This email was sent out yesterday through email, and though Effy had already holler out to you mahjong addicts out there, I thought I would just publish it here, cos though we have an influx of emails and applications coming in(cough cough), we are still looking for THE ONE.
Hi all,
Ever wonder what life will be like being hooked to Cocaine and Heroin? No? We are giving you the once in a lifetime opportunity to find out!
We are a couple of utterly sexy, inconceivably attractive, impossibly witty, immorally good-looking, absolutely addictive, disgustingly gorgeous ladies approaching auntiedom, seeking equally enthusiastic, mild-mannered, sweet-natured, charming people to fulfill that burning desire in us by offering the energy-exhausting company we so crave… We don’t ask for much, but we need at least 2 people to tide us through the lonely nights, and applicants have the chance to take turns to have their chances with us.
Applicants must be readily available as and when we need you (when we need you, we NEED you!), and have the stamina to go on and on and on and on… (you get the drift) with us, and last through the night.
If you fulfill the criteria, we need you, we want you, and we crave for you, and our happiness is now in your hands.
You shall find an application form for the position to be filled.
Beware though, the game is addictive, so are we.
P/S: We are pretty much serious with this email, cos we have specially sifted the list for people with potential to join us in this debauchery of sinful indulgence. We have exhausted the people in our list, and it is time for us to recruit new blood. We await your replies, and if you are not interested, do forward to people you know wouldn’t disappoint us or turn us down!
Yours truly,
Ting (The cocaine) and her common law mahjong husband, Effy (The heroin)
MAHJONG KAKI APPLICATION FORM
Name
Address
Hp no.
Starsign
Stamina level (in hours)
Availability (Fri/Sat)
Years of experience
Best hand ever
How many times have you had 13 terminals?
Do you have an aversion to Hokkien vulgarities?
Of course, if you want to find out the stories of cocaine and heroin, joining us will be the perfect opportunity for you to do so.
Don’t play play, I got replies okay! Do send your applications to joewei dot ting at gmail dot com, and be patient as we process your application.
Special promotion! We will throw in Euro matches and sometimes you might even have the luck of us cooking sumptuous dinner for you!
Where to find? Where to find?!
Though I think we forgot to add that our stakes are 50 cents 1 dollar, and who throws who pays. I mean, it’s only fair that others don’t pay for your mistakes right?
So the maths work out to be if you throw:
1 tai = $4
2 tai = $8
3 tai = $16
4 tai = $32
5 tai = $64
Base is $300.
Of course when we are feeling the itch.. we can always negotiate on the rates. *doe-eyed look*
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