My last sprint towards my quota and pay didn’t work out fine, and I just didn’t feel like talking to anyone simply because I feel I have disappointed my manager, as well as shortchanging Minibean.

My physical tolerance is dipping with the due date nearing, and moving around is getting more difficult.

I can’t slow down as yet, though I promise myself and Minibean that I will spend these 2 weeks working harder if I don’t want to forsake my confinement month.

With possibly less than a month to go, I have yet to:

Get myself the cabinet I had planned to get to put her clothes.
Unpack those stuff from the shopping bags to get ready.
Empty the junk from the hall. (Damn, there is no Garung Guni around my area)
Pack my room/hall (more memory-chucking).
Make confinement plans(tell me it is alright to go without).
Make post-confinement plans.
Get ready her sleeping cot. Pillows. Cot Bumpers. Mattresses. Sheets.
Pack hospital bag.
Get a breast pump.
Wash the changing mat.
Get ready maternity pads/nursing bra.
Sterilise her milk bottles. Wait a minute, I haven’t even unpacked those yet.
Oh, she only has 2 toys.
Unhook the dusty curtains and put on new ones/wash them.
Remove at least 4 cabinets from the house
Err.. the list goes on.

But I finally washed her clothes today whilst the PSI is low, and when it wasn’t raining.

Hand-wash alright! Though I didn’t expect the backache that would follow after bending over the bathtub and carried the stupid pail to the kitchen from the bathroom. Of course, the bending over the pail to pick up the pieces of clothing one by one.

Now, tell me, how do I know I have done a good job washing the clothes?

So, I am glad that I am competent in one thing, though it drained me enough to fall asleep whilst I was half sitting up on the bed.

***

I don’t feel like having connections with the outside world. Somehow.

Words failed me.

***

Alright, I promise I would spend this weekend doing more for Minibean. A trip to IKEA, maybe?

***

Was making some plans with VampTreSS over the phone for a shoot on Tuesday, when she suddenly asked, ‘Now Bolton V Man U, 6 minutes into the game. Make a prediction.‘

Huh?

I didn’t want to jinx the match, and thought for a while.

She urged me on, ‘Pregnant women very ‘zun‘ one, make a guess lah.‘

I matter-of-factly replied without hesitation.

‘4-0.‘

‘3-1,’ she offered her prediction.

As we discussed some concepts for the upcoming project, the first goal came.

‘One down, 3 to go,‘ I said haughtily.

She laughed.

Then the 2nd.

‘2 down, hurhur, 2 to go.‘

We ended the call shortly after, and I again, dozed off in the midst of doing my stuff.

It is so irritating that I am falling asleep when I shouldn’t be, and yet couldn’t have a full night of sleep when I want to.

I woke up, and the match was over.

I watched the post match recap, and -gulp- I kicked myself for not making full use of the 10 months and be a stay-home bookie.

The score? 4-0. Exactly.

Apparently she had called me when the fourth goal was scored, and I returned her missed call.

‘Call me goddess.‘ I smirked.

‘What is the 4-D number for tomorrow? Can give predictions of other matches tomorrow or not?‘

4D. Big Sweep. Toto. Match scores.

Muahahahahahahahaha.

Dammit.

Alright.

Now it is time for me to shrink back into my world.

MotoGP final race of the year to wrap up the championship chase between Nicky Hayden and Valentino Rossi.

Hopefully it would make me a happier person at the end of the night and find that re-ignited spark within.

Update: Great, just great. The freaking blogger is giving me much of a headache(it has been damn sucky for months!) with the publishing(I have been trying since 8 plus and it’s already 11!) and my Rossi didn’t win.

I will just hide in the duvet and mope.

The past few days have been a bit of emotional roller coaster as I reflected long and hard a few important things and drew a few blank conclusions.

It hadn’t been easy, especially when I had to wave away dark thoughts that could potentially scare the shit out of you people.

But as always, I see the need to bounce back as I psyche myself up, lifted my chin, and inhaled deeply.

Despite still feeling the stress at the back of my head, which caused some sleepless nights and pariah rest, when it stormed today, I forced myself to get out of the reality for a moment as I immersed myself into a nice, soothing nap.

I had woken up at 8 today, and was unable to carry on sleeping. 4 plus hours of sleep was definitely insufficient, plus the fact that I had woken up at 8 yesterday, with the same amount of sleep, and it had sustained a highly-adrenaline charged day which has left me drained and weathered.

Wednesday fast-forwarded itself, and I felt thoroughly defeated, demoralised, and dejected.

A glimpse of hope was shined upon me, but as the weekend draws to a close, the shadow of the dark has once again prevails.

Just like the dream I had when I napped just now.

I saw something beautiful in it, a view of the sun setting across the lake(oh yes, my house, in my dreams, was just by the lakeside).

The rays were sifted through the trees in a distant, and it lifted me.

I tried to grab a camera from the next room, and when I rushed back to the full window, it was dark.

A sense of dejection overwhelmed me.

***

My body is aching quite badly today that I had to struggle to get out of bed. I guess the adrenaline had numbed those feelings yesterday.

Minibean has been kicking so, so much these two days. I almost thought she is going to kick her way out.

***

I woke up on Wednesday feeling utterly, utterly, shitty. The instant thought was ‘Oh crap, it’s a miserable day’.

I forced myself to sleep for another couple of hours, and though it did make the greet-the-day thought dissipated, I couldn’t help but felt a little numb.

It was mahjong on Wednesday night. A night where I was of little words and nothing else. As in, I like how mahjong can mask emotions sometimes, when you could just pretend that you are concentrating on the game and.. there wasn’t any need to reveal much of your emotions.

Oh, my first hand was a ‘waiting’ Da San Yuan.

So near, yet so far, okay?

Somemore, ‘half colour’.

With a ‘flower’.

Very very pretty.

***

Thanks for dropping by to sign the forms for me. I have laboured you so much for the past one and half months since our first meeting, and there is so little I can do for you as a friend.

Thanks for listening to the incoherent thoughts that overwhelm me at times.

Thanks.

I can’t say it enough.

***

It was Hari Raya on Tuesday, and I dropped by Raf’s place to do my first ever Hari Raya visiting. We recounted the good ol’ days, and mused at the changes in life.

It was a buzz at her place, and everyone was nice.

The cookies were fabulous and I stuffed myself silly.

I got back home and Belle delivered a play pen for Minibean together with her sister.

They were both such lovelies, I tell you.

I am so going to miss Belle.

Janise also dropped by for the night, with dinner(I thought she was buying for 10 people), grocery, ice-cream, and gifts in tow.

A pretty ensemble of baby usables(pink and white!) stashed in a bag that was meant for me.

It was a sweet, sweet thought.

It was a night I saw how many things have changed, and how my paths with my peers would take a very different turn ahead.

Do I miss the old, nostalgic times?

Yes, but the more innocent times we shared, when everything was genuine, bare, and real. Less tainted by the cynism and sceptism which brewed from the walk of life we had in the past one and half year.

***

I ended the night feeling quite crappy. It should have been a happy day. It should have been.

But with Wednesday looming ahead, I just didn’t feel quite right.

I was on the verge of tears when, as always, the one with the good timing called.

As the call went on, I felt like an utter failure and started tearing.

You crying?

No, just done with it.

It went on for 3 hours till it was 5.

I think Minibean is a good thing that happened to you.

Eh?

I saw a spark in you which I have never seen when I first met you. You are more motivated, and you’ve changed.

I finally exhausted myself enough to fall into a deep sleep.

***

Monday was yet another unfruitful day.

***

I had training again yesterday morning, and I can’t say I am enjoying it that much.

But I certainly feel more comfortable with this class than my ITC 1 class.

I set to challenge myself(not against others, but a self challenge) in this class.. and hopefully we shall see some results to come.

I had a few hours to spare and I was already dead tired from the lack of rest.

I decided to head down to my old office to perhaps have lunch with the ex-colleagues, and I had ridden on the good timing cos it was supposed to be the last day of Hongxiang’s stint with the company.

And, gee, Candice, Paul and Edwin were leaving too.

So 12 of us had Myanmar fare and it was like a farewell lunch. Paul insisted on the treat and as I see the changes of everyone’s life around me, I silently wished everyone would find greener pastures after this season of change.

I dropped by to see VampTreSS at her new workplace briefly, before leaving for office.

Alas, my friend was trapped in the heavy rain, and couldn’t make it to my office.

The venue changed and Derrick sent me down to her place in the West instead, and it was nice seeing her again after so long.

As I listened to her, I can’t help but feel for her…

Take care my friend, take care.

***

Derrick dropped me off at Jurong and I bumped into Mingwei and others.

We caught up for a while, before I made my way down to meet a new friend.

Honestly, he didn’t turn out to be who I had expected him to be, but it was a nice evening.

I think I like hanging out with unpretentious people, and he was surprisingly, nice.

Though that guniang had mixed up Raffles by the Plaza and Swissotel the Stamford.

Though my idea of Japanese food was along the line of Bento, Katsu-Don and little did I know what Inagiku is all about.

And I actually took codfish! Everyone knows how I abhor fish meat(besides stingray, that is), and it was perhaps the first time I ate fish throughout Minibean’s stay in my womb.

Food was fabulousssssssssss.

Coffee thereafter, and he had insisted on me taking a cab though I thought MRT would have been really fine for me.

I hope it will be a busy weekend for me. One that I would not be allowed to breathe.

I have to do so if I want to bring home the dough.

Warning: Potentially long and incoherent one(so much to cover, what do you expect? Heh).

Nope! My absence is not because I have popped.

FF called me up the other day after not seeing me on MSN for the longest time(er, say, 2 days?) and thought I was already in the hospital or something.

It was just a series of unfortunate events that happened over the past week that slowed my momentum a little. So despite it being a packed week, everything didn’t go as planned and it wasn’t quite productive.

The sense of… dejection was great. And it wasn’t one of those things that is easy to deal with right now.

I woke up hearing something soothing I haven’t heard for the longest time.

The pelting of the rain making beautiful music as the sky dimmed its lights to set the mood.

It is the first time in a long while I had carried on sleeping despite my toilet break(yes, the past week was terrible. I could never sleep beyond 8 hours despite being really tired).

The discomfort in my tummy is still there, and it was just another stronger bout of indigestion which caused some serious cramping.

And then I realised how ill-prepared I was if it were the REAL deal. I don’t know who to call, and would just message whoever that is still online at odd hours of the night to set them off into a panic. Muahahaha.

Note to self: Draw up contact list soon.

And if it was really THE time, I wouldn’t have anything to bring to the hospital with me either.

Note to self: Wash her clothes, pack a hospital bag.

I prayed real hard before I went to sleep late last night, and God is good, despite me not able to keep up with going to church this morning.

Note to self: Time to meet up with Serene and Aunt Patricia soon.

My Sunday also includes my mum calling me up to tell me she has found me a confinement lady who charges pretty decent rates(that means, lower than most others), and had asked me to give her a call to meet up.

Though Mum’s instructions didn’t come as a surprise, but I was tried my very best not to sneer when she told me not to let known to the confinement lady that she is actually my mum cos she didn’t want to be gossiped about since the confinement lady is a friend of her friend despite how I told her there is nothing to hide.

She had asked me to tell the confinement lady if she probes that my ‘husband’ is away overseas/doing NS, so he’s not around, and to say that she(my mum) is a distant relative.

Hurhurhur.

Hello Mum? Do I look like a paedophile going after 18 year-old virgin NS boys?

Note to Minibean: I am not ashamed of you.

***

I think Minibean enjoys soccer.

She kicks in a celebratory manner when Ferdinard scored the 2nd goal for Manchester United.

***

I had a weird dream last night.

Oh yes, I do have weird dreams very often.

Yesterday’s was slightly different. As I recall the bits and pieces, I found myself resisting the urge to succumb to my defiant tears.

The odd thing is, it was a sweet dream.

Nice setting with view of the sea, the friends I adore.

And the special guest appearance of an individual who offered me the comfort I needed.

It felt so.. surreal in the dreams, yet so real when I woke up.

Alas, it is all but a dream…

Note to self: Wake up.

***

CHUCKING OUT MY PAST

It was 2 episodes of exorcism back-to-back on a Saturday night.

I froze my heart to brave what was to come. And when the time came, there was no looking back, nor was there any hesitation.

I awed myself with my coolness, level-headedness which had eluded me for the longest time.

I was calm. Oh-so calm. On the surface. Perhaps I tried detaching myself from all of it, to read a story of someone else from the sidelines.

As I witnessed history unfolded itself before me, many questions flooded to mind. Who is she? What happened to her? Was she like that? Oh, that’s her past. Oh, how innocent was that! Hey… that was painful. Eh! That was sweet. What was it like being her?

She refused to let go. But she had to.

To embrace the new phase ahead.

To start afresh.

It was pretty crushing.

At the end of it all, I was left exhausted. The many thoughts that I walled up against left my defenses weak and spent.

***

CHAIN OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS

I woke up at 7-freaking am in the morning feeling totally lost on Tuesday morning.

I couldn’t head back for an extended sleep, and I simply didn’t feel well.

My computer started to show signs of struggles for its life, and it finally hanged when I was chatting on MSN. I reached for the reset button…. which was the first of many wrong steps.

Well done. It refused to start up and brought me to a page of blue, with gibberish on it.

Not a new problem cos I had it just last year.

Knowing there wasn’t anything I could do about it, I called all the IT-savvy friends that I have.

The most interesting one was when Danny told me that I need to ‘earth’ my computer.

And with his instructions, I searched for a screwdriver, off the power-switch of the computer, and risked Minibean and my life(joke, okay, joke) by sticking the screwdriver at the back of my CPU, then earthed it by sticking the screwdriver elsewhere where there’s metal.

It didn’t work.

I decided to unscrew it myself and dismantle my hard disk out, maybe rush it down to a clinic and beg the doctors to revive it. If I could manage, I would have hug the entire CPU off the ground and rush it to E.R..

It was 10 plus when I finally gave up cos I didn’t manage to pull the casing out.

Bending over is not easy alright.

I was tired, devastated, and refused to face reality.

Off I went for a nap, and didn’t want to think about it.

I woke up in the afternoon and waited for Roy’s arrival. It was a long wait till 4pm, when he brought along a new external harddisk for me to back up my stuff, just in case.

And he took one hour trying to dismantle the hard disk.

End results? He didn’t manage to get the hard disk out at all.

He brought along his, ahem, tool, which made me raise a brow or two.

It looks remotely like a screwdriver to me…. but I never know, would I?

But! He managed to restore the settings of my computer somehow and it was yet another excruciating long wait as it was almost like watching paint dry.

It was 7 plus and it was finally done.

Thank you so much Uncle Roy!

The first thing of utmost importance was to back up my stuff into the new external hard disk, and I had to sift through 5 years of my life, before I decided what are to be in the baggage to lug with me hereonforth.

I had to rush down to office for an 8pm appointment, and jokingly asked Uncle Roy to give me a lift on his bike since we were heading to town anyway.

I think I am mad.

I had eagerly wanted to head to Vivocity to browse Mothercare thereafter and have a nice dinner since I was meeting up with D W.

Imagine my horror when I received a call just as I was leaving office that informed me that my UOB ATM/Debit card(yes, the very one I chucked inside the freezer) was found by a taxi passenger.

Note to self: I am not blur. I am not blur. I am not forgetful. I am not a ditz.

You mean I didn’t even realise I lost my card?

Uhm, and I recalled walking out to the main road to grab a cab with the card in my hand. What for? I know not of. I certainly wasn’t going to pay with card, and I definitely wasn’t going to the ATM since I was rushing for time, but I had it in my hand when I boarded the cab(at least I still remember this part!).

I must have dropped it before I rushed off to alight.

Fortunately the next passenger found it and passed it to the brilliant taxi driver.

The sweet heart of the passenger called UOB to halt my card, and reported it to Comfort. Though I don’t know who she is, but she certainly going to get good karma!

The Comfort cab driver deserves a mention. Mhd Gazali driving the cab 6602Z.

He was going to Bukit Batok and he told me he would call me when he is done, to send it down to wherever I was.

How sweet is that!

I decided that without my card, Vivocity was definitely out of the picture, and decided to head back to West side instead so it would make it easier for the cab driver.

I arranged to meet up with him at Jurong East, and D W kindly drove me down.

When he arrived, I offered a 20-bucks(*bows head in shame* I know I am quite stingy..) for his kindness for taking the trouble to come down from Bukit Batok to Jurong just to send me my card(and he put the HIRED light on so no passenger would hail for his cab). He was all smiley and nice and refused the 20 bucks. I offered to pay for the cab fare and he waved off the offer as well.

Note to self: Write a letter to Comfort.

See! Singapore does have very very very very very fabulous people. And I am glad to meet so many of them. Yay.

I got home with a tired heart.

O, be still my heart, you have been scared-ed so many times in a single day.

Note to self: Check the price of defibrillator.

No good, no good.

The worst thing was, I couldn’t go online and each time I tried to, my computer hanged and crashed on me.

Note to self: Back up back up back up back up back up back up back up.

I was truly devastated, and could only look forward to Wednesday, when I would be meeting up with a bunch of lovelies to brighten my day.

***

Now…

Ah it is past 12 on a Monday morning. I just wanna cry. Hormones no good.

I think what my mum said is slowly sinking in.

I think I am falling short of expectations yet again.

I think.. it is just one of those nights again.

When I feel thoroughly, thoroughly, defeated.

***

Wednesday’s training session was cancelled and I had the morning free to sleep a little while longer.

But it didn’t matter cos again, I didn’t manage to sleep well.

I finally finished backing up my data, and I had decided to chuck some others along the way.

Things I thought that didn’t matter to me anymore.

Going through those things weren’t that easy as I sat through 5 years of memories, tears, past…

I left home in a daze, with heavy eyebags, in my new dress and headed to town to meet up with Potato and Midori for lunch.

Whee!

We ended up at Heeren’s Billy Bombers.

There is a very spastic shot of Wanyi and Midori, but for the sake of their precious images, I decided not to put it up.

It was a slow lunch and i nearly fell asleep…

Midori was damn cute, she was freaking scared whenever I stood around her, because she thought I looked damn vulnerable. She didn’t dare to touch my tummy, she didn’t dare to walk near me(cos she was afraid she might trip me/elbow me). She squealed and squirmed and cringed whenever she accidentally brush against me, and making her touching my tummy is enough to bring tears to the brims of her eyes.

The 2 gorgeous ones who made my day.

That’s me and potato!

Trust me, she didn’t dare to put her hand on my tummy, and it was inches away from my tummy.

We went Mothercare together and I bought something for Minibean! Socks to keep her feet warm and some sleevless overalls if she gets warm.

I got relatively tired and we rested at Coffee Bean before we walked over to meet Qiwei.

I hadn’t seen that darling for more than a year, and she had bought Minibean this really cute bib and hat(I have been wanting to buy Minibean a headgear for the longest time!) from Japan!

Thanks dear, really.

We took a train to Orchard to meet up with FF and Mr Guniang, and I watched The Departed with them.

Honestly, I think it is brilliant, and I never thought I would ever say this, but Leo Di Cap was freaking HOT.

He has come of age, and I particularly liked the exchanges between him and the timeless Jack Nicholson. He has a likeable role, what to do.

The cast was brilliant. Everyone single one of them.

I enjoyed it much more than the Hong Kong version, obviously.

I want to watch The Prestige.

Thanks Mr Guniang, we owe you a drink.

I resisted the temptation of taking a cab and the 3 of us walked to the train station. But my train ride took a little longer than usual.

I couldn’t wait to get home to rest when the train stopped for a little longer than usual at Clementi. I was pretty tired standing in my pretty shoes instead of my Birkies.

And yes, we were told there was an accident at Chinese Garden(yes, I was going to stop there) and the train service would be disrupted.

In my state of exhaustion, I thought the ‘accident’ meant some cars collided. Then I remembered I was in a train, and that would mean only one thing…..

Either 2 trains collided(unlikely), or that someone had fell off into the tracks. Both possibilities are tragic and I didn’t feel good.

Eventually the train moved on to Jurong East and everyone got off. And everyone flocked to the cab stand and the interchange.

I was stuck in between, not knowing where to go.

It took me half an hour to decide that I shouldn’t wait for a cab but head towards the feeder bus services which were mostly filled to the brim.

I had 2 ladies standing up for me to sit down(the one inside had offered her seat, and the one sitting by the aisle stood up as well) and I occupied the huge seat along simply because I couldn’t quite move into the inner side of the seat(imagine if I have to get off the bus, I would either slap my tummy on whoever’s face, or I would be stuck in between the seat in front, and the person beside me).

As I got off the bus, I had to walk home and passed by the MRT station. An ambulance and a couple of police cars were there.

By then, the train had resumed service.

I stared at the flashing lights from a distant… and a bad feeling overwhelmed me.

***

Now…

It is already 3am.

Spent an hour on the phone with him, and somehow, he has the knack of calling me at the ‘right’ time.

Like, shortly after I had a good cry.

***

Thursday was a straightforward day though I didn’t have much sleep again when I woke up at 7 plus in the morning though I didn’t need to until 8.10am for my 3-month long course.

I managed to get online for less than 10 minutes before it came crashing again.

The course went relatively okay, and I was thinking of it less of an obligation, but more of a learning opportunity.

I awe myself with my positive attitude, you know. But of course, that positive attitude comes and goes as and when it likes. Bummer.

I went for lunch alone and started to feel uncomfortable again.

I sprawled across the office table right after lunch and fell into a short nap.

I didn’t leave office cos we had a trip to NUH later that afternoon, and had to cancel my supposed meetup with Serene and Aunt Patricia.

We went down to visit the cancer-striken children at NUH to round the campaign for CCF up, and the staff at NUH were simply awesome as they shared with us the figures and brought us around to let us know where the funds had gone into.

I think we did great, for a brilliant purpose. Despite government’s guidelines of 70(direct funds that go to the patients)-30(staff funding and others), CCF actually pumps in 86%, which is the maximum out of most of the organisations out there. Such figures have became cause of concern ever since the NKF saga.

The donations would go to children up to 18 years-old for their treatment, family support, and such.

Eventually, we were given a thank-you card each with handwritten thank-you’s from the children, and I guess all we did for the past 2 months were well worth it.

And I wanna thank all the big-hearted friends out there who had helped in some ways or another, and you guys will definitely have good karma and lotsa happiness! Yay.

I got home and napped.

Spoke to my manager about stem cells preservation, and I am thinking I might just go ahead with it despite the cost.

No internet access had made me a very dull person and I watched television till late.

***

I switched on and off my computer for at least 50 times on Friday so I could go online for just a few brief minutes.

Until it finally gave up and didn’t load Windows anymore.

Cat and her mum dropped by in the afternoon to pick up some stuff from me.

Eventually I got bored and brewed myself some protein-rich birds’ nest in the evening.

It was 1 plus in the late night when D W asked if I was gamed for a game of mahjong.

Of course, I welcomed the company and made some nice new friends out of Kurk and Victor.

I finally made good use of my cable vision these days, because I am returning to its embrace after I couldn’t watch CSI anymore with my computer crashing.

Boohoo.

***

D W came over in the early noon the next day, and I was already awake since I didn’t manage to sleep well YET again.

Then again, I was told it is only normal at the last sprint, so oh well.

It was then when I finally, with bated breath, did something I have never done to ANY of my computer before.

Formatting my poor little baby with a depression of the ‘F’ key.

Alas, it didn’t manage to do so, and it said that my hard disk was already damaged.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This time, we struggled for a long while to get the hard disk out yet again, just like how Roy was struggling.

Suddenly, with some help from a friend, I saw a catch and instinctively decided to try my hands on it.

And within seconds, the hard disk came out!

Whee! I am such a genius! I am a born genius or what!

D W shot me a stare of amazement, and I picked up the phone to call Roy to taunt him about my magnificent achievement.

I am not that useless, you know?

Eventually, D W has something on and had to leave, and the plan was that he would bring my new hard disk with the back up data home to back it up, before bringing it back to reformat it and install it as my new hard disk.

I returned to office to pick up a document that wasn’t there, and felt it was a wasted trip.

D W very nicely dropped me off at Tiong Bahru station where I had lunch, did a bit of grocery and essential shopping.

I returned home in the late noon when the usual suspects suggested a game of mahjong.

I even managed to vacuum my room and gave it a mop all by myself before that. So proud of myself, ya know.

Mahjong lasted a little while longer than usual, and the guys decided to have dinner at my place with orders from KFC.

Berlinda decided to drop by my place earlier than planned(she was supposed to meet me on Sunday instead) and didn’t mind the crowd.

D W was also coming over to fix the dying computer….

And I joked if I were to give birth on that very evening, it would be a very boisterous affair.

It was pretty odd, cos as we continued on, Berlinda was packing my guest room up, and I have another awesome pal making sure my computer would run and there I was…. playing mahjong.

I did try to help with the packing but was shoo-ed out of the guest room since I wasn’t able to carry any heavy stuff. Bleah.

Eventually, mahjong ended around 10, but the work in both rooms didn’t stop till half past 3 in the morning.

I spent my time mostly in the guest room, deciding which to keep, which to chuck.

The end results?

I sat through 25 years of my past, and it proved to be a daunting task.

I ended up chucking what had meant a lot to me, and keeping lots of what my parents had given me despite the devastating state they became.

Toys didn’t come easy when I was younger, and what I had was scarce, but enough.

I have a wide soft toy collection, and I sorted out the cleaner ones given to me by friends when I was younger, and thought those could go to charity organisation.

The Playstation left behind by Mr Ex could go too.

Some old jeans in mint condition could also be donated.

Wait a minute, was that the soft toy my first puppy love had sent to UK on my birthday when I was 17?

Wasn’t that the lovely, cutish memory shared by me and another ex?

Hey, isn’t this card… from Shubin who had passed away? If only…

And this.. ouch, reminds me the very morning I had my cervical surgery to remove precancerous cells.

Eww.. isn’t this picture of the disgusting and selfish ex I once had?

Isn’t this one of the rare stuff my mum bought for me….

Oh dear… my primary school notes! What the… those are my secondary school text!

And I unearthed so much antiques, alright?

The ‘pirated’ version of Game Boy which I had so much wanted when I was younger but mum had refused to buy for me.

And I know how everyone had a McDonanld’s lunchbox but I had to beg for ages before I could own one like my cousins did.

Oh.. and wasn’t I such a fan of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

SBB joked I could sell this for a high price since it’s almost ancient.

And it was like I was trapped in a time capsule for most of the late evening, sifting through the past memories.

Chuck! Keep! Chuck! Chuck! Chuck! Keep!

In my room, D W told me that my old hard disk was revived, but had 1000 over viruses within and that’s what made it totally screwed up.

And can you imagine that my spanking new external hard disk was infected as well?

What the…

He said he could back it up for me, and I could keep the data within the older hard disk.

With new found assertiveness from sitting through 25 years of my past, I firmly rejected the offer, ‘It’s okay, I don’t need those anymore. Just reformat it and delete everything.’

What I had needed, I already backed up 10 GB of them(uhm, with 3GB of CSI haha!) in my discs/new harddisk… and I am not ready to sit through the history of an uninteresting person again.

End results?

Everything was pretty much concluded at the same time, and the 2 of them had to shoo me to bed because I was evidently exhausted(I didn’t even nap), and they left together, leaving a very grateful me chewing on the night’s buzz.

And this is only from the SMALLEST room.

I have yet to clear out my room… and my living room.

My hall is a junk yard now, and I need some sturdy hunks to help move the stuff into the garbage centre on the ground floor.

Or when it irks me enough, I would do so by sheer power of myself and Minibean.

Cannot blame me, this is nesting instinct that comes with the package of hormones.

A few people had asked me how many months am I.

Seriously, I am always not quite sure how to explain this complicated science, which I wouldn’t quite know of until Minibean had unexpectedly came along.

So, let me just do a little mathematics here.

How far along you are depends on weeks, and pregnancy stages are divided into first, second, and third trimester.

The calculation is done on a week-by-week basis.

1st trimester - 1- 13 weeks
2nd trimester - 14 - 26 weeks
3rd trimester - 27 - beyond

40 weeks is the supposed full term, and the due date is normally predicted on the 40th week, even though by the 37th week, the baby would be considered full term. But anything could happen earlier, of course.

And basically, the calculation starts on the day of your last period, and not actually on the day of conception.

So minus the 2 weeks prior to conception, a baby would due, say, after 35 weeks to 40 weeks(normally plus or minus 2 weeks from estimated date of delivery, aka E.D.D.) upon conception.

And in such pregnancy calendar, 4 weeks = 1 month, instead of going by the normal calendar.

Thus.. the maths might work out to be a little different.

Say, the deed was done on the 13th March, and the champion sperm took 2 days(oh yes, they can survive that long, darlings) to explore its way within, the actual gestation from fertilization to delivery could actually be 8 and half months going by the usual calendar.

But going by the medical pregnancy calendar, it is actually 9 and half months - 10 months.

Oh yes, I am pretty confused too.

Me?

34 weeks.

Minibean has been housed since 13th March, totally rent-free.

And I await with bated breath.

My computer just went through an excruciating phase of reformatting and such.

And thanks to some very brilliant friends, it is working now.

But this is gonna be a short one.

How does contraction feel like?

I am having pains in my tummy that is making me shivering in pain and I am not sure if it is a case of tummy upset or is it THE time.

Ah well.

If you don’t hear from me in the next couple of days. You will know why.

Please God, no. I am still too ill-prepared for this.

I haven’t even washed her clothes, and neither have I pack the bag.

And at this time of the night…. not very convenient right?

Someone messaged me today to ask if I am interested in taking up an assignment.

10pm-2am on 31st December for 120.

Oh great, I would already pop by then yuh?

I burst out laughing when I read what I gotta do.

Simple exotic dance. 3 sets.

I would love to darling, for that 120 bucks. But…………… flabby tummy with stretch marks wobbling gyrating sexily in front of a crowd is gonna worth at least 1200, don’t you think? Muahahaha.

***

I am too tired and withdrawn to be blogging these days.

Just feel like holing up somewhere, where everything would become a standstill.

I am nervous, definitely.

After my 3-days course finished, I was aghasted to find out that I have another 3-month course to handle on every Thursday morning.

*Pulls hair out in utter horror*

No one ever told me so.

***

It is just normal that as the tummy becomes attention-seeking that people would stop you for a short chat and such these days.

I realise how I would just burst into girlish giggles whenever they ask me questions that would inevitably grazed the subject of ‘husband’…’in-laws’… especially when they press about preparations, post-natal care and such, and then how I would matter-of-factly reply in a wide-eyed manner that, ‘Hehehe, the problem is, I don’t have any, so have to slowly plan.’

I think I should try the frosty manner the next time round just to freak them out a little.

Then again, I think the defense mechanism just works in a way that I wouldn’t want to put them in an awkward position, and thus, I reacted as girly and silly as possible, that people can take the news in their stride too, instead of replying with a sympathetic ‘I’m sorry.. I didn’t know..’, which is exactly what I don’t need.

People have been cool in their responses so far.

***

I had a weird dream last night.

Rather kinky I might add.

Yet I also dreamt of me pumping out breast milk also.

Gee.

I think I am mad.

But it is better than waking up every half hour for the past 3 nights because I have been dreaming about work.

I am really going mad.

***

I think attending the 3-days course drained me so much that I was emotionally vulnerable.

***

I left office on Friday right after my course ended, to head down to Vivocity where a friend works nearby. I have never even been to HarbourFront, so my virgin trip to that part of Singapore was relatively exciting for me.

I was supposed to meet Berlinda at 6pm, but she was held up by work till 8pm.

I didn’t know the hype about Vivocity prior to that, and was surprised to be caught in a mob of crowd.

And of course, I was very, very impressed by the place as well. Depressed, too.

Can you imagine walking past most of the shops, and you think to yourself, ‘Aww.. if only I can afford that….. wait a minute, I can’t even fit into that!’.

So sad right?

With my freshly banked-in cheque in the bank, I told myself that I would set aside 100 bucks to shop for myself, and perhaps a couple of hundred bucks to shop for Minibean.

The rest, would stay in the bank for good for the hospital bill to come.

I stepped into Mothercare for the first time whilst waiting for Berlinda, and boy, was I charmed.

Everything is soooooo pretty!

So, people, now you guys know what to get for my baby shower. Cough.

But it was utter abhorrence when I found out that a piece of baby clothing is worth as much as a piece of adult clothing, and they can only fit into it for 3 months.

I browsed around the shop, and I am not sure if this makes sense to anyone… but I felt a surge of tears to the brims of my eyes as I cooed over the cute little overalls(especially long-sleeved ones for her to sleep in the air-con room), puffy jackets(a hefty 75 bucks!), little booties, cosy blankets, and this cream/yellow sweater with a bear on it.

I don’t know how to explain those mixed feelings.. of how I could finally afford to buy something new for her as a result of my own means(yes yes, many kind samaritans had helped over the past months, and thus, this is different), yet I wish I could buy everything for her, which obviously, isn’t within my means.

Eventually, I walked out of the shop without any purchase, cos I thought it would be nice to have a 2nd opinion.

I am in love with Mothercare.

***

I stepped into Forever 21, and then got myself many dresses into the dressing room to try.

I am so freaking glad that I still fit into size S.

Eventually, I bought myself a slinky babydoll dress that makes me a freaking hot MILF alright. I would probably wear it out to penguin-walksashay down the streets some time this week. Whee!

And buying something for myself was such a joy that I messaged the entire world that I bought something for myself with my pay, and I am so blardy glad about it.

And I tell you, buying dresses from such places is even more economical than those maternity dresses off maternity shops, and hopefully I can still fit into them after that.

***

I got really tired.

I found myself a seat to sit down in the middle of the mall, and there was this cute little Eurasian boy(Caucasian dad and Chinese mum), say about 4, who was sitting right next to me, with his newborn sister in the stroller.

He couldn’t keep still most of the time, and there was a moment he turned, and our eyes met.

It was almost instantaneously that he gave me a cheeky wink of his charming eyes, and went on to give me a loud ‘Muacks’ instinctively.

My heart flutters slightly and I blushed.

Lord oh Lord, why am I 25 and not, say 5?

***

Berlinda finally arrived and the entire mall was mad.

We went to Sushi Tei and were told that the waiting time would be 2 hours(hello?! It was 8 already!).

We had no choice but to settle for Carl’s Jnr, and the queue was equally insane.

We sat down for quite a while at Carl’s Jnr, until it was 9.20pm before we left to walk around a little bit more.

Alas, Mothercare was closing, and I didn’t get the chance to get some stuff which I fancied.

It was then when I bumped into 3 familiar faces, those of my secondary school mates, one of whom was Zhiwen, who used to sit beside me for 2 years of my secondary school life.

And Minibean was hard to miss.

It became quite an extensive catch up session as we stood by the side of the walkway, until the inevitable question popped up again, and I just giggled my way through with my replies.

As I bade them goodbye and established eye-contact with them, it was as if everything was unspoken of, I felt a great sense of warmth that wet my eyes a little.

It was good.

I was glad I met them.

***

Berlinda was busy choosing a pair of shoes for herself whilst I was busy catching up.

I also tried on a pair of shoes which would be formal(I wore my Birkies to the company luncheon at a hotel last week……) enough for work. My previous pair of flats scarred my feet, and I don’t dare to wear them again.

It was on discount, and still within my 100 bucks budget after my dress purchase.

And whee!

***

We were supposed to talk shop thereafter, but even McDee’s was full at 10.30pm.

Utter madness.

I could hardly stand walking around, and there wasn’t any place for us to sit down.

Berlinda suggested we head down to Holland Village, and we tried to get a cab though I was reluctant to hitch one.

Whilst we were standing by the roadside, a young man was already waiting there, and we decided to stand at a distance away from him, behind him.

Then, 3 very ‘considerate’ Chinese nationals turned up out of nowhere and stood right between the man and us.

They turned towards our direction, and I was quite sure they had seen us standing there.

After the man got on a cab, a lady with 2 young children went up to the position he was at, and Berlinda decided we ain’t pushovers.

She led me to the front and then told the lady that we had been here for a long while, and the 3 Chinese men had cut in.

The lady apologised, and asked if we could share a cab cos she was only heading for Keppel Bay which was just a couple of kilometers down the stretch.

Berlinda very kindly said we would drop them off, and it wasn’t much of a problem, especially she had kids with her.

A cab appeared after a long wait, and the 3 men had the audacity to flock towards the cab which stopped right before us, but the driver wouldn’t take them nor us cos he was heading elsewhere. Berlinda persuaded him to take the lady and kids since they were just heading down the same stretch of road, and off they went.

Berlinda then turned assertive and told the 3 men that we were there first and one of them said we were actually waiting behind, and they were there first until we moved in front of them, as the other 2 stared at her.

Eventually, she insisted we were there first but we had waited a distance from the front only because the young man was already there, and the 3 of them had cut right before us.

Either they were bullshitting us that they didn’t see us, (I am sure, since I was wearing white, I must have blended into the night), or it was an honest mistake.

But anyway, after a blardy long wait(and some cab snatchers), they gave up, and we persisted with me sitting at the roadside.

Seriously, I would have rather taken the train anytime.

Eventually, a cab uncle who was driving his son and wife stopped for us, and sent us to Holland Village.

It was 11.30pm.

We sat around, talked shop till it was 2 plus before I finally left for home, feeling totally bushed.

***

I just didn’t want to go anywhere on Saturday. Hazy and I didn’t sleep well again.

Ended up watching CSI, playing mahjong in the afternoon till evening, and then falling into a short nap.

I woke up, and the usual suspects gathered again for another short game of mahjong.

That was my Saturday. Oh joy.

***

Woke up early on Sunday with yet another interrupted sleep.

Went down to Woodlands by train to my manager’s home for lunch.

Little Everett was so tiny and so cuteeeeeee.

I am really glad to see him so healthy and he was an absolute darling. I didn’t hear him wail nor cry even once during our stay there.

From Woodlands, I headed to Eugene’s at Tampines to chill.

Eventually, he was either on the phone, or wanting to play game, and I felt redundant just sitting there watching television by myself.

Hmphf.. my house also got television.

Eventually I got bored, and I left to rush home for the MotoGP race to start.

It is funny how I had MotoGP on my mind, and I decided that I would reach home in time for the race.

When I reached home, I thought to myself ‘Hmmm, I wanted to come home to do something. What is it huh?’.

I stood in front of the television and remembered it was something to do with television but I just couldn’t remember what it was.

I then went for a shower and forgot about it completely!!!!

It was only until late in the evening, past midnight, when I met up with Chee Keong for drinks that I saw the highlights at the coffee shop’s television then did I recall what I had meant to do when I got home.

And I missed a blardy great race.

The talk with Chee Keong ended only at 5 in the morning, and I guess it was the first time we ever had such a hearty talk.

He is someone nice to talk to.

Then I realised MotoGP is having a repeat.. woohoo. So I did my work, wrote my report while watching Nicky Hayden crashing out and handing Rossi the Championship lead.

***

I woke up multiple times in the midst of my sleep and woke up in the afternoon not feeling too well.

I sorted out some work-related stuff, and then felt a little agitated over how friends, or rather, people you deem as friends, are shortchanging you by trying to bullshit you with blatant lies.

Must be the hormones.

So….

I went to work.

Long meetings make my back hurts.

Paperwork makes my head hurts.

My memory is failing me these days.. and it is from bad to worse. Gee.

***

My manager was heading to the west, and since I wasn’t feeling too well, retired early for the day at 7 plus.

I could feel my gastric acid burning my throat and it isn’t fun.

I am tired.

I have my tomorrow booked, Wednesday morning booked. Wednesday evening booked. Thursday morning booked. Thursday afternoon booked. Sunday morning booked.

Oh dear. My nights are becoming shorter and lesser.

I shall go rest.

Back to blogging when I am less withdrawn.

I averaged 5-6 hours of sleep for the past 3 days, simply because I am obliged to attend this compulsary 3-day course that I had procrastinated for the longest time.

No wonder I ended up looking nothing less than a zombie at the end of the day, and have nothing much to blog. Unless you wanna hear me whine about how torturous it is with Minibean kicking constantly(she is doing her somersaults and gymnast stunts at this moment, no less), and me trying hard to stay awake from 9.30am to 5.30pm.

Not forgetting the stiff and hard(now, what are you thinking…) calves that ache incessantly at the end of the class.

But miraculously I was able to stay awake throughout lessons for the past 2 days, despite it was a hellish 2nd day. Credits to the nice trainers.

My air-con failed me completely one hour into my sleep on Wednesday night, and it just refused to be switched on.

And I am such a spoilt brat that fans make me sick(dripping nose, tickled throats… the works).

My first glimpse of how confinement is going to be scares me(you know what they say about NO aircon?).

I ended up not sleeping much for the night, and woke up when the first rays of lights shone in at 6 plus in the morning.

I was a hyper-bunny yesterday, easily amused, and seemed to have abundant energy within.

I overcame some hurdles within myself and made some phone calls too.

In a way, I do see myself evolving with a quicken pace…

I do have many people to thank for this.

***

I am still a little unwell. I am not exactly sure what’s my ailment cos my case of gastritis has tummy upset and tummy pains to add on to it now.

I think I am allergic to classes.

The previous compulsary course I was having stomach flu.

Now, I got through class with my hand stroking my tummy and keeping my fingers crossed that I do not have to make a run for the loo.

***

I read a story of someone who fell victim to her heart all her life. Both emotionally and physically.

I know I was late, but it set off something within.

***

A goofy phone call concluded the night. The prick hung up on me(tsk! So rude!) when I rattled on some mushy posts off some blog in between fits of giggles.

And gee, I feel a little crazy last night.

***

Thank you.

You make me realise just how much I miss your words, and the friend in you.

Trying times, ahead.

***

I wrote out 1-16 on a piece of paper, and struck off one number every half an hour yesterday.

And now, I shall drag my ass off to class and grit my teeth to bear through the 16 half-hour class.

Last day darling… last day.

Breathe.

I don’t feel like blogging at all cos I am not feeling too great.

It all started with Sunday when we had went down to East Coast in the early morning to support my manager for the charity swim.

I was given the option to opt out of the event since the haze was pretty bad on Saturday, but since the skies actually cleared for a breezy and breathable Saturday, I held on to my words and turned up.

And yippeeeee… Ronald had extra space in his sedan, and Chris and I managed to get a lift to East Coast instead of relying on the exorbitant cab ride.

We reached at 10.30am, and everything was going on pretty fine and well. No choking haze, lotsa people(woohoo, the girls were lean and toned, whereas the guys were…… erm…. oh well), and the population was out and about on a clear day.

We were supposed to have a barbecue whilst waiting for our manager to finish his 3.2km swim. We had jokingly planned for our next move should anything happen to him.

I had started the day not so well, when I had puked gallons of stomach acid just before I left home.

Thinking that it was just one of those days that my tummy reacting to early mornings, I didn’t think too much into it and headed out.

And we had fun, taking pictures, seeing how Christabelle(next to me) scream and squeal whenever one of Damien’s cutie cutie cute pups ran up to her.

Remind me never to stand closest to the camera ever again.

It was a laid back day, plenty of food, drinks, and people watching.

I tried chasing He-man around for a shot, and he came to a halt when I took this.

Not very satisfied, I eventually had to bear with his kicks when I carried him for this cute shot.

He’s such a darling can?

Right after the swim was flagged off, we went back to the pit to set up for the barbecue, and it was when everything started to spiral downwards.

I was sitting on the bench(yes, sitting, not standing), when I felt there was a need to rest my back, and put my feet up.

I was growing increasingly uncomfortable and I was shifting incessantly to find a position comfortable enough for me to sit.

And then the buzz in the ears came. I felt the heat building up within me. I was growing breathless. My head was getting heavy.

I shifted to the next bench nearby with Christabelle, so I could actually lie down.

Yet I felt totally horrid when I was facing up. I eventually cushioned my head on her lap cos I was feeling incredibly sick.

I sat up, and she decided to send me home(she stays in Ang Mo Kio, not anywhere near me, mind ya), whilst lovely Evelyn stayed by my side.

I sprawled across the table and felt my world spin, blacking out. I couldn’t move and thought the worst case scenerio would be one that my colleagues have to carry me to the car.

I could hear Evelyn talking to me, but I couldn’t respond to her at all, feeling droplets of cold sweat gathering everywhere, yet feeling the breeze gently caressing me. I was contemplating that I might just lie down on the sandy floor simply just because it would make me feel better.

I felt a tightness to my chest and felt breathless.

Until I found this ’superman’ pose that made me feel that I was gradually returning to planet earth.

I sat up and finally could talk and muster a sip of water.

That 5 minutes was excruciating.

***

Evelyn and I left East Coast early, with Christabelle giving us a lift.

The rest had to finish the exaggerating amount of meat. My colleagues are all gonna be fat!

***

I grew uncomfortable on the long car ride too, and feeling something wasn’t quite right, I asked Belle to send me to a clinic.

But since it was a Sunday, most clinics weren’t open, and off to NUH we went.

I thought it was almost amusing that I was wheelchaired into the clinic since I was like a wobbly penguin.

The moment I got into the crowded waiting area, I asked for a couple of plastic bags and….. it wasn’t a pretty sight when I spewed forth the Carr’s Table Biskies and water I had for breakfast.

Then, I puked again, with the disgusting acid burning my throat.

***

I couldn’t quite sit up, so I ended up in the observatory ward, and even lying down proved to be uncomfortable.

I ended up with a jab to my bum to stop the puking, and I think I tensed my muscles so much that I nearly broke the needle with my butt muscles. Muahaha.

It was another 2 hours before I left the ward, feeling much better, after being diagnosed with gastritis cos Minibean is growing so fast that she is pushing my stomach up, and causing some hyperacidity within.

My heartburn was actually at my throat, burning my throat, as if I had swollen broken glasses.

Belle was waiting for me all the while, which I felt really terrible, cos she had to rush back to doll up for a function that night, yet she had stayed at the hospital with me till 4 plus, and even accompanied me through a bowl of (eek) porridge.

I was so tempted by the Indian food though… but no spicy and oily food for me.

She sent me home, and I am so going to miss her when she quits to move on to greener pasture soon.

***

I got home, fell asleep, and napped for 4 hours.

Woke up feeling groggy, and tucked myself under the duvet early for the night at 2am.

Surprisingly, I slept well.

***

I woke up early on Monday and went to my routine meetup with the young lady I had mentioned before.

And by now, you would have known the little young lady I had been talking about is Minibean herself.

I waited for a long while since there was a long queue.

As usual, she was very active, and she even tilted her head to the screen to open her mouth and stuck out her tongue for a while, prompting giggles from me and Dr Chua.

She’s already 1.8kg, and I was 58.7kg on the weighing scales on Monday morning. Doc says her weight is ideal, and I am glad. My colleague is into her 24th week, and despite her hearty appetite, the baby is slightly small in size, and I am just glad Minibean is leeching off my nutrients.

Got a scan of her, and would possibly post it in the next post.

Got back home slightly past noon, and Dad came back cos the air-conditioned repairmen were dropping by.

And I had tummy upset, that made me wonder did I catch the gastric flu bug instead. I could hear my tummy churning non-stop.

When Dad was heading out, I conveniently took a lift to head to the office for some work.

Had a meeting till 6 plus, before VampTreSS came down to have dinner with me.

And it was a fulfilling Monday cos……. I got my blardy paycheck!

Finally!

I left for Marina Square to meet up with Alvin and Denise at Kbox, and the 3 of us shared a cab back home to conclude the night.

***

Tried to sleep early but ended up tossing and turning, until a call from him at 2.40am lasted till 5.10am.

***

Appetite hasn’t been well, and I am afraid that eating too much is going to cause the puking and such again.

I am actually slightly afraid of eating these couple of days.

And it doesn’t help that I am developing a cough.

I went out for lunch this noon with my cousin and his colleague, and I wonder if he even noticed the bulge when he asked me if I would return to our mothers’ hometown in Malaysia next Chinese New Year.

I remember the days we would gamble, ride bikes(you don’t need a licence to do it there), play with firecrackers, and such whenever we head back.

And 8 people will squeeze into a tiny room together to bunk the night over.

It was pretty obvious that he didn’t quite notice what was pretty prominent though. Heh.

And I doubt I would return to the hometown anytime soon, unless I myself is ready to face the 100-200 relatives(I am not exaggerating!) who would gather there every year.

But I enjoyed catching up with him though I could feel the energy draining out of me bit by bit as the noon drifted by.

I scurried home, and true enough, I started cold sweating the moment I got through the doors, tummy started feeling a bit painful, and after a quick shower, I jumped straight into bed to sleep off the discomfort.

As the last stretch is here, I know the discomfort will grow even more.

And there is even more for me to catch up on and do before I would get too tired to.

So now, it is back to work for me(sheesh, the blardy program just wouldn’t work for me), as I cook some porridge(I no like porridge at all!) for dinner.

I hope to wean off the porridge and bland food diet soon.

*Frowns*

I don’t wanna be adored
Don’t wanna be first in line
Or make myself heard
I’d like to bring a little light
To shine a light on your life
To make you feel loved

No, don’t wanna be the only one you know
I wanna be the place you call home

I lay myself down
To make it so, but you don’t want to know
I give much more
Than I’d ever ask for

Will you see me in the end
Or is it just a waste of time
Trying to be your friend
Just shine, shine, shine
Shine a little light
Shine a light on my life
Warm me up again

Fool, I wonder if you know yourself at all
You know that it could be so simple

I lay myself down
To make it so, but you don’t want to know
You take much more
Than I’d ever ask for

Say a word or two to brighten my day
Do you think that you could see your way

***

***

Kenny sent me this song to cheer me up when ‘Goodbye, my lover’ post first came up.

Though I didn’t tell him that it broke me down into pieces and made me sob.

I have been contemplating this post for the longest time, but never quite gotten down to get it done as much as it is one of sheer simplicity.

This is a season of changes, and my emotions sway from sides to sides as I witness the changes in the lives of people around me, closest to me.

***

It was Monday.

A Monday that was different.

I opened up the mailbox and saw 2 packages in holing up in the confined space. For a moment, I thought my mailbox had conveniently became the dumpster site of some inconsiderate neighbour.

Then, I saw my names on the packages.

Never in my entire stay here had I ever received such packages, and the surprise of receiving 2 in a day was overwhelming.

And, 2 packages, that were of different significance, yet portrayed the irony of life, flawlessly.

I lugged the 2 packages onto the train, and carefully unsealed the first package, that was from America.

I recognised the name, and guessed it was from my Aunt.

Yes, the one who had called me to nag me incessantly about religion and faith.

I read the tiny note attached with the few pictures, some on photo papers, and some pixelated one printed from colour printers.

It was written on th