If there is one thing when it comes to how I do serious things(not applicable to how my life is), is that I don’t really like uncertainty, or to be unsure.

It is enough to push me to do things I normally won’t get out of my comfort zone to do.

Just not too long ago, I had exasperatedly wanted to take matters into my own hands, simply because I didn’t like how everything is heading all directions.

I mean, really, sometimes I don’t like communication with certain work-related people, but let’s say when things really get out of hand, I will want to sort it out.

Yah. So yeap, I wanted to shove the person-in-charge aside, and take things into my own hands cos I didn’t like the pressure thrown on from the other side.

Anyway.

Sometimes you meet bad clients. The kind when you probe and they tell you it is nobody’s business when you want to eliminate the uncertainties.

The contempt was so strong to sniff.

It takes all I had in me to NOT say anything harsh back. It freaking does, and if I had wanted to take things into my own hands because of uncertainties prior, of cos it does.
I mean really, if I pass on the responsibilities just to get more uncertainties, I might as well shove the person aside and get things done myself.

Which I am freaking tempted to.

Of course, I am just a vendor, it doesn’t matter to anyone how I would feel. At the end of the day I am just a worthless piece of shit, who has to endure hypocritical, unfeeling, insincere words coming from them.

***

I am unsure of myself. Somewhat.

I am quite glad I got a couple of things done today.

I went for acupuncture and massage for my bad back and my knee ligament which has been acting up due to the cold weather.

I was told my back is like an old lady’s. I mean, hello? I carried a load in me for like 9 months, do you expect anything less?

I even went to scale my teeth after accumulating 4 years of tartar, cos my gums are bleeding excessively every morning.

The immigration number is totally dead, and I just couldn’t manage to reach ANYBODY. And I am not sure if my email will ever get a reply.
I made some arrangements for an upcoming dinner. I also called up some help for an upcoming event. I still didn’t dare to call my cousin. Dammit.

I got back and I could feel more of my back and then I just fell asleep.

Only to wake up to do the thing I have been doing everyday(yes, JD, it didn’t stop on Sunday).

Now, I just hope there is enough rest to last me throughout the night.. cos there’s much to be finished today.

I am.. unsure.

Of myself.

Scared. Even.