Out of My Mind

I am PMSsy.

What can be worse than that, you ask?

I am sick.

But it’s alright, right? It would be, if I am not having the mother of all sore throats. And couple with that, the sort of watery runny nose that doesn’t leave you time to grab a piece of tissue to blow your nose before it trickles down.

And it isn’t a bad runny nose. But bad enough for you to breathe a little more difficult when sleeping, so that you can’t really sleep.

Bad enough that when you finally can stomach down some food, you can’t taste any of it.

And then, you sneeze.

It sounds like what the little one has, except that after kissing her and hugging her to sleep on Monday night, I have inherited all the symptoms.

And then. I played mahjong last night. It didn’t end very late, but it was already brewing. Bad enough for me to skip dinner.

Me. Skipping dinner. Unheard of! (well, at least unheard of since I started having regular work days)

Then, some inconsiderate prick(A GEMINI THIS TIME!) pissed me off. And the inconsiderate prick think it is money issues. Men ah, can be so stupid it is so hilarious. And the Mcdelivery boy who rung my bell TWICE when I asked him to hold on(I already opened the door for him and he impatiently gave me attitude when I asked him to hang on cos I was short of money, so when I was searching for cash - due to the incompetency of other inconsiderate men who had no sense of timing too - yet he kept pressing the bell to press me when I was trying to make up the sum). First, when order, inform lah. Second, after ordering, know what is SPEED UP and be AUTOMATIC a bit when you know people are waiting. Men ah, I tell you, they annoy you not only bit by bit, but waves after waves.

So anyway. Telling everyone that you are heading home to play mahjong is not a wise move. Especially one that you could potentially fall sick the next day.

So conveniently, it was a series of explanation to do cos… they knew I was playing mahjong last night.

I also know very suspicious, but I got so stupid or not?

But I am truly, honestly, ill.

I couldn’t sleep cos it just got more uncomfortable for me, and it was 5 when I finally doze off, ever so slightly.

Then I couldn’t breathe, and the ache got so bad I woke up to get some iced water to soothe it.

I woke up at 10am today. If it was a sleeping in day, I will make sure I slept for at least 12 hours to make it worthwhile. So what is bad? Want to sleep but cannot!!

I picked up calls all the way till 11 plus before my handphone battery died on me.

When I tried to tell someone (INCONSIDERATE SCORPIO!) that I am on sick leave and I will arrange for his collection the next day, he still kept calling and asked if I would want to head out.

Do I look/sound like I am well enough to head out?!

Yes, of course, to the doc’s, and perhaps some grocery shopping(oh yes, nappies for Minibean), and also, the real reason of why I am so frustrated!

I went to buy her stuff and I saw the whole shelf of PMS food I am craving for!

But, of course, the pain in my throat is so painful(I can only remember one other episode of sore throat that is more painful that this, but this one is much more annoying. I will add on why later) that I don’t fucking dare lah.

So, I was so angry that I swept those bags of chips and comfort food into my basket, without the intention to touch them(?????!!!!!).

Then I bought food I can eat. Campbell soup. Mushroom with corn, mushroom with chicken, mushroom.

Angry I tell you!

Then I saw the new pack of Strepsils, which comes with Pain Relief, I happily wiped them off the shelves.

I think I am going to OD on lozenges soon.

ROAR!

I went for lunch, finally. But my throat feels like the entire rim of it is on fire. Doc said it is very red. I was telling him this is my 5th episode of throat infection in 6 months, and if it was anything serious. He looked at me as if I was a psychotic, paranoid, freak.

I went for something easier to stomach, and I adventurously ordered rice(PMS! Bo bian!), wondering how am I going to keep the food down cos I couldn’t even dare to swallow my own saliva.

Pain leh!

It is the kind of sore throat that you will salivate throughout the day kind cos you don’t dare swallow your food.

Every throat infection I had, most are those I could still talk, or once, I had one that completely took away my voice.

For the very first time, it is painful until I don’t want to talk.

I DON’T WANT TO TALK LEH! HOW RARE!

So to make up for it, I type very angstily.

And it is so swollen that it feels like I have a finger perpetually stuck down my throat, and you can imagine that I feel like puking my food out every few minutes.

But because I am really, really hungry(I tend to eat a lot during PMSsy days), I refused to let that happen.

Yet, my runny nose made everything bland, tasteless! Argh!!!

So when I was feeding myself. I thought of how painful it was, and how bland it was, I nearly burst out crying.

I held back the urge, cos I so know I would really break down and cry at that instance.

So I didn’t.

And now, after the visit to the clinic, I am back home safely, and munching on my pain-relieving strepsil.

Bluff people one.

I think I need my runny nose med.

Very, very, sulky.

For that was it for me to brew contempt.

And then, I realised, and I believe, I will never look back.

I have copies(many many copies) of the above hard-covered book to give away.

It is a pictorial book of the history of football, produced in 2004.

Do leave a message if you are keen to own one of this piece of history.

And if your friendly neighbourhood library needs a few copies here and there, feel free to refer them to me. Hurhur.

Product description from Amazon.com:

FIFA, the International Football Federation, celebrates 100 years of soccer with a beautiful gift book that every fan will cherish–the first official publication on the sport’s history, and the most comprehensive and wide-ranging. It’s filled with rare and breathtaking images, interviews with soccer’s top personalities, and other material from FIFA’s extensive archives.

FIFA has spared no expense in creating this lavish volume, which celebrates a century of soccer–and the care shows on every page. It’s the fullest, most fabulous history ever of this global sport, beginning with the ancient ball games that were soccer’s direct ancestors, moving on to the establishment of official rules (in a London pub in 1863), and continuing right to the present day. All the richness and diversity of this extraordinary sport come through in an examination of different styles of play, various stadiums throughout the world, the international media coverage, and the growing importance of women’s teams. Money, politics, personalities, fan mania, the youthful players who are soccer’s future–they’re all here. Above all, there are the amazing pictures, which not only capture the excitement of the game (with players caught flying in midair, and even upside down) but also feature posters, images from magazines and newspapers, and paintings by soccer-loving artists. Like the sport itself, it’s simply magnificent.

The weekend is a quiet one, as opposed to a buzz-filled week it was.

A cozy Saturday night in, with nice food and sweet company(isn’t it amazing how much joy she brings to everyone?), before I dropped Minibean off at my cousin’s place(where Mum was taking the night off to play mahjong. We all now know it runs in the family) at Yishun.

I got a rude shock when the little girl and little boys I last remembered, and the babies I last cradled, are all grown up.

I wasn’t used when a mature female voice greeted me.

I think just like how they are not used to seeing an adult me.

“Wah! You are all grown up already, even with a baby now!” my cousin’s husband said to me.

I was so overwhelmed that it was… surreal.

I had to point to individuals to ask who those kiddos are(maybe in secondary school now?), before I realised I last saw them when they were really young.

But but but, the last trip back to the village my mum came from, was when I was…. only 5 years ago?

Granted, some of them weren’t there, and the last I saw them was when I was in my teens.

As usual, when relatives started to say I look slim, my worst critic would reply, “She where got slim? Fat already!”.

Knowing how they would not have good impression of me from the one-sided stories she loves to feed them with, I just unpacked the satays I brought, before I bade them goodbye.

Even the nephew I used to detest playing with when I was a kid(the blankets were our superman capes) was wearing an army singlet, quietly sitting by his desktop and it was queer to recall why we used to outcast him so much.

***

I wanted to write about an entry about how Citibank customers’ service sucks, then something else pissed me off more.

They had been trying to contact me, they said, for 2 days, when they called on Saturday at my house phone. Truth is, I was speaking to one of them who told me the issue was not solved(I have called 1989755 times just to get someone to speak to me, basket!) on late Friday evening.

So when I was happily napping my Saturday away, they called and my mum answered the call.

And then when I finally woke up, she was being totally suspicious and asked if I had owe the bank money with my excessive spending, and thus the refusal to answer the calls with the bank chasing me for money.

Of course, she will only think the worst of me, and not knowing how the banking system works, I couldn’t be bothered to tell her the entire gist.

I impatiently replied that the bank is the one who owes me money after its deposit machine had retained my cash.

They said they would contact me the very next day, and well, tomorrow will be a week from the day it happened.

And I told her, “yah lah, you only think the worst of people lah, so suspicious for what? Mad.”

And with the stupid Citibank asking for verification of mother’s name, she got excessive paranoid that I was hiring a hitman to silence her for finding out my secret or something. Of course it is not that, I think she was scared I was borrowing loan shark using her name. Hurhur.

I got increasingly annoyed when my dad was sick today and asked her to cook those plain porridge and she simply refused to do so. How difficult can cooking porridge be? And he is not feeling well, and cannot eat oily food.

All these after we gave into her “blackmail” demand for more money. Her attitude changed for the worse, for she thinks we gave in cos we admitted she was right, and we, wrong.

***

Watched 2 movies on my desktop back to back. The dark and twisted Pathology(Er.. duh!), and the light-hearted Made of Honor.

Went to sleep only at 5, and didn’t wake till almost 4pm.

Oh well, an eventless Sunday and I wonder why do I even endure all these waiting just to bored the hell outta myself and getting my time wasted.

The plus side is, at least I don’t go out, at least I don’t spend.

I should have a life, and I should start planning for other things next weekend.

It has been a long time since Friday-Saturday-Sunday mahjong. And it’s holiday next Monday.

Woohoo!

Got this off Cowboy Caleb’s site.

Something I think is definitely worthwhile to be shared.

Days with My Father.

You cannot not read this.

It was finally Friday, and though we started off the morning a little sickie, Wifey and I agreed by noon that the arranged mahjong session was going ahead.

Then, I went for a nice little lunch at Keppel Bay(where I bumped into Bernard and Zhihao), headed to town for a meeting which I almost forgot(thus, the tardiness of bad hair, glasses, and a totally stoned-out face), checked out some Ettusais and Shiseido counters, before i wrapped up the day and headed home.

I bumped into Sonia, and in my excitement to say hi, the next thought that hit me was I was looking darn auntie that very day.

Of course, I wasn’t recognised, which I have no one to blame but myself, and May and Audrey had a field day laughing at me. Boo.

And I was told I was recognised, by my voice. Wahahaha.

Anyway, when I was having my meeting, Effy messaged me to tell me that she was severely pissed with a Piscean man who decided to pull out last minute(ahem).

And so, our contingency plan was to recruit this particular Scorpio man who once wrote in after the email recruitment drive we put on our blogs.

He said he would reach at 8pm, so we played 3 kakis first.

You know what time he called me back???

Fucking 1.23 am!!!

Okay, fine, before that he called me at 9 to say he was heading to Funan. AFTER he agreed to come over at 8pm.

I mean, IF all my friends were already there waiting for this said person, and they don’t happen to be 3-leg mahjong players, then we all would have been waiting like idiots! I will be so pai seh can?

Of course, Effy, the Scorpio, was ashamed of her fellow Scorpio, and was equally pissed with the inconsiderate-ness of the said male who incurred our wrath, and we decided some men, we can do without.

We played 3 legs lor. What to do. But it was cozy to be talking in the quite, open sense, with no need of censorship, which sometimes happen when we play with people we don’t know well. Fast paced also.

So he said he would drop by after Funan, give him half an hour.

And then ah, at 12 midnight, still no sound no picture!

And only called back at 1.23am, when there was no better need for him anymore.

At the end of the day, the Scorpio female was pissed by a Piscean, and the Scorpio male pissed me back.

ROAARRR!!!

I tell you ah, men ah…. don’t get me started -Ting does diva wave dismissively-.

So, there are times, we really realise we need no men.

Of course, Shaun, not talking about you, for without you, we couldn’t have played 3 legs last night.

***

I dozed off almost immediately after jumping into my bed last night. I wonder why the fatigue these days.

And it looks like it is gonna be another dreadful weekend.

And yes, I need to get some stuff sorted out by Monday.

Keeping fingers crossed.

Woohoo, it’s one of the first times I have blogged on a weekend in a long, long while.

Wah my blog becoming darn random.

Oh. I hurt my finger. The little one pulled my hand in her little tantrum, and she dragged it across a metal strip, before she did a little pull.

So, I have an L-shaped cut to my middle finger.

It was bleeding a little, and I could see the depth of it. If she had given another little pull, I would have lost a tiny piece of flesh.

The little one was also injury-prone yesterday. She fell on her right side and her right ear was bruised and raw. I saw a little blood clots, and thankfully it was nothing serious, though I swear it was painful to see that on her.

I said I was tired and I would blog.

But the fatigue evolved into a nagging headache, which didn’t fade.

I fell asleep by 8pm, thinking it would be a nap. A nap which I woke up to at 3am, and after being awake for 15 minutes, I drifted back to deep sleep.

Then, it was 7.50am.

My head still felt heavy. I think it felt as heavy as steel. At least it is not plastic nor air, I think.

I left home feeling groggy, and started my day with a painkiller, because I couldn’t find my muscle-relaxant.

I still feel like I was going to faint anytime when I headed out the door, and by the time I reached office.

Thankfully, the pain subsided gradually, and I feel better at the office today, than say, yesterday.

I am just hoping all these calmness is not just a sign of a storm brewing.

***

The past week is filled by event after event.

Nice lunches after lunches.

I had nice dinner on Monday, good lunch on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and if everything goes on smoothly, today too.

But of course, that means more things to do and fulfill.

***

Today while waiting for the lift, I saw this little creature on the fake ceiling.

The head and its feelers looked a little strange to me, and it reminded me of my worst nemesis. But the legs don’t look like leh.

I showed the picture to my colleague who gave me a lift, and then he said it was a grasshopper until he decided the head of the insect looks like a cockroach.

“I think something happened between a cockroach and a grasshopper.”

But why would a grasshopper go for a cockroach?!

“I think the grasshopper must be very traumatised.”

“*Gasp* I think the grasshopper was raped by the cockroach.”

“Sigh. Very sad for the grasshopper.”

Do you think the creature will feel inferior about itself?

Of course, it might be an actual creature, which I have no idea what it is. Do enlighten me

I am so tired that it is so not funny.

Will blog more later. Bah.

Busy day. But something really made me laugh real hard at work.

The Many Lies of Barbie.

Okay, some joke(r) to occupy you guys before I am occupied by work.

And coincidentally, we had lifeless big eyes staring into our eyes last night when Effy and I were out painting the Sunday’s town red.

And somewhere.. I think there is a paparazzi snap out there…

To sum up this week, which feels too draggy and too long, is “words”.

Colleagues are saying how “docile”(wahahaha!) I have been. But all I can think of, is that I have simply exhausted all my words.

This week is a word-intensive one.

Using words to spite, using words to convince. Using words to fight for pride, using words to fight for causes.

I don’t feel like speaking today, and knowing how I always am, that’s pretty much a surprise to those around me. Strangely, it reminded me of something this chap from my secondary school once told me.

I listened to words. I listened to words that I have to put up with. Words that stripped me of dignity.

I cooked up words. To assure.

Then, it was words that became weapons.

Then, it was words that became business.

Then it was words that didn’t mean anything to me.

Then it was words to pitch, again, and again, for something to take off.

Then it was a long evening on Wednesday when I didn’t return home till late from office.

It was a Thursday evening when I alighted at the wrong place, and I strolled past pretty houses that I could never afford to stay in. And then it hit me - I don’t, and have never, belonged.

Meaningless, meaningless words to introduce myself.

Meaningless, meaningless words.

Then, there are words from Minibean. She seems to be mimicking adults, and try to talk gibberish as if she is talking. So cute, I tell you

And then some other words that came in.

“You were always there for me in the past, n baby brought me so much joy. I really wish I could turn back time. I swear to God on my whole family that almost every day I’d go facebook and browse through the photos of you and baby, and it always puts a smile on my face after that. I hate my life now, and I goddamn fucking hate destiny….. “

I chewed back at the past, and thought of the present moment, and it would be a lie to say I don’t feel the same way about life, and destiny.

Destiny and fate, is it always what it is, or is it a better consolation than anything else that couldn’t quite explain? I know not what, and I ain’t sure anymore.

Maybe, chances are meant to be given. Then again, are we ever healed to do that? I know not. I ain’t sure anymore.

At least those words, in comparison, don’t make me sneer at its insincerity(it would have been, in the past, the girls would know hahaha) like those I have to face these days.

This week, there were many moments, even in the company of my colleagues, I would feel the urge to burst into sudden tears, but I could always bite it back. These things make people stronger, and I like the way it is.

I feel like… I feel as if… the next word that I speak will drain me of my last energy.

But at least, I can type.

Yay. Friday. My favourite people are flying back this week.

Next week will be a busy one, and it would be good to keep me away from the meaningless beings in my life.

Anyway.

Things are happening next week, woohoo! It is always such a joy to see things you are building up, taking place. Yay!