To sum up this week, which feels too draggy and too long, is “words”.

Colleagues are saying how “docile”(wahahaha!) I have been. But all I can think of, is that I have simply exhausted all my words.

This week is a word-intensive one.

Using words to spite, using words to convince. Using words to fight for pride, using words to fight for causes.

I don’t feel like speaking today, and knowing how I always am, that’s pretty much a surprise to those around me. Strangely, it reminded me of something this chap from my secondary school once told me.

I listened to words. I listened to words that I have to put up with. Words that stripped me of dignity.

I cooked up words. To assure.

Then, it was words that became weapons.

Then, it was words that became business.

Then it was words that didn’t mean anything to me.

Then it was words to pitch, again, and again, for something to take off.

Then it was a long evening on Wednesday when I didn’t return home till late from office.

It was a Thursday evening when I alighted at the wrong place, and I strolled past pretty houses that I could never afford to stay in. And then it hit me - I don’t, and have never, belonged.

Meaningless, meaningless words to introduce myself.

Meaningless, meaningless words.

Then, there are words from Minibean. She seems to be mimicking adults, and try to talk gibberish as if she is talking. So cute, I tell you

And then some other words that came in.

“You were always there for me in the past, n baby brought me so much joy. I really wish I could turn back time. I swear to God on my whole family that almost every day I’d go facebook and browse through the photos of you and baby, and it always puts a smile on my face after that. I hate my life now, and I goddamn fucking hate destiny….. “

I chewed back at the past, and thought of the present moment, and it would be a lie to say I don’t feel the same way about life, and destiny.

Destiny and fate, is it always what it is, or is it a better consolation than anything else that couldn’t quite explain? I know not what, and I ain’t sure anymore.

Maybe, chances are meant to be given. Then again, are we ever healed to do that? I know not. I ain’t sure anymore.

At least those words, in comparison, don’t make me sneer at its insincerity(it would have been, in the past, the girls would know hahaha) like those I have to face these days.

This week, there were many moments, even in the company of my colleagues, I would feel the urge to burst into sudden tears, but I could always bite it back. These things make people stronger, and I like the way it is.

I feel like… I feel as if… the next word that I speak will drain me of my last energy.

But at least, I can type.

Yay. Friday. My favourite people are flying back this week.

Next week will be a busy one, and it would be good to keep me away from the meaningless beings in my life.

Anyway.

Things are happening next week, woohoo! It is always such a joy to see things you are building up, taking place. Yay!