You know how sometimes your mind throws some random questions about yourself, and you ponder over it excessively for a few minutes, when the questions are simply out of nowhere?

On a random day out for lunch yesterday, a colleague was telling another colleague how she had stomach upsets and the other colleague started saying how he had one just a few days ago.

I tried recalling when I last had one and then couldn’t quite remember. I think I have an iron stomach cos I have been one of those kids who grew up dirty and unhygienic.

And after lunch today, I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen, and felt a need for the loo. Just when I was in the lift.

Like, really, speak of the devil.

When I was on my journey to work today, I started to think about how I have become this totally unfeeling bitch.

I don’t think I know or still remember how to cry since… more than half a year ago.

Sometimes I wish I do, so that I can learn to feel again.

I didn’t cry when I watch those shows people told me to prepare extra kleenex for, and neither did I bawl when I was reading some of those tear-jerkers. Lies and betrayals don’t get tears from me no more.

How odd. How strange.

And then I started to think back the past few months, and thought how could I be so totally unfeeling, with my tears falling only days ago when I was watching the Chinese documentary Tuesday Report, when they interviewed the people who lost their closed ones to SARS.

I teared man. Oh and the incident somewhere along somewhere with someone when I started to discuss how I can’t look at people in their eyes.. that a couple of tears fell.

And then, just when I thought my walls have built up pretty sturdy, and I reveled in the thought of how strong I have been, I reached my work place.

And………..

….. as I concluded My Sister’s Keeper, I cried lah.

Silly man.

I think maybe I should start to recall when I last strike 4D…