These couple of days feel kinda strange. They are simply, strange.

I feel… too much positivity. So much that it makes me feel jittery. So much that I started tearing my nails nervously throughout the day. I am left nail-less again.

Problem with people like me is, we don’t believe in positive stuff anymore. Once we start to do so, the fear of the world comes crashing down starts to seep in, and before you know it, it engulfs you completely.

It is… just, different.

***

Sometimes I see things, but I just choose to bury to the very deep end.

I pretend. It doesn’t mean I don’t notice, and that I don’t know.

***

I felt a great sense of accomplishment.

I slept less for the past 2 days, and the adrenalin keeps me awake… and it still is sustaining me now.

I was packed to the brim with work schedule, but amidst it all, I still had time for family(Dad and Mum), the all important Minibean, friends(a quick get-together), checked out an office space, Ghost Whisperer AND CSI: New York, a little shopping for the home and Minibean, and added a tinge of romance to it all.

It has been fulfilling. And I haven’t felt this way in a long while.

It just feels… different.

Sometimes putting a little bit more trust in myself, could go a long way.

Only is, I need to start believing. Believing that the world won’t come crashing down on me.

***

I jokingly told Roy and Brian, who were both engrossed with their own priorities in life(Grrrr…. even my work calls were like in no way superior!!), that I wanted to go on a strike.

It was early in the day, but instead of doing so, I didn’t manage to stop all the way till pretty late.

I will never get what I wish for, isn’t it?

I feel pretty alright, actually.

***

I fell asleep during an episode of CSI: New York. I tried to quit waiting by having a little me-time.

And when he finally turned up, it was a quiet, relaxing and enjoyable night ahead.

My little silly surprise that brought on so much giggles worked out pretty fine… though it made the wait to the end of the night a little too long.

We had nice little chat on the bench at my lobby, with the canned drinks bought from the vending machine(the root of all evils!). The breeze was nice.

Despite my initial hunger, I ended up not having much appetite. That brought us round and round the place we initially wanted to go for food - Fong Seng.

We ended up at a place I adore, Kent Ridge Park.

I saw ‘giraffes’ there. I want to bring Minibean there next time. Mum used to tell me those cranes at the port are giraffes. Yellow, long neck, four-legged.

It was a part of my childhood, and I always feel warm and fuzzy when I see them… cos it was one of the few better memories Mum left me with.

We sat around, took pictures, giggled, strolled a little, cuddled, kissed, and flirted.

“I like this place. The quietness of it.”

And I like how the place always never fails to make me feel starry-eyed with the lights. I like to be dazzled, and just feel that innocence within me again.

With memories. With giraffes. With stars. With lights. With peace. With… comfort.

***

No park bench adventures lah.

***

The park got a little noisy and as we tried figuring our way out, and the way actually led us to another park.

West Coast Park. And we thought of grabbing a bite at McDee’s.

I didn’t really want to eat, so we ended up taking a walk, hand in hand, down the quiet path, which winds down to one end of the park.

The park that held so much memories.

I remember we walked in this park, hand in hand, the last time too.

Though the bugger had the audacity to keep disturbing me when I try to keep my hands steady to take night shots.

We left for home as the teasing escalated.. not before we took the route that brought us to Pandan reservoir, and the place where I once spent an agonising 4 years of my life.

We took a further ride down to Jurong Lake Park.. just opposite where I grew up.

It was a stop at the petrol kiosk for food and drinks, before we finally made our way back.

It was nice.

I like things simple.

***

Breathless.

I love internet shopping.

No lah. I didn’t get myself any Brr Brr toys.

***

I always like sitting across him at a table, and we would figure life out together… and just say whatever that comes to mind.

It was nice.

***

It was a warm night, but indoors are freaking cold these nights, and I have no idea why.

Nonetheless, snuggling next to a warm body and cuddling to sleep is indeed utterly luxurious.

We wrapped up the night as we cuddled, and browsed through the pictures, and played the videos of Minibean on my camera.

All I remembered was that, we smiled, we laughed.

I wasn’t quite able to get to sleep. But I know as I hear the breathing next to my ears, I slowly drifted off…..

***

Didn’t have much sleep, cos work beckoned.

Woke up early cos he had tried pulling the blankets off me, switched off the air-conditioner just to get me up.

I sulked big time, but I knew I had to.

Rushed around to do some errands.

I made him go shopping with me, and I spent like 62 bucks on some flash cards for Minibean(like, seriously, did I spend that?!). I shopped around for a sofa too, but I didn’t quite manage to find something I fancy.

We headed to town, where I was once again, at a familiar place that brought forth so much memories.

Dad picked me up early to head in to JB.

The little one actually slept at 6am yesterday!!!!!

She stood at the side of her cot for the entire night just to get my parents to wake up to play with her.

Dad also told me how she doesn’t like to play with toys(the horror! I went back and saw a Barney! No Barney! NOOOOOOO!), and how she likes to throw her toys around, and then she would like to contort her body so she could get out of the pram, walker, to reach for other things to play.

She like challenges, like my dad puts it. Hahaha.

It wasn’t long before she heard voices and woke up.

Her hair is now in an absolute mess! Hahaha. But I think is so damn cute. They are starting to curl out at the ends.

I fed her porridge and she was smiling for every spoon of porridge! Like me, she doesn’t seem to like fish nor water. Uh oh.

Besides my intelligence, dimple and brilliance, she actually has that from me too!

We dressed her up in the Kenzo jacket I got for her, and her jeans, so that we could have a family outing to Jusco.

It was the first time, in a long, long while, since I last went out with my parents.

I love love love this picture, cos she looks like such a cutie.. though too boyish hahaha. My mum was worried she would do a split but Dad and I were jokingly saying that she would have the makings of a dancer, which will be cool.

Anyway, the trip to Jusco was the most enjoyable family outing in a long while. Seeing how my dad has trouble walking, yet insisting on carrying Minibean… it almost brought tears to my eyes, realising how much he has aged.

Dad bought icecream for Mum, me, and himself. Minibean could only watch with plenty of bewilderment.

I felt grown up.

Mum had never liked me eating ice-cream when I was younger, and to be eating ice-cream with the adults… make me feel like one, finally. I so should have asked someone to take a picture of 4 of us. I so should have.

Dad was the photographer.

It was plenty of laughs, plenty of smiles, and I even made Dad buy bed sheets for me. I feel like a daddy’s girl again.

They had forgotten to lock the boot when contemplating whether to bring the pram. We didn’t, and they forgot to close the boot!

Fortunately, this place has security guard who watched over the car(they thought it was broken into), and my pram was intact.

I never enjoyed family outings in the past, maybe when I was young, I did, but not in a long, long while. Though it was bogged down by lotsa emotional thoughts as I observed my parents. How could I possibly miss out so much.

I want to have more. I want to spend more time with the 3 people I love most.

Damn. I feel hormonal.

***

They sent me to the causeway as I fed her milk on the journey. She fell asleep in my arms and I just couldn’t stop smooching her.

I miss her so darn lots.

***

I got back, and headed straight to Ang Mo Kio to check out a potential office space.

I didn’t quite like the long distance from my place, though I suspect 2/3 of the Brats would gladly take it cos it is so near to them.

Brian and I then headed to Orchard to meet up with Tracy and Nick for a bitch-fest!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Contents have to be censored.

Brian then sent me to Thomson, where I hopped on a cab home.

It was then suddenly, the world got too silent for my comfort.

It was when the positivity took a dive… and the self-doubt crept in.

And a message came in from a dear friend, as if God’s way to remind me that I am never alone.

***

From tomorrow onwards, this month would be an utterly busy one.

In the meantime, I shall enjoy a little me-time.

A little more indulgence in my sensitivity would break the dam and I would end up looking for a good bawl.

I shall dwell in my CSI: New York.

***

I can’t wait for the shit to hit the fan.

So I can clean it up faster.

***

Meanwhile, look at what my little sweetheart is up to. Must Watch!