It isn’t the only playground in the estate.

It is the one of a smaller scale, compare to the core one which everyone flocks to.

I was surprised that I managed to find some peace at the deserted playground when there was so much buzz in the evening.

I spent a good day having a sob fest yesterday, so much so that as I tried popping in my contact lenses(brand new, no less) today, that the stinging pain was too much for me to bear.

Even after I plucked those out, the burning sensation didn’t go away for a good few minutes.

But I sat on the swing, and took a dizzy ride on the rusty merry-go-round.

A minute, I was calmed, a minute later, I was in pieces.

Isn’t it cool that every emotion seems to be orchestrated not by yourself, but conducted by others?

Like the warning you gave a year ago. “YOURS”. Marking territory. Leave them alone. Stay away. Yes. I know. Didn’t I do just that? Haven’t I been doing that? But of course, you didn’t believe, and you have no reasons to believe. Cos no one believed, anyway.

Do. My fault. Don’t do. Also my fault.

Oh well.

It was later at night, when I felt that I was ready to explode.

I didn’t care really.

Thanks to someone who patiently drove down to listen.

I really needed just someone whom I can be freely, liberally, honest to.

Someone who didn’t know.

And there, we sat.

On the swing. On the bench. Nowhere felt quite as right as the merry-go-round.

I tried to be as detached as possible from the narrating, that towards a point, it seemed like I wasn’t talking about myself anymore.

And then I wanted to run, suddenly just wanna hide again.

***

It was a night that I found hard to find peace, and sleep.

***

Woke up today to the slight drizzle. It was morning.

I had an unsettled sleep before I forced myself to get some more rest.

I went out for a meeting, before getting back home. It went well.

The Japanese children were running, skipping down the pathway as they returned home in groups.

It was breezy. Beautifully so. As I sat on the kerb, sipping my drink as I watched them.

Some skipped past me, giving occasional inquisitive glances as they went by. A little boy couldn’t stop turning his head back to stole glimpses as he walked further away.

It was a beautiful day. No blazing sun. Just soothing breeze. Like it was almost hard to let go or peel away from the surreal reality, to head back to mine.

I was back home.

***

I seem to cultivate a new, strange habit, that never gotten to me, until… now.

I. Am. Drinking. Water.

People who know me know how I resent drinking water. Just like my baby.

I survived on green tea most of the time, and sometimes, I don’t even drink any fluid the entire day.

I can go without water for the longest time and I seriously ain’t a fan. One of the reasons being it makes me go to the toilet way too often.

I now have boiled water. I even keep track of how much water I drink.

Maybe I am just being crazy.

Oh. And I try to keep to some sort of “beauty regime”. Like you know, wash/tone/moisturise? Maybe trying to finish some of those bodycare products when I applied during pregnancy.

I even have products dated back to.. uhm.. 6 years ago which I know I shouldn’t be using, which made their way to the bin.

And my motivation is simply atrocious.

I just want to finish using them so I can finally dispose of them.

End results?

My skin is more flaky and condition is getting worse. I have occasional zits attack. And my tummy is still not going away.

So uhm, honestly, I am not quite a believer of maintanence work anymore. Ha.

Sometimes I wonder, with all those chemicals females pile on, will there ever be some sort of mini explosion cause by chemical reactions?

And yah, the water-replenishing also didn’t work wonders.

Oh.

Another bad habit I have gained.

For someone who refuses to take pain-killer more than 10 times a YEAR, I am popping aspirin almost everyday these days.

The bugging headache refuses to go away.

***

I am picking up reading again. Ah well.

The most anti-social and ’safest’ thing to do these days.

The greatest adventure I have had these days is to switch to new authors.

***

I have been thinking about her 1st year celebration.

The odd thing was, just few weeks back I said gee, I want it to be a big event and I have so many people I want to invite.

Strange thing is… really strange, at this juncture, I cannot think of anyone I could and would invite.

***

Baby, mummy misses you a lot.

***

It is raining heavily tonight.

I love it.