复？不晓得。

以为是一条羊肠小径，不会太费时，走马看花逛一回，不久就会回到起点，气不喘，脸不红，咀嚼它的美好。

妈的。原来是一条不归路，把我引到一个只听过，但不曾到过地国度。但也因此，把自己与现实抽离，看到了一个真实的，赤裸的世界。然而，现实反而变得有点。。。 虚幻。

原来, 剧本不是我主宰的。 戏码延续的是些什么？剧情说的是什么？表现的是什么？

好奇怪。

不再拥有掌控权, 不知所措。

我已框在这出戏里，不能自拔。上演着戏剧人生的另一段。

不需要叫好叫座，没必要满足看官们的八卦心理，无须阿谀奉承。

做自己，已经够忙了。

***

I haven’t been around for quite a while, and yes, it was the darn examination earlier today that had sapped up most of my energy for the past few days.

As much as I was struggling to keep myself away from the computer, I realised television was my next biggest nemesis.

I ended up not touching my book at all on Sunday because I was… too hyped up about watching the Finals.

I told myself I wouldn’t do a french manicure, wouldn’t eat Delifrance, and wouldn’t French kiss(cough)… just for the day.

And when the night came.. woooooooooooooohoooooooooooo!

I had a good feeling when I saw how the Italians were singing the national anthem, and how their zest and force when crooning was… impressive. Majestic, in a way.

I remember how on Tuesday night when I was out with friends watching football, someone joked that I should stand up so the Italians will score.

I stood up twice, and the 2 goals in the dying seconds of extra time went straight for the net.

Eugene messaged me to remind me to stand up this time round, but I didn’t.

But then, supersition got the better of me, and I stood up during the penalty kicks when each of the player took his spot.

It was cold to stand up, and I wrapped myself up in my duvet. Almost like those players hugging each other on the pitch, anticipating the end.

Claris was on MSN with me, sharing my nerves(you know, when you watch alone, you have overflowing anxiety and you just NEED someone to be around?!). We ‘held hands’ over the MSN window as we held our breath for Team Italia.

I tell you… I was a silly picture when I jumped up and down in my duvet squealing and screaming in delight.

And when France’s penalty hit the cross bar, I almost died from hyperventilation. My heart rate was unhealthy, and I really did think I might faint.

When Grusso put in the decisive penalty…. I jumped and ran in the confined space of my room, and thinking back, I might have thought I am one of those players on the pitch, and was running together with them.

Seriously, I couldn’t quite recall if I did almost run straight into the television screen as if I was running towards the goalpost to celebrate the victory.

And did I mention that I know Italy’s national anthem very well now(if you watch lotsa MotoGP, you hear it pretty often)?

SBB called immediately and congratulated the exuberant one, and I was totally gigglish, incoherant, and was ‘whee-ing’ here, and then ‘woohoo-ing’ there.

I think I jumped a little, rolled around the bed a little, and just sounded totally out of my mind.

Pure adrenalin.

Spoke on the phone with him till 6 plus but the residue adrenalin didn’t go away.

I only managed to sleep finally at 7 plus.

I can’t say how happy I am that the Azzurri was crowned the champions, and in my opinion, Cannavaro had been the most shining star so far in the tournament. Buffon had charmed me greatly too. Damn! I am under the Italians’ spell.

Words can’t describe how happy I am, really.

Especially on a day like this when I am deprived of good, quality rest.

So, I will give you one freaking good reason to fall in love with the Azzurri…….

Oh dear oh dear… I am blushing.

I have a newfound crush…

Pirlo! Hubba hubba, come to mama! His eyes are just… mesmerisingly enchanting.

Man! They should outphase and ban the old jerseys. Make this ALL footballers’ official jerseys.

And gee, now, I am braced for the withdrawal symptoms of the World Cup.

One month of footie action, and what a dramatic World Cup it has been. I myself, am pleased. You guys should have known my penchant for all things Italian for the longest time.

As much as there are controversies(football is like a religion, and it is a darn sensitive topic, alright?), there will be people who will never be pleased with who the winner is, and how the World Cup(or individual matches) was won.

But as it drew to a beautiful close, with the guys who litted up the pitch with their post-match celebrations(gee! Off came the long hair, and off came the pants!), and I saw my Philippo Inzaghi in the midst of action too.

And for that…

I am happy.

Then a cheeky message on MSN came in and made me laugh.

For that… I am happy, in a flirty way. Ha! But I didn’t get to reply since I didn’t see it earlier.

I finally took a well-deserved good rest till 2pm on Monday noon, wondering why wasn’t I waking up in Rome or something.

A good half of the day gone without any solid studying.

And yes in case you are wondering, I managed to pass my test today, miraculously, and that is another story all together.

Now, I need to replenish more sleep for the bare 2 hours I managed yesterday.

Ciao! Baci.

I was sitting in the hall just a few minutes ago when a bolt of flash blinded me. A second passed, nothing.

Another second, nothing.

I sat back leisurely, before it took another couple of seconds before the loud boom took me by surprise.

Dammit.

I gathered my books and stuff and scurried into the comfort of my room.

And that is no good.

The cosiness of my room, with dimmed, yellow lights, and muffled thunders made it a perfect evening for me to….. nap, and keep a distance from the evil books.

***

I had many weird dreams last night.

I dreamt that I dated…. (EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW) 3 goalkeepers.

Not one, but 3!

And the one I finally went out with and spoke over the phone is actually….. ewwww.. Jens Lehmann!

I also dreamt of doing some sort of IT show as well, and he said he would drop by before he returns to Germany since his hotel is nearby, and he brought along his goalkeeper friends, known faces throughout the World Cup.

But when I woke up, I don’t remember who they are anymore.

Eek! I don’t even like Lehmann! I was saying Ricardo looks cute with his smouldering looks, and Buffon is hot in an oddball-ish way.

Not Lehmann!

But you know how emotions developed in dreams tend to spill over to real life….? Ah well.

I also dreamt I was at Yishun MRT, Yio Chu Kang MRT…

It was all bits and pieces here and there.

And I remember missing the Italy V France match in my dream and I was terribly upset. I was with my auntie(my mum’s sister) and her family at some restuarant with big screen.

Don’t quote me, but in my dream, where ideal exists, Italy won by 1-0.

***

Saturday was mugging day, and my weekend helper was over to help with the chores again.

But… I hold a suspicion that she washed the toilet with dynamo(??) and cleaned the floor with Febreeze(????).

Spent the day and evening reading, and hardly absorbing.

It was in the late evening when the very new parents, Cat and Ben dropped by to drop off some stuff for me, and emitting the glow of parenthood.

Me and Eugene then headed off to Holland Village for some dim sum supper which was pretty disappointing because we ended up ordering the wrong things.

We drove past Rochester Park and decided to head in for a peek to see what the buzz was about.

And man! Was it a nice place to chill, with a row of bistros and eateries that hype up the night.

It was then back home to watch the 3rd/4th placing match, which probably is the trigger to the odd dream I had yesterday.

***

I finally met up with FF for a meal on Friday evening after saying we would meet up for dinner quite a while back.

Had Pizzahut at Jurong Entertainment, before we headed to the library for some sinful brownie.

***

I really no like books.

I no want to study.

Argh.

Maybe after all these intense studying, I should get my advanced theory done in a single breath as well.

Bleargh.

Wooohooo! I sold my body for a couple of hours somewhere near Little India for a few hundred bucks on Monday.It was yet another night of tossing and turning as I was fearful of inadequacies on Monday, until I didn’t really get that much sleep on Sunday.

It was then a mad dash to Bugis Junction for some last minute shopping of white knickers - a thong, and a pair of boy-shorts.

Was really tired, and the weather was scorching hot in the afternoon when I finally have to make my way down to the studio along Mayo Street.

It was a shoot for a brand of dermatology products, and the concept is the cliche of hands, legs, back, fingers, toes and body curves.

The girl before me was clad in a pair of guy’s boxers because they didn’t manage to get a pair of boy shorts, and they had pinned it up with safety pins. It was pretty cute… like pampers, ya know?

And of course, there was the mad rush to cover the flaws, the spots, the birth marks, the stretch marks, the flabs and such.

I feel fat.

VampTreSS gave me a scare when she held up the spray can of leg air-spray, and said, ‘Turn around, let me do your butt.’

You should have seen how the blood drained out of my face as I put up a fierce fight against her to protect my virginity(?!). Not.

And then how she had pulled the back of my thong to adjust it, flossing my butt as she did so.

The torturer did the ultimate when she had used masking tape to tape on the paddings to cover my modesty(for the naked backview shot), yet she did such an ‘artistic’ job that I was laughing hysterically when I stared into the mirror.

The tearing off part was excruciating.

David tied up my hair up and I was then prancing around the studio, getting tempted by the food.

But but but.. I couldn’t eat cos I would have a huge bulge once I eat.

Eventually, when there was no more shots of my tummy, I finally succumbed to the chocolates we dug out from the studio, and the leftover roasted meat rice they had earlier.

Heavenly!

Though I was initially apprehensive of being scantily clad in front of 5 men, but it was more of exposing my flaws and flabs to so many of them.

Then again, they are very nice people and perhaps the fact that they are Christians, and also very professional with what they were doing(”Can you please cover your love handles that are spilling from the sides?” “Suck in your tummy!”), that made me thought of it as nothing more than work.

Contorting my body for the desired pose and effects was the most difficult part as I had a hard time maintaining my balance.

I suck at balancing myself, ya know?

VampTreSS also had the job of oiling my body… and I felt so violated.

Not sure if I would be able to get the pictures to post up here though, but it sure was fun.

All of us finally called it a wrap and went for dinner together at a nearby coffeeshop.

I was knackered by the end of it, possibly because of the insufficient sleep and the contact lenses that were making my eyes dry.

I was terribly sticky and yucky, with the lotion picking up the dust from the floor, still sticking to my body.

VampTreSS and I walked to Bencoolen thereafter to meet up with Roy and Nick who joined us to chill for the evening.

It was 10.30pm when I finally decided to call it a night, from the extreme fatigue.

Roy had very nicely stayed on to help me flag a cab, and it was so irritating when this young ah beng came out of nowhere to snatch my cab(after I had waited for more than half an hour), and got his ahbeng ahlian friends to board the cab.

Angry okay?

And when VampTreSS and Roy called out to him, he blardy played deaf and ignored us.

#@^@%#$&@#$^@

Will get karma one, I tell you. All 4 of them shall get karma for snatching my cab! Hmphf.

Right then, a cab came along and stopped, and I finally got my cab ride home to scrub the oil and spray off my body, and rid my hair of the thick layer of hair spray.

***

I was so tired that I fell asleep early. Before 2 definitely.

Then again, it wasn’t that much sleep for me since I had to wake up by 8.30am the next day.

I was told I needed to attend some course which I missed on Monday, but after an hour of trying to stay awake in class with my MP3 player in one ear, I was pulled out of the class during breaktime and was told I would attend the one in late July instead. Ah well.

And you thought I would be freed from boring books.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo, my manager ended up going through my book(another topic) with me for the rest of the afternoon, until it was almost 5.

I no like studying.

I no like tests. I no like exams.

***

It took me 1 hour and 30 minutes to get home from office, ok?

I almost died. The bus ride was a dread before I got off at Clementi MRT station to get on a train home.

At least I didn’t succumb to cabs.

Oh well, the hike in cab fares would be a good reason for me to rely on buses and trains more often. Sigh.

***

I had wanted to nap, so I could stay up to watch the all-important match between Italy and Germany.

Eventually, I only managed an hour’s of nap instead of the 4 hours planned.

***

Oh… Tuesday’s night.. and the walk in the park.

Hurhurhurhur.

Hehehehe.

*Sly smile*

It will be another time, because I should be studying now, and not getting all turned on.

***

Slept only close to 7am on Wednesday morning post-match, but had woke up around 12ish to get back to the office.

It was yet another hectic day of running around, meeting after meeting.

I finally popped in my contact lenses to work.

It was interesting.

It was meeting up with a spinstress in her mid-fifties at Republic Plaza, before we dashed down to Owen Road to meet a nice project manager in construction business, and then another appointment at Balaclava.

It was relatively tiring, to try to absorb as much as possible when I was pretty tired from the heels, and also, to put on different roles when meeting different people.

It was more of chilling out at Balaclava with a few executives, meeting new people, and getting to know people in different trades and such.

I just sat there keeping myself busy with the snacks they ordered(hungry, you see), and trying to absorb as much career advices they had kindly dispense.

They were nice and encouraging people. Perhaps, learning to be myself would be ideal.

I had ended up dropping flakes from my food over myself, and laughed at my own silliness, wondering where had all my poise(I have some, okay) went.

By the time work ended, it was half past 7pm.

My manager dropped me off at Woodlands cos I didn’t want to squeeze with the peak-hour crowd.

He picked up his wife and son too and seeing a happy family is… a touching scene.

The little boy was such a darling and made me laugh after a hard day at work.

I still need a lot of getting used to.

Now, it is a lot of on job training with last-minute studying criss-crossing each other’s path, and it isn’t helping much cos there is only so much I could manage.

I can only try.

***

I went to sleep right after the penalty kick France was awarded cos I think the match results didn’t quite matter much to me.

And my body was rebelling real bad.

Now, it is gonna be a Italy V France final! Woohoo!

And let’s look forward to some classic and beautiful football that wouldn’t put me to sleep this Sunday.

It was 3.45am when I bade SBB goodbye online and dove right into my bed.

I dreamt of… Valentino Rossi hugging me in bed in a loving, tender way.

Oh dear.

***

Today was a pretty easy day for me.

I woke up at 3.07pm today, and slept soundly throughout.

Been a long while since I could drift off to sleep so promptly.

I should be doing self-study at home, and how did my self-study go without any monitoring?

Baaaaaaaaaad.

I went out for lunch in the neighbourhood, and enjoyed the little break I have for myself.

I though