*Edited: Finally loaded the pictures Kenny sent me!I swear I am balding.
Post-natal hair drop is NOT funny.
I was running my fingers through my very coarse hair, and 6 strands conveniently left my head together with my fingers.
I swear I am getting old too.
The tension headache I have been having is NOT funny either.
I don’t want to turn 26. I dread everytime the figures loom in my head.
Sometimes… despite everything, I feel like a 16 year-old.
Like Vamp said, I am grappling with esteem issues, like a 16 year-old coming to terms as she learns about her body.
I am in the phase that I feel guilty exploring, too conscious to explore, and yet, dying with curiosity to know.
I haven’t been blogging much and I think I almost forgot what had happened since the 12th.
February has moved on too fast for me.
Let me recall.
13th February - I was back in my company’s office for training, meeting and some other adminstrative stuff.
Lunched with my manager before it was a long talk regarding the direction of my career and such.
I was supposed to help a friend to arrange for flowers delivery but the person was on MC, and the flowers were delivered to me instead.
To go around town in a bouquet of flowers is silly.
Then it was a quick meeting, before I joined some of the guys for a drink at ground zero.
And then.. it was when some beans were spilled, and I was told to do the right thing.
Sometimes, we wouldn’t know what is the right thing to do anymore, do we?
It was a relatively long talk before I met up with FF at Marina Square for Kenny Rogers. A young chap was checking out my flowers, before looking down on his, and then seemed half-praying that the girlfriend didn’t see mine so that she wouldn’t compare. Muahahaha. That chap was adorable.
Me and FF then walked over to Balaclava to meet up with JD, who was having a bad night after losing all the possible games. 5-10, ‘frog-frog-jump(what the..?)’, and the number guessing game.
After a while, I was talking to this particular guy, Evans, who is in the advertising field, and I got his contact, hopefully it would be useful for future events or collaborations.
The night ended with me trying to finish the big pint of Hoegaarden unsuccessfully. Joe then dropped me off by cab in Choa Chu Kang so I could deliver the flowers.
I took a train back, reaching home by midnight.
Wah. I understand the agony of guys and flowers.
***
14th February - It was a funny start to the morning when I saw someone entering the lift, looking a tad sickly.
I thought… he looked familiar.
I then browsed the directory of the building, and then there it was.
The name of the agency blinked back at me.
Evans was at the same building as I do!
Talk about eerie coincidence when I had only met him the night before.
Had lunch with the other 3 ISes. I think it was the first time when all 4 of us had lunch together since the start of our stints.
Met up with Guozheng for dinner to sneer at those irritating bouquets of flowers, and mock at those cheesy things people do on Valentine’s Day(oh wow.. I am just green-eyed).
Trust me, I would never want a guy who works for APB…
We had a nice long talk over dinner, before it was time for me to move on to Zouk.
After waiting for more than half an hour, I felt a tad intimidated in the crowds.. maybe because of my insecurity acting up.
I called up the girls to bail out. They were just on their ways out to hail cabs.
I was told to stay put, and they would arrive shortly.
One girlie wanted to bring a guy.
When we called another, her guy was coming over and she bailed out too.
And the last girlie standing asked if I wanna join her and her date together for a drink.
I walked straight to the road to hail a cab home.
I so should have left earlier.
***
15th February - I got drenched in the rain. I met up with Berlinda to pass her some stuff at Park Mall when the sun was scorching hot.
It was merely 5 minutes before it became a heavy downpour.
A kind stranger shared her brolly with me.
But when I had to cross the road to get back to the building, as much as it was a short distance, it was enough to get me thoroughly wet from head to toe.
I remember dripping water as I walked into the banking hall.
A colleague pulled me by the arm to stop me as I was heading straight for the room. He insisted and directed me to the washroom to dry myself instead of allowing me to head up.
The colleague I didn’t quite like was in the washroom but she very nicely helped to take napkins to dry me.
I stayed back a little while in the evening before I left with my colleagues.
I met up with a friend for dinner. Can consider as colleague too.
And gee. I will never look at an elevator the same way again.
Way up.
When a person has his nose touching yours and intimidating you as he corners you to the wall of a lift. What do you do?
Uhm. I acted busy and pressed for the lift.
Don’t silly silly follow him into the elevator again for the cheap thrill on the way down.
Way down.
Though I have to admit it is pretty sensual to have someone sniffing down your neck, whispering ‘..Mmm.. you smell really good,’ as his nose trailing up as he brings his face right before you.
And hurhur, what kind of mind game is it when the person entices you with his lips just centimeters away, before turning away, saying, ‘Don’t want.’
Out of the lift, back into the real world. 2 straight faces pretending nothing ever happened.
I bumped into Johnson from Playworks when I entered the train station.
I was on my way home on the train when apparently Tetanus saw me heading into the train.
Oh. Luckily no one saw me entering the lift. I so should have just grabbed his tie.
***
Straying thoughts: I saw the said friend again yesterday and he was in a tie as he was speaking to me.
I found myself staring at the tie and getting distracted.
They should ban ties at workplace.
And talking about work with that tie dangling.. just seems.. er, sexy?
Damn.
The tie and shirt thingy is getting to me these days.
And it doesn’t help when I work in a corporate environment, where some of them wear really nice tie, and look really good with ties.
Ties…. and I saw many people wearing ties at Wenmei’s wedding.
Oh yes. Ties. If I am a man, I am sure to collect ties. There’s just something… so sexy about them.
*Silly drooly grin*
Slurp.
No no no. I don’t like them neat. I like them with a shirt.
***
It was another day when we had dinner together with a few other pals.
My right heel was propped up by someone else.
I looked up and there he was, listening attentively to what the others were talking about, as he swung his foot, pushing my heel as he did so.
I am duly amazed by his ability to keep a straight face whilst ignoring the frown on my face.
I returned the cheekiness by focusing on my food, whilst running my heel up… and then.. down… his calf.
***
16th February - Whee! Everyone was in holiday mood already.
I had an agency lunch with the rest of the agency people at Dempsey. Ronald very kindly picked me up from MacDonald House and sent me there.
It was a nice lunch before I rushed back to branch.
Another eventless day.
I was supposed to meet a few people later in the night, and had the evening void unfilled.
And, Glenn very nicely perked me up with very lame jokes. And I mean…. L A M E.
Okay, I shall admit, I contributed to a huge bulk of the lameness as well. What can I say? When the day gets boring, it does silly things to me.
Absolute darling to have around at work!
Cheers me up, listens to my laments, tells me lame jokes, spares thoughts for everyone around him.
***
I met up with Raf the bride-to-be and Feroz post dinner.
I am so happy to see the 2 of them so happy.
And as I reminisced the past, it dawned on me that that particular phase of my life is already far and away.
I look back.. sometimes.
It was a candid reunion with me recounting my labour process.
***
I went down to Fluid bar to meet up with the most magnificent group of people.
People who I can be myself around, and I had an absolutely freaking good time with the gang from Playworks.
Seeing Elaine transforming into Erica after downing alcohol was an interesting sight.
Seeing how the cool bunch are so darn cool and laid back was refreshing.
I love these guys man.
It’s a bitch that I had to make a career switch.
I love this cool chick man. She used to accompany me to the toilet to puke when I was pregnant with Minibean.
With everyone else that night.
Then a Hoegaarden was served.. and I morphed into a pink ball of something.
Whee! So cute!
Me and Adam(another Scorpio!), who was my neighbour until he moved away. Uber cool guy.
Someone should keep alcohol away from the two of us…
And we are a cutie bunch of peeps!
Marcus was afraid he might be violated by the aggressive Erica that he (struggled to) keep his legs together, shielding his body with his bare hands. You might be able to notice a trail of tears telling stories of how he lost it to Erica…
Poor guy had a hard and abusive time at Fluid Bar.
We feel you Marcus… Alas we weren’t able to protect you from the wild Erica. I hope it was good for you. Muahahaha.
I left my wallet at Fluid Bar and luckily the guys were still there when I reached home.
***
Went to work on Saturday. Was hoping that it would be busy enough to bring in a few cases, but it was relatively quiet yet again.
Andrew messaged me to head out for lunch and shopping, and since I wouldn’t be returning to JB till evening, I agreed.
I didn’t realise I was trapped behind the door leading to the toilet until Joey came to my rescue.
We talked for a while and then we saw the guys heading out.
Andrew was with the guys and apparently I had missed all his calls since I didn’t have my handphone with me.
I joined them for lunch at Crystal Jade and Mr Scorpio sarcastically reminded me not to order the eggplant claypot again.
Ah well.
Another colleague dropped us off at Takashimaya, before I roamed the shops with Mr Scorpio and Andrew to get their new year clothes.
I awed myself with my self-control. I didn’t buy anything for Chinese New Year!
Andrew asked for my opinion sometimes and Mr Scorpio got on my nerves by telling him that nothing constructive would ever come from me.
!!!!
And eventually, he irritated me enough for me to tell him to buzz off.
I chose two A|X shirts for Andrew, and my taste was recognised when he decided to buy them off the shelves.
Walked. Walked. Walked. Very far.
I suddenly felt terribly tiny in the sea of people rushing for their last-minute shopping.
I wanted to buy something.. but decided against buying for the sake of buying.
Good choice, since the next few days, I didn’t go any where either.
***
In this post, I blogged about how I brought Minibean out of Malaysia for a couple of days.
Can you believe it? She is almost 3 months old!
And that means she is fast approaching the next phase.
And earlier this week, my Mum had exclaimed that my darling babe is teething at the grand-old-age of 2 months ++.
She isn’t grouchy, though she has been drooling excessively, stuffing her five fingers into her mouth(erm…) to munch on.
I hope she wouldn’t feel too much discomfort nor would she get down with fever. Baby, mummy will be praying for you, okay?
Mummy very happy to hear the counting down on the television outside, when Minibean was in my arms.
Was playing with her and she gave me a big grin again.
I am glad she is always happy.
She tried to lick me when I brought her close to me.
One habit that dies hard since her birth.
Mummy kissed Minibean when the clock struck 12. Happy Chinese New year my precious. This new year is special because of you.
(Yes, yes Mummy, my eyes cannot open!)
Her looks are getting more defined.
Just like my dark eye rings too.
But the same couldn’t be said about her chin(s) though…
‘Happy Chinese New Year y’all!’
I slept early.
The next day evening, I brought her out, placing her in the car seat.
I don’t think she enjoyed the car seat very much…
But I thought this picture is darn cute though.
Then I decided to carry her.. and the little one showed me what she was capable of.
(Uhm, this is a picture of my arm, and the thing you see is her tongue, not my boobie/nipnip)
She suckled on my arm relentlessly, and when I finally pulled her away… I found:
Horror of horrors!
A lovebite!
And she is like.. what?! 2 months plus old?
Tsk tsk. Kids these days…
***
19th February - Uncle Zhiliang visited Minibean.
The hungry one bottoms up her milk.
She held on to my hand as I fed her.
Her little feet and sturdy calves.
My baby.
***
Berlinda dropped by for a visit, followed by Yixuan who also dropped by as we caught up of the old times.
Minibean taking a nap, and one of the rare times she could enjoy her pacifier.
Old friends accompanied me this new year, and I am thankful for that.
Caught up with Yunfeng over the phone, and apparently he might be dropping by Mac House soon cos he is under the same organisation.
Had called up Henry for a game of mahjong.. I think I was feeling nostalgic that night.
I called up Edward’s mum who dotes on me ever so much.
I think.. I miss the older times when things were simpler, and much more innocent.
***
Slept pretty early that night with Minibean next to me, after I changed her into her pyjamus.
She finally could fit into what Renee and Weiyang had bought for her!
Her little cutie blue outfit.
She looks fair and feminine here.
Whee!
I slept very well with her next to me again.
***
20th February - she woke up at 11 plus.
We waited till it was 2pm when Dad came back to pick us up.
I could have put her in the car seat, but I found myself finding hard to put her down.
She looked at me as if she understood.
I played with her for a while, before I left in a cab to head for City Square.
I walked to the custom to find the bus stop overwhelmed by people.
I decided to take a refreshing walk across the causeway.
I remember how as a kid, I used to cry everytime I board the train to head back to Seremban.. because I always watched Dad waving his hand as the train pulled out, and I felt sad.
I don’t know the rationale behind it either.
It was 7 plus when I finally reached back Singapore.
I got home, and met JD, SYT and FF at Boat Quay.
I met up with FF first to grab a bite before the couple joined us.
We spent our time in this quiet karaoke pub, a nice chill place.
I enjoyed the simple night, before I returned to retire for the next early day.
***
21st February - Back to work!
I was too lazy to even dress up, and I turned up in glasses, bunned up hair and.. well, you get the picture.
Had dinner with Kristin and Glenn before they left for home.
I didn’t realise JJ Lin is so short in person. It must be hard on him to have to go around in a cap and watching the floor tiles as he walks.
I was bored with my hair enough to head to the salon for a perm and trim.
I went in at 6 plus, I left only at 10 plus.
Strangely, I felt incredibly alone. Not lonely. But alone.
But I had a nice chat with a friend. Thank you.
***
22 February - Glenn asked me to cover his duty and I went back to branch early.
I left in the noon for Phoenix Hotel where my branch(not the bank branch) had a lunch event.
Ronald picked me up again, and this time, he informed me of the cute colleague who just joined the branch.
Strangely, he reminds me of Mr KG… and I enjoyed my lunch as I ogled at him. Hahaha.
It took a while, but I am finally breaking the ice with the people from agency. They have been a great bunch to be around, and I do wish everyone prosperity and good health for the coming lunar new year.
Ronald sent me back to branch before the day ended.
I finished off some work before I left for dinner with Glenn.
And then, Tracy and I met up to head down to Raffles Place there to meet up at Kelvin’s stall with the rest(Max, Mork, Mindy, Brian, Vamp, Dexter, Frances, Nick, Teddy, Xueling and cousin) for dinner.
We later chilled at Hong Kong Cafe in Thomson area, before the very nice Teddy gave me a lift back.
***
23 February - Mum’s birthday.
But I didn’t get into Malaysia for her.
I sat around with Glenn chilling for a while before we joined some of the bankers whilst they had their dinner.
I then took a train down to Orchard.
As I walked towards Takashimaya, the sky was suddenly litted with a fireworks.
Oh. Chingay.
I saw the glitters filling up the sky prettily, and thought how beautiful they were.
I walked to Watson’s to meet up with my old pals, Xinyi and Patricia.
Xinyi was my primary 4 - 6 classmate, whilst Patricia was in our class too in primary 5 and 6.
It was then when I knew Patricia used to have a crush on Mr KG as well…. erm, back in secondary school days. Heh.
It was a long catch up session as we travelled from Orchard to Clarke Quay. I have never hang out with these crazy girls ever since we graduated from primary school, and it was darn cool to be able to be crazy, chatty and boisterous around them without any awkwardness.
Love those babes!
We headed for MOS, where the music kinda sucked.
Me and the pretty Patricia.
She’s a darn hot babe. I remember she already had a darn fabulous figure when she was 12.
I left MOS early, but I bumped into my ‘date’ - Mindy’s brother, Mork, at the entrance.
We had an inside joke on Thursday night when they rest had tried to do the MILF thing on him since he was the youngest of the group. And something about me giving him an angbao… cough.
So we took a picture and he forwarded it to the rest just to joke that we were dating…
Ah well.
I got home and had a bad headache that lingered.
***
24th February - Had originally wanted to head to branch but the headache was one kind of tormenting.
It was a busy Saturday, with lotsa happenings that I wouldn’t want to miss, but had to miss.
I had 5 invitations to 5 different events.
Primary school gathering, which is few and rare these days.
Wenmei’s wedding, which I wouldn’t miss.
Raf’s hen’s party.
Janise’s birthday at Wala.
And a company dinner over at big boss’ place.
When I dropped the dinner, my manager had asked me to reshuffle my schedule to make time for it, but it was almost impossible.
I thought I could just shuttle in between events, but I only managed to attend a short meet up with the Qihua girls before I rushed off to Wenmei’s wedding.
I met up with the girls at the bowling alley at Marina Square, and I haven’t seen them in the longest while.
This time, we met up with Meiyi, who was my school bus mate since I was 7, and Shuxian, who shared the same class as me throughout primary school years except primary 4.
And I had to miss her wedding last 8th December… since I was just fresh into confinement.
With Meiyi and Xinyi.
Our friendship is into its 19th year.
Another 19 year-old friendship.
I had a good time catching up with the girls.
It was funny how Shuxian asked if I had plastic surgery done since the last time I saw her cos I look different from primary school days. Feminity, she said.
Trust me, if anything, the first thing I would do is my nose.
And if I still look the way I was in primary school…… shoot me.
I was very happy to meet up with them, because it didn’t feel like those meet-up-for-the-sake-of-meeting-up kinda gathering.
They were heading to Bugis to meet up with another few ex-classmates but I wasn’t able to join them.
From Marina Mandarin, I made my way to Shangri La.
***
It was the most beautiful wedding I ever been to.
Of 2 who love each other, respect each other.
I remember the day when the test kit showed the dreaded lines to confirm my then worst fear, she was the first person who came to mind. I have no idea why, but she was.
Dotted, I am really happy for you. In fact, there was an odd motherly pride as I watch you in such bliss.
It has been a long while since a wedding is able to touch me, and as Sherry shared with me post-speech, she almost teared.
Likewise, me too.
As much as for the recent years, we haven’t been hanging out much, and how our paths differ, but just wanna let you know how dear a friend you are to me.
I have yet to get all the pictures from the dinner, but I can tell you, it was a babefest.
Me with Peining before the camera died on me.
Wenmei and Gary’s picture was behind us.
I saw many other babes whom I haven’t met for a long while, like Yanyan, Huiling, etc.
They were all prettily dolled up for the event, and I had a nice time catching up with them.
Post-dinner, we went up to the couple’s suite to egg Gary on for a striptease.
He did. But he stopped after the vest and tie came off.
Darn.
And when the bride threw her bouquet….
It was all a ploy!!!! Sabotage!
I wanna thank everyone for their kind co-peration to make sure I get the bouquet, so that it would give me a slight glimpse of hope that I would ever get myself off the shelves.
Thank you very much. Hurhurhur.
Gary congratulating the winner.
I should have prepared a speech.
It was 1am when everything was over. All of us except the newly-weds then adjourned to join the ‘brothers’(groom’s buddies)
and ’sisters’(bride’s babelicious buddies) at Velvet.
Lihui, Jasmine and I took Ben’s car together with Paul to head to Zouk.
It was my 2nd trip ever to Velvet. So virginish.
Clubbing with the girls is never a disappointment.
I had a whale of a time there cos of the great company. It has been a long while since I enjoyed myself that much clubbing.
I picked up the game 5-10 though I sucked at it. And Ben took great advantage of my handicap(ever seen someone throwing nothing and shout ‘all’ and vice versa?), and I ended up losing whole night, to everyone, except once when I won him by sheer luck.
Drinking is not good for health. It is evil.
I remember teasing one guy of the group who had a tie on.. grabbing him towards me by the tie, though I shall not admit how we managed to sneak him in despite being only 15+.
Tsk!
And what can I say? Ties are… sexy. Shirts too.
I remember lip-kissing a few girls.. and had a very sexy bite on the shoulder from Jasmine.
Girls’ lips are very soft. Very.
We danced. We drank. We laughed. We teased. We enjoyed a good time.
Some of them were returning to the hotel for the night, and we left to go back when some of the others left around 3 plus.
Ben drove Paul, Lihui and I back.
We chilled in the room for a while, before the rest of the little ones(ahem, the 4 under 21s) returned.
Eventually, Ben and Paul were heading home cos the little boys had some issues with them smoking in the room, and since Paul stays in the west, they offered to send me back too.
It was all work talk on the car. How sexy. Ben is actually in the same building as I do and from the organisation I am currently attached to, and Paul is also in the financial field too.
I tried getting Lihui to head back with me as well since getting home from Shangri La the next morning would sure be by cab anyway. Somehow, she didn’t want to, and I left with the guys, after getting into a change of tees and berms, courtesy of Jiaqi.
I went home in the hotel’s paper slippers which are much more comfortable than my heels.
It was a nice cosy sleep I had.
***
25th February - Went to baby Cherish’s baby shower the next day.
Jasmine and Jason’s baby is already a month old! That’s so fast eh?
Baby looks very much like the pretty mom.
I remember someone asking me when I was about to hold baby Cherish, ‘Do you know how to hold a baby.. you have to….’
Someone ask Janet as well, though her baby is already a year plus!
I smiled and replied I have a 2 plus month old darling at home.
‘Oh. Don’t look like,’ they would say.
***
My manager sent me back home. And seeing his little boy in the car, makes me miss mine even more.
***
I met up with FF to go shoe shopping in the evening after my nap, and we chilled at Introbar.
It is a nice place to chill.
The night was quiet, but has a sweet serenity to it.
***
Went back to work on a Monday, with nothing much happening.
Except that I had late lunch with Kenny when he had dropped by.
Kenny, where are my pictures?
He waited for me to get off the phone.
Oops, something stuck in between my teeth. Hahaha!
At my usual haunt near my workplace!
Had dinner with one of my colleagues at Boat Quay.
Apparently he had skipped a dinner to have dinner with me.
Oh. I swear I saw George Lam trying to keep a low profile under a cap, and having dinner with some Asian girl, possibly Filipino. She was holding to his arms, I think.
And the funniest thing that could happen is, I was walking and I blurblur-ly pointed to a group of people, ‘Oh… aren’t those your colleagues?’ before he walked briskly away and told me he hoped they hadn’t seen him.
Then did I realise he had skipped the dinner.. and the colleagues had changed location!
I got home and spent the night drafting first part of this entry.
***
I went back to branch despite it wasn’t my duty today to finish some stuff.
Had lunch with one of my colleagues, when Ronald came down to join us.
I feel better around this colleague cos he isn’t as posh-totty like most of my other colleagues.
Perhaps the posh-tottiness intimidates me and I feel I couldn’t quite be myself around them. Battling with self-esteem issues ain’t helping either.
I wish I could do better. I know I am giving myself a lot of pressure, but it is also because of the expectations others have of me.
My manager wasn’t too pleased when I got back to my own company’s branch today.
I don’t know. But I think I have other considerations up on my mind because Charissa is my main priority.
Today, is the day, I miss her so much that thinking of her brought tears to my eyes.
It doesn’t help when I sat outside Harry’s at Esplanade(hmm… oddly familiar place where I met SBB), and the band started playing ‘Aint no sunshine’.
I had dinner with Yunfeng, whom I haven’t met in years when he messaged me to ask if I was up for supper. I suggested dinner instead since I had my evening free after the meeting back in the main office.
We met up at Raffles City and walked to Peninsula to have dinner.
Then we walked to Esplanade, cutting across Padang to have drinks.
I then was told my first puppy-love ex-boyfriend should be getting married next year.
It was great meeting up with Yunfeng again, cos he is one of those friends so near yet so far. And he is one of the coolest guys I know. He didn’t even flinch nor show any surprise when I baby-talked down the phone(while choking back tears) and then commented it was my baby.
I was pretty out of sorts for the night, but it was an old friend I was comfortable with that makes the night so much more bearable.
***
He kissed me on the shoulder as he said, ‘You are doing a great job with her.’
I turned away and felt a tinge of sadness. I myself know it isn’t good enough.
‘I’m not good enough. I wonder when I can stop being such a disappointment.’
‘It’s not ideal, but with whatever you have, you are already doing very well.’
***
It was 2 nights of long talks till wee hours of the morning.
Catching up, and to be open. Vulnerable talks.
‘I feel comfortable around you,’ I muttered.
‘I feel the same way too. Even if one day when we do move on, there always will be a bond there. Because of her.’
Isn’t that worse than strings attached?
***
I miss the days when I could just lie beside someone, whilst he holds my hand to his chest as we fall asleep, and the other hand just snaking round me to hold me close.
Sans snoring, that is.
‘Good morning,’ he would chirped when I open my eyes, with a grin plastered to his face.
‘Piggy,’ he would then say, with a twinkle in his eyes as I hid under the duvet.
I would then purr in plenty of cosiness.
Then, he would offer a kiss on the lips despite the morning breath, as I consciously bring my hand to cover my mouth, saying, muffled, ‘No! Morning breath.’ and giggle like a silly little girl.
He would then laugh at me, and plant a smooch on my forehead instead.
However casual, however brief, it was nice.
***
I miss my baby.
As I watch mothers going by with babies in their arms.. I would take a lingering look and hope she is there with me.
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