You found me

I have tears in my eyes as I start this post.

I had wanted to blog about this last night at 2.30am, but my eyes were blood-shot and dry(I hadn’t worn my contact lens for weeks due to dry eyes, and finally wore them yesterday and they got really bad), I could hardly keep them open.

Recently I kept having strange dreams. It was also some strange feelings I have been feeling, and I kept screaming for people to slow down these days, especially when I am on bikes. I get unsettled on the road, greatly.

After running to Orchard(Shiseido’s office), Comex(May had to park at Raffles City and we made the dreaded journey there), and back to office(my manager had wanted to speak to me again after I declined their counter-offer), I met up with Roumin before her boyfriend fetched us to Vivocity for dinner.

We headed to karaoke thereafter.

They offered me a lift home, and slowed as they approached somewhere near my place. I opened my painful and itchy eyes, I saw a huge SCDF engine occupying half of the road, with its red lights screaming for attention.

I was roused awake, and sat up straight wondering what was wrong. It was around 2am.

When we went past the engine, we didn’t see any wreckage, nor any vehicle, and I could see some cars and bikes stopping by the side of the road, and passers-by stopping to watch.

What I saw was this team of more than 10 SCDF men, in their uniform, crowding in a circle as a team, and I got really curious.

An ambulance was parked right before them.

As we went past them, it was from a slight gap did I notice the white mess wedged in the midst of these men.

And then it made sense to me what could be happening.

The car had hit the divider, into those green metal fencing(to stop jay walkers), and the tree. The impact was so great that the front of the car was compressed, and that’s why we didn’t see the wreckage in the beginning.

The car was facing against the flow of the traffic, which shows that it had spinned a little before crashing into the tree.

My heart chilled at the sight. It was… I don’t know.

The uniformed men seemed like they were trying to coordinate… and I commented that it seemed to me they were trying to cut someone free, and probably it was the driver.

I was hoping he was just pined beneath the metal and alive. The ambulance was on standby.. right?

As much as I was tired, I didn’t manage to sleep at all. I couldn’t shake the blur image(my vision was blurry by then due to the dryness) off my mind.

I tossed and turned until I finally slept around 4ish.

When talking to a friend about it today, I don’t know why I just blurted, “I hope he and the passenger will be alright, but… “.

I didn’t know before hand there was a passenger.. and it just came out like this.

It was a heartbreaking sight. It truly was.

And just moments ago, while surfing for today’s news on OMY…(actually, yes, I was looking out for the news of this accident, cos, it unsettled me quite a bit):

计划在090909结婚的准新人，今天凌晨参加友人生日宴会后回家，岂料归途中轿车失控，猛撞上一棵大树，双双魂断公路！　　

这对准新人是25岁的黄顺杰和林美燕。准新郎生前是名警员，隶属警察部队警犬组，准新娘则是名查账员。　　

两人乘坐的汽车是在今天凌晨1时50分左右，于裕廊镇大会堂路和裕廊东13街的交界处撞上中央分界堤，再冲撞上一棵大树，导致整辆汽车毁不成形，形同废铁。　　

两人在猛烈的撞击后当场死亡，准新郎受困于车座中，需由民防部队以液压撑离器将车门撬开，尸体方可被移出。女死者则被抛飞出车外，跌落路面惨死。　　

准新娘林美燕的母亲陈玉娟受访时表示，女儿和男友事发前刚参加了朋友的生日宴会，男友正送女儿回返武吉巴督的住家，岂料却在途中出事。　　

“我12点的时候还有打电话给女儿，她说很累，我就叫她赶快回来。怎知到今早5点都没见到她，，两人的电话又打不通，后来才接获她出事的噩耗。”　　

母亲透露，两人刚在星期二预购了位于榜鹅的一所5房式单位，并已经计划好在明年9月9日结婚，开始人生的另一阶段。而出事的汽车也是两人合买的。　　

母亲也说，两人生前还共同领养了一只狗，小狗周日都由男友照顾，周末则交给女儿。昨晚9时当男友把狗带来时，母亲还特地嘱咐他：“小心开车！”。

清秀女死者脸蛋被撞歪　　　　

母亲透露，女儿在车祸中整个人被抛飞出车外，头部的伤势非常严重。　　

据她所见，女儿的脸被撞得歪了一边，额头肿胀。　　

另外，在猛烈的撞击力下，轿车车头毁不成形，如纸般皱成一团，形同废铁。车头里的零件也掉落在现场，被撞的树的树皮也脱落，可见撞击非常猛烈。

男死者母哭晕 被扛出殓尸房　　　　　　

男死者的母亲在认尸时哭断肠晕倒，由亲人背出殓尸房。　　

两名死者的母亲今早9时许，在亲人的陪伴下前往认尸。两名母亲坐在一起，悲从中来，抱头痛哭。　　

女死者的母亲在等候进去见女儿最后一面时，突双脚发软，站不稳，幸好亲人在旁扶着。认尸出来后，哭红了眼，由家人搀扶。　　

男死者的母亲在见爱儿后，伤心过度，晕倒在殓尸房，由男亲友背着出来，最后再抱到殓尸房的等候室休息。

计划在090909结婚的准新人，今天凌晨参加友人生日宴会后回家，岂料归途中轿车失控，猛撞上一棵大树，双双魂断公路！　　

这对准新人是25岁的黄顺杰和林美燕。准新郎生前是名警员，隶属警察部队警犬组，准新娘则是名查账员。　　

两人乘坐的汽车是在今天凌晨1时50分左右，于裕廊镇大会堂路和裕廊东13街的交界处撞上中央分界堤，再冲撞上一棵大树，导致整辆汽车毁不成形，形同废铁。　　

两人在猛烈的撞击后当场死亡，准新郎受困于车座中，需由民防部队以液压撑离器将车门撬开，尸体方可被移出。女死者则被抛飞出车外，跌落路面惨死。　　

准新娘林美燕的母亲陈玉娟受访时表示，女儿和男友事发前刚参加了朋友的生日宴会，男友正送女儿回返武吉巴督的住家，岂料却在途中出事。　　

“我12点的时候还有打电话给女儿，她说很累，我就叫她赶快回来。怎知到今早5点都没见到她，，两人的电话又打不通，后来才接获她出事的噩耗。”　　

母亲透露，两人刚在星期二预购了位于榜鹅的一所5房式单位，并已经计划好在明年9月9日结婚，开始人生的另一阶段。而出事的汽车也是两人合买的。　　

母亲也说，两人生前还共同领养了一只狗，小狗周日都由男友照顾，周末则交给女儿。昨晚9时当男友把狗带来时，母亲还特地嘱咐他：“小心开车！”。

清秀女死者脸蛋被撞歪　　　　

母亲透露，女儿在车祸中整个人被抛飞出车外，头部的伤势非常严重。　　

据她所见，女儿的脸被撞得歪了一边，额头肿胀。　　

另外，在猛烈的撞击力下，轿车车头毁不成形，如纸般皱成一团，形同废铁。车头里的零件也掉落在现场，被撞的树的树皮也脱落，可见撞击非常猛烈。

男死者母哭晕 被扛出殓尸房　　　　　　

男死者的母亲在认尸时哭断肠晕倒，由亲人背出殓尸房。　　

两名死者的母亲今早9时许，在亲人的陪伴下前往认尸。两名母亲坐在一起，悲从中来，抱头痛哭。　　

女死者的母亲在等候进去见女儿最后一面时，突双脚发软，站不稳，幸好亲人在旁扶着。认尸出来后，哭红了眼，由家人搀扶。　　

男死者的母亲在见爱儿后，伤心过度，晕倒在殓尸房，由男亲友背着出来，最后再抱到殓尸房的等候室休息。

The 25 years-old couple who planned to get marry on 09-09-09 died in the accident. The lady was flung out of the vehicle, whilst the driver’s body was freed from the wreckage only after the SCDF used the compressor to cut him free.

By the time I went past, the lady was already removed from the scene.

The article spoke of the parents’ pain. But I can’t even begin to imagine how painful it must be for them.

Condolences, for I can’t write more.

I.. don’t know why I am so greatly affected.

So it wasn’t quite as explosive as it was supposed to be.

Anyway, I haven’t been blogging because things have been a bit complicated these days. My present company went to great lengths in an attempt to get me to stay, and truth to be told, the carrots are absolutely tempting.

And I was surprised, definitely. Especially that of a female manager whom… isn’t that close to me, and yet had initially planned for an internal transfer so I would be under her. She expressed her shock at the knowledge of my departure, and as we seldom converse, her replies that came was somewhat unexpected….

Then again, after the happenings, hoo-has and the bidding games, I was confused. I was uncertain. I mean, I did waver. It is like being attached to someone and the familiarity makes it hard to move on.

And then, it wasn’t easy. I want things to be cordial and the split to be amicable. I don’t want my memories of this place tainted. I am a romantic like this.

Sometimes between what is right, what is wrong, what is politically correct, and what I should be doing to protect my self interests .. all these discernment, elude me.

In the process, I might have made people unhappy. I should really curb my brutal honesty. Because at the end of it, I feel like I have done a great disservice to some people for telling the absolute truth.

Confidentiality is there for a reason. Taboos are not meant to be tested. They have left too much awkwardness in between that stifled.

I guess at a point like this, there is little thing for me to do, but to leave, and start everything afresh.

The girl awaiting an answer from the management this afternoon should be giving me a big, fat treat. Cos my answer, shall be to her advantage.

WHO SIAL!!!

WHO??????

WHO COULD IT BE?!?!?!

IS HE SERIOUS?!

WOOOHOOOO TOP MODEL/BLOGGER IN SINGAPORE LEH!

AND IT IS A SEX TAPE!

WU YA BOH?

My curiosity is seriously killing me

It was breakfast as usual for us this morning, when we took a lift right to the basement.

Just as the lift door parted, the man outside who was munching his breakfast and carrying a cup of hot coffee seemed all ready to step in as we were ready to exit out.

The 3 of us had yet to walk out when he suddenly fell flat on his back.

His eyes were flickering and he spasmed for a few seconds before we all reacted(Stephanie was already walking out before she noticed someone fell, and Daniel and I were just taken aback by what we saw).

I was wondering if he was having fits(then that means have to react by digging the food out, and let him bite on someone’s sweater), or an heart attack(a hard pat to the chest, or try to make him cough). And then I was afraid he was going to choke on his bun.

When he fell, his cup of coffee(thankfully quite tightly capped) spilled to his face, and his long-sleeved shirt. He could have scalded himself.

We quickly ran towards him(after a couple of seconds of shock), and held on to him, and it was a couple of seconds that he suddenly replied us that he was okay, and that he had passed out.

I think we all heaved a sigh of relief cos… at least he looked okay and his life wasn’t in danger.

He looked utterly embarrassed, and we were pretty much worried sick.

We urged him to head to the clinic nearby and we would help him there, yet he refused.

He just got his things up, and walked into the next lift, with others who came by only after he had sat up, wondering if he had fell or something.

We deduced that HP is too stressful an environment to work in, laughs.

But whoever you are, I hope you are okay, and that it was just a simple case of low sugar level and nothing serious.

We felt like hero and heroines this morning! *Beams*

And now, I should be doing the thing I have meant to do. With a heavy heart, of course.

I am feeling incredibly heavy-hearted today.

The verdict is out.

I had a closed-door weekend, where I spent most of my time away from the rain, and stayed indoor. Alas, when I overslept on Sunday(woke up at 6 plus in the evening), the parents had left for JB with baby.

The house is incredibly lonely. And I felt a great sense of loss, and was easily rattled by the quietness of it all.

Can you imagine, I was actually feeling afraid like a child this morning, when it was bright and sunny, just because of the renovation work upstairs?

I have been seeing Minibean for the longest time in these couple of weeks, and she is learning and growing so fast that, it will be hard missing all these little milestones. She is now effectively bilingual, I think. She can count 1 - 5, even though she cannot string a sentence.

She can dance, she can boogie, and she is hot.

I think I didn’t say this nor jot this down earlier, but one and half weeks ago, on a Thursday, I came home to realise her looks had changed.

Her right eye’s double eyelid was peeking out, and her eyes looked BIG.

Now, we are all waiting for her left one to start forming and she would be really, really, awesomely, HOT!

So, here I jot it down ah, don’t malign her for going under the knife for double eye lids next time ah.

The double eyelid was there for 1 and half weeks now, so it isn’t a case of swollen eye, so yay!

***

I was not the only one who was down with a bad tummy on Saturday. Mum and dad got it too, and I was just glad I didn’t feed Minibean off my bowl.

Apparently Mum had reused some oil which was leftover from a week ago, which she didn’t know it was from way back then, cos the maid didn’t throw away.

BAH!

So I had the most veggie(which was cooked with the oil).

Then it was raining on Saturday night and with baby with me, I didn’t bring her out to join the girlies at Esplanade.

Sunday was sleeping. Sleeping. Sleeping.

***

Something was decided today.

My half a year with my present company has been nothing but great. I love the people here.

When I decided to give new opportunities a shot, I definitely didn’t expect it to come so soon. I certainly didn’t plan to leave my job so early into it.

I don’t want to be a career whore, you see.

But then again, when opportunities knocked, and when an interview like mine went this bad(we are looking for someone precise, careful and very meticulous, what’s your flaws? “Erm, I am a bit ditzy, a little clueless, quite careless, and can be quite blur”), yet you still get a pay package that’s pretty fabulous(okay, not the best, but I think with my experience and academic background, I should be kissing the ground), and exciting learning experiences ahead, it is hard not to be swayed.

I was swayed.

Yet when I decided to confess I might be moving on, I cried. Not many people would have this kind of confession, but I felt as if I was cheating and couldn’t suppress it anymore.

I went ahead to tell the management I was considering an offer, and told them how I really didn’t bother to find any other jobs since I joined here, but it was just a temptation of fate(DUH I know I know, I say the darnest things, ever!).

I walked out crying.

LIKE SERIOUSLY! WHERE GOT PEOPLE SO PUSSY LIKE ME ONE?!

So anyway, I know the next job will not be this easy for me, and the challenges for someone like me are definitely there.

So, who knows? I should be getting ready for one hellava bumpy ride.

And yes, while considering all these last night, I failed to sleep.

But now, I know, as much as I hate to leave things behind, these 2 years of happenings, should have made me realise that, sometimes, we need to be pushed, to move on.

If 2 years ago, you ask me where I will be, I would not have guessed. I would not have believed where I am now.

Of course, I don’t know where I will be in another half a year’s time, but I know I won’t be too far from where I planned out to be.

I woke up with sharp pain in the tummy. Food poisoning.

After having an excruciating session in the restroom with such an amazingly great weather out there to catch up on lost sleep, I was unable to nap.

Anyway was surfing and then I realised the table tennis girls/aunties can look so different!!

Remember them? China’s “poker face” Zhang Yining who hardly smiles, and Wang Nan, the “auntie” of the group?

Who knows Wang Nan can look so “innocent” with make up?!

And of course…

Singapore’s Wang Yue Gu, whose age practically made everyone’s jaw drop. She’s less than a year older than me.

(!!!!)

Last but not least…

The often smile-less Zhang Yi Ning..

Oh my God, she can smile she can smile! And quite hiao!

For more of her sala wardrobe, can go here

Okay, I was so aching for Feng Tianwei yesterday, but I tell you, the girl is so gonna be top of the world soon.

I bumped into Sassyjan and Lynn at Sim Lim on Wednesday! Congrat babe, *wink* you know why. And Lynn is becoming so pretty!

I played mahjong on Wednesday night.

I was running around in town to get some stuff for work yesterday.

I got on the cab, reached Paragon, and realised I didn’t have my card holder which had cash and my cards in it.

But gee! I thought my life was saved when I found my UOB credit card in there.

So I thought I would just rely on it then.

Then ah, the stupid UOB credit card didn’t manage to go through. And I was penniless.

So I got the uncle to drive me back to office. I was getting carsick-er by the minute.

And I called up UOB, and then questioned the person why was the transaction not approved.

I do not have a habit of amassing debts on my credit card, and I normally pay them off immediately. Especially so for my UOB card, when the only thing I charge to, is my broadband bills.

So the male staff picked up my call asked what was my credit limit, and did the usual verification. His tone was one of lazy, condescending, like he had assumed I was one of those customers who called to ask why did the transaction fail, when it was his own frivolous spending that had busted the card.

So he asked if I know my credit limit, and then asked if I had paid my bills.

I replied snidely that I didn’t think my credit limit is only $102, and thank you very much, I pay all my all my bills many times a month.

Then ah!! He had the audacity to ask, “How much are you trying to charge to your transaction now?”

I was in a cab. How much can I be charged? $10,000 cab ride?

“$10. Do you need to speak to the uncle?”

Eventually, he said the uncle must be never try. And he asked me to pass the phone to the uncle, so that he can tell the uncle to swipe again.

Then he said “Sorry, maybe cannot dial in.”

So helpful.

So I made my way back to office, and then went back to Paragon.

Then wanted to get some maps, but each place only sell small quantity of the same map, so I had to run multiple places just to get them. Sigh.

And town is dangerous. I tell you. Very. I want a Love bangle from Cartier. I want the Hermes Clic Clac in red and white. And I saw someone carrying something really pretty….

So got back to office, rush rush, ended up at M Hotel, then headed home after a colleague(people had dinner with Gillian Chung in Hong Kong in August leh! Don’t pray pray. I wonder if he had mental images of her. Wahaha.) dropped me off at Dempsey.

I had a sore neck/painful back.

I had an interesting talk with my manager yesterday.

I cried in office on Wednesday after speaking to my boss(my colleagues laughed at me for that!!). I tell you, it is scary to find the old emo me in myself again.

Oh.

This morning, whilst talking to Effy on MSN, I was listening to radio on my handphone.

I placed the phone on my lap.

Then a message came in suddenly.

The phone buzzed and vibrated(cos listening to radio so it will automatically brr-brr).

I didn’t realise the phone had slid to my crotch, and I was suddenly buzzed to life.

Mummy’s time of the month meant that I wasn’t able to join her as she enjoyed the water at Wild Wild Wet(sorry people who messaged me to meet, was busy on Saturday and Sunday with the little one).

But it was a sweet weekend, when she ventured to the East on both days.

Terminal 3 on Saturday night after dinner, where she terrorised little kids at T3 with her hugs. She ran after a boy who just turned two, and then she hugged him! The boy was taken aback initially but he later took on the flirting game intrepidly. That’s my girl!

The little boy then waved bye to her, and then gestured her to sleep well, before they parted with flying kisses.

They just melt our hearts lah!

She couldn’t keep still at T3, and she attempted to climb onto the luggage belt at the check in counter, before I reminded her that she is still under 2 and can travel for free, and there isn’t any reason for her to travel illegally by cargo.

Bought toys for her at T3, before she fell asleep on the journey back west.

The next day, brought her to Wild Wild Wet for a baby birthday party!

This time she was so shy when a younger boy came over to hug her that she kept hiding behind my legs and pulling my jeans. Do children have this in them? The pull-mummy’s-pants-and-hide-behind-her-cos-I-shy routine?

She was incredibly manja that it was so funny to watch.

And when she went to Wild Wild wet, she resented wearing the little lifevest, but after a while, she was strutting it around like a little penguin.

My little penguin ran and ran in the water and couldn’t stop laughing. Eventually when we unbuckled the first buckle to her life vest, she broke into an immediate loud sob!

It was so nice seeing her enjoying her afternoon, before she got so bushed that she just had a long nap while we had dinner and watched the first sets of the Women’s Team match.

Then ah, she woke up and just had to tell me she needed to do her big business, and I had to egg her on as she pushed on her potty. A nice shower in the evening later, she was smelling all fresh and nice.

It was a nice weekend. So sweet.

And she’s a lady now, isn’t she?

I know very late, but still, I think the girls put up a great fight. Of course, Phelps was amazing as well on Sunday.

And besides Olympic, and having my days filled with the little one, my life is pretty much filled with nothing.

Of course, there were the brilliant mahjong sessions over last Thursday and Friday, which saw my mum happily taking over my seat, and annoyed the hell out of other players.

And how she would be telling others I am a liar, when I answered her honestly when she asked some irrelevant questions about baby. Which is strange, cos for the questions she asked, there were no reasons why I should lie. My baby leh, lie for what?! Then, it was evident why I don’t ever bother talking to her, nor answer her questions. Cos there simply is no point.

Tell truth you say this, tell you something, you assume the worst of things, talk so much to you whatever fuck for?

But it kept her happy whilst she nagged and said stupid things due to her own pettiness, and it is good to keep her happy. I think when she puts away her ignorance, she could be lovely.

It is simply sad today when Dad drove me to work, and he sighed as he said, “It is very sad for her one you know, next time, she will be such a lonely person cos she is so hard to get along.”

I know exactly what he is talking about. She is often so negative about things that when I try to break the ice and share things with her, she puts me down and slams me immediately. There is a point that it could get tiring to try.

Last Thursday we had 2 mahjong tables, and it was buzzing at home. It felt good. At least there was some company for her as well.

Anyway.

It hasn’t been easy days for me these days. My heart feels unusually heavy with the departure of one colleague. Not someone extremely close to me, but somehow, the usual emotional me can’t help but feel a stir.

When I set out to join my present company, I have a plan to stay here and outlast longer than many thought I would. And thereafter, the wonderful gang here made me feel comfortable enough to slip into the comfort zone I so sought after.

And when the balance is disrupted, it just gets morale low.

Maybe that’s why, the posts here are getting few.