Giggles.

I just messaged like 7 chaps I know to ask them to spill information on the frequency of the above.

So, what is the average… like?

Giggles.

I am so matter-of-factly that I think I am going to lose male pals faster than I think I would.

So what’s YOUR average.

I have this habit of skipping lunch in the past couple of weeks.

And if you had asked me what I had for breakfast, lunch, and sometimes dinner.. I would perhaps had replied you, “Biscuits”.

The easy access to biscuits given out by the company, and the free-flow of diabetes-inducing drinks, are a very good and convenient reasons for me not to go for lunch, and to avoid the scary human-traffic.

I can’t tell you how much I depend on these biscuits.

Especially the plain crackers. I love, love, love them.

I think I could have had 10 packs of them in a day, over a 5-day week.

We ran out of these crackers earlier in the week, and I switched to the next best thing.

The peanut-butter ones.

Don’t have? Nevermind! There is always, the cheese-filled ones.

And when the crackers stocks were back a couple of days later, I took some for breakfast.. lunch.. tea… and pre-dinner snacks.

Many a times, they were also subject of my MMS, and you would definitely spot them if I took pictures of things on my desk.

So.

Melamine has also been found in 17 biscuit products from Malaysia. These are:

1. Julie’s Golden Kaka Crackers
2. Julie’s Wheat Crackers
3. Julie’s Cottage Crackers (Vegetable Yeast Cracker)
4. Julie’s Cottage Crackers (Original Yeast Cracker)
5. Julie’s Chez Creamy Cheese Sandwich
6. Julie’s Sugar Crackers (extra flaky)
7. Julie’s Waferico Chocolate Coated Wafers with Chocolate Cream Filling
8. Julie’s Cream Crackers
9. Julie’s Minico Rich Chocolate Chip Cookies
10. Julie’s Peanut Butter Sandwich

Seriously, damn cool.

And all I am worried about now, is what am I gonna snack on next?

I hope I ain’t gonna die. From hunger.

Well well, the finger triggered off a chain of events, and a series of reactions.

Now, I have yet another infection from the stress of the long course of antibiotics(arghhhhh), and I can’t curse my luck enough.

Cos I really, really, hate this one. Candidiasis, baybeh.

Whines.

So. I am given yet another drug, my 12th(or was it… 13th?) for the month!

Fluconazole.

My body feels like a chemical factory, ready to explode anytime with the concoction of medication it houses.

And any more familiarity with medications and their names, I could perhaps graduate from school of medicine already.

It was indeed a bizarre Wednesday.

I happily started the day slipping into my favourite pair of killer heels.

The morning started with me braving the peak hour traffic, and didn’t reach the intended destination after a call that came in abruptly.

World’s safest driver.

And to top the safety checklist, a JB driver too.

From there, I took a cab as I didn’t want to be late. The short trip costs me $17.

I was just on the dot as I struggled to run on those heels.

And I was giving cute manual work to do, which required me to sit on the office floor in a dress, kneeling, bending over… flipping… and getting dirty…

With many of my colleagues chipping in to help as well. Though I don’t know them well, but they are the nicest bunch when everyone ended up sitting on the floor and completed the task fast fast.

Then we went around 3 floors of offices, doing special delivery.

I had barely 5 minutes to rest the very sore feet(why ah? Why on the day I in that pair of heels?), before my next meeting was up at 12noon.

Meetings after meetings. My boss bought me lunch so we could eat and talk at the same time. By the time my beef brisket rice was finished, it was 2ish.

During our meeting, my hand was sweating darn lot, and the carbon from earlier part of the morning kinda made the dressing a little.. unsightly.

And then I realised… my finger was peeling and a large piece of skin shedded due to the opsite.

I didn’t quite update, but I will blog about it soon. I had my finger cut open, and stitched up again.

Bah. I got frustrated and I tore the entire piece out. Opsite. And the skin, of cos.

Free skin peel!

I decided to go without my dressing and I just went on with work without dressing on my wound, and feeling the occasion tug on the stitches. My injure finger’s neighbour had to endure the prick from the stitch though.

I met Gigi for tea! It was the nicest part of the afternoon!

And when I was heading up, I saw my primary school classmate I haven’t met for 15 years! He is a lawyer at a law firm in the same building but I didn’t manage to call out to him.

WT picked me up from work to dress my wound, and then we went for dinner at Raffles City, where I was supposed to meet another primary school classmate(Yaolong) who is back from UK for a short holiday.

When we were at MOS Burger, I bumped into Xuefen, who was also from the same class as Yaolong and the guy I bumped into in the afternoon(strange ah, all of us have cheenah names).

I had asked her to join us for drinks thereafter for a short catchup, and her last memory of me was when I was still teaching!

And to think she was closest to me in primary school.

She kinda reminded me of another close pal from primary school, Meiyi, whom I immediately called and managed to drag her out from home, and joined us for the evening!

What we had, was a small mini-gathering for primary schoolmates(since WT was from the next class anyway and was YL’s tuition classmate and hostel mate), at Insomnia.

Er.. yah, we didn’t suggest the place, YL’s friend did, which essentially made us the minority there.

Meiyi, Yaolong, Weitong, Huiting.

Er, or Mei Yee, Yaw Leng, Wee Thong, Wei Tien. Like seriously, we were confused by the Han Yu Pin Yin-transiting-to-dialect era.

Was pretty tired thus looking half-dead. Didn’t even bother popping in contact lens for the day.

Meiyi, whom I see every single day when I was in primary school since we shared the same school bus, and travelled from the west to Woodlands together, ‘cept on weekends.

When I was 18, YL and MY and I had a gathering… gee.. it is almost 10 years since we all last met together, though I saw both of them only late last year.

A stupid cockroach crawled right behind me. Tsk.

The reason why we all ended up at Insomnia - John!

Gee, I know Mei Yi for good 20 years, and the rest for 16.

And suddenly, I feel old.

And I feel my past catching up on me.

Nothing short of bittersweet.

I think I dozed off as soon as my head touched the bed. Maybe wearing those heels for 17 hours kinda killed me.

It was a series of dreams. I couldn’t quite remember how, but I couldn’t find my reality in them.

***

On a sidenote.

X08 is tomorrow.

Will you be there?

***

So many things I have yet to blog.

Like, er, Tioman/Dayang.

Minibean.

Last weekend.

The past week.

The finger!!! Dammit.

Even my Moscow trip is becoming stale topic.

Over MSN today.

“I think u were like some evil japanese soldier in your previous life”

Norman Leong said.

That was with regards to my eventful diving trip.

And my constant lack of good karma.

Okay, not fair on the good karma bits cos it sways from extreme to extreme.

Oh well.

My poor finger is recovering well though it was uhm, very wet, that prompted another trip to the hospital…. carpark for quick undressing and dressing.

It is not as serious nor as suggestive as it sounds.

I awe myself when I pulled the thick bandage, heavily caked with blood away from the wound after wetting it whilst washing Minibean’s milk bottle at Vivocity.

It was a nice weekend. Or was it.

Though it was one I nearly couldn’t find any room to breathe.

It was one, I went through any emotion possible.

I remember feeling tired.

I remember feeling pained.

I remember… feeling.. blank.

But, it all disappeared after a nice Sunday out with the rowdy little one, which ended with her dozing off in my arms, and I drifted off to sleep as well.

That explains the ache in my arms today.

As expected, upon returning from Tioman, there is hardly time to breathe, nor anytime to blog.

Much had happened.

Too much.

I haven’t been well for much of the past 2 weeks, and a migraine had bugged me for past 2 days where painkillers didn’t seem to help enough.

Too much thinking? Too much stifling? Too much of everything that seems too overwhelming? Too much resentment towards myself?

And with my finger heavily bandaged(well, that’s another story altogether) and typing is too much a chore, I could hardly express myself here anymore.

Some stuff, I still want to jot down, before they slipped away.

I lost another friend. No, an acquaintance. A face I don’t see often, but when I do, it was always a joyous occasion where it was filled with booze and merry.

Birthdays, hen’s night, parties.. and always with the same cosy group of girls.

You know the irony of life? Just couple of weeks back, my colleague-mentor was speaking to me over MSN, and we spoke about life.

He shared with me stories, that inevitably made me teary.

We look around us, and there are people on their ways to their whole life ahead of them… achieving much more than we can ever do.

And then, suddenly, nothing.

There was this babe, hot, sassy, always with a mysterious smirk, witty.

I don’t know her well. There were many of us. There was always the next gathering where we would talk and joked, you know. There was always the… next time, with so much life ahead of us.

I used to bump into her at supper joints as well.

We don’t need to catch up much, there just isn’t any need to. There is always.. the next time, right?

Sometimes, we don’t have next time.

In a snap of fingers, in a blink of eyes, people around us, just cease to exist the next.

A chapter closed, a story ended.

Too much questions left unanswered. Too much questions we didn’t dare to ask cos we haven’t been fabulous friends to keep in touch nor catch up.

When reality hits too close to home, sometimes we distant a little to be soaked in surrealism, so that, it just seems…. less frightening.

A lifeless body who didn’t look like her anymore. Where did the brilliant shine of personality go? Where is the charismatic twinkle in the eyes?

It couldn’t be, right?

The thought couldn’t be gelled, how does it reconcile with… loud memories I have of her?

And then I look at people around me. Some of whom are closer, some of whom I have distant.. and many, many of us just go on with our lives with such hectic pace… that we never slowed down, to smell the roses, to know the people.

Rest in Peace Fengmin. You will be missed by those you loved, and there are many, who loved you.

It was a dark Thursday, 16th October, 2008.

***

Thursday night, WT dropped me off at the wake. Though it was unlikely to be a joke, it was still… a little shocking to see the wake.

As Wenmei, Uma and I sat around a big table by ourselves, I believe every, single friend of the group ran through our minds.

Did we miss out anyone these days? Did we forget how everyone is doing? Have we forgotten to slow the pace, to catch up with others…?

And we also spoke of this conversation earlier this year, where they said people who born in the year of Dog are likely to meet with mishaps.

One of us were injured by a piece of glass, one of us broke her arm and has yet to heal even though it is almost a year, one of us sprained her ankle… and the ailments on others.

It is an eventful year.

The extreme highs. And the extreme lows.

And suddenly, the little nip in the finger, gathered more attention than it should. Sometimes we overlooked the smallest of elements.

Like how she had overlooked the small bump after hitting her head into a glass door, which resulted in internal bleeding that wasn’t detected.

And suddenly, we can’t be complacent, no more.

***

Apparently, Fengmin’s story was out on New Paper today. I was read the report by someone, and answers were found.

Memories will never be filled.

And the heartbroken parents, deepest condolences.

***

And I was forwarded another report by someone else. From yesterday’s New Paper.

For 2 months, teen lived with dent in head

IN a few minutes, he turned from an active teen into an invalid.

Muhd Noor Azri Abdul Rahman was a bright and healthy Victoria School student who dreamt of becoming a cardiologist.

But an accident last year changed all that - his left side is now partly paralysed, he suffers from frequent headaches and pain in his eyes and he struggles to sleep at night.

In March last year, Muhd Noor Azri, who was then a Secondary 4 science stream student, and 19 of his classmates went to a cable-ski park at East Coast Park. They were accompanied by a physical education teacher.

The cable skiing was part of their PE lesson.

Mr Low Eng Teong, the school’s principal, said the activity is part of a module in their PE Enrichment Programme.

He said it was first introduced to the students in 2006 and is now part of the school’s PE curriculum.

In cable skiing, water skiers are pulled along cables suspended overhead from specially designed pylons.

Muhd Noor Azri’s father, taxi driver Abdul Rahman Abdul Hamid, 45, said: ‘At first, I did not sign the consent form, and did not let my son join the activity. But a few days later, he came back and said his teacher told him the other students were also going.

‘When my wife told me this, I agreed to let him go.’

Muhd Noor Azri, 17, said he and his classmates wore their PE shirts, shorts, life vests and the skis provided by the ski park during the cable skiing.

He said he and his classmates had four previous cable-skiing sessions before the fateful day.

He said: ‘That day, I was skiing round the circuit at the ski park and holding on to the cable overhead. Suddenly, I stumbled and fell face down into the water. When I came to, I wanted to swim to shore but I could not move.

‘It was my classmate who jumped into the water and pulled me to shore.’

He was taken to Changi General Hospital.

His mother, housewife Madam Azizah Jaffar, 45, rushed to the hospital when she heard about the accident.

She said in Malay: ‘I was told my son suffered a stroke from the impact when his head hit the water and his left side was paralysed.’

The teen was later transferred to Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH).

There, it was found that the right side of his brain was swollen and severely damaged.

Part of the right side of his skull was removed to relieve the swelling in his brain and a shunt was placed in his head to clear any build-up of fluid.

Madam Azizah said: ‘The doctors tried more oxygen and medication but they did not work. The doctors then called my husband, who was driving his taxi at the time, to ask for his consent to do the operation.

‘They said Muhd Noor Azri would die if he did not have the operation, so my husband agreed. For about two months, the right side of my son’s head had a sunken depression where his skull should have been.’

A plate was later put in to replace the part of the skull that had been removed.

After three months at TTSH and a month’s rehabilitation at Ang Mo Kio Hospital, Muhd Noor Azri went home.

But three weeks later, he developed a fever and started vomiting.

‘He returned to TTSH, where it was found that the plate and shunt had become infected. The plate was removed and the shunt was replaced with a new one.

‘The surgeons did not immediately replace the plate as they wanted his brain to recover first. The first plate cost about $2,000 but the new one was a titanium one worth $19,000,’ said Madam Azizah.

Muhd Noor Azri spent another seven months in hospital and went home in February.

Missed O levels

He missed his O-level exams last year and this year.

A tearful Mr Abdul Rahman said: ‘I could not drive my taxi for three months after my son’s accident because I could not focus on my work. My son had high hopes and dreams but those are nearly gone now.’

Madam Azizah added: ‘Unlike my husband, I do not cry much or show much emotion. I have to be strong for the sake of my son, husband and the rest of my family.’

Mr Abdul Rahman said the school paid his family more than $21,000 from its student insurance scheme and from donations.

Madam Azizah said the Islamic Council of Singapore also gives them $180 and food vouchers worth $60 every month.

She said Muhd Noor Azri underwent seven operations costing $70,000 in all. Her husband’s health insurance paid 90 per cent of Muhd Noor Azri’s hospital bills, and their Medisave helped pay the rest.

Muhd Noor Azri still has to attend weekly medical reviews at TTSH and physical therapy three times a week at the Society for the Physically Disabled.

Madam Azizah said the medical reviews cost $25 per session, while her Medifund helps pay for the physical therapy sessions.

Muhd Noor Azri walks slowly around the living room and corridor of his flat near Serangoon Road.

Twice daily, his parents also use a device they bought to electrically stimulate the nerves of his left hand and arm.

‘I can lift my left arm but the grip in my left hand is weak. My left leg is getting better but I am worried that my left hand is not much better,’ said Muhd Noor Azri.

He said a psychological assessment last year showed he was not ready to return to school as his visual and mathematical functions had been severely impaired.

Another assessment is due next month.

And with the report, the email:

Azri was my patient… he was hospitalised so long and so frequent that all of us know him very well.

poor guy that suffered a massive stroke that cost him half of his brain.

He recovered surprising well though he is still weak. Pretty good for someone with only one-half of the brain left.

***

And it reminded me of…

Darren’s story.

And at a grand old age of 27, everyone around has people who had stories.

Stories we can never imagine happening to us.

Stories, which, in retrospect, very likely could have been us.

To us, who take time for granted.

Or, to anyone whom we thought have it all.

Or, more disgustingly, people who least deserve it.

And then, nothing.

I suddenly feel frightened.

I am afraid I am taking things for granted. I am afraid I will leave too much room for regrets.

I am scared, of lost chances.

Alas, we sometimes, can’t have it all.

It was a pretty hectic day at work yesterday, and the bodyaches that accompanied weren’t all that friendly to me.

I was having meeting halfway, sitting down, and I felt like I was blacking out.

I walked out of the meeting room cold sweating and shaking slightly.

I needed my sugar, and thus hurriedly left the building to grab a quick bite.

I have yet to have the time to rave about my Nokia E71, which fabulously served me well, though I have yet to update my address book even after a week. And yes, I have a new number. Please message me for it

And I have been so heavily reliant on it that I have conveniently left my old phone in the office and not even missing it.

So.

E71.

Did I mention how i lost my cool, black phone cover at Command and Conquer Red Alert launch at Lido last Friday? How fast is that?!

And contrary to popular beliefs, I don’t usually lose my things that easily. Serious! So I was pretty annoyed… I mean, I often misplace my stuff.. but they will all automagically turn up somewhere.

Like say, how I thought I lost my phone during my trip, that prompted a 800m sprint to rush back to jetty after a futile search…it eventually was found in my bag(gasp!).

So you see, I am pretty sore about losing the pouch. Sulks.

Anyway, I have every reason to smile when I was given a girlie one yesterday over lunch.

Giggles.

(My hand and fingers still look absolutely fugly).

Thank you. That was sweet

And it helped. Cos the moment I put the phone condom on, I dropped the phone harshly onto the marble floor.

***

And I braved on the afternoon while trying to get on with the momentum.

A notification email came in, and I went down to the mailroom.

Gerberas that also made me smile.

In a pretty shade of orange, cradled by a cute bear.

Thank you.

***

After a quick dinner at Bukit Timah, I was back at home, trying to do some “work”.

I finally got my feel around the Xbox360, playing one of the upcoming big titles. I am slowly getting out of my comfort zone

***

Too much food for thought flooding my mind.

And too much stuff on hand to finish.

So, besides jotting down these bouts of sweetness, I shall leave the heavy stuff till another day.

Scarlett Ting says:

i just want to be mj wifey and safely tucked away in a small flat in -insert effy’s address-, cooking in the kitchen, feeeding ang moh housemates with durians and play Guitar Hero on the Xbox360 and… a game of mahjong with whoever we chose to bestow the privilege to.while my wifey serve me a glass of iced ribena after a long jog from my place to hers.

Hurhurhur.

In a conversation with my colleague, who is someone whom I look upon as a mentor today, the book-reader(he reads people like a book, and I wanted to die when he said he could read me like a book) said, “I am not afraid you make the same mistakes. I don’t think you will cos you are too paranoid.”

I reacted with widened eyes, and sheepish giggles, “Paranoid?! What?! Me?!”

Yah, then it hit me.

I am just a paranoid freak.

I swear I could have cringed and slid down the chair as he evaluated me. Brutal honesty brings me back to planet earth, and I SM-ly like it.

And I have another revelation of the day, and it is just cool to have people whom you can *thumps chest* to.

And then I wonder, am I really like what they say, that I have been left to my own defenses for far too long, and it has become my 2nd nature.

Subconsciously, I might not have wanted it any other way.

Maybe it is the survival instinct kicking in.

Maybe it is the black crayon clenched tightly in my palms(did I mention Minibean took a black crayon and doodled happily recently. 4 pieces of masterpiece came out of it, and she needed a shower thereafter. She was happy).

Maybe it is the Angels and Demons burning inside of us.

We wondered what is wrong with us. And then we cheekily deduced we are… flawed in one way. The way I once blogged that we are.

Mahjong kakis will know.

And isn’t it easy to suddenly.. *poof* and you leave behind a trail of questions you need not give answers for?

Cos sometimes, when I am looking for answers, many people fail to realise I myself, is incapable of giving any.

I wouldn’t be searching, if I can give the answers.

***

Song of the moment:

Come out upon my seas, curse missed opportunities (am I)
A part of the cure, or am I part of the disease (singing)

Just a quick one.

I love online shopping! Maybe because I don’t really enjoy strutting down town and scootering in and out of shops these days.

My ASOS dresses are here(Thanks May!), and I ripped their packaging open when I was in the midst of rushing some stuff, and threw them on.

All fit fine, and I love, love them!

So I am happy.

But er, I don’t really need dresses nowadays, do I? Oh well, I guess it doesn’t really matter, does it? There can always be “feel good” days when I need them.

So I am heading back figuring unfamiliar things out, and try to work some things out.

Why ah? Why am I such an airhead ah? Tsk.

And my baby knows how to use chopsticks! She cries “Mama carry” non-stop today, and is super manja and teyh.

I swear she didn’t get that from me.

I held her in my arms today as she fell asleep, almost reluctant to put her down on the bed, just to cuddle her a little more.

She has grown to such a lady.

She can sing. She can dance. She can speak. She can draw(she is creative!). She laughs. She smiles. She makes everyone happy. She’s athletic. She’s smart. She has good memory. She is everything I can ever hope I am.

She is innocent.

She is beautiful.

Just a tad clumsy.

And looking at her, everything comes to a standstill.