It stands for Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument.

Besides testing our survival instinct during the kick-off, the other interesting highlight is having our conflict solving/management skills dissected.

I held my results awkwardly, not unexpected by the analysis.

Unfortunately, we had to actually head out to the large area outside the ballroom, and gathered before the sign that says which of the 5 groups we belonged to.

I was silently thinking that I might be the only one to be in the group I was in. Bummer.

Seriously, I was quite the typical one in my group, until my boss, and my senior in the same department(okay, in our department, there is only my boss, her and me) strolled towards the group, and I pointed at them and giggled silly.

We had to jot down when do we use “avoidance” as conflict management, I declared, “When you see your boss nearby.”

With my department being known for its brilliance, I started feeling, ahem, just a lil better about myself to fall under the “Avoiding” group, apart from Collaborating, Accommodating, Compromising and Competing. All of us use a bit of each at different times, but the core one is just the one you tend to sway towards most of the time.

Hurhurhur, I got lowest for competing, which kinda explains my lose-all attitude.

We had to go to other groups to see what they had written down about their strengths, and it was funny when we went up to the “competing” list, and we waved a diva-style dismissal and pooh-pooh their notions.

I thought long and hard about when I use avoidance.

When I don’t know if what I say will aggravate the situation more.

When I think what I say is not of importance.

When I think I don’t know how to handle.

When I think, I am not needed in the picture.

When I think, I might be met with the dejection that will hurt darn lot.

Or maybe, just so it will blank out things so it will hurt less.

Sometimes people try hard to avoid people, avoid memories, avoid reality just to get by days easier, some out of choice, some just out of helplessness, some just out of exasperation, some just out of the need for space, some just out of.. some just.. I don’t remember.

I remember I went speechless recently during a presentation. I just froze, and words ran out after a night of preparation.

I packed my stuff and for a few days avoided my boss, though there was nothing personal, and I went to work in a room so I could feel somewhat safe in an enclosed environment.

To the point he came up to me to ask me if I was afraid of him. I thought for a while and gave an earnest nod with widened eyes.

I thought of the friends I just shied away when.. I had much things to say, but never gotten to, cos I have no balls.

I thought of days I lock myself in the room so to avoid confrontation with my mum.

And then I realise I would rather be Collaborating than Avoiding.

I don’t know why, but like I said to a friend before I headed to Hanoi, that perhaps in a strange presentiment, that I might find something unexpected.

I actually found part of myself unexpectedly, though I had dreaded the trip. It was just a simple, sweet, sweet case of serendipity. Don’t we just love it?

I found the energy level I had lost, overcame a little fear of public speaking, be a lil adventurous, and just totally liberated.

I looked into the eyes of some people whom I avoided eye-contact most of the time.

And the unmentionable things that happened when everyone was intoxicated and I lived to tell the tales (hahahaha! If  I wanna keep my job most probably I can’t tell). Let’s just say seeing the guys running away from a drunk to avoid being dry-humped from the back was a common sight on that fateful night.

I laughed a lot during the trip.

My pace was slowed during the trip.

My horizon was broadened.

A damaged part was healing well, not just superficially.

For that, I am thankful.

And pictures coming soon!