It is just another usual day at work, and I was out overseeing a shoot.

I liked the styling and the art direction, and of course, the company was good as I met some of the old pals from my old company.

Everything went on pretty well and extended a little as they had wanted to shoot more of the products.

The models were HOT man.

And it just makes us seething with envy that we can’t be like them.

And I love the wardrobe lah! Though it looks very sala on me, and the Minnie ears are just too cute!

I just thought they are so pretty!

And I want one of those too!

Had lunch with the guys before heading back to hole up in the office for the rest of the day.

***

The weekend was interesting.

Played mahjong on Friday though I was in a total anti-world mode.

Spent Saturday and Sunday(and pretty much of Monday) reading, before I finally finished the Pact.

I brought baby out on both days, heading to the neighbourhood mall, and also to the playground.

It was a weekend well-spent.

***

Had lunch at Sentosa again on Friday(buffet!), and the place is really nice!

Totally random, Minibean was absolutely lovely over the weekend

And totally random.. I think I have to go make sure I have no stray forum postings elsewhere that will expose not only my fake nose, my fake heritage, and of course, my fake innocence after sleeping with record company bosses. Muahahahaha.

You know ah, next time if I do get married(not that I believe in those marriage bull anymore), I sure will engage these people as my PIs.

With men’s stupidity, they might just be as silly and rat themselves out, just -snaps fingers- like that.

(I still don’t like my wordpress very much)

I realised I haven’t quite gotten down to journaling my trip (or rather, journey of a lifetime) to Moscow.

And then, I think of how I have prisoned myself in my own world that I have not seen, nor experience much in recent years.

I decided I don’t want to let go of the memories, nor do I want them to slip away into oblivion.

Memories are like a burst of colours, most vivid when they are freshest, and somewhat, they fade, and the bad ones, stain.

So. This new category, shall be of things I see, I feel, when I am not in my own world.

And perhaps, it will piece together the snippets of Moscow, which so deservingly, let themselves known here.

The weekend was one where I could almost bite off anyone’s head.

Especially that of men.

I tell you ah! Don’t know they are all the same, or just all the same, the more I talk about them, the more disdain.. no, sorry, cold and indifferent(woohoo, this is more potent than anything else) I feel about them.

You know what is the funniest thing? They like to say, “XXX and YYY so shouldn’t have done that, they are just blarblarblar and a guy should never -insert righteous principles here-”.

No matter how nice, how decent, how sensitive they are to your, or your friends’ feelings, they will ALL end up doing the SAME THING!

But NOoooooooooOOOooOO, they will say, “NO! Different! Don’t compare me with them! Why are you talking about them! I am not them!!”

But the gist of it all boils down to the same elements. You men just think all of us women are idiots, fools, or simply imbecile.

Eh, uncles and pigheads, get this into your peabrains, we fakeeeee stupid so you can feel better about yourselves, not because you can do all those things and get away scot-free hor.

Don’t play around with words and think we stupid stupid like that bimbo you bruffed hor, and think we cannot read between the lies hor.

Don’t think anyhowly say some sweet things ah, then you think the whole world gonna think better of you, or even better, we stupid stupid(sometimes ah, we just give chance, not because we really stupid, but cos we believe in the good of human beings, we women are great in that sense, I tell you!) ignore all the mistakes, and then the halos to your wholesome holy images will be switched on again.

Then hor, you think by distraction, by not explaining(cos all the lies busted liao mah!), you think everything would just go away, cos…… by some pure magic, you think that will make you innocent and helpless in front of mad, crazed women like us. Then then then, it gives you perfect excuse to say how wronged you are but you just don’t want to explain yourselves.

ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAARRRR!

Bite you ah!

Then then then, the worst ah, is those who say they won’t do ah, then ah, crucify those bad boys and say they shouldn’t shouldn’t whatever, end up doing the sam

You you you you you! Sama!!!

Then ah, twist twist twist your words, machiam sound so sincere and romantic, but who you trying to play? Me or Casanova?

Sometimes ah, it is not what you do you know? You think we all women cannot take it, cos the truth is you all cannot accept yourselves, and you guys cannot take it that you are as bad as the others you condemned, then you all twist twist twist, but what we angry with is that you take all of us as suckers(literally and figuratively), and think that we have no idea!

We got very clear idea you know! Without contact lens and hindsight, still 20/20 you know!

Don’t rouse the cynic in me you know, cos I bite you ah!

And then, maybe you think that’s a mad woman talking right?

Then, when the coldness comes, don’t say we are cold-hearted bitches, simply because we stop believing.

Go find those shallow shallow ones with holes one la! Give you one time(or many times) good good, and believe whatever shit you say, and never question you, who will give and take unconditionally.

Give you herpes and take your money. This kind you all like right?

Go go go!

You men ah! Got hair no hair all the same!

Small dick big dick all the same!

Bad boys good boys all the same!

Angry like a potato.

Pfft.

And yes, I am bleeding today.

And no, it doesn’t make me feel any better.

Fucking stay away.

Strangely, these 2 days have been nothing but peaceful and nice.

One half day leave later, I am back to work today. With freshly bought clothes off the rack at a 50% sale. Buying a pair of jeans and casual top just for casual Friday doesn’t seem economical enough.

Minibean drew, watched kiddo VCDs (as much as I don’t like Barney, but she actually sits quietly and watches it, swaying to the music), ate endlessly, and exercised.

I am glad with the way she is learning, really

So.

Big Tin of milk powder, check.

Blanket, check.

Pillow, check.

My own baby pillow, oh, check.

Spare clothes from the bamboo poles, check.

One set of clean undies and a set of work clothes, check.

Pram, check.

Diapers. Bought from petrol kiosk. Check.

Work stuff. Check.

Door to my room, lock.

At 11.30pm, I ran away from home, with baby in tow.

Dad was already out, trying to get away from all the madness. This morning, I found out he never went home either, but opted to stay in his office for the night. I had tears in my eyes when I heard how he is suffering as much as well.

That ended the eventful night that I have no wish to recall.

She just cursed that she hopes I will run down by a car.

Get hit when I am on a bike.

Get strike by thunder.

She says she will disown me.

She says she is going to jump down.

She says she will call up the newspaper and television to tell people what I did to her(???), like seriously? All because she is sore cos SHE THINKS I treat the maid better than her.

She says she is going to my office tomorrow to tell the whole world I am useless, lazy, dirty, and irresponsible mum.

Er, though I don’t know how she does that all the same time.

Anyway.

She went into a rage I find so familiar. It seems like I am 16 all over again, the very reason why I know I cannot live with her.

And. She did it in front of my child, something I cannot accept.

I went into my room, and called my auntie, her sister, for help.

I let years of grievances out and let her hear the side of story of what she used to tell people, where she conveniently left out how I was abused by her.

She also used to tell people how useless and naughty I am, when I was a child, the only thing I did was actually, to be never good enough.

Today is the day I regret ever letting her taking care of Minibean. And I am going to change it, at this moment.

And I did what I didn’t do in the past. I broke down and cried, and not let defiance take over.

Strangely, I am smiling and singing to my daughter at the same time to keep her occupied.

I blogged for quite long, so I wondered why didn’t the fucking wordpress even saved a draft.

So I was saying that the equation of having 5 people in the house proved to be a dreadful one, with the drama unfolding so soon into the combinations.

So anyway, it all started this morning when it was such a nice weather to stay in.

When Dad and I were heading out, I reminded my mum of the technician coming today to install a phone line in the hall since the only phone line has always been in my room.

She asked why not install it in her room and I started saying it is also for the maid in case of emergency. She started saying how she would be home anyway, and I replied saying that when she is in Malaysia, and the maid and baby are in Singapore, it will be more convenient.

She got upset.

She started sarcastically saying, “Oh, I see! Baby and maid in Singapore, I return to Malaysia lah.”

Obviously that wasn’t what I meant, and I

…..

Anyway, I am no longer in the mood to re-blog.

The series of things that happened today made me rethink a lot.

I have decided to uproot Minibean, and I spoke to Dad about it. He sounded very down and sad, understandably, but he respected my decision on what is best for her.

I know it sounded very much like impulse, but nah, it is really something I would want to do, to make sure she grows up well and have a healthier environment.

I blogged a long post to rant about my family drama.

Then the window closed itself.

And Mozilla and wordpress failed me at the same time by not saving it, at all.

Fuckers.

The weekend was pretty interesting, with a long weekend where I enjoyed a little bit of everything I wanted to do.

Like sleeping till late noon(or was it almost early evening) on Friday, after watching The Other Boleyn Girl on my desktop on Thursday night.

Read Angels and Demon.

Rockbanding.

And then it was an impromptu session of Mahjong.

Reading again(I feel intellectual! Yay!).

I didn’t sleep all that much, and woke up at 11 am on Saturday morning. Wow. Morning on a Saturday. How… productive(no oversleeping like the day before! Yay!).

Out for lunch at Jurong Point foodcourt(no atas food! Yay!).

Watched Get Smart with my complimentary tickets(Didn’t waste money! Yay!).

Bought 2 more books(Buy 1 Get 1 Free from Popular! Yay!).

Head home and bade goodbye to my peace. I’ve got a new maid. From Myanmar. Dad had hired her many months ago, and paid a lump sum so that for the next 2 years she would be contracted to us.

A young woman who has never been a maid, I think. She spoke minimal English and communication is a bitch with me wildly gesturing and me not understanding myself either.

So the first day of orientation had me showing her where the chute is(and how to pull it open to throw the garbage in), how to operate the washing machine(I hope she understands separating the darks and pales BETTER than my mum), and gave her a list of numbers to call.

Honestly, I don’t like having a maid around. Like seriously? But of course, there will be someone to take care of Minibean when she goes to childcare(which means, more Minibean! Yay!), BUT I will be constantly fearful of what the maid will do to my baby, you know?

But she seems nice enough, and as clueless as us. But I think she doesn’t quite like to do what she’s doing. From what I know of her, she has a degree in Law, and I wonder if this will be too much of a downgrade to her. I am thinking if I should buy her a new water bottle, or a plush toy(she brought along a Mashimaro toy I think) just so she would fit in better.

She says prayer every night, and I am thinking oh joy, now I have 3 religions in the household.

I spoke to Minibean on Saturday, and she was so happy when she was on the phone. I was telling Effy how she is reciting A to U when someone is guiding her, she says night and morning, she says dog dog, cat cat, car car, bird bird, flo-wer, water, milk milk, mummy, no, yah, thank you, pleaaaaaaa(please), baby and the list go on and on.

And of course, with her screaming MAMA! over the phone was the sweetest sound of all(coupled with her laughter).

It was hardcore rockbanding for the evening, with another impromptu late mahjong session disrupting it.

I stayed up till 5am with some reading before hitting the sack.

It was 10 plus in the morning when her loud chuckles woke me up.

And it was a busy morning.

My mum who knows little English trying to communicate with the maid, and me struggling to understand both of them.

Dad came home and the family headed out to IMM for a nice lunch(strangely, Minibean didn’t resent the maid carrying her in the car, and for the first time ever, she didn’t even fight to grab for anything else! She just sat quietly and playing with me), before doing speed shopping at Giant. It was indeed speed shopping for 200 worth of grocery, and Dad brought Mum and the maid home, before we shopped for a while more.

Had western dinner, and I even managed to bring Minibean to the playground before that, where she sat on the swing(by herself and not me carrying her) and the slide for the first time.

She saw a Labrador, and she kept pointing at it and went “Dog Dog!” and “Bao bao!” and she would gesture to hug. I think she was trying to tell me she wanted to hug the dog.

She walked towards the dog intrepidly and started to imitate the woofs. She even wanted to get down from the swing just to walk towards the dog to have a closer look.

I am glad she loves animals

I think I need to teach her some manners, cos she suddenly lunged towards the table and climbed onto it when a big platter of fruits was served. She put grapes into her mouth at 0.5grape/second rate.

She danced to the music and then it is funny looking at other adults swaying together with her, hoping she would imitate them.

I think seeing how she likes water, I should bring her to swim this week! (Auntie Effy, ai mai? I never see you in swim suit before though I have seen your nipple!)

It was 9ish when we finally got home(she fell asleep in my arms), and after a nice, long shower, I finished watching CSI(sheesh, I finished 2 finales - New York and Las Vegas, and I must say the finales made me very very very very angry. I even angrier the next episode is only out in late September/early October).

I drummed. I read a few pages. I slept at midnight.

Whee.

And it is Monday.

No Monday blues.

No breakfast(on a diet lah! My tummy is scary-ly big! I no money like some “BIG” blogger who can zhng so much!).

And plenty of stuff to accomplish before I can go home to a nice home-cooked meal.

Minibean waiting for me at home(Yay!), her hair is already touching her shoulder you know(please bear in mind baby doesn’t have big heads and long necks, so her hair does not look long, but it is still a progress!)?

I have much things to do. Paying for a couch, new curtains, kitchen. And removing the cot that brought back lotsa touching memories but best kept forgotten.

And I am sure this week is just gonna be great

And yes, I still miss the loneliness, the solitude. And sometimes, even the emotions, which made me feel the most.

Note that it is envy, not jealousy ah… (careful hor, or else I sue you).

I was almost as excited as May when she MMS me all the way from Japan, where she had her true love from another true love as her early birthday present!

I can’t wait to see the Chanel 2.55 which Gary bought for her over there which comes with a hefty near $5k price tag, and the colour is not available in Singapore yet.

So nice!! I know how long she has been hankering for it, and I am just glad it will keep her very happy for her upcoming birthday. I think she is totally deserving of it after all her hard work, and her thoughts that went into his surprise party.

I also want to find a husband. Correction, a doting husband.

Those available out there already go bring others go Bali for Valentine’s, and unless I splurge on plastic surgery intensively to net myself one of those old men (cough, Singapore, cough, dawn, cough, plastic, cough, liar, cough), I think very hard leh.

I must save very long you know.

And when I save the money, I will be wondering to “zhng” myself first, or should I buy myself a bag. Then I will remember that I have too much to zhng, and I don’t think I can give the Chanel bag any justice

Not forgetting I have a big purchase coming up, and also, preparing myself for the days when my parents are going to ask money from me again(yah, parentS, no longer parent).

That’s why I have been having free lunches for the whole of this week, with the exception of Monday(D: Have you paid for lunch this week? T: Got! Monday! D: Cool! Me too!).

Not that we are cheapos, but it just happened that this week we have met quite a bit of vendors, and the colleague who is on his last day today gave us a treat on Tuesday.

So many wants, so many lusts.

So I will just be looking forward to see May’s new bag when she comes back to the office, and be careful not to drool over it!

Tomorrow is off-day. Woohoo!