I sat on the kerb in the carpark where it all once started.

Heels, pencil skirt, with a blazer to shield me from the intrusive breeze. Accessorised with plenty of fatigue.

There was a brightly litted, round moon, not a soul in sight. There were a few stars littered across the sky, flickering as if struggling not to let their shine die on them.

Tonight, I realised how I always have thought fondly of the peaceful place which witnessed many sweet little episodes in my life, and then it hit me.

It too, has witnessed the number of people, who had came, and left my life.

Leaving the carpark seems like the last ritual for them, as they say goodbye to me, for good.

I have windows that overlooked the carpark, but never once in my life, I dare to watch them go. Sometimes, for the fear it would be the last time they ever do, and the memories be too painful to erase.

Suddenly, the place doesn’t look half as sweet as how I always see it as.

Maybe I have made it all too easy for them.

As much as I tried, as much as I guarded, as much as I blocked, it didn’t seem all that difficult for them to wriggle their ways into my life.

And as easy as they come, they find it so much easier just to leave me behind as they go.

It is never hard for anyone to leave. People around me never seems to find it hard or to find it a problem to just peel themselves away from a part of me, and it is just expected of me to just let go as simply.

It was always so-and-so’s cue, and I gotten used to it.

When did they decide enough is enough, and how do we ever know some things, are just not enough. Maybe I will never be part of the equation to balance out enough.

I turn my back, I walk on, I smile, I put on a mask of fucking coolness.

I don’t like to fight.

I hide, I run, I hug my knees and curl up in bed.

When I am by myself, I don’t like to pretend.

In truth, like what was sang, “I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, so we’re really not that different, me and you.”

Just go. Just leave. I will be fine. Just like how you are.

Tonight, as I sat at the place I suddenly detest, I feel like the stars who are struggling with their every breath to not let their shine die.