Have been busy.

Have been bleak.

***

I was tired today.

I shied away from phone calls, and certain messages that touched me but I know not what to reply.

It was indirectly a pressure… because how you know how high expectations people have of you.

It was just yesterday when I mentioned something like I need to balance both sides.. because my timing has been split too lavishly to the other.

Today, both sides demanded more time from me.

Yet, I don’t see myself bringing either to new heights. Maybe it really is me.

***

It is a warm Wednesday night. I didn’t join the girls in their conquests for some drunkard sex, but attended a wake in the East of Singapore.

Roy’s grandma had passed away on the 10th July, yesterday, and the gang had all went down to send our condolences, though honestly, it was like gathering there more than anything.

I went to Kembangan where Mork picked me up to head down with the rest who were in the car. Mindy, Brian, and Tracy.

You have no idea how small the world is, and how your past can haunt you so closely.

I met a biker there whom I last saw eons ago.

Nick’s friend was there too, and his girlfriend is Yong Wee’s ex. Yong Wee was the one who lost his K3 and the one Philip was pillioning when he fell from the scrambler.

And.. oh yes, Nick’s friend happened to know Philip on a personal basis too.

All these came out simply because Max was giving me a lift last night and he had dropped by said friend’s place and I saw a gixxer1000 with his girlfriend’s name on it, and it struck me as awfully familiar.

This friend then said Philip looks like RAIN, you know, the Korean star? I stared at him in disbelief and so did some others.

Uhm.

I must bite my lips down so I wouldn’t say the wrong things.

***

Nick and Boon boon dropped me off at Toa Payoh before I hopped on a cab.

Boon Boon had commented something that took me by surprise.

“Why is it that you always look sad to me?”

I had no explanations and beamed widely, “What? Do I? You must be joking!”

He asked me about getting a place of my own and such, and I felt a great sense of dejection that I am still nowhere near where I wanna be.

Not even the first step so.

***

I am still in the midst of compiling the girls for the Comex, and whee, I do have some pretty fabulous faces. My head is spinning and my back is aching. I need some form of corset support I think.

Of course… some comments… I must keep to myself.

And isn’t it funny how all these work can drain so much of self esteem out of you and you just want to break down and cry cos you know you could never be perfect?

I should never be in this line.

***

I wish she will grow up pretty and hot, so she can be who I can never be.

***

Today I was thinking.

In a relationship, there are 2 kinds of deceptions.

The best deception, is detachment.

OR

The best deception, is attachment.

Which are you?

Interesting, you hurt yourself most with the first, and you hurt the other most with the latter.

I mean, have you denied your own feelings just so you thought you wouldn’t get hurt?

And have you tried to be extremely nice, because of the guilt you have from doing something wrong?

It is not give sex for love, and give affections for sex for nothing.

***

My previous weekend was an extremely quiet one.

A shame I didn’t get to see her.

I holed up at home on Saturday night rushing some work.

Then when I woke up on Sunday, I went straight to JD’s place for a game of mahjong.

Oh mahjong. How I miss it.

It was only 3/4 round before we trooped down to Hoggies’ for dinner, and witnessed the achievement of an impossible task.

The challenge was for him to finish a kg of steak, and he had to do so, with the sides, within an hour, or else he had to pay a hundred bucks.

If he completes it, the steak is on the house.

Each standard piece of Hoggie’s steak is 300g.

I don’t really want to repeat what those who were there already blogged about, so just read about it HERE.

And he did it. That kid is amazing.

I also feel like trying, you know?

***

Uncle Roy sent me home and it stormed.

We took shelter at the nearby coffeeshop where I had my delicious bowl of hot, teochew porridge.

We had a long talk.. and it put things into perspective.

I wouldn’t want to lose a friend again.

***

Went back to office for meeting on Monday, before I made my way down to Bugis to meet up with Brian and Mindy.

Just before I was supposed to leave, Justine asked me to sit down for a drink, which led to a very enriching and very heart-warming, long talk. If all my colleagues were this brilliant.

Client didn’t turn up after few hours of wait and we just chilled at Breko’s for the evening.

Lawrence joined us and we sat around catching up before we called it a night.

It was yet another talk with Roy before I called it a night and headed up.

***

He came over for the night, and my neck had plenty of attention, that made my hair stand no end.

The sensation was awesome. I found my weak spot. Sigh.

Tingling.

***

Sidetrack a little, I think I need to get my bed a headboard. I now know what they are for.

Headboard with poles, perhaps?

***

He left for work in the day after I had troubles getting him out of bed.

In the afternoon, it was then my turn to head out for a meeting with Brian in the East area, before we went around various places.

What was interesting was that we went around by public transport cos his bike was in the workshop.

Muahahaha!

After our meeting, we headed to Kembangan, before we had to head to Toa Payoh(I am very fated with these 2 places in the past 2 days, and it ain’t exactly good news).

A very annoyed Brian, who hates public transport(spoilt brat lah!), and the peak hour traffic nearly ticked the bomb.

We didn’t catch the train when we had to change it, cos it was simply too crowded. Grr.

I no like peak hour crowd either.

We met Wenmei for dinner at HDB hub MOS burger, before we discussed some stuff(and of course, dirtied my clothes with my clumsiness) over dinner.

It was then, Max was giving Brian a lift, and I asked them to drop me off somewhere convenient.

Thank God they were heading for Sixth Avenue for coffee and I tagged along.

Sixth Avenue is a very convenient place for me to hail a cab and hop on.

***

10th July is an odd day.

Philip’s birthday.

And Philip’s ex-girlfriend messaged me that she had given birth that morning.

It was Shubin’s death anniversary too.

And then, Roy informed us that his grandma had passed on too.

***

Wrapped my Tuesday night up with a phone-conversation with you-know-who, whilst giggling distractedly by my online surfing. *Giggles*

Will be getting her out tomorrow, can’t wait!

I miss cuddling her in my arms.

I heard from my parents how she will sulk and look hurt when she is being ignored.

My Dad was heading for the showers instead of carrying her few days ago, and she had waited excitedly for him to carry her.

Dad took a dump and took a long shower.

She then curled up at a corner of her cot and then ignored everyone, keeping quiet, unlike her usual noisy self.

She gave a pitiful look throughout, and ignored my mum.

After a while, she would just look at you sulkishly, before she would flip over to her back and held her hands wide open for some ’sayang’ when my dad finally came out of the showers.

Once you carry her up, she would be all smiles and giggles.

She now knows how to crawl, and then when she does, she would flip to her sides, so she would sit up straight.

I was trying to tell Dad to discipline her, and Dad told me that of course he wouldn’t allow us(Mum or me) to scold her.

He said wait we frighten her when we raise our voices, how? Cos she is still young.

Then, he sided her by saying she is young, she doesn’t know anything.

Then he contradicted himself by saying baby is so smart, she knows what the adults are thinking. He then commented how he thinks she will be really intelligent.

It was such a heartwarming talk as I was out with Brian and Max at 6th Avenue, especially with my Dad laughing as he recounted the things Minibean did.

I am glad, Minibean has a macho-protector in him.

***

BRATworks is gonna be RATworks for a while since the B of it wouldn’t be around.

The brat has decided to take a break in Bintan, whilst the rest of us shall slog back home.

After he comes back, he will have to bear the workload of BRAworks since it will be Ting’s turn to be away.

It can become CRABworks(Charissa!). I am so lame it is not even funny.

Alright partner, have a great time with your rightful partner in Bintan, and birthday girl, I will not be paying the $500 shall you guys bring back a “birthday present”.

Oh dear, I am really lame.