Web cams are waaaay too cool.

It was a gift from long time ago, but I didn’t expect it to come in handy.

Gifts and surprises were hardly part of what we shared for the most of the 2 years(gee, Charissa turns 7 months today, and 2 years is just… end of the month), yet I think I pretty much utilise everything today.

Yes darling, you were sexy in it. *Smirk*

***

I honestly do not like this part of the year.

I have always dread August, September and October(except for MotoGP).

Somehow, they always seem like the loneliest month for me.

Not to mention how I had a mega big breakup 3 years ago on August.

Oh, you know, I always feel teary when watching National Day Parade that I stop watching them altogether?

Oh, and I used to have my term break in September, and I would fly back for a short holiday and leaving was always hard.

Oh, there was this August long ago… when I met her for the very first time.

I always fall sick during this period of time.

Friends would get into accident during that period of time.

My first puppy love’s birthday was in September and subsequent couple of years on his birthday, I would always feel a sense of moroseness.

Oh yes, who can forget that silly cringe-worthy Goodbye post last 9th September(which is the day I untwirled my pictures, say, 2 years ago).

Oh yes, of course, in September last year(on my first puppy love’s birthday, no less), someone called me, told of his frustration of his friend judging him(which I later know why) for.. uhm, that reason.

And of course, in October, when he finally “made his move”?

The irony eh?

And last year around that time, I didn’t manage to hit my freaking target and I didn’t get paid!

And of course, even my freaking computer died on me in October(%^#^%@#%$) and I lost my ATM card in the cab(uhm, not the time I froze it in the freezer)!

Oh! I even spent a bomb cos I got bad tummy cramps and I was feeling dizzy and all, and was in hospital(I have never, ever been in that bad a situation.. of course the fact that I was 30 something weeks pregnant made it important that I spent that afternoon in the ward).

Oh… and I remember many broken hearts in those months last year.

And I remember the feeling I had. Which I just encrypted it in the words, ‘Harsh.. just too harsh”(Ha! The mega-irony!).

I just simply dread August. September. And October.

And this year.. I dread July too.

***

Pardon me for the lack of updates. I simply couldn’t find it in me to want to blog.

A mundane Monday with a meeting in the office, before I rushed to Sim Lim to meet with a supplier, had coffee with Brian(whose business I believe to be damn good cos he is getting new bike, new phone and going for a holiday!) and Roy(who took over Brian’s phone), before Tracy(who got herself a new DVD writer) and Nick(who splurged on some graphic software) joined us.

Dammit. All of you damn rich right?(In a way, I was happy for everyone. It was like it was Christmas. Just that we all deserve all these little treats that we have been deprived for so long. My friends, we are not there yet, but we are getting there, alright? Hang in there.)

I want a new toy too.

A darling of mine was all broken and I wish there was more I could do.

Everything was on a downward spiral from there. I felt sick. I felt tired. I felt like running home and hide. Not after I went to St George with Nick, Tracy and Roy(I got all upset and affected when I saw a man carrying a bag of socks, belts and perfumes going around the table.. because I felt helpless and since I was like 4 or 5 years, people who look like they are struggling with life, always make me cry. I am mad. Damn. I am the kind who gets all guilty if I don’t buy or donate but how many times can I do that without going beyond my means??).

And I did for a while, just too tired to be answering calls.

No cabs in sight, and I just felt the lingering tears. I even resorted to prayers to get myself a cab so I could get out of there.

And a cab came, and the driver was heading to where I was going.

I indulged in episode after episodes of Ghost Whisperer.

I am onto the 8th episode, and there wasn’t a single episode that didn’t get a single tear from me.

It is good therapy.

I got bored and web cam entertained me. We would be good entertainers.

***

Last night I got on a cab.

I told the cab driver I was in his cab before.. right down to where to where, which date, what time. I think I freaked him out.
It was his partner, not him who was driving the other day(his partner does afternoon shift, and him, midnight). But what was the odds of me getting on to a cab that I had been on just 2 and half weeks ago?

It was the interior of the cab(the disc displayed on the windscreen and the magazine at the back of the seat). And then the number struck me(must be the photographic memory thingy again).

I think I should buy 4D.

***

I have to go on a trip soon and I hate to go for this compulsary trip for team building and some re-focusing thingy.

I really don’t want to.

Because, I might not be there for you, when you finally say goodbye… and you know what? I know for sure I would cry buckets too.

I feel bad I can’t be around when you leave.

I love your comment. Thank you.

I love you small one to bits - from the very first day I saw the little icky-looking-tongue-spitting you. I bet you are the only baby who laughs and gurgles and smiles SO much. And you! The big one who moaned during labour! You must stay sane and happy, so when it’s my time, you can teach me how to moan instead of hurling vulgarities at my gynae, aye?

As you guys can see, I am totally incoherent, and that my thoughts are all over the place(thus the brackets of sidetracked thoughts).

I am hungry(see! It’s totally irrelevant!).

But I had a fabulous weekend with Minibean(whom I spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday with!), which explains why my emotions found home for that few days, and no updates on this little space.

(It is cool isn’t it? It’s like I have the barest thoughts and really typing whatever that is from the top of my mind)

I miss her already.

Roy is right. He always say I need emotional support the very day and the next one or 2 days after Minibean is back with my Mum.

Oh well.

I really shouldn’t be digressing. My eyes are gelling shut.

***

This sounds really weird.

Today out of nowhere, Roy mentioned this Mandarin song by a Hong Kong singer to Tracy(anyone remember Daniel Chan?).

And out of absolute boredom, when I surfing a friend’s friendster, I actually clicked on this profile, and it was..  gasp, him!

You would be surprised which other celebrities actually do go on friendster(and I don’t mean local).

Alright, today’s post is so absolutely random. I shan’t type on shall I type the wrong stuff.

I committed 7 deadly sins all within 24 hours.

In fact, I believe there were more. Deception. Guilt. Denial. And much more others I have yet to figure out. But phew, fortunately(or rather, unfortunately) there are only 7 sins… And that clumsiness and forgetfulness are not one of them.

Yet, I rediscovered the innocence within me that almost made me cry(uhm… don’t laugh when you know what it is!) in that span, too.

It has been a roller-coaster ride for me for the past 2 days, and I am just glad to have a peaceful day of rest, tying up loose ends, and perhaps a day of housekeeping which I have been putting off for the longest time(laundry! Mopping! Bedsheets! Sink! Tub! Keep the clothes in the wardrobe!)…

It was an interesting Wednesday, of every element, and a diversion of the usual pace we had set ourselves into for the past weeks.

Here, it is.

***

Luxuria

Lust.

Gee, does this really have to be first on the list?

Might as well as it was what kickstarted the day for me.

It wasn’t quite expected, though it made the start of the day all the more sweeter, with the raging remnants of the liaison still seeping down my neck, and sending signals to every nerve in my body as I reminisce the sweet escape.

Which reminded me of the time… during World Cup, of that Italy match.

When I was… 4 months gone.

And tsk. This is only like the 2nd time, ever.. what?! Unlike most of the others I know who had rattled off different places they had did the mumbo-jumbo. It must be some sort of high to be in semi-state of undressed out in the openness that did it for most people… or for some other reasons I know not of.

But oh yes, outdoor naughtiness is my thang, and oh yes.. the thrill.. oh yes…

Okay, the mental images have been played in my minds, and thus, details shall stop here.

But a change from a ride on a park bench would be nice.

***

Damn, did I really write what I wrote? Man, I really sound lusty.

***

Ira

Wrath.

I had sensed something would be very wrong to the day, and I had dreaded the start of it.

I was one angry person yesterday. Very. I am starting to wonder if I have anger management issue.

I do not like to be misunderstood, and I didn’t stand up for myself either.

Despite assurances from people around me that told me that there shouldn’t be any problems and things will go okay, I knew right from the start that it wouldn’t.

I still harboured the slightest hopes that people could see the plain truth, and not the distorted tales.

Alas, it wasn’t meant to be, and as I walked away, I felt a great deal of anger within me, not only for myself, but also for the people involved.

I didn’t even feel like speaking nor talking about them anymore because it just eats me away cos there is nothing I could do about it. Maybe there are things I could, but I chose not to.

And that would just give them the reaffirmation that I am just being a wimp and that I am guilty.

You know, hands on heart, from a person who is always uncertain, I am very certain this time that I did no wrong.

I wanted to curse, but I didn’t and couldn’t.

But what was scary was the heavy, suppressed heart, that you know is the very work of wrath, and you could just explode anytime.

I clenched my teeth, and felt that rush of blood to the head.

It was anger no doubt.

I should never allow myself to feel that angry.

So angry that the only response I could give is silence. Or an occasional wry smile, as I tried hard to swallow my pride, and tears.

I feel that is even much more dangerous than any form of anger I know of.

It made me a grouchy person whenever I was left alone to think of the episodes that led up to this.

But thankfully, yesterday jam-packedness very successfully took my mind off lotsa stuff.

Except when it was time to meet the guys for dinner, and I was mega-ly pissed off when they were late(5 minutes = 45 minutes. Fuck you, Roy! And no, you response was not funny and it made me more pissed only), and I was left to go round and round the malls by myself and being preyed by those youths who tried to ’sweet-talk’ 30 bucks of donation out of me.

So my mood for dinner was a little screwed. And I just didn’t want to answer any of their calls.

And oh, about the donation.

It is like, hello? Screw you. Yes, I can donate that 10 bucks(oh, they told me minimum is 10 bucks only when I whipped out my wallet to take out some change), and just want to be sure it goes to an organisation(I stopped to listen because the foundation is for children) I can reckon with, and yes, I might look a little more well-dressed but that doesn’t mean I am rich cos it may well mean I am living on credit and struggling with my finances(I will be fucking glad to bring home more than 1500 a month, thank you). And so, don’t just because I decide to part with 10 bucks, you come pestering me for another 20 bucks(”Hi Miss! What is the minimum withdrawal from the ATM? 20 bucks right?” Screw you! My UOB’s minimum is 10 bucks, and sorry, I don’t have 10 bucks in my account right now anyway, if only I said it in their faces).

They would make very good salesperson really. But yet, the irritating kind that I absolutely loathe. But on normal days I would actually find them nice and funny.

I was a very, very grounchy person.

It eats away my patience too.

***

Oh gee, I really do sound angry as I recounted the episodes yesterday.

***

Had a meeting yesterday morning, and in my rush, I had forgotten my handphone.

Since it would be that busy a day, I needed my phone with me, and had sought the help of my wonderful Daddy.

He had mixed up the place, and went to River Valley instead of Blair Road.

Not only he brought me the phone and the helmet, he was so great that he sent me down to Ang Mo Kio Mediacorp Publishing(I had thought it was the Caldecott Hill one where I could go take picture with Cruz Teng, you know? Get well soon, my King), where I was supposed to go for a shoot.

I was slightly late as I couldn’t find the place, and had wanted to look for a friend I haven’t seen for a while but he was on MC.

***

Invidia

Envy.

Of course, when you step into the studio, and see pretty girls all made up and such, you would feel alittle inferior whilst sitting there with a makeup-less face.

That was Jesseaca Liu in red, and the partner of my shoot, Zarelda in tube-top.

And then, you see people do what they enjoy doing, and you see the flamboyance of people who are good at what they do, and living life every so positively… Like Jesseaca’s makeup artist, who litted up my day with the jokes he cracked, and his brilliant views on sex and men. He doesn’t look his age, really.

And then, you sat there, observing, envying.

And then you saw the wedding gown, and you sat there envying. Pretty, you thought.

You hear about others’ jobs and then you envy.

And then, the shoot location was at a pretty cafe tucked away nicely in the National Museum.

And then, you envy how the young siblings are actually doing things you have always wanted to do.

And then, you envy.

Though I know this doesn’t fit the extreme definition of “those who commit the sin of Envy desire something that someone else has which they perceive themselves as lacking. Dante defined this as ‘love of one’s own good perverted to a desire to deprive other men of theirs’”, it was just a part of me wishing to get where they are, someday.

I guess to me, envy just eats away part of my self-esteem cos I know I can never be good enough.

***

Superbia

Pride.

Oh. The most original and deadly sin. *Giggles* Vanity and Narcissism are prime examples of this Sin.

Plenty of it in this entry! Whee!

When I arrived at Mediacorp Publishing, I was a plain jane until the makeup artist did her magic.

This shoot happened because of a very nice Pamela, who had asked me to do a previous swimsuit(it was for mothers, nothing like what you think!) shoot but I had a prior engagement back then.

It was the first time I met Pamela, and she is such a gregarious lady that it was infectious. There is just so much positive vibes about her and she has a pair of 6-years-old boy twins! Lovely, lovely lady.

After my make-up was done, it was then time to get my hair done.

The hair-stylist decided to give me curls and waves, and set my hair, so that she would take it off on-site.

I ended up looking totally silly with a head of curlers, which I kinda like… gives a very 60s feel, you see.

We then promptly left the studio, not before I took pictures with this fabulous, funny chap, and I know not of his name. The only thing I know is, he is of my age, that’s all! And that he was involved with Jesseaca’s shoot for I-weekly(I read that every week since I was like 5!).

There was Sandra, my wardrobe stylist and art-director for the day, who also copes with an obsession for Hello Kitty! She is French, and has a incredible sense of humour and I absolutely adore her!

We bade goodbye to the team before we left for the Museum, and this is pretty Zarelda, who is a drama-teacher, and who is brilliantly of AWARE(you go, girl).

Gee, and I reacted with ignorance when she asked if I had heard of Women for Action, and I just couldn’t remember where and when I came across it.

I think we really should give more time and attention to such meaningful social causes around us.

It was funny when Roy and Brian saw her picture, they kept saying she looked familiar, but she wasn’t anyone they know.

Mindy casually took the camera over, and then said, “Oh, she was from my JC.”. What can I say, world is indeed small.

Sandra, Zarelda, my makeup artist(oh dear, I forgot her name, though she was really nice and I love her makeup skills!) and me then took a cab ride down to Museum from Ang Mo Kio, whilst the hairstylist drove her way there.

Alas, she called to say her car had stalled due to lack of petrol and she wouldn’t be able to make it until much later.

And with nothing on us, they could only let me wait for her arrival, with the heads of curlers, no less.

When was the last time you went to the museum?

It seems like it has been a week for me to revisit those memorable, nostagic places.

The museum has changed so much.

Our wardrobe for the day.

I took the time to explore the place, and I totally adored its deco.

Novus cafe is etched in a corner of the museum, and it is a cosy place to hang out and chill. Totally love it!

With the pretty desserts littered enticingly at the display counter, it is hard not to fall in love with such an exquisite little place.

Especially the large, long table near the bar.

The PR consultant struck me as awfully familiar, and it was after she left before I remembered her as Adrenalynne, who used to be a newscaster. It wasn’t quite the first time we crossed paths, cos I believe I have seen her before when I was always lurking around Hwachong many years ago, but it is just that it is a stranger face you recognise…

Life is quaint like such, so many faces would have crossed us all, but we would never know..

Joel, our photographer, who reminded me so much of Tetanus.

Zareldo all set and ready to go!

I love her jacket. Love it!

Everyone in action.

The wait eventually got a little too long, and the makeup artist tried to get my hair done for me with the little things she had with her.

I had loud, bouncy curls, which I kinda adore, though the fringe needed a little managing.

I joked that I looked like Mamasan.

Pretty curls! It is a shame that my curls no longer stay that way!

With no hair spray, my hair didn’t quite stay up the way it should, and it went limp right after my first shot was done.

Then I had a change of makeup for the 2nd scene, which was supposed to be funky for the night.

My hairstylist finally reached, and did my hair in a different way.

No more curls.

Novus have 3 different areas to sit in, the outdoor area, the indoors, and the corridor along the museum, where it was bright and the expanse of it, is liberating.

Too bad I was in the borrowed dress so I couldn’t sit on the beanbag. Heh.

Instead of funky, I thought I look tai-tai-ish. Must be the curlers.

Heh.

I love the makeup she did for me. Not too over the top, and neither was it too bland.

Finally it was a wrap after I had climbed up to sit on the bar. And it was plenty of fun.

The best thing of all is, you could meet so many inspiring, gorgeous, and absolutely kind people all in a day.

Sandra, Zarelda, and me.

With that, I bade them goodbye, where I walked over to Swissotel, where I indulged in yet another cardinal sin.

***

Gula

Gluttony.

I know not why, but I had always liked the idea of going for a nice dinner, be dazzled by the pretty lights, and just chill.

It was something I love to do with the ex, and uppety-class food and dining experience is something I like to do once in a blue moon.

And to wind down after finishing some recent projects, and to relieve the stress from all those things that have been going on… and of course, to thank some people who had helped us along the way, I suggested to do a very nice dinner.

Which I had eliminated places like Fosters, The Scarlet Hotel, The Ember, Fort Canning, Labrador Park… before Brian’s “I don’t mind Equinox actually..” that finally did it for the lazy planner here.

So, off to Equinox we went last evening, where we didn’t manage to get a window seat.

Still, it was pretty.

It was great change of pace.

They thought I had dressed up nicely for it, until they saw the flip-flops and denim under the table.

You see, my hair was done up and I was all made up. Muahaha.

I love bread. I love bread. I love bread. I love bread. I love bread. I love bread. Don’t tell me they are nothing but carbos. It doesn’t work on me. I love bread!

In fact, I had tried every single type of bread in the bread basket. Actually.. I forgot to ask if they do refills.

I love the sweet, cheesy ones.

It was then the appetizer was served. Some crabby thingy. We had tried to convince Roy that all dishes contained prawns since he is allergic to prawns.

Roy. When the sky was still bright.

It wasn’t that it wsn’t nice, but I believe we had just spoke of work and it just got me sulking.

Sky getting darker, gradually.

Our favourite dish was served! Foie Gras!

Roy had the audacity to ask me, “Foie Gras got cholestrol one meh?”

!!!!!

Mindy with hers. Hers is heart-shaped. Unfair!
Me with mine.

I am hungry now. Gee.

The steak which was nothing to shout about.

Desserts!

Yummy!

With my credit card, we had 70 over bucks of discount.

Yes, we were all very casual. Heh. Considering the fact that I was wearing flip-flops.. the best dressed award of the night went to Brian, who even turned up in dress-shoes.

Roy and me.

The BRATS!

The two chaps in my life who look monkeyish in this picture… who can be quite lovely, when I don’t feel like stabbing them with the steak knife.

This picture reminds me of Moulin Rouge, no idea why.

After a loooonnnggg time, the lighting test could only manage this at best:

But just a shame Brian moved. Can’t you sit still for once?

We took a while to watch the night view, before we had to rush off.

And because of that rush, I only manage to take this picture, which would have been nice if given the chance to remedy.

Bleah!

Ahh…. *burp*

Nice dinner.

***

Next up, was the gala premiere of Transformers, my childhood heroes.

It kicked ass!

I totally adored it and it was just.. so amazing.

You know, I had tears welling up cos I was so excited to relive that childhood of mine.

I sat right at the front row, where there was only me and FF.

Sorry babe, I know you were really bored.

I didn’t think the movie would be my cup of tea, but thanks to Uncle Roy for the invite, and it was fantabulous.

I love it!

My childhood hero was Optimus Prime(in Roy’s words, “Whose wasnt?”), and I was just giggling like I saw some cute little puppy or baby when I saw those Autobots transforming.

It was quite a funny movie, and I don’t know why it just got me so excited.

I loved Transformers as a kid though I couldn’t understand what was really going on.

It is good to finally know, and putting stories to the ‘faces’.

We all talked animatedly and excitedly post-show, that we even thought of the possibility of our phones becoming one of them since they had asked of us to deposit our belongings prior to the show.

We were even slightly disappointed that they didn’t have bikes transforming!

Roy, Brian and I went on to Swensen’s to talk about some of the directions we are heading, and then it got a bit heavy.

But it was some long nice talks with Roy.

***

Avaritia

Greed.

Not exactly.

But when someone had offered to pay for my cab fare home, I ‘cheap-ly’ accepted the terms and conditions to sit through a long night of planning.

I went on to Jalan Kayu to sit down to vet through some sales letter, and then spent hours talking about the points and highlights I need to put down, as well as justifying the strategies which I deem are right, and a must.

All these, just for the cab fare, despite I was all tired, and defeated.

Sigh.

What can I say?

Greed.

***

Acedia

Sloth.

I only woke up at 4pm today.

And it was one of the most fulfilling sleeps I had in a long while.

9 hours of undisturbed, no toilet-breaks, no interruptions, no time-checks sleep.

It was a nice wrap.

Though now, I shall not indulge too much in Sloth, but to move my fat ass to do some cleaning up.

Thanks guys, it was a great night.

After some very embarrassing incident on Monday night(*snigger snigger*), not only did I let down someone, but I also writhed in extreme discomfort due to my tummyache, and puked my guts out right before him. Talk about grace and poise.

The night had to end early, much to his disappointment, and Potato’s Christmas gift didn’t quite maximise its potential.

Anyway, since then, my tummy hasn’t been feeling too well, it would either be churning, or that it feels extremely hollow, and as if something is pressing against my ribs, causing so much discomfort.

A negligible lingering pain could be felt somewhere, and last night’s of tossing and turning seemed to have added to the discomfort. Bleah.

Ah well.

Anyway, my favourite 2 bitches are back. I hope for good.

Oh! Mums&Babes are having a great sale(SALE!SALE!SALE!) coming up on the 29th June, next Friday, so do check out their stores at United Square.

They actually distribute Medela pumps, and with comparisons to other companies which mostly parallel import their pumps, Mums&Babes have a service centre, and all their pumps come with warranty.

Alrighty, my little one is holed up in a little corner of her crib, after she had ‘manja-ed’ a little cos she was tired(Dad’s phone call woke her up this morning, you see).

Her sleeping pattern matches mine, which is not exactly good news. Hahaha. She slept at 2am last night, and was woken up at 11am, thus she is now napping, with her body curled up like a little ball, and her butt sticking out in the air.

I shall now go get changed, and I might bring her to town after the jab whilst waiting for Dad to finish his errands, so he could bring us back to JB.

Her final jab! Hopefully she won’t get a fever, and that she will feel less discomfort this time round.

So if anyone of you is out in town and want to meet up, I am just a buzz away!

I am busy these days.

Quite busy.

I am tired these days.

Quite tired.

While I let the busy-ness drains the energy out of me, I realise how my soul is slowly slipping away too.

An old friend whom I was just thinking about last week found me online, and I am glad.

***

Some sort of devastation is slowly brewing within me, and I would reach my limit pretty soon.

I hope I would kill someone, before I would kill myself.

Uhm, no, not literally.

***

I miss you so much baby.

I saw your pictures from Genting and you have changed so much.

Sometimes, I really wonder what the fuck am I doing with my life, that I am not by your side.

I just realised how wordy I have been these days with barely a hint of pictures.

I know this is not helping, but I finally received the pictures from Nick’s birthday dinner last week.

I looked dishevelled in most of them, pimplish, pale, and auntie-ish and thus, don’t intend to put the pictures up. Muahaha.

Still, this is the group at the dinner that night, and hey! Try to spot where Minibean is!

***

It is funny how I finally concluded season 2 of Grey’s on Sunday, and it was almost instantly that I deleted 20GB of Grey’s, CSI: Miami, CSI: New York from my hard disk.

I only kept CSI Season 7, simply because the miniature killer series was intriguing enough for me to let them linger for a while more.

It’s odd that I didn’t manage to find it within me to want to watch Grey’s third season. Strangely, my favourite characters in the show are actually: Addison, Dr Burke, Cristina, and Dr Bailey. Occasionally Alex.

McWhiny(Meredith) and McDreamy and George are painful to watch. Oh for once the dirty mistresses didn’t worm their ways through my heart except for…. McSteamy.

But ah well, I finally finished it, and I think I am done with the series for a while, and I think the next on my list shall be finishing my CSI: New York Season 1, or perhaps just go ahead with Ghost Whisperer, however loserish it may seem. *Insert girly giggles here*

***

Sometimes I really awe myself with how fast my feelings for things come and go.

I was thinking about CBB and EBB on my way back to JB last night, and I remember there were times I had the ‘pom pom tiao‘ feeling back then, but it was almost like they don’t stay for long, and would dissipate in a snap of fingers.

You know, it is just something that doesn’t feel right, and the comfort level is no longer there before you knew it.

I mean, yes, I do feel comfortable with CBB conversational wise, but we know for sure that we aren’t on the same page with regards to many other things.

Maybe comfort level, is simply not enough.

And yes, I mope about how I want my heart to be set to race, how I want my eyes to be shifty with ample shyness, and the occasional stammers in my denials, but then somehow, I realise I may never feel that way again, because it has all become a game.

I allow myself to do so when I feel like getting all those reactions for a kick, but a shot is all I need, and then, wham-bam, it is back to where it started - to the state that I had refused myself to be such a mushy mess(but oh yes, I know I am still blardy one).

It is like, you are tired and exhausted and you know you need sleep. But you try to fight sleep. Yet when you finally decided you want to sleep, you are still fighting sleep, and you take a sleeping pill to aid you to sleep.

Reason being? You just want to think that you are in control.

And then, you pretend it is all a game.

Oh yes, a pretense.

***

Sometimes I really wonder why I blog the things I blog. Senseless and just.. out of nowhere.

I had wanted to blog about other things and it just got me started.

***

I am like having communications breakdown. My Outlook refuses to boot up and my pac-mail is so flooded with spam(imagine opening it with 60 over mails that try to fool you with ‘hi there’ and stupid whatnots) that it is painful to go through it.

***

I started Monday with lotsa errands.

Running around, and, oh yes, shopping.

I have decided to invest into some moisturiser, cos my skin is getting incredibly dry.

I can’t remember when was the last time I bought skin care(Wenmei and gang, not sure if you guys remember about this Estee Lauder mini-set of stuff you guys got me for my 24th birthday? Oh yes, that is still what I am using! Miniset? For 2 years?! Gee..). And then, the power of persuasion worked on me once more(I hate to be sold and closed but I always do!).

I walked around the entire Takashimaya, clueless, and even the sales people didn’t know how to help me.

If only it was as easy as how I scoot around the 4th floor, and I would easily get my hands full with the ABC VCDs, or the tempting Polo Ralph sweaters, enticing Burberry’s trench coat, seductive Guess miniskirts, and the countless cuteass toys/clothes/baby stuff which are on sale.

Anyway, I took a long while before I splurge my vouchers on some moisturiser from Elizabeth Arden. Dammit. Can’t they come up with something I can use daytime and night-time so it doesn’t involve that much hassles?

Ah well. I got some VCDs for Minibean too!

And… and.. and.. with somemore vouchers to spare, that Polo Ralph sweater and Burberry’s trench coat on sale looks really.. really tempting. She will look soooo cute in them when she goes to Genting this weekend.

Not sure if I can join them, though I am like freaking tempted to try my luck for the first time at the casino. I don’t think they have mahjong there, yuh?

***

I went to get my dress exchanged today. I don’t know why am I so embarrassed by the fact that I have to get it changed.

Anyway, I realised I forgot to blog about how funny it was the last time we were at Pull and Bear and I wore the dress the wrong way round! And the fact that I tried it OUTSIDE the dressing room with so many people watching was just funny, especially when the sales person came up to me, with JD and FF telling me the dress looks nice but a tad too tight, that I had worn it back side front.

Gee.

Oh. And when they got me a new piece yesterday, I found a bigger hole in the side of the dress. The dress and me not fated! I shy-ly informed the lady and she was pretty apologetic and gotten me 2 more pieces to choose from.

I must thank COI for the dress, cos his losings from mahjong over the weekend had meant the dress is FOC.

Whee!

***

I was browsing in the shop when I thought I saw someone who looks vaguely familiar.

Someone whom I last met, say, a year ago or something?

I was wondering if it was her, because she looked slightly meatier(not fat, cos she is skinny to begin with), and I even looked at her shoes to see if she is wearing flats cos I remember her to be slightly taller.

And of course, I wouldn’t expect to bump into her in Pull and Bear… and I was trying to look out for her late-teens daughter cos I would have a better chance of recognising her.

She took a look at me, and it didn’t register, so I thought I got the wrong person.

She went up to write her name to reserve an item, and the curiosity got the better of me as I peeked into the book for her name.

It was an English name, but the surname is unmistakeable.

It must be her.

My sister.

***

Went to meet Brian for some account matters in Orchard after his trip to the bank, and it is great that the bank account is up and running, with the cheque books coming in. So now it is making payment after payment… yadda yadda.

***

Was settling most stuff until I miss my meeting. My boss must be really pissed.

***

I had to run another errand when my supplier informed me he is back from his trip and he had the sample with him.

I had to meet him ASAP so if there is any mistakes or changes, I could rectify it before the bulk comes out.

So…. I missed the meeting with my boss though I had thought of going back later after meeting Brian.

I met up with my uncle at Chinatown People’s Park, and I started to reminisce the old times when my mum and aunt would bring us kids there on weekends, like it is the coolest place to be.

As I walked around there aimlessly, I was wondering to myself who in the world would still come to this place…

And just when the thought flashes past, I bumped into 2 familiar faces… Alvin and Denise!

I looked visibly shock because.. uhm, it’s like, Hello?! It’s not Orchard but People’s Park.

Apparently they are booking to go on a tour together, thus they were there.

After meeting uncle and taking some pictures of the product sample, it was quite a load of the chest, to finally see how the product might turn out fine after all.

Now, it is time to keep fingers crossed.

***

I got back home and felt a strong longing for Minibean.

Called up my Dad and he picked me up at around 11 to head back to JB.

Spent some time with the little one, looking at her crawling and such.

She now knows how to cry for her toys when you snatch them away from her, and, she is just so good at mindgames and emotional blackmail.

Must be from his genes.

But she is also displaying such wits and intelligence, that when she cries, she knows how to fake her cough so that no one has the heart to let her bawl any longer. Her learning curve is speeding up so fast. And the moment you give in to her, she would return a cheeky, bright smile.

So smart. Must be my genes.

It is like, even though she displays brattish demands like crying when not fed fast enough, when you snatch her toys, when she is not carried close to the chest, when she is being ignored, when you purposely taunt her to see her reactions, you would still smile because you know she is learning so fast and this little one is a smart cookie and is superb when it comes to her logical thinking.

Then, it becomes a battle of wits, and the emotional side would give in soon enough for her.

And when you try to let her be and think to yourself how you should let her cry it out till she stops… you will be surprised to learn her stubborness(from Papa) and perseverence(from Mama) is stronger than any adults.

She. Will. Not. Stop.

And the moment you give in, be it in half an hour, or an hour’s time. She would be beaming with a big, wide smile, despite having tears all over her little cutie face, and still sniffing from the intense crying.

How not to love her? Heh.